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Broken	By : LadyExcalibur Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Het > Het Views: 3150 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

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___________Chapter 3: Old Friends, New Dreams ____________

Bella let herself into the apartment with a sigh of relief, sagging against the door after she engaged the locks. She rested there for a moment, just savoring the peace and quiet of her own space.

Then she sighed and yanked her cell phone out of her pocket. First things first. Hitting a key, she heard Shauna’s voice even before the phone had a chance to ring. “You’re home okay?” Bella asked.

“Yeah,” Shauna laughed. “It was the weirdest thing. I was all upset and then suddenly, I just knew it was gonna be okay. I’ll bet he never comes back.”

Bella laughed. “You’re such an optimist,” she accused.

“That’s me,” Shauna admitted. “Besides, one of us has to be.”

“Good night,” Bella said softly.

“Night.”

Tucking her phone back in her pocket, Bella went to the refrigerator and pulled out a Coke. As she popped the tab, she thought about the young man who had been waiting for her in the alley. He had known her, well, the OLD her, the Bella Swan even Bella didn’t remember. As had happened so many times before, Bella strained to remember him, remember SOMETHING. And as always, there was simply nothing there; she ran straight into the familiar wall.

Closing her eyes, she shook her head.

Suddenly, a longing came over her and she knew what she wanted, what she needed. Taking her phone out again, she quickly dialed a number from memory. Two rings later, there came a husky, sleepy voice. “Bells?” Immediately she felt some of the tension leave her.

“Hi, Jake,” she said. “Listen, I’m sorry I woke you. I forgot how late it was. I’ll-”

“No, no,” Jake said and she could actually hear him waking up, becoming more alert. “Are you okay? You aren’t due to call for two days.” She heard the alarm in his voice and hastened to reassure him. She called Jake once a week and he, in turn, reassured Charlie that she was alive and well. No one from Forks knew exactly where she was; the only way to get in touch with her was her cell phone. Jake was her lifeline, her contact with the old Bella’s world.

“No, I’m fine,” she said quickly. “I was just…just missing you.” And that was true. She had been missing Jake. She ALWAYS missed Jake, but not enough to endure the pain of living in Forks, where she had always felt both incomplete and incorrect. No one there liked the Bella she had become. No one except Jake.

There was low laughter and Bella felt herself smiling in spite of her bad mood. Jake always did that for her. She settled down in her favorite chair with a sigh of sheer relief. “That’s a very good thing, Bella,” Jake said softly. “I’ve missed you too.”

He said the same thing every week, and every week she felt the same combination of joy and guilt. She knew, deep in her heart, that she should let him go completely. He was a great guy – funny, caring, good-looking, and sweet. The girls around Forks had noticed. But Jake kept holding out hope that one day she would come home…to him.

And she knew that would never happen. Jake was too good for someone like her. He might have been the perfect guy for the Bella who had been, but not this one, not the Bella who was.

Leaning back in the chair, Bella closed her eyes and imagined him sprawled in his bed, his chest bare, his long, dark hair spread out on his pillow. He’d be nude, and that big, warm body would be taking up the whole bed. Another longing swept through her, this one more visceral and physical. Jake had been her first, and in many ways, he had been the only one to truly touch her in a way that went beyond sex.

Jake was, and always would be, her best friend. Even after the accident, he had been there for her. When everyone else looked at her like she was freak – or even worse - insane, when she couldn’t face the disappointment and worry in her father’s eyes for another single moment, there had been Jake. He hadn’t made her feel as if she was a failure when she couldn’t remember; he never made her feel awkward when she didn’t react like the old Bella would have.

He had simply held on to her and loved her through every terrifying moment of learning to be Bella again. Jake had put her back together. The pieces didn’t match anymore, but that wasn’t his fault. That was simply fate.

“I ran into someone today,” she said, surprising even herself. She had not meant to share that with Jake. He was just too easy to talk to sometimes.

“Oh?” There was something a little more than idle curiosity in his voice. “Male type someone or female?”

“Male,” Bella replied. She paused. “He said he knew me.” Then she paused. “But you know, he never said it was from Forks. Maybe he knew me from Phoenix…” That was certainly possible, she mused, but somehow it didn’t feel right.

There was a longer pause on Jake’s part. “Really…”

Bella blew out a breath. “Never mind, I’m sure I’ll never see him again.” But even as she said the words, she knew they were a lie.

“What did he look like?” Jake asked with an edge to his voice.

“Nothing special – brown hair, dark eyes,” she answered, not even knowing why she was unable to tell Jake the truth. /He had bronze hair that looked too soft to be real, and his eyes were black. I felt like I was going to fall into them and never find my way out. He had the body of a god and the face of an angel…/ No, she wouldn’t hurt Jake like that. He always tried to pretend that she didn’t console herself with a willing embrace now and then.

“Oh,” Jake said again, sounding more relaxed. “Must have been someone from high school, or maybe even Phoenix, like you said.”

“Yeah, he looked younger than me,” Bella said. “He was probably a freshman or something when I was a senior,” she added dismissively.

“Age isn’t everything, Bella,” Jake teased. “Maybe he was a secret admirer or something.”

“I’m surprised he recognized me.”

“You still look the same Bella,” Jake said softly. “You’re the still the same Bella, in every way that matters.”

And that was why she needed him. He kept her moored to the earth, to all the parts of her that didn’t make sense anymore. “Night, Jake,” she said after a moment. “And…thanks.”

“Any time, Bells,” he answered. “You know that.”

When she hung up, she was smiling.

The smile faded when she thought about the encounter with the handsome young man again. He had lied, said they were “good friends” and implied they had been intimate. That was impossible, because Jake had taken her virginity. She remembered that quite clearly. That had been the new Bella. Wait. No. The stranger might have merely meant friends, SHE was the one who had put a sexual connotation on it. She recalled his dark eyes opening wide with surprise when she did so. Suddenly, she giggled. He had been just a child when she left Forks and she had probably given him an interesting story to share with his buddies. The good girl turned whore.

The laughter vanished.

She wasn’t a whore. In fact, she had probably had fewer partners than some of her classmates who had gone to college and majored in Partying 101. But the fact remained that she had woken up from her coma with spotty memories - nothing from the year before the accident. She had also awakened to discover a raging thirst for anything that was dangerous, reckless, or unconventional.

The good girl had become the wild girl. Her behavior had concerned her father at first, and then it had angered him. But nothing had kept her at home and out of trouble. In the end, it had become an embarrassment that the police chief’s daughter was usually at the center of any trouble. Not that she’d hurt anyone but herself, but even Charlie’s patience had finally worn thin. Bella had a need to indulge in risky behavior. She had already cheated death once. Why not again? And if death won the next round, then was it really any great loss to anyone?

Along with the memory loss and the drive toward reckless behavior, she had opened her eyes for the first time looking for something…for someone. And when she hadn’t found him, she had locked up that part of her, knowing that she could never let anyone get too close again. It had almost killed her; she knew that much even though she could not recall the details.

And she would never make herself that vulnerable again. She had closed a door that she would never open again.

Because if she did, she would die.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carlisle’s expression was grim when Edward and the others got home. “How was she?” Carlisle asked.

“Uh…different,” Emmett replied with a quick glance at Edward. “VERY different.”

Edward locked his jaw and clenched his fists. His brother was going to push him too far and would end up with his face planted in the nearest wall.

“Well, I did learn something of interest,” Carlisle continued, obviously sensing the tension between Edward and Emmett. “Apparently, Bella was involved in a serious car accident a few years ago. She was in a coma for four days.”

“Could that have caused memory loss?” Edward asked in surprise.

Carlisle shrugged. “I talked to one of the doctors at the hospital, just to catch up, of course,” he added with a slight smile. “So I couldn’t ask anything too probing, but I got the impression that her physical injuries alone weren’t sufficient to explain the magnitude of the memory loss.”

“What then?”

“They weren’t sure,” Carlisle admitted. “The memory loss, they finally decided, was the result of the combination of the injury and Bella’s own mental defenses.” He looked at Edward. “Apparently, she had fallen into a deep depression and there was even speculation that her car accident…”

“Wasn’t accident,” Edward finished grimly.

“Yes,” Carlisle replied. “But the personality change, that was probably purely the result of her injuries.”

“I’ll say,” Emmett said with a snort.

“I’m warning you,” Edward hissed.

Jasper stepped in between them. “All right now,” he soothed.

Alice pushed in between them as well, frowning at Carlisle. “So what do we do for her?”

Carlisle looked surprised. “Do? Nothing, Alice. There’s nothing to be done for Bella Swan. At this point, her condition is permanent.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bella had finally fallen asleep after a restless hour spent tossing and turning in her bed. Though she did not know it, a name passed her lips. She said his name with a sigh of longing and smiled slightly in her dreams.

The stranger from the alley smiled at her, holding out his hand. She took it and shivered. The wind had suddenly grown cold. He smiled widely, trying to reassure her, but she looked over her shoulder.

“There’s a storm coming,” she murmured and then his arms folded around her.

“Shh,” he whispered into her ear. She trembled again.

“I’m afraid,” she admitted.

“I’ll protect you,” the stranger promised.

The storm rolled in on dark clouds. “But what will happen to me when you leave again?” she asked the stranger, and her voice was drowned out by a volley of thunder.

Somehow he heard her and he smiled sadly. “Then we’re both lost.”
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Broken