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The Practice of Love	By : belladonnacullen Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Het > Het Views: 2642 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
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BPOV
“Victoria, what are you doing here?”

“Hi, Isabella.”

Victoria’s smile was strained as she walked towards me. I credited the humid August night with making her mop of red curly hair wilder than ever. She was dressed in black from head to, well, mid-thigh. She was wearing a black tank and a tight black skirt, with several long, silver chains around her neck, and a wristful of beaded bracelets. And even though the temperature was hovering near ninety, Victoria had on her signature heavy, brown knee-high boots. God, she’d had those since I first met her back in that tiny bar in Olympia.

I’d been a timid undergrad, and Victoria had been traveling with the band. She was straddling some guy with long dreads that was fondling one of her breasts, breezily smoking a clove cigarette. She didn’t even bother to stand up when she spotted her brother walking her way. Back then, James and I had barely shared an open-mouthed kiss, and there James’ sister was, half-naked in a bar. The whole scene left me slightly nauseous, and I wasn’t sure if it was the liquor, or the smell of cigarettes, or James’ sister’s exposed breast, but I quickly excused myself and ran into the filthy, graffiti covered restroom, and promptly threw up in the backed up toilet.

When I came back, Victoria was at least completely clothed, and James laughed and made some allusion to his backwoods, country girlfriend.

Tonight, Victoria was as nonplussed as ever, walking calmly towards me, smiling, with her arms held out like we were old friends and she was going to embrace me in a warm, girlish hug. Or like the last time I’d seen her hadn’t been in the courtroom, where she was lying through her teeth in James’ defense. My skin crawled with the thought of both the potential hug and the courtroom scene. I stepped backwards towards the office, feeling for the brick wall.

Victoria quickly assessed my actions and stopped in her tracks. She’d had that ability since I first met her: the ability to size me up with just a glance. That first night in the bar, she’d quickly looked me over and guessed that I could easily be ignored. She’d been right, I was more comfortable that way. But tonight she folded her arms across her chest, and her smile changed from falsely welcoming to honestly menacing. I stared back with wide eyes, glad she saw that I wasn’t the same pushover I’d been all those years ago.

“I asked what you were doing here.” I was pleased that my voice sounded a lot more secure than it did any other time I’d spoken to Victoria.

“Well, you know I’ve been living in New York for the past six months.”

“Why would I know that?” All I knew was that Victoria moved around a lot. I hadn’t kept track of her whereabouts when I was married to James, let alone now.

“I’ve been in New York since just after New Year’s.”

“That doesn’t explain why you’re here. Now.” I clutched my phone, but aside from chucking it at her head, it wasn’t going to help me in this situation. I could hardly call the police to say my ex sister-in-law wanted to talk to me. And Jake had Nessie at home. Hell, even if I threw the phone, I’d probably miss. I had terrible aim. Once again, I fell back on those self-defense moves, wondering idly if the crotch shot would work as well on a female assailant.

“I’m helping my friend with an installation at the Art Museum. I figured that since I was in the neighborhood, I’d stop by.”

Well, Carlisle’s office was only about five blocks from the museum, an easy walk… but something in her explanation didn’t sit right. Then it hit me. Holy hell! Carlisle hadn’t updated the practice’s website yet. I’d been here just three weeks. My body caught up to my brain in less than a second. My heart began pounding again, my ears were ringing, and suddenly, an ice-cold sweat replaced the damp warmth on my skin.

“How did you know where to find me?”

“Well, you know,” she purred, “I keep my ear to the ground.” Victoria’s face lit in triumph, as if she’d won something with my realization.

“What in the hell are you doing here, Victoria?” I stomped my foot and the rubber sole of my track shoe thumped mildly on the pavement. Victoria looked as if she might laugh.

“Listen, Bella,” Victoria said in a cheery voice, like this was the most normal meeting in the world. I shuddered hearing her use my nickname. She had no right to call me ‘Bella’ after the things she’d said about me in court. “I’m here because I thought this would be better coming from me. In person.” Victoria was very pleased with herself.

The surface of my skin stung as if thousands of little needles were pricking me, and I forced myself to continue to stand and stare Victoria down. I searched for something within myself that would give me strength, because I knew that whatever she was about to say was going to be very, very bad. My little doctor mantra wouldn’t do me any good now.

“What is it?” My voice didn’t shake, at least.

“James is moving.”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. And I felt sick. Very sick. Warm air filled my lungs, but it didn’t leave. With the combined weight of my fear and the humidity, I was as if I couldn’t breathe. “Where?” My question was little more than a breath this time. All of my pretend swagger had been wiped away. He couldn’t be coming here, could he?

“He’s moving to Trenton, Isabella.”

“Trenton.” The word seemed to roll around in my mouth, and I gulped, swallowing it back down. My stomach lurched again, and I wrapped my arms around myself, as if that would protect me. Trenton was about fifty miles away. Shit.

“He got a job there,” Victoria chirped. “A good job. Finally. After what you did to him.”

After what I did to him? My hands clenched themselves into fists, and I took a step in her direction, surprising both of us.

“He’s not moving to Trenton because he got a job there.”

“Think what you want.”

“Did he send you here?” It would be just like James to try to frighten me.

“Absolutely not.” Victoria stood taller and all of the menace that had been lacing her words disappeared. “My brother doesn’t know anything about my visit. This was my idea, since I’m in the neighborhood and all. James would never attempt contact through me.” Any attempt by James to contact me through a third party wouldn’t look good, legally speaking. Who knew she was a groupie well versed in the law?

I mimicked Victoria’s actions and stood to my full height, attempting to look every millimeter of my five feet four inches, and looked her squarely in the eye. “Why are you here, Victoria?”

“I’m here to break it to you easy, Isabella.”

I managed a short laugh. “Right. Thanks.” James was coming. “When?”

“A couple weeks. He wants to be in on the first of the month. Isabella, I don’t know what happened between you guys, but --”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have stood up in court to say you did,” I interrupted. She was making me very angry now, and my hand clenched around the cell in my pocket. The only thing that held me back from swinging it at her was the knowledge that I needed that phone in one piece for work.

“Fine, Isabella. You want the truth? You ruined my brother’s life with your legal drama back in Seattle. And now he’s on his way over here, to do I don’t know what. And if you attempt any of that crap again, if you break him like that again --”

“Me? Break him? You’re so full of shit, you know that, Victoria? He hit me while I was pregnant with his child. He broke my leg. He deserved more than he got, by a long shot. So you just take your not-so veiled threats back to New York with whatever druggie boyfriend you’re fucking these days, and stay the hell away from me!”

“You little bitch.”

Victoria stalked closer. Eyes, crotch, toes, eyes, crotch, toes, I thought to myself… it was my new mantra. I’d dropped that useless doctor one like a hot potato.

“Get the hell out of here, Victoria.” My voice only shook a little. Eyes, crotch, toes. Eyes, crotch, toes.

“Or what? You’ll get a bogus restraining order on me like you got for my brother?”

I pulled the phone out of my pocket like I was brandishing a gun. “I swear Victoria, I’m this close to calling the police.”

For some reason, that broke the spell that had fallen over her. Victoria took three long strides away from me, but held her ground at the edge of the sidewalk, under the glare of the streetlight. It made her crazy hair glow all yellow and orange, like her head was on fire. If only.

“Whatever, Isabella. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around.” She gave a jaunty, self-assured wave of her hand, and continued down the street towards Center City. I didn’t move until I saw her turn the corner three blocks down. As soon as she disappeared from sight, I hightailed it to my car and quickly locked the doors and gripped the steering wheel. That’s when the tears came… and the shaking, and the hyperventilating.

“What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck….” I mumbled, punching the steering wheel. “Damn it. Damn it!”

I thought about calling Jake again, but I knew there was nothing he could do at home with Ness. I’d just worry him.

In fact, there was nothing I could do, I quickly realized. The protective order against James expired years ago. There was no law against him taking a job in another state, fifty miles away. He hadn’t even tried to get in touch with me.

Yet.

I had no doubt that if Victoria knew where I worked, so did James. Which meant that he’d had me followed. I glanced in the rearview mirror, as if whoever it was would be standing there, out in the open. But the street was empty. I wanted to wait until I calmed down and stopped shaking to drive, but if James knew where I worked, chances are he knew where I lived as well.

I had to get home to Nessie.

I sped back to Bella Vista, praying not to get pulled over. That would be my limit, I thought, the thing that would push me over the edge. Who was I kidding, though? I was shaking uncontrollably, with silent tears blurring my vision. I’d spent four years on the edge, and it had only taken a little visit from Victoria to push me over.

I calmed down some by the time I made it back to my neighborhood. But in another stroke of bad luck, there wasn’t a parking spot in sight. I broke down all over again, as I circled the neighborhood, looking for parking, driving by my brownstone again and again, feeling more helpless with each pass. I couldn’t even find a parking space for my car! I was pathetic. Just when I thought I’d pulled everything together and made a life for my daughter and myself, James was going to try to ruin it all. I’d been so sure that we were safe and secure.

I felt anything but safe and secure as I finally parked the car and rushed into the house, dead bolting the door, activating the alarm system and wiping my eyes. But turning around, I realized that the maelstrom was only in my head. In contrast, the house looked serene. All the lights on the first floor were off, save the stovetop light in the kitchen at the back of the house.

Like most Philly row homes, our house was narrow and long, and renovators had long since knocked down all walls on the first floor in order to create a more modern, open floor plan.

My Little Ponies and random stuffed animals littered the floor in the front living area, and looked like they might have been assembled for a tea party. A laptop glowed on the large table in the dining area. I could hear the faint sounds of some reality T.V. show drifting up from the finished basement. Nessie and I had all the room we needed up here, so the basement had turned into a sort of den for Jake. There was a large T.V. and a mini bar up in the front, and the back room had become his workshop.

I took a deep, cleansing breath. Everything was the way it should be. Nothing had changed. For now, my safe little world was unharmed. I tugged off my track shoes, leaving them in the little rack off to the side of the door, left my bags on the dining room table, and padded back to the kitchen. I found a plate on the counter top with a grilled strip steak, a baked potato, and a side of carrots, covered with plastic wrap. Jake was a real meat and potatoes kind of guy. Luckily I had a constitution that could handle that kind of thing, but I did have lingering worries about my heart, especially if we kept this diet up.

“Is that you, Bells?” Jake called from the basement.

“Yep,” I replied, munching on a carrot. It felt wrong in my stomach though, and I carefully re-covered the plate, and looked for space for it in the fridge.

“Bells?” I heard Jake’s heavy steps on the stairs. “What’s wrong, babe?”

Was I such a mess that he could tell something was up, from just my one syllable reply?

“You said you were coming right home,” he added. Oh, right. I was late.

Jake emerged from the basement wearing a tight white, grease stained T-shirt and a pair of loose fitting sleep pants. His dark brown eyes looked me over, and when he was satisfied that I was in one piece, he smiled and made it over to me in three big steps.

His smile was always so big and bright that it had the ability to light up a room. It was the first thing that ever attracted me to him, in that way. That’s not to say he wasn’t attractive, overall. With his reddish-tan skin, broad shoulders, and his bodybuilder physique, well, let’s just say I’d seen plenty of women checking him out on the street, even when he was holding my hand. But that’s not what pulled me in with Jake.

“You’re staring, Bella. Are you so hungry you can’t move, or have I blinded you with my beauty?”

Normally, I would have chuckled. Tonight, my smile felt weak on my face.

“You’re not okay, are you?” Jake took another step, closing the space between us, and held the back of my head in his big hand. His warmth seeped under my skin, and I had the sensation that I was losing myself, drifting off into a place where I was safe and cared for. But, no, there was something I had to say… I wasn’t as safe as I’d thought.

I disentangled Jake’s hand from my hair and took a step away.

“Something happened after work.”

“Shit! Bella, where you mugged?” Jake’s eyes frantically evaluated me again, and again, he moved to take hold of me. But I needed to think clearly, and I placed my hand on his chest in order to keep some space between us.

“Victoria was outside when I left work tonight.”

Jake paused, thinking, and then his eyes went bright with shock. “Victoria, as in --”

“Victoria Hunter, James’ sister.”

“What the hell?” I watched Jake’s concern flicker and change to anger. He clenched his jaw and his fists, and I watched his eyes scanning the room, as if he was looking for something to hit.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m fine, Jake.”

“What the hell did she want, Bella?” I knew Jake wasn’t angry with me, and I knew he would never do anything more than slam a door or punch a wall, but watching his building rage left me feeling desperate. After living with James, anger of any kind was unsettling, even when it was warranted.

“Here, let’s sit.” I grabbed Jake’s hand and walked him over to the table, pulling him into a chair. He scooted his chair closer to me, and his breath was warm and damp and malty-smelling on my face.

And then, face to face with Jake as he was breathing deep and steady in an attempt to control his mounting anger, I was scared again, but for a completely different reason. When Jake had to deal with this four years ago, he’d been so gentle and kind with Nessie and I. But later, he told me that it was just because we needed him more than anything. And I had needed him. For the little things, you know, like walking, and driving, and taking care of my daughter, and well, washing even. But he’d confessed that if I’d been in better shape, he would have found James and killed him. It was as simple as that, he’d said.

And god knows, I wasn’t trying to protect Victoria or James, but I couldn’t have my boyfriend going rogue. I had a life here. A good one. As much as I didn’t want to deal with James again, I couldn’t bear it if Jake ended up in trouble.

I’d been staring at the tabletop. Jake squeezed my hand. “Hey, Bells, you’re driving me crazy here. You’ve got to tell me what that bitch wanted.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “James is moving to Trenton,” I said quietly.

The table jumped and its legs clattered over the hardwood, and I knew Jake must have punched it. The legs of his chair scraped angrily against the floor. I opened my eyes, and he was across the room, his back to me, staring out the large front window. It almost looked like he was shaking.

I jumped up from my chair and ran across the room, placing my hands on his shoulders. “Jake.”

He didn’t answer.

“Jake, Jake, Jake. Please, nothing happened.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Bella? He’s going to live right across the river. Don’t tell me you’re naive enough to think this is a coincidence.”

“Jake, shh, it’s okay.” I tried my best to sound soothing, very aware that somehow, I was trying to calm Jake. A little voice in my head piped up and said that didn’t seem exactly fair, but I pushed it aside.

“Okay?” Jake spun around and faced me. “He’s a dead man.”

“Jake. Stop it! Don’t talk like that.”

“It’s not talk, Bella. After everything he did. I could never live with myself if I let him hurt you or Ness again.”

“He won’t, Jake. Nessie and I need you. You getting all angry and violent… that’s probably, exactly what he wants. We’ll figure this out, but I can’t have you walking around talking about murder while you take care of my baby.”

“I’m never going to let him come back and hurt you again,” Jake rumbled, his dark eyes flashing in the dim light. “Not like I did last time. I know better, now.” Regret, as deep and strong as a rushing river, seemed to fill the room, and I watched as Jake struggled to maintain his composure.

When Jake had showed up for a surprise visit in Seattle four years ago, he found me very pregnant, with a black eye and a bandage around my wrist. Jake had made me go down to the courthouse to file an order of protection and then he stayed with me when I went into early labor the next day. He was the first person, besides the doctors and I, to see Ness.

But afterwards, when I was home and settled, and my mom came up to stay for a few days, he’d gone back to Forks, leaving me to live my life. But James didn’t care about some protective order or my life, for that matter; he had unfinished business. He paid me a visit the day my mom left. And afterwards, with my mom on a plane to Florida, I had the social worker call Jake, instead. He showed up at the hospital with a look in his eyes identical to the one I saw now. Like it had all been his fault, and he’d do whatever it took to make it right.

“Nothing like that is going to happen to me, Jake.”

“I won’t let it.”

“Neither will I,” I added.

Jake paused for a beat. “Bella… wait. Bella, how did she find you?” My eyes connected with Jake’s. I started to shake again, and sank onto the couch. “I’ll call out tomorrow,” he murmured. Jake’s voice was a rough whisper. I went to grab his hand, but it was balled into a fist, again.

“And what, Jake? Guard the house? Follow me around? Go to camp with Nessie? He’s not even here yet.” I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands. The pressure and the darkness were slightly comforting. I felt the cushions shift next to me as Jake sat down, and then he gently pried my hands away so that I could look at him.

His eyes searched mine, and I knew he was only angry because underneath, he couldn’t take it if something happened to Nessie and I. “What am I supposed to do with this information, Bella? Am I just supposed to sit here like an idiot?”

“You’re supposed to do what you always do. If we let him upset our lives, he’ll be winning.”

“I didn’t think it was a contest.”

“It’s not. It’s my life, and I’ve worked to make it as un-fucked up as possible. And I won’t let James change that.”

Jake put his big arms around me and pulled me in for a hug, and I let him this time, losing myself in the feel of his strength, just letting everything go black and calm in his warm embrace. I rested my forehead against his shoulder, and let my body finally go limp. His touch had the ability to make everything go away, and I relaxed into that feeling of quiet emptiness, like I was at least in the eye of the storm.

And what a storm it had been. My emotions had been whipsawed ever since noon, and I was completely spent. I thought about the disarming lunchtime visit with that patient, and shivered. When I’d touched Edward Masen, it was almost the opposite of what I felt now in Jake’s arms. Like he’d managed to switch on the electricity underneath my skin. I didn’t think that guy could ever take things away; he jolted me awake, and made that dingy lab look brighter and more vivid. Maybe that was the difference between lust and love, I thought idly.

A wave of guilt washed over me, strong enough to knock me out of my Jake-induced calm. I was thinking about that patient, again. You know, Swan, I reminded myself, the one who came in to the office because he might have cancer. And I was thinking about him while I was in Jake’s arms, while I still hadn’t seen my daughter.

I pulled away from Jake’s sweaty embrace.

“I’ve got to see Ness, Jake.”

“Hey, hey, she only went down a few minutes before you got home. You might wake her.”

I pulled my hand from his and stood, smiling ruefully, before turning to the stairs. “I’m not going to wake her. I’ll be right back.”

Nessie’s door was at the top of the stairs, facing our tiny backyard, or our concrete slab, as Jake liked to affectionately call it. She’d picked her bedroom out the first time we’d seen the house, over a year ago. Nessie had run into the room, which had been painted dark blue with airplane trim, and called out, “This one mine! My room.” Then she turned in a circle, taking in the walls. “But, it boo,” she whined, before she’d started to cry.

But tonight, as I gently pushed Nessie’s door open, everything inside reflected the little girl she was. From the pinkish-purplish paint, to the Disney princess bedspread, to the pastel polka-dotted curtains, we’d let her decorate the way she wanted. There were Tinker Bell and ballerina decals on the walls, at Nessie’s eye level, of course. And there was a plastic Pink Minnie Mouse that my mom had mailed her for Christmas, in its place of worship, on top of her little bookshelf. The little bookshelf that Jake made for her in his basement workshop.

Nessie was sleeping soundly, her little hands clenched under her head, her knees pulled up to her chest. Her springy brown curls were damp and plastered to her forehead, and her plump little cheeks were pink, even in the dim light from her Ariel nightlight.

I still couldn’t believe that she’d already outgrown her toddler bed. Just last weekend we’d bought her a twin sized, big girl bed. She’d picked out one with little wooden animals carved on the headboard and footboard. She looked so small in the new bed, and on an impulse, I slipped myself onto the mattress and curled up with her. She snuggled into me in her sleep, so soft and warm, her breath still sweet like a baby’s.

I drifted off into a pleasant place in Nessie’s bed, a place that ebbed and flowed with each of her even little breaths, until a shadow blocked the light coming in from the hall. I looked up to see Jake smiling down at us, concern still lighting his dark brown eyes. “Come on, Bells. Let her sleep.”

“I’m not bothering her, Jake,” I whispered. “I’m just going to stay here for a while. I need to spend some time with her, after everything.”

Jake didn’t push me. He never did. From the moment I called him back to Seattle, he’d pushed the legal system, pushed hospital staff, pushed James literally, once, but never me. Instead, Jake was so careful with me. Which was good. Back then, with my leg in traction and an infant I couldn’t take care of, I was in very real danger of shattering into a thousand little pieces. Jake, very carefully, held it all together and allowed me the quiet healing time that I needed.

And he took all of the enthusiastic attention that he couldn’t lavish on me, and threw it into Nessie’s care. I was just an empty shell, stunned by too sudden motherhood and my own failure. But Jake was vital and full of life, and Nessie loved him from the very beginning.

I curled protectively around Nessie, as if my proximity could ensure that James couldn’t break me again. That he couldn’t destroy the life I’d built here. Somehow, after feeling like I was living some Jerry Springer existence, I’d made it back to the regular world… I had a house, a medical degree, a good job, a beautiful, healthy little daughter, and a man that loved me through it all.

Nessie rolled over in her sleep so that she was facing me. I resisted the urge to wake her so that I could look into her big brown eyes, and hear her tell me she loved me in her sleepy little voice. I knew her eyes looked a lot like mine. And she got those curls from my dad, Charlie. But try as hard as I might, I couldn’t see any of James in Nessie. How I wished that were enough to make it true.

I closed my eyes, easing into the warmth of Nessie’s body. I’d do anything for Ness, anything to keep her safe from James.

*****

I was leaving work late again, fumbling with the lock, again. Geez, Swan, will you ever learn? You’d think after bumping into Victoria, that I’d be smarter. I’d finished med. school at the top of my class, for heaven’s sake, you’d think I might have at least a little street smarts to go along with the book smarts.

After securing the door, I shoved my hands into my pockets, and found my cell in one pocket and my herbal throat spray in the other. I cast a cautious glance in either direction, but Fairmount Avenue was deserted, and every other street lamp was out. It must have been later than I thought.

I walked briskly towards my car, and not three seconds passed before I heard the familiar clomping of heavy boots from somewhere behind me. Victoria? Again? Was the woman that relentless, or just desperate for something to do with her evenings? I had nothing left to say to her, though, so I continued to my car pretending not to hear anything unusual.

But the footsteps came faster, closer, and another light went out over my head, casting most of the street in shadow. I picked up my pace, not eager for another confrontation with my ex-sister-in-law. But her brisk steps turned into a trot, and suddenly, all of the street lamps went black. Panic flashed through my body like lightening, starting from my heart and shooting to every little tingling nerve ending on the surface of my skin. I dropped my heavy bag to the sidewalk and sprinted to my car.

But it wasn’t there.

I scanned the line of cars parked along Fairmount, but I didn’t see my white Prius anywhere. I could have sworn I’d parked right at the corner of Fairmount and Taylor. Could it have been stolen? It would be just my luck. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Victoria speeding towards me, her wild red hair fanned out around her face like a lion’s mane, her eyes just as predatory.

And that was all I needed, I took off running into the night, cursing the fact that I wasn’t wearing my track shoes again, and quickly losing one of my ballet flats in the middle of the road. I just barely registered the fact that I was wearing a pair identical to the thrown out, throw-up shoes. Funny, I didn’t remember replacing them.

But I couldn’t think about my shoes for long. The reverberating sound of Victoria’s footsteps echoed in the warm air, loud enough to shake my brain inside my skull. She was so close that I could hear her labored breathing. On an impulse, I ducked down a tiny, cobblestoned side street.

My breath froze, stilled in my lungs. It was a dead end. And at the far end of the little street stood a tall, thin man, with long blond hair pulled into a severe ponytail, and piercing blue eyes. James.

I spun around to see Victoria blocking my exit. James laughed, chilling me to the bone. With my frozen breath and cold bones, I started shaking uncontrollably, and backed up against the red brick wall. It seemed to take little more than a second for James and Victoria to materialize in front of me.

“Isabella, my beautiful wife,” James purred. I watched in horror as he reached out to grab a handful of my hair. He’d always seemed to particularly enjoy pulling me by my hair, when he’d drag me around the house to show me all of the things that I’d done wrong. But before he could touch me, I pulled the throat spray from my pocket and aimed it at James’ face and sprayed, over and over and over.

Spritz, spritz, spritz…

Damn it! I doubled over in pain, my hands over my eyes. Damn! I’d sprayed my own eyes. It turned out that Echinacea in a base of alcohol could definitely double for mace. I cowered, blinded, waiting for the tug on my scalp, or the punch to the side of my head. James and Victoria were cackling uncontrollably, but the sound of squealing tires and a loud engine, coming in our direction, silenced them.

“What the --?”

The squealing tire sound was almost deafening, and suddenly there was a car in front of us. I tried to open my eyes, and saw a flash of silver beyond bright headlights, and heard the slamming of a car door.

“Hey, buddy, mind your fucking b --”

Something collided against the brick wall besides me, and fell to the ground with a dull thump. Squinting with burning and tearing eyes, I could just barely make out the gleam of James’ blond hair and the trickle of thick, red liquid through the cracks in the cobblestones.

“I’m calling the cops,” Victoria choked, kneeling on the ground next to her brother.

A warm hand wrapped itself around my arm, and that chill that had immobilized me was beaten back by wave after wave of warmth, as flames leapt to life under my skin. Just like that, the paralyzing fear began to dissipate.

“Come, on. Get in.”

My mouth dropped open as the hand helped to gently pull me to my feet. A low chuckle reached my ears, soft and melodic, borne like bubbles in the night air, popping in bursts of song.

“What happened to your eyes?” His sunshine breath blew over my face and I gasped.

I held up the throat spray, and another gentle stream of laughter caressed me, until my body felt like it was singing along with the melody of his voice.

Even though I still couldn’t see, I’d know that touch and that voice anywhere. It was Edward Masen. He led me to the car, gently sat me down, and secured the seatbelt, his arm brushing against mine, his hair grazing my cheek. He took the throat spray from my hands, probably for my own safety, and then closed the passenger door. The car smelled like him; like sunshine and man.

“Carlisle, what would you do, if say, hypothetically, you found your eyes full of Wise Woman Herbals Sore Throat Spray?” Edward’s voice came from my left, and the car was moving, a warm summer breeze blowing through my hair, but I hadn’t even heard him get into the car, let alone start the engine.

Before I knew it, we were pulled over to the side of the road, and I was flushing my eyes with water from a plastic Evian bottle. Once I thought I might be able to see, I wiped my face with my sleeve, and looked up into the twinkling green eyes of Edward. Edward Masen, my mystery man. His uneven smile took my breath away all over again. Then he ran a hand through his messy hair, revealing a piece of cloth wrapped around his knuckles.

“What happened?”

Edward shrugged, and that damned twinge between my thighs was back, like it had never left. “I was saving a damsel in distress.”

“Are you like Batman, or something?” I giggled. This man always made me giggle. Batman or not, he definitely had the power to make women giggle like little girls.

Edward’s eyes dimmed, and I wondered what I’d said. Batman? “Batman’s a good guy, Dr. Swan. And this,” he waved his hand around to include me, the road and his silver sports car, “This is completely out of character for me.”

“Then why are you here?”

“You should ask yourself that. Come on.”

I was back inside his car. The interior was all leather and modern, and the soothing sounds of some piano concerto I couldn’t identify filled the air. We were speeding south on I-95, winding our way past the Delaware River, all black and polluted and smelly in the night.

I glanced at Edward, and he smiled back at me, so at ease, like that whole episode with James had never happened. And with just a smile, I was overcome by my feelings: a heady combination of gratitude, relief, excitement, and something else that flowed through my veins all delightfully slow and prickly.

“Where are we going?” he asked, in a voice that made me want to touch him again.

Where were we going? We were speeding towards Delaware, as far as I could tell. I glanced at the speedometer, and oh my god, we were going over one hundred miles an hour. I laughed, and admired the way that Edward seemed so at ease, like we were taking a scenic Sunday drive, or something. It was exhilarating. But I hadn’t done something like this since… “Nessie,” I whispered.

“Who’s Nessie?” His voice was like a balm, relaxing and stimulating all at once. But I worked to shake off its effect.

“We have to turn around! She expects me home by now. She’ll be worried.”

Edward nodded, and took the next exit. But instead of turning around and driving back towards the city, he pulled over to the side of the road.

“Who’s Nessie?” he asked again, and the sound of my daughter’s name coming from his lips was indecent and wonderful, all at the same time.

“Nessie is --” I started out in a whisper, and Edward leaned in closer, making the words halt in my throat. His breath was like gentle fire, igniting my skin on contact, and turning my insides to liquid. I gulped, and attempted to speak again, and he came closer. His hand brushed against my fingertips, and I swore I could see golden sparks fly.

I jumped in my seat, and my movement was like an invitation. Edward closed the rest of the space between us in one fitful heartbeat. His lips were hard against mine, and I was lost and alive all at once. His smell was overwhelming, and I breathed deeply, drinking in the life I’d never known existed up until this moment. And that same feeling, the feeling of electricity pulsing under my skin was back, like he’d finally found the power source I never knew had been turned off.

I didn’t want to stop. I wouldn’t stop. I pressed back against him forcefully and my breasts brushed against his hard chest. I felt like there should be fire, or sparks again, but all there was, was Edward Masen and I in the buttery leather interior of his sports car. I pushed against him, harder, until his head was the one pressed against a headrest, and I was climbing onto his lap, my hands running through his messy hair, his eyes glowing in the dark interior, and I felt him underneath me, impossibly large, and I wanted to see it again. To touch it again.

“Mama.”

It was little more than a whisper, but I stopped kissing Edward and pulled away. Something was wrong.

“Dr. Swan?” Edward rasped, confused.

Doctor. I was his doctor. I looked down, and he was wearing that same thin cotton gown that he wore in the office. And I’d heard something.

“Mama.”

“Nessie.” I hardly recognized my own voice. It was low and sultry and sleepy, somehow.

“Who’s Nessie?” Edward Masen asked again, his eyes twinkling and amused, the way they always seemed to be when he looked at me. His arms wrapped around me, trying to pull me back towards him, his erection firm between my thighs, pressing into me in the most exquisitely unnerving way, and there’s almost nothing I wanted more than to just fall back into his embrace. It would be so easy... the easiest thing in the world. “No,” I mumbled, trying to make my body agree with my mind. “I can’t. No. I have to go back. Bring me back.”

“Please, just stay,” and he brushed my hair behind my ear, his breath washing over my face, and my body ached, actually ached to touch him.

It felt like the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, but I pulled myself away from him, “No.” I could feel tears stinging my eyes. “No.”

“Mama? Mama?”

Edward was blurring, his warm hand brushed my cheek and I shivered, closing my wet eyes, breathing in his scent, and all of the sudden his hands changed, and they were small and soft and pulsing with warmth.

“Mama, you okay, mama? You had a bad dream, mama?”

I opened my eyes to see Nessie’s pretty face just centimeters from mine. She was gently patting my damp cheek with soft, jerky little strokes. Right, I’d fallen asleep in Nessie’s bed.

“Why you sleepin’ here, mama?”

“Because I love you, Ness.”

“I lo’ you too,” she cooed. “But you got a bed upstairs. It’s really big. This not your bed! You so silly,” she giggled, tackling me, hugging me, delighted to wake up next to her silly mommy.

“I’m being very silly, baby.” Placing her next to me on the bed, I rolled over and glanced at the window and noticed the gray-white light peeking from the edges of the blinds. It was time to wake up.

“What was you bad dream about, mama? Tigers? Bad mans?”

And in a flash, my dream swirled into the forefront of my consciousness: his eyes, the way his body felt against mine, his lips, so hard and insistent. My breath hitched in my throat, and I glanced guiltily down at my little daughter. “I missed you and Jake.”

“Were you at work in you dream?”

“No.”

“Why you miss me, then?”

“It was just a dream, sweetie. Come on, let’s get dressed and ready for camp.”

Try as I might, I couldn’t shake that damned inappropriate dream as I got dressed, made breakfast, packed Nessie’s lunch and bathing suit. What was it about that patient that made everything I did inappropriate? I found out that my ex may have hired someone to watch me, and that he’s moving across the country, and I’m in a smiling and flustered haze because Edward Masen saved me in a dream?

And then it hit me. He’d come and swept me off my feet and took me away. I was just using him as an escape, a way for my subconscious to save me from having to deal with James and Victoria. Even better, if I sped off into the night with my mystery man, well, I’d be giving up on my safe little world. James could never hurt me if I had nothing to lose.

It was a damned fantasy, made all the more real because it was based on a real person: some unsuspecting thirty-two year old that might have a cancerous growth on his left testicle.

“Mama, I ready!” Nessie cheered, tramping down the stairs unevenly, making little coquettish moves with her head, letting me know that I should admire her fashion sense. Nessie was adamant that she dress herself. Today she’d pared a turquoise blue, Hawaiian print tank top with brown and pink polka-dotted bike shorts, and Dora sandals that lit up every time she took a step.

I smiled as she spun around for me. “Wow, Ness, I’d never think to put those colors together.”

“I bootiful?”

“Yes, and you’re my favorite little girl in the whole world.”

“I big!”

“Come here, big girl!” Ness ran into my arms, and I hugged her tight. “Let’s go, big girl, so you don’t miss your bus.”

Nessie held my hand and skipped as we walked to her bus stop. It was cooler today, and the breeze caressed my skin in a way that made me feel… good. I felt like James couldn’t touch me in the light, and stupidly enough, I think that dream also made me feel somehow safer. And happy.

I wondered where Edward lived. Did he live in a neighborhood like this: with pretty flowers in little parks made in the triangular patches at intersections, with moms and kids holding hands on their way out in the morning? I could almost imagine Edward and I sitting on a bench in one of those little throw-away parks, my hand in his, and that electric fire running under my skin.

“Earth to Bella.”

I blinked, realizing that we’d made it to the bus stop. My neighbor, Jessica was looking at me in a funny way. Jake took the early shift at the garage so he could pick Nessie up in the afternoons. I usually dropped Ness at Jessica’s house in the morning, so she could bring her to the bus stop. But this morning I hadn’t wanted to leave Ness, and I texted Jessica to let her know I’d be bringing her myself. The gym could wait, for goodness sakes.

“Taking the morning off?” Jess asked, her hand over her eyes to keep the glare out so that she could see me. I felt like she was studying me with extra scrutiny this morning. “You look well-rested.”

“I slept with Ness last night. That must be it.”

“I know what you mean. Mike kills me with the snoring, and he’s a blanket hog.”

Ness was tugging at my hand, itching to run off after Jess’s son, Jonah.

“Come and get me!” the little blond boy taunted.

“Keep out of the road, baby,” I said in my stern mommy voice, looking Ness in the eyes, before letting go of her hand.

*****

My morning at the office was as busy as ever, but I was determined to stay on top of things this time, if for no other reason than I wanted to leave while it was still light out. I didn’t think Victoria would be rendezvousing with me again; and I wasn’t superstitious about my dream or anything. But I wasn’t stupid. One thing was for certain: I was being watched.

But, with a full schedule, it was easy to push almost every bothersome thought out of my mind. Almost. Everything, except for the second half of that wonderful, stupid dream. When I had a particularly hard time on the phone with the lab, I thought about how Edward took care of James and Victoria and carried me away, and I smiled, relaxed and sated, and the call suddenly wasn’t as annoying. And when Ben ran off on an unannounced errand, leaving a phalanx of patients crowding the hall, I thought about how exciting and safe it had felt to speed down I-95, Philadelphia receding in the rearview mirror.

I was somewhat grateful to the man, in a very sheepish way. Certainly, it was wrong to use him like that. My patient, mystery man Edward Masen.

It was coming up on lunchtime, and I checked in with reception to make sure that no surprise visits had been booked. I’d hardly eaten since breakfast the day before, and I really needed to sit, no matter which rep brought the lunch. Hell, I’d take on Cialis, Viagra and Levitra all at once, if I had to.

“Anyone scheduled for noon, Gianna?” I asked in the most non-accusatory voice I could muster.

Gianna rolled her eyes. Okay, it was the third time I was asking. “You’ve got a half-hour, Dr. Swan. You were very clear. But, I’ve got to tell you, if Brad Pitt does walk in, I think you’ll be sorry when I don’t assign him a room.”

I was unswayed though, hungry enough to choose lunch over Brad Pitt.

I rushed back to my office to pick up the last chart of the morning. I was in the home stretch. I was just walking back out the door, when something caught my eye on top of the pile in my in-box.

It was his name: Masen, Edward, A.

I stopped in my tracks, my heart pounding erratically as if I expected him to swoop in again and steal me gladly away, or to press me against my office door and kiss me again, like I dreamed he had last night. But then I shook my head and came back to my senses, and picked up my office phone. “Gianna, get Edward Masen’s assistant on the phone. His lab results are back.”
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The Practice of Love