Adult-FanFiction.org : Books

Emptiness	By : Josephine1881 Category: M through R > The Phantom of the Opera > Slash Views: 8257 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Phantom of the Opera, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 31
- 32
- 33
Author’s note: This chapter was difficult for me to write in several ways. First, there was the problem of time and technology. My computer died, and I had to get a new one, which in the beginning, I could hardly persuade to work for me at all. Once it was doing what I told it to, I had to leave for a short holiday in France, which meant I had even less time for writing than before. Then there were the emotional issues. I had not expected this chapter to be too close for comfort, but it was. In a way, that made it very easy to write, and in another, very difficult indeed. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and I promise you won’t have to wait that long for the next chapter.

Disclaimer: See Chapter One!

Chapter Thirty-Two

“Erik!” I croaked, utterly confused.

“Yes,” Erik said simply. “Did you expect someone else in your room? A maid, perhaps? Or your charming brother?”

I shook my head. Slowly, the realisation that I was not imagining things sank in. He was really here, in my room. But why? And how? I couldn’t understand it.

“How... how did you get in?” I asked, thinking that the question was as good a point to start as any other. “The door was locked... and the servants... Did anyone see you come in?”

“Of course no one saw me,” Erik replied indignantly. He sounded as if I had insulted his honour as Opera Ghost. “I came in through a window. The left one wasn’t fastened properly. Very careless of you, given that you’ve got a balcony right outside your window. I would have expected better from you.”

For some reason, I found myself blushing at his words. It hurt me to know that I hadn’t met his expectations. Then I recalled that there were far more important matters now. I thought back to what had happened, and anger blazed in my chest, burning away the embarrassment. I was not the one who had done something wrong. He was.

“And you think that breaking into my house and confronting me in my own bedroom is a good idea?” I wanted to know suspiciously.

“Well... yes,” Erik answered frankly. “I knew that the chances of you coming back to the opera anytime soon were remote, so I decided to take matters into my own hands.”
His calm way of speaking made me even more furious.

“Of course I wouldn’t have come back to the opera!” I exclaimed. “Why should I? I have heard more than enough. Would you have liked me to stay and listen to you telling everyone how much you love Christine and no one else?”

I managed to keep my voice cold, but I felt emotions bubbling just below the surface. I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to hold myself back. I had to get rid of Erik quickly.

I stepped forwards, seized him by the shoulders and gave him a hard push in the direction of the windows.

“Get out!” I hissed. “I don’t want you here! Go back to your opera and stay there! I don’t need you!”

I gave him another push, but now he had recovered from the shock. Quite calmly, he grabbed my wrists and forced my arms down.

“Let go of me!” I snarled. It made me furious to know that he could stop me whenever he pleased, whereas he could have easily picked me up from the floor and carried me around if he felt like it, and I couldn’t have done anything to prevent it.

I struggled, but it was pointless. There was too much strength in that bony body of his. I couldn’t break his grip. All I could do was balling my hands into angry fists.
Erik shook his head.

“I will not let go of you,” he told me. “Nor will I leave before you’ve heard me out. You can struggle all you please. We both know I am stronger than you. I can’t force you to listen to me... but I will certainly try.”

I threw him a furious glance. For a moment or two, I seriously considered shouting for help, just to get away from him. Yet as I thought about the consequences, I dismissed the idea. It would have been much too embarrassing to be found standing here, struggling with a stranger who had appeared out of nowhere in my bedroom. How could I have explained myself to a servant without causing a tidal wave of gossip? I didn’t even understand it properly myself.

Erik seemed to regard my silence as assent.

“Good,” he said. “You will listen. Good.”

He paused, and I realised that he didn’t seem to have thought much about what to say. It gave me a certain sense of satisfaction to know that he wasn’t always well-prepared and in control of the situation.

“Well,” he went on after a moment. “You heard some very negative things today. I wish you hadn’t.”

“Oh, I think it was good that I heard it all,” I said grimly. “It explained a lot. Now I know what you’re truly feeling.”

“You don’t know anything,” he gave back dismissively. “Well, nothing you didn’t know before, anyway.”

“Oh yes?” I said hotly, my temper rising again. “In case you haven’t noticed, I am not a mind-reader. I believed what you told me. I believed that you love me.”

If I had hoped that my accusations would provoke him into telling me how much he loved me, I’d have been mistaken.

“What knowledge did you gain from hearing what you heard?” he asked matter-of-factly.
“I... I learned that you don’t love me,” I replied quietly. The words stung in my mouth and throat like angry wasps.

“When did I say that?” he wanted to know. “I can’t recall having said anything like it.”

“You didn’t,” I admitted. “But you as good as said it. You said that you love Christine and that no one could ever replace her.”

“That is true,” he said. “But you knew that before.”

“No!” I cried. “I never knew that!”

“Yes, you did,” he disagreed, still in that maddeningly calm voice. “And I’ve always known that the same is true for you. You love Christine, and no one could ever replace her. That is why I’m not even trying to do so. What makes you think that you are supposed to do it?”

I stopped struggling as I thought about his words. It was true that I still loved Christine. She had a special place in my heart, a place reserved for my first love. And Erik? I felt deep inside myself. I loved him, too, of course I did. He had a different place in my heart. It wasn’t smaller or less important, just... different.

I was suddenly reminded of my sisters. I loved both of them. Neither was more important than the other. Was the kind of love I felt for Christine and Erik the same as the love between siblings, at least in that respect? Erik seemed to think so. And if it was really like that... I smiled tentatively.

“So you do love me?” I asked shyly.

“Of course I do,” Erik assured me. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have come here. There are far better activities for a fine evening like this than hiring a coach to ride through the city and climbing up walls to get to a stubborn boy who runs away without the explanations he deserves, probably even shedding unnecessary tears.”

He let go of my right wrist, so he could touch the soft skin below my eye with his left index finger. A shiver ran down my spine.

“I love you, Raoul,” he told me in a soft voice. “I love you so much. True, you cannot have my whole heart. A part of it is Christine’s, and it’ll always be like that. But you can have the rest of my heart... and of my soul, if such a thing exists in me. Isn’t that enough for you?”

I nodded mutely. A lump was rising in my throat, and I didn’t trust myself to speak.

“I have studied human behaviour for years,” he went on, sounding a little more matter-of-fact. “And I’m afraid that it’s like that for most people. No matter how many others they’ve been with, the first person they loved always has a special status. It’s only natural, I suppose. Circumstances are a little different in our case,” he added after a moment. “Seeing that the first woman we loved is the same for both of us. But that’s nothing bad. On the contrary: It gives us the chance to treasure Christine’s memory and be open for someone new who we know understands us and our feelings completely.”

He lifted my left hand, which he was still holding, to his lips and kissed it.

“I love Christine,” he said simply. “But I also love you. No one could ever replace either of you. You’ve got a place in my heart, Raoul, and you’ll always have it. Silly boy – how could you ever think something else?”

I might have been silly, but I recognised a rhetorical question when I heard one. So I didn’t reply, but merely looked at him.

At last, he let go of me completely.

“I should better go,” he told me. “I’ve given you a lot to think about. If you want to talk about it... Well, you know where to find me.” He turned to leave.

I made my decision in an instant.

“No,” I called after him. “Don’t go. Stay here.”
- 31
- 32
- 33
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Emptiness