Adult-FanFiction.org : Books

You'll See	By : StargateFanatic Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Slash Views: 8666 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 31
- 32
- 33
This is the chapter in which we find out what exactly happened in Whitaker's past. All of it.
Just so you know, I've got a new story up. It's really just a oneshot, though I could extend it. It's from Beyond the Hanging Wall by Sara Douglass, but I think you'll get it even if you haven't read the book. So, if you would, please go read it and let me know what you think. :)

I let my mind drift back to the memories that had cause me to hurt my mate unintentionally. The man who now invaded my mind, who I never wanted to see again and hoped I never would, was the one to cause all of this. I shuddered as I tried to block some of the unwanted memories; I couldn’t handle them yet.

I wanted Jasper to come back and just hold me, but I knew he needed the quick hunt.

He had been worried when he left, but I realized… I hadn’t felt his emotions.

Jasper returned to get ready for school. I remained in bed, wishing I could sleep my stress away.

Before he left, Jasper leaned down and kissed me, cradling one side of my face in his palm. I didn’t respond at first, but I gradually moved my lips as his touch melted my stress.

He separated our lips with a sigh, resting his forehead against mine.

“I love you, Whitaker,” he said solemnly. “No matter what this is you aren’t telling me, I will still love you.” He pressed his lips to mine once more and sent me one of the most powerful waves of love yet. “Always.” I looked deep into his eyes, reading the seriousness and honesty there.

“I love you, too,” I choked out. He smiled and hugged me.

With one last kiss to my brow, he left.

I lay in our bed all day. I was trying to come to terms with everything so I could tell it to Jasper. He had trusted me with his past, and I wanted—no, needed—to share mine.

So, finally, around one, I made my way to the living room to wait on Jasper.

Jasper returned shortly after three. He burst through the front door, calling my name.

“Here,” I replied from the couch.

He seemed relieved when he sat beside me.

“I couldn’t feel any emotions from you,” he explained. “I wasn’t sure…”

“I’ve been purposely keeping myself from feeling. It’s easier to tell my story that way.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I don’t want you upset.”

“I need to, I think.” He nodded and waited for me to talk.

Taking a deep, unneeded breath, I began:

“I knew I was gay for a long time, but I didn’t decide to come out until sophomore year, and then I only told my friends and family. My parents were very understanding, and told me they loved me not matter what because I was still their little Whitaker.

“But my friends weren’t so great. Well, one of my friends wasn’t. She went and blabbed it over the whole school. We lived in a small town in Oregon, so there weren’t that many people to tell.

“Very few of my classmates were understanding, either. They constantly bullied me, and I got beaten up more than a few times. When I say what that ex-football player put me through wasn’t the worst, I mean it. They would gang up on me in the bathroom or hallway. I almost always had some broken bone or something that was severely bruised.

“My parents talked to the principal and most of it stopped, but not all. I was constantly shunned by students and teachers. I think the worst was Mr. Perkins. He was my favorite teacher, and he was my last class of the day. Well, one day, he asked to see me after school in his office. So, of course, I went. Now I wish I hadn’t.

“When I sat down in front of his desk, he locked the door and closed the blinds. Then, he slapped me in the head a couple of times and pulled me out of the chair. He…he pushed me to my knees a-a-and forced me…t-to…” Jasper’s arm tightened around me while I took a steadying breath.

“You don’t have to continue,” Jasper said quietly.

“I’ve started now. I need to finish,” I replied. He nodded and fell silent. “He threatened to bring some of the bigger guys from my class in and let them have their way with me if I didn’t give him oral sex.” Jasper’s body stiffened beside me, but he remained silent. “I let him push me to the floor, and instead of me giving him a blowjob, he grabbed my hair and pretty much f-fucked my mouth…even though I was choking.” Jasper was shaking in anger beside me. I hung my head in shame. “Afterwards, I was threatened again not to tell anybody.

“It continued for the next few months. Not daily, but…often enough to kill any self-respect I had left. I began withdrawing into myself all the time. It helped me ignore any remarks people still sent my way, and it helped me distance myself during those afternoon…sessions. Thankfully, he never raped me, but he did become more forceful as I became more distant.

“My parents noticed my depression and got me to talk to them. They were so furious, they went up to the school and had Mr. Perkins fired. The principal was horrified, I remember.

“We moved the next week to a small town in Indiana. I didn’t tell anyone that I liked guys, but they found out near the end of my Junior year last year. I don’t even know how.

“It was just like Oregon all over again, except I didn’t have a teacher trying to molest me. Students beat me up, though not as often. When I talked to my parents, they thought about moving again, but we didn’t have the money.

“At the beginning of the summer…” I swallowed the imaginary bile that rose in my throat; “…someone came to our house. I was out because I had gone to a late night movie. Mom and Dad were home, asleep.” I paused, not sure if I could continue.

“What happened?” Jasper prodded quietly.

“Someone had set the house on fire,” I cried. “My parents burned in their sleep. I know, because I managed to get past the firefighters and into the house. I saw them…” Jasper pulled my head against his chest, surrounding me in his safe embrace as he tried to quiet my sobs. “I was in the hospital with second-degree burns until Gramps brought me here. And now he’s gone, too.” I clung to Jasper as my body shook with raw emotion. “I’m sorry.”

“For what, love?”

“You must be feeling what I’m feeling.” His arms tightened and he nuzzled my hair.

“I love you, and I will do everything I can to make your pain go away.” I was suddenly surrounded by the warm blanket of his unconditional love. “You’re not hurting me,” he said quietly, guessing my unspoken thoughts. “Thank you for telling me.”

“It makes me feel better to finally talk about it.”

“Good.” He kissed my head, running his hands gently over my back in soothing circles. My stony muscles relaxed under his touch. I felt exhausted, though I shouldn’t have. Vampires can’t sleep.

I breathed deeply as I calmed, taking in the surrounding scent of my Jasper, my treasure.

“I need to tell you something,” I murmured against his sweater.

“You’ve talked enough for today. You don’t have to say anything else,” he replied softly.

“No, it’s not that. I have something to tell you.”

“All right. What is it, love?”

“I know you always feel the emotions of others, and you probably don’t want to subject others to the same thing, but… Ever since you let me feel yours, I’ve been…empty without them. I know it was only yesterday, but… It’s a little disconcerting. I didn’t know I could ever be so dependent on one person.” I sighed deeply. “Even after such a short time, I miss it.”

He gently lifted me in his arms, cradling me against his chest like so many times before. He set me on my bed with the same gentleness and stretched his lean body alongside mine. I sighed as he ran his hands down my body, teasing me with barely-there touches.

As I relaxed, he opened himself to me, releasing his emotions without restraint.

I gasped at the raw intensity of some of his emotions. He pulled back slightly, toning down the power of what I was feeling, but I stopped him.

“No, you just surprised me,” I murmured. He let go of the metaphorical reins again and I sorted through what he was experiencing…

Love, that warm blanket I felt from him more often now…

Tenderness, a soft touch to my soul that warmed me inside…

Compassion, so similar to tenderness, yet so much more compelling…

Pain, like a knife wound in the gut…

Worry, leaving such a strange metallic taste…

Anger, so sharp a flare it stung my eyes…

Fury, like nothing I had ever felt, was a fire opposite that of passion; it burned a painful streak like no other that caused me to shake…

…But what surprised me the most was the wonder. It seemed almost childlike in its airy lightness, causing my eyes to widen and my lips to curl slightly into a smile.

“What has you so filled with wonder?” I questioned quietly.

“You,” he said without hesitation.

“Why?”

“You love me,” he said simply, as if that answered everything. He propped up on one elbow and his left hand caressed the side of my face as he continued, “I never thought someone could feel so unashamed about me. I’m a monster, and I never thought there could be someone who wouldn’t care. I’m scarred, yet you call me beautiful.”

“It’s because you are,” I murmured sheepishly. “That’s why…”

“Why what, love?”

“It’s why I don’t know what you see in me.”

“I see a caring and loving person with a voracious sexual appetite.” He smiled and kissed my forehead. “I see someone who is strong, but knows when to lean on others.” He kissed my cheek. “I see someone who is there for everyone he loves.” He kissed my other cheek. “I see a stubborn, intelligent, and gorgeous man that I am madly in love with.” He kissed my nose and I smiled wider.

“But what about what’s happened to me?” I asked, my smile disappearing. I felt his fury increase, and I cringed from the intensity, but his face remained somewhat calm.

He placed his hand on my cheek again and turned my head to face him. “What was it you asked me a few days ago? ‘Can we leave the past where it belongs?’”

My eyes closed and I shuddered from the force of his calm fury and my own pain from the memories.

“You helped me to let go of my past. Let me do the same for you.” I looked up into his gentle, beautiful face. The lines of pain or worry that normally showed were gone, leaving his face almost radiant. “Let it go, love. I will always be here to catch you.”

I buried my face against his shoulder as fear I recognized as my own crept over me.

“He can’t hurt you anymore, love. I won’t let him.” Jasper, my treasure, held me in his always soothing embrace. I felt the chill of my own fear slowly slip away. It was replaced by a sense of peace and the trust I held for Jasper.

I slowly pulled back just enough so I could meet his gaze. I wanted to cry, because I knew he meant what he said, and I was finally loved for who I am.

His smile was understanding as he leaned forward to brush our lips together.

I melted under his touch as he sweetly made love to me.

If you want to know why I describe worry as metallic, well... A lot of the time, when people worry, they bite their lip, which can bleed, and since blood has iron in it, it kind of has a metallic taste. So...metallic worry. Make sense?
Has anyone noticed the line that Whitaker and Jasper are repeating to each other (besides 'I love you')?
Zynda--Yeah, I kind of left myself open for that, didn't I? I'm never going to be able to play 'Clue' ever again without laughing and thinking of you...
DBZchick--Thank you. :) I tend to be a straight-forward person. Those 8 pg papers we have to write... Yeah, I could sum it up in two. I'm not very good at fluffing papers. :P
Gaps of Misery--:D I like facts. You know, I've been experimenting with blood tablets and different kinds of food... Edward seems to like them in brownies, *whisper* but they seem to make him a little crazy. Don't let him know I told you.
LadyExcalibur--Thank you so much! I know how the flu sucks, so I really appreciate it!
- 31
- 32
- 33
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

You'll See