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Enigma	By : Skullbearer Category: A through F > Dragonlance Views: 3917 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own the book(s) that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
Enigma
Chapter four- Attraction
"So much alike are we
When I see you I see me"
-Star by Star, Kovenant.
If Raistlin slept that night, he didn't remember it. When the sun rose the next day he greeted it with open eyes, sitting hunched over the ashes of the fire, staring at them and trying to make sense of his conflicting emotions. He... he had no idea how he felt, as soon as he thought he had found even ground within his mind, Dalamar had come again and turned everything upside down once again.
He felt so utterly confused.
For the fourth time during that night and this early morning, Raistlin attempted to make sense of his thoughts.
First obsession, now... attraction?
Was that it, Raistlin wondered, he was drawn to the Dark elf?
If so, how?
He found the elf fascinating, yes he knew that, was obsessed with him, yes- a shameful realisation still- but attracted?
Raistlin had to admit he didn't know, he simply felt captivated by the elf, a sensation less overwhelming than his previous obsession, but much deeper and even more insidious. Whether the previous night's events had started this new development or it had been growing in his mind and soul for the past few days, Raistlin didn't know. All he did know was that he felt confused and part of him wished fervently he had never met Dalamar Nightson to begin with.
The Dark elf himself woke up at that moment, rolling over and pulling his cloak- which was serving him as a blanket- over his shoulders. He got up, having slept in his robes, and walked over to Raistlin and sat back down beside him. "You didn't sleep last night, I see." He said, his not-smile just curving his lips. "May I ask why?"
Raistlin rubbed his eyes, although he had no mirror he guessed he had shadows under them. "If you are so clever, Nightson, find out yourself." He was in no mood to dance around the elf today, too tired.
Dalamar nodded, "I think I could guess. I can only say that I have told you I am no threat to you, and I mean it." He walked back to wash at a nearby stream and pack up, leaving Raistlin even more confused, if slightly relieved.
The expression in the elf's eyes had told him exactly what he needed to know, it couldn't be faked, it was the truth. This wasn't one of the Dark elf's ploys in this bizarre game of theirs, he was on no more even grounding than Raistlin, and he too felt the attraction and was confused by it. But he managed to sleep last night, you didn't, he argued with himself. Finally, so tired he didn't care any more, he let the matter die then and there, focusing his little energy on getting up and active. He decided against washing at the stream, the events of the previous night were still too vivid for him to want to disrobe anywhere near the Dark elf.
They walked side by side today, not speaking, stares locking more often, and several times, Raistlin felt the slow, banked fire that had tormented him the evening before, the burning urge to touch the Dark elf. The encounter last night had shaken everything again and both needed affirmation.
Oh by the Gods, what had he gotten himself into? Raistlin wondered, glancing across at Dalamar who walked with his head down, studying the ground. And where is this leading us?
He could stop this, whatever it was, as soon as he wanted. He would just tell Dalamar that he was no longer playing his twisted game and ignore him. He could, but Raistlin knew very well that he wouldn't.
Curiosity, a mage's curse.
He kept walking, thoughts retracing the same paths as before, grinding his mind into a rut. He might be going somewhere, but his thoughts most certainly weren't.
Over and over again.
He was still curious about Dalamar, wanted to know the Dark elf, his life, his mind and most of all how he became so good at manipulation; both of himself and others.
He was still fascinated by the enigma the Dark elf represented, amazed that anyone had managed to hone their mind until even he couldn't see through them.
He was still obsessed with the elf, who occupied his thoughts and had dominated them for more than half a week now.
And now these emotions had turned into a mysterious feeling of attraction that he couldn't define or explain. He felt that he should stay with Dalamar, for what reason he didn't know, but he felt deeply drawn to the elf. More than his touch, more that for this game, whatever the reason, at the moment Raistlin was in no state to work it out.
The day seemed to drag on longer than the other three had previously, and as the sun rose to its zenith it proved to be also the hottest. The air felt oppressive and damp, the flies a constant plague. Raistlin found himself breathless in the heat of the noonday and was forced to rest more often.
"Why do you wait for me?" He asked irritably as he and Dalamar found themselves once again sitting on the grass by the side of the road.
"You're fascinating, I have no wish to leave you behind." Dalamar was impassive, as usual.
"This game has moved beyond fascination for both of us." Raistlin snapped back, and was rewarded by seeing the elf's expressionless mask slip, revealing him to be just as lost as the human. He nodded, turning his head to stare at the open road.
"Was this what you had in mind when we began this little mutual inquisition?"
Dalamar shrugged, "As if I know; believe me Raistlin, if anyone knows where this is heading it is you."
"I know nothing."
"And I know less."
The tension increased again, and Raistlin sighed. It was so hard to hold his own against the Dark elf. One of the reasons for his interest in Dalamar lay in just how different he was from anyone else Raistlin knew, and one of the reasons for the difficulties he faced with the elf was that he had no idea how to act around him. The way Dalamar treated him was unlike any he had ever known. He didn't taunt him; like his classmates, he didn't patronise him; like Caramon, he didn't scorn him; like most did, and most of all; unlike just about everyone Raistlin knew, Dalamar didn't feel uneasy around him.
Unlike his own feelings towards the Dark elf! Raistlin thought wryly, although that wasn't true, his unease around the elf stemmed mostly from a feeling that he shouldn't be at ease around him. Without that, like during many of their previous conversations, Raistlin had felt quite relaxed.
Finally looking up from where he had been studying the road, lost in thought, Raistlin gazed at Dalamar, "Why else are we doing this but that we wish to understand?" He mimicked the elf's earlier words. "Unless, of course, you want to stop..."
Dalamar blinked, surprised at having his own words throw back at him, then laughed, truly amused despite himself. "Ah, Raistlin, you read me better than I give you credit for."
The tension again somewhat dispelled, they got up and began to walk once again.
Once back on the road, Raistlin attempted to draw the elf into a conversation, yet found himself either ignored by Dalamar, or answered in short monosyllables- "Yes." "No." "I don't know"- which dried up conversation faster than a riverbed in summer, giving Raistlin again the sensation of being on the receiving end of one of his own 'don't talk to me' tactics.
And why was the Dark elf so absorbed in his thoughts? Raistlin had been watching him, and could see why Dalamar had been able to read him so well when he was the one not talking. Emotions flashed quite openly on his face while he stared at the ground, still silent. Confusion, interest, fear- fear? Why would he fear? -and slight wistfulness crossed Dalamar's features. Clearly, Raistlin had been right in thinking this wasn't a ploy by Dalamar to get him to reveal himself, the elf was as bewildered by this change in emotions as he was.
This was going to be a long day.
It was a long day, a day where Raistlin found himself watching Dalamar more often than not. The elf had not spoken for the rest of the day; not even when they had halted for noon meal, yet Raistlin had felt his eyes drawn back to the silent figure of the Dark elf walking beside him.
Again the curiosity.
Again the fascination.
Again the obsession.
Again the maddening, unceasing attraction.
Unbidden, the memory of his reaction to their nighttime conversation, if it could be termed that, rose from whatever dark corner of his mind he had shoved it into earlier.
Attracted...
In a sexual way?
This was unknown ground for Raistlin, whose knowledge of carnal matters only stretched to a vague desire for a woman named Miranda, a desire he had quashed with the knowledge that she barely knew he existed and no doubt didn't care.
If not sexual, then what?
He had no idea.
And if sexual, what then?
Why did he feel attracted to Dalamar, an elf, and another male? Raistlin, despite being ignorant on matters of love and desire, was not naive. He knew that some preferred the sexual company of their own gender, rather than the opposite. He'd just never thought of himself as one of them.
But then again, he'd never thought of himself as anything in that context, and he would not deny that the elf was certainly good looking. Not to mention very intriguing.
So what to make of the Dark elf? One or the other?
He didn't know. These past few days had revealed a lot that he had either not noticed or ignored, and the fallout for that was unpleasant.
Raistlin had been aware that he was being watched for some time now and had done his best not to repeat his mistake; keeping his face carefully blank as he pondered, now he looked up and met Dalamar's eyes.
"Yes?" He asked as innocently as he could.
The Dark elf gave a small non-smile. "This has gone out of our control, hasn't it?"
Taken aback by the directness of the statement, Raistlin just nodded.
"Odd really," Dalamar continued, his voice unnaturally calm, "I'm not used to losing control, neither are you; I imagine, but it is odd -" He locked his gaze penetratingly with Raistlin's "- that we should be controlled by our emotions when we have worked so hard to control them."
Raistlin nodded again, Dalamar was saying nothing that he hadn't realized before, but he was curious to know where the Dark elf was heading with this small speech.
"I just never really thought -" He broke off.
When Dalamar didn't continue, he spoke- "Well?"
"Well what?" Dalamar looked, once again, impassive.
"What were you going to say?"
"Nothing."
"Noth- Oh to the Abyss with it." Exasperated, Raistlin shook his head and gave up on the conversation. He had read enough from the Dark elf's expression to guess at what the rest of the sentence would have been.
I never really thought I would lose that control, even around you- or perhaps- especially around you.
Again, Raistlin wondered where this game, although it was getting less like a game by the minute, would take them.
By the time evening came, Raistlin was more than thankful for it. He was exhausted, both in body and in mind, and he hoped that this night would offer far more in sleep than the previous one had.
Gods he was tired, he couldn't quite remember that last time he had felt this taxed, physically and mentally- especially mentally, Raistlin thought, keeping up with the mind-games this situation required took a lot of concentration.
It was the first time that Raistlin honestly considered stopping their game, if only because they both that their own issues to sort out. Giving that thought only a full second's consideration showed the flaws in it, their game and their issues were so closely linked that they were impossible to separate. It was all or nothing and Raistlin was not one to abandon this challenge just as it had gotten so interesting. He had no idea where it led, but it was unlikely to be dangerous. He did trust the Dark elf to uphold his promise; /I will not be the one to drag you down./ That, he believed, and that was another point. Trust. Did he really trust Dalamar? And if so, how far?
He trusted Dalamar because he saw something of himself in the Dark elf's eyes, he knew when he was to be trusted and when not, and so far, he hadn't been proved wrong.
So the question was, did he trust himself?
Again, he didn't know.
Would he advise Dalamar to trust him? Right now?
Yes, he would.
Then could he trust the Dark elf? Given as Dalamar had asked Raistlin to trust him?
Perhaps.
Well, that was more than he had ever given anyone else.
It just mattered how right he was in seeing himself in the Dark elf, he understood Dalamar, up to a point. They were different after all, Dalamar lacked Raistlin's need to prove himself, was devoted to the magic in a very different way, and seemed to be happier in the shadows than in the open. He didn't have Raistlin's burning desire for admiration. They were different, they were different people.
So why was he, who had never trusted anyone but himself, beginning to trust someone he had known for less than a week?
Perhaps because he could no longer trust himself.
He was still lost in thought when Dalamar walked over and sat beside him as he had every other night they had travelled together.
"I can read your emotions like a book, aren't you even bothering to hide them?" He asked, voice hinting at disapproval.
"You yourself have said this has gone beyond a game." Raistlin replied coldly. "So do not bother to try and turn it back into one, that is impossible."
Dalamar actually looked abashed, then nodded. "You're right, of course," He sighed, "and after-" He broke off again.
"After last night," Raistlin finished off, just as coolly as ever, "What were you going to say?"
"Never mind."
"No matter, I'm sure I can fill in the words for myself." How strange, Raistlin thought, such a reversal in positions. "What did you want last night?"
"Never mind." Dalamar repeated sharply, his eyes darkening.
"You're angry." A statement.
"Just leave me now, I don't want to talk."
Raistlin shrugged, then settled himself more comfortable by the fire. "Then by all means, stay silent. Your face tells me everything I want to know anyway."
This time, the tension burnt as hot as the fire.
Raistlin didn't think he would ever get to sleep that night, but by the time they had torn themselves away from the fire and settled down for the night, Raistlin found himself yawning heavily. He rolled up in his blanket and spent his last few moments of consciousness thinking on what he'd learnt that evening. Dalamar was just as attracted to Raistlin as Raistlin was to him, and his fascination, like Raistlin's, may well have taken a sexual turn to desire. He was unsure how he felt about this but had seen, in the Dark elf's face, what Dalamar felt, fear.
Dalamar was afraid, of him? Perhaps. Of where this was taking them? Very likely, Raistlin wouldn't blame him, really...
His thoughts trailed off as he fell asleep at last.
Let fate take them where it would.
Skull Bearer
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Enigma