Save Me From My Solitude | By : Pasque Category: M through R > The Phantom of the Opera > Het Views: 2589 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own The Phantom of the Opera, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Hey guys, I have decided to play around with POV so bare with me, I think it makes it a much better read, much easier to cleanly express emotions when the words are actually in a character’s mind. I shall try to remember to always state in capitals at the beginning if a chapter who’s POV we are reading from.
Chapter 4
CHRISTINE
For a moment I considered putting up a pretence. I could so easily ask Erik what on earth was he thinking? I was a Vicomtess: a social butterfly, I relished the few moments of solitude I actually managed to snatch. But that would be a lie. And lying to the Angel of Music was futile. Something in those strange eyes could see through lies like air.
Yet somehow I knew that it would feel wrong to tell Erik that I was unhappy. To me it felt the same as if someone had given me a gift that I hadn’t liked and was too polite to say so. Erik gave me the freedom I had wanted so ardently, allowed me to leave the ruins of the opera house in my love’s arms and be whisked away from him, he who loved me, despite the pain it must have caused him.
“I do get lonely sometimes, but then, nothing can ever be perfect Erik, I am sure you know that.”
He looked at me so intensely, I fought the blush that wanted to rise in my cheeks, I felt naked under his gaze, he was searching for something in me I knew.
“Why are you not allowed visitors Christine, more to the point why did you bring me here if you knew it was against the so-called rules?”
I could hear the mockery in his voice and the sneer as he spoke his last word. “I don’t know,” I sighed. “I suppose I was lonely, it was such a shock to see you after all this time, I wanted to know how you were.”
He gave a short burst of laughter that was tinged with sadness before lowering his face into his hands. I watched his fingers rub his mask and bare cheek thoughtfully. “I am the same as always Christine, but you seem very much changed.”
“Yes, I suppose I am,” I speak wistfully and regret it as I see the worry in his eyes.
He leans forward and speaks to me desperately, “Christine, confide in me, please, tell me why you are so sad.”
I just can’t let this happen, this is far too personal. At times I hate those eyes that see so much, they see through me now as I try to lie.
“I don’t know what you are speaking of, I am perfectly happy! Do I not have everything I ever wanted?” I challenged him.
“Maybe you wanted the wrong things,” he said harshly, I could see his temper rising again but for once didn’t care.
Yes I was unhappy, yes I was starting to realise my mistake, and yes I realised I had missed Erik very much. But no, I was certainly not prepared to admit that to him, I didn’t want him to know that my mistake had left us both unhappy, I didn’t want his sacrifice for me to have been in vain.
“Well I think you are mistaken,” I said haughtily and instantly regretted it. I may have been a Vicomtess, an aristocrat, but I knew that in no real way was I superior to Erik, and he certainly had never displayed any respect for classes. I knew he was perfectly capable of addressing a beggar or a Queen in the same tone, charming or condescending depending on what he felt they deserved.
I saw his eyes narrow in anger, “You are an incompetent liar, Vicomtess,” he hissed. “Why would you lie to the man you once called Master?”
“You are not my master any longer, “ I rose to my feet and moved to the piano, I began to arrange music papers just to give my hands something to do, anything to distract from the argument, I had never really had an disagreement with Erik and it make me sick to my stomach.
“No, no I am not,” he agreed also standing to his feet. “The Vicomte is your Master now, and he certainly does seem to enjoy exerting his power over you doesn’t he? Christine, please tell me,” his tone softened, his anger seemed always to drain from him as quickly as his temper was roused. His hands gestured helplessly, “Is that it, is Raoul unkind to you, is he cruel?”
I felt my own temper rise now. It was anger at myself, for whilst it was true that my husband had his bad points, I did too, and the discontent in my marriage was my fault. My traitorous, malfunctioning body’s fault. But the anger saw a perfect target in Erik, to have him here only highlighted to me the fact that I was unhappy, it was rubbing the joys of what could have been in my face. “Oh you would love that wouldn’t you!”
At my harsh words and raised voice I watched his face change, he looked shocked, he stared at me as if he didn’t recognise me. I advanced on him slowly, aware that my angered cries were getting louder and louder. “I think that would be perfect for you Erik, exactly what you want: Raoul to be cruel, to make me miserable, to hurt me, beat me so that you could swoop in here and be my hero, show me that I chose the wrong man. Well I hate to disappoint you but my husband is a good man, a kind man. The better man, and I love him.” I finished spitefully.
I was now standing face to face with him. So close that if I wanted to I was sure I could count every one of his eyelashes. I could smell his cologne and the scent evoked such memories in me that I wanted to throw myself on him in tears. He was staring at me in utmost horror. I knew that most of what I had spoken was probably untrue, I had spoken in anger and although only seconds had passed I was already starting to regret it; but on his face I saw that even the thought of what I had accused him of was utterly repulsive to him. The shock and disgust faded from his face and the usually unreadable façade slipped back into place. Wordlessly he brushed past me, retrieved his cloak and hat and left the room.
Left me there alone.
For a few minutes I stood rooted in the same spot, entirely still. And then my legs would no longer support my body, my knees gave out and I crumpled to the floor in tears.
The sobs that wracked my body hurt me as I expelled them, my cries rising into a crescendo of painful wails. What had I done?
Kinda short chappie I know, but a fairly intense one I think, please please r and r!
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