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Polar Night	By : belladonnacullen Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Het > Het Views: 8234 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
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Reality hit with the slamming of the car door. It was just Bella and I, husband and wife, no limits, no restrictions, only promises to fulfill. She was mine to endanger and protect, all rolled into one. Her eyes darted up to meet mine for an instant before she blushed.

“I love you, Bella,” I said, as much to reassure myself as to reassure her.

“That’s why we’re here,” she smiled, repeating my words from earlier in the evening.

I leaned over to kiss the top of her head before starting the car and speeding away into the night. The rapid acceleration and the purr of the car’s engine soothed my sudden nerves. I concentrated on my breathing and the road in front of me. Bella’s hand reached for mine and I clasped it over the gearshift. I felt the warmth of her skin and the gentle pulse of blood over tiny, delicate bones. Her small hand belied the strength that had grown to characterize Bella in my eyes. I glanced at her quickly and she smiled shyly.

“I did it.” Her voice was barely a whisper, warm and tremulous. I couldn’t be sure if she was speaking to herself or me. Either way, it sent a shiver up my spine.

I peered back at Bella and her eyes caught mine.

“I married you,” she murmured in an awestruck voice. Her eyes glittered as she spoke and I felt a flutter in my chest.

“I know, I was there. I married you too,” I gently quipped.

Suddenly, visions of the forest at night assailed my brain. Something, someone animal-like, was straining to outrun those chasing him as he made his way toward the highway. In my mind, I heard loud panting and paws pounding the damp earth, sounds that faintly echoed in the distance. I gunned the engine and a baleful howl faded behind us.

Bella’s hand squeezed mine, but we both fell silent. When I glanced over again, she was looking out the window at the black night. Had she heard the wolf? I couldn’t bring myself to speak Jacob’s name.

“Regrets?” I asked instead.

“No!” Bella spun around to face me. Silence hung thick and loaded between us.

She shook her head a little and the atmosphere in the car gradually changed. “It’s funny. This… you and I together, feels very normal, very right, but so… so unbelievable.” Bella’s eyes quickly traveled the length of my body. I tingled in response. “You’re really… mine?”

I smiled broadly, uncontrollably. “How very possessive of you.” A voice danced through my brain of it’s own accord. She’ll make a good vampire someday. Possessiveness was a part of our nature. I worked to dispel the thought. She was still human, as long as she wanted to be.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized quickly. “Do you mind? I mean, you’re your own person, I wasn’t trying to…”

“Bella, I love it. I love hearing you say that I’m yours. I am, forever. I always was. And now, we’ve done it properly.” I intertwined my fingers with hers.

Bella smiled back and wriggled closer to me on her seat. I saw the mischievous glint that I’d grown to love light up her eyes.

“And that means that if I want to do this,” with her free hand she traced a warm finger from my knee to my hip, “I can.” She bit her bottom lip and her eyes looked up at me, questioning, checking to see how I would react.

“Yes,” I managed steadily. I savored the trail of fire her touch had burned across my thigh. I worked to concentrate on the road. It was amazing how hard that was; I wanted nothing more than to stop the car and take her, right then, right there.

“It seems too good to be true. I think I need you to pinch me to make sure that this is real.”

“No!”

“You’ve pinched me before,” she pouted.

I had, just last night. I looked over at Bella, and my eyes ran from her ankles to where her skirt met her thighs. Bella blushed and moved her eyes from my face to our intertwined hands.

“But I forgot about your request, until just now,” she said as the pink of her cheeks bled to her ears.

Right, my request. Somehow, it had been easier to be so cavalier when there were limits on what I would allow with our intimacy. Now that those restrictions were gone, I was actually grateful that Bella had forgotten my words from the night before.

“I’m afraid I need a little more time before you try to put that one into effect.”

“Are you still nervous, then?”

“Yes, more now that we’re alone. It’s more real, somehow. And you?”

“Like I’ve just been given the best present in the world and I don’t exactly know what to do with it.”

I chuckled a little. I shared her sentiment completely, but struggled to find the right response. I didn’t want to make a promise I might not be able to keep, but I didn’t want to come across too negatively. Instead, I chose to tactfully change the subject.

“I believe the wedding gift I was given was far superior. Bella, your gift was the only thing that could calm my nerves this morning… I don’t know --”

“Wait… Calm your nerves?”

“About the wedding...”

“Your nerves? About the wedding?” Her eyes were wide and incredulous, and I was reminded of the ridiculously idealistic view she had of me.

“It was nothing, ridiculous --”

“You sound like me, you know. I didn’t think you would be nervous about anything. You were nervous?”

“Yes,” I admitted.

“I like that.” She nodded, her smile self-satisfied, irresistible. “And you liked the gift?”

“I didn’t just like it. I can’t adequately explain how your writing honored and humbled me. How much joy it brought me. It’s something I’ll treasure for the rest of my existence. I know you cherish your ability to keep your thoughts hidden…”

“I needed you to know, Edward,” Bella quickly interrupted. “I’m supposed to be the person closest to you in the world. I can’t have you listening in on everyone’s thoughts, never knowing how I really feel.”

“You always give me things that are so precious, so invaluable. My wedding gift to you pales in comparison.”

“What? A gift? You didn’t have to...”

“As your husband, I reserve the right to lavish gifts on you. At any rate, I didn’t have to spend a thing.” I pulled the photograph from my jacket pocket.

Bella looked it over, her brow furrowed. “A house? A free house?”

“I found and purchased it in 1958, then had it restored years before you were born. So it hardly counts. The photo itself cost a few dollars to develop, of course.” I watched as Bella’s finger traced the peaked roof of the Victorian brownstone. “It’s not just any house, Bella. It’s the home I grew up in, in Chicago. I haven’t lived in it since I was human. I kept it for myself, and now, it’s ours. I hope, someday, you and I could live there for a time. Together.”

“Chicago?” she asked, without looking away from the photo.

Perhaps I’d hoped, assumed too much. “Would you mind Chicago?”

I watched a smile slowly brighten her face as she continued to stare at the picture and I tried to imagine Bella and I in the home, our home, together. I had no clear memories of the place. I could see bits of paintings hanging on the walls, the tin ceiling as I lay in the dark, the sun reflected through glass canisters lining the counter in the kitchen, my small hands practicing on piano keys as I stole looks out the large front window.

My heart swelled with the idea of bringing my wife there, to my family home. There were five bedrooms. Wistful feelings overtook my mind and I quickly dispelled them. It was a useless emotion, an empty desire. I might as well wish to be human.

I focused back on my wife. She was still smiling happily at the photo.

“A house, just for us? Our own home! When can I see it?” She looked up, turning that sweet, eager smile on me.

I smiled back at her, relieved. “It depends. It wouldn’t be prudent to install a newborn in the heart of a major city. But it’s stood for one hundred and twenty years, so it will be there when you’re ready.”

“Humph.” Bella crossed her arms in front of her.

“Bella, if you’re angling for immortality, two or three years is a small stretch, really.”

“I guess. So we’re not going to Chicago for our honeymoon, then?”

“No.”

“A hint?” she asked, her smile returning to her face. I tried to give Bella a stern look, but she fired back with her one sure-fire weapon, “Please?”

I shook my head, but relented. “Alice asked me to remind you to wear sunscreen.”

She nearly jumped in her seat. “Warm and sunny? Sunny? … How?”

A dull ache throbbed in my chest. Keeping her from the sun was only scraping the surface of the limits a life with me would put on her, or the limits she would endure for herself once she was turned. Things were easy in Forks. We’d blended in with the town. Did she want to go to Hawaii? Fiji? L.A.? What other sunny places was I keeping her from? Not to mention the sunlight itself.

“Edward, stop it.” I jumped at the sound of Bella’s voice. Sometimes I thought that she could hear my thoughts.

“Did you forget already? And here I didn’t think vampires forgot anything… Edward… I get to do this now.” Bella placed her fingertip on my knee again and traced it slowly upwards, letting it stray more toward my inner thigh than my hip this time.

“And so do you,” she continued in a low, husky voice that sent a thrill of anticipation through me. With that I let her pry my fingers from the gearshift and she placed my hand on her thigh. I felt goosebumps come to life underneath my hand, and her warm skin trembled with my touch.

“Much better than the sun,” she murmured, as she laid her head on my shoulder.

*

As we made our way toward the city, human thoughts began piercing through the quiet solitude of our drive. These voices grew louder as we circled around the maze of on and off ramps leading up to the airport. Human travelers were always so frantic and their thoughts clawed like crows at the edges of my mind. But as I looked over at Bella, I didn’t see a trace of panic. Instead, she smiled at me sleepily. I was so lucky that this human was mine.

I held Bella’s hand as I led her through the airport terminal. She’d insisted on pulling her own luggage, even though I was sure Alice had packed enough that it must have weighed as much as Bella herself.

We passed the international corridor and in a flash of memory I saw Bella and I as we returned from Volterra, less than six months ago. She had been asleep on her feet, she’d lost weight, there were dark circles under her eyes, and the ends of her hair were dry and frayed. I’d held her like a prayer, hoping that I could set right what I’d almost destroyed, but knowing it could never be the same.

Yet here we were again, in the same place, but now we were husband and wife. If I were able to sleep, I would have been certain the wedding had been a dream. I checked her ring finger just to be sure. Yes, her ring was still there; we were married. Bella caught me looking at her hand. Her eyes glittered.

“Can you believe it?”

“Actually, that’s why I was checking.”

“Maybe I need to pinch you.”

“Maybe later I’ll let you try.” I let go of Bella’s hand and wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her body closer to mine.

We piled onto the underground train that would bring us to our gate. It was crowded, even at this time of night. I leaned against the wall of the train, and wound my arms around Bella, resting my chin on the top of her head. Although we were packed tightly inside, the humans kept at least two feet between them and me, sneaking furtive glances in my direction. I listened to their fear and their wonder at the sight of me, I watched my skin glowing inhumanly under the fluorescent lights in their minds’ eye.

“That dude sure is creepy.”
“What’s with his skin?”
“What’s that babe doing with the scary guy? She’s so hot. The things I could do to her...”

Venom filled my throat and my eyes lit with fire as I scanned the crowd, ready to fight for my wife, searching out the… small chubby kid with saggy shorts, a studded belt and a dirty concert T? When my gaze locked on his, the boy looked nervously at the ground, sidled to the opposite end of the train and looked like he might cry.

I looked at the floor, embarrassed by the predatory effect I exerted on the humans around me. Is this what Bella wanted in a mate? Is this what she wanted for herself? As inconceivable as it was to me, I knew that the answer was yes. So I tried to stay positive, tried to stay docile, and to concentrate on the way her warm weight pressed against me, and the friction it caused as the train bumped along the tracks.

When it stopped, I focused on grabbing Bella’s luggage instead of the other humans around us.

“But…” she objected.

“I’m all for equality of the sexes, Bella. You’ll just have to be quicker next time.”

She huffed and crossed her arms before rolling her eyes in resignation. “You just wait, Edward. I’ll be as fast as you are someday.”

And as much as I wanted to preserve Bella’s human life, I knew that somewhere along the line I had begun to wait anxiously for that day too.

*

The first class cabin was nearly empty, just one other quiet couple near the rear. They smiled politely as I stowed our luggage.

“What a sweet young couple.”
“See the way he looks at her? So in love.”

Bella and I settled into our seats and I lifted the armrest that separated us. With Bella’s head on my lap and her legs tucked to her chest, her small body fit nicely on the padded leather. Bella wrapped her arms around my waist, burrowing her face into my shirt and inhaling deeply. She sighed.

“Edward, I think that was the best wedding ever.” Her voice was sleepy and content.

I smiled as I ran my hand through her hair. “I agree. But I think we may both be biased.”

“I didn’t realize how good it would feel to have everyone support us that way.”

“Thank you for indulging me,” I murmured as I buried my nose in her hair. I felt her arms tighten around my waist in response. Then Bella scooted up so that she was half-sitting in my lap.

“Kiss me?” Her eyes glittered, her arms wound around my neck.

I placed my lips gently against hers as I pushed her hair from her face. Bella fell into the kiss like she was falling into a sigh. She relaxed in my arms and let me support her. It was a kiss of surrender, and when it was over she nuzzled her head into the crook of my neck.

Bella’s mortal body’s needs began to assert themselves; her subconscious veiled her eyes as she slowly blinked and then faded, giving in peacefully, trusting that I would be there when her eyelids first fluttered as she woke. She was like a kitten lying in the nest of a hawk, but in these quiet moments, I was the one that would often purr with contentment. “Rest, my love,” I murmured in her ear, my lips brushing against her soft skin.

“Would you get me water when they come around?” she mumbled.

“Of course.”

I found a blanket folded between the seats and tucked it around Bella, brushing her bare legs as I did so. I removed her shoes and stowed them under the seat, then gently rubbed her soles and her calves through the blanket. She sighed, and then finally drifted fully to sleep.

As I watched my sleeping wife, my mind wandered back to the plane ride returning from Italy. Bella had been so worried I would leave her that she forced herself to stay awake the entire trip home. She’d been so hesitant to speak and to touch me. Now, to see her wound around my body, to see the complete trust that she placed in me, I was awed. I thought I’d lost this forever. Did she know how something so simple, sleeping in my arms, could bring me such peace? Something that I’d never quite found in a century on the earth.

I gingerly ran my fingertips through Bella’s silken brown hair, thoughtlessly counting the strands. I felt the rise and fall of her chest, the way her head grew warm as she fell more soundly into sleep. How much longer would she feel this way in my arms? How many more nights would I watch her dozing? Thirty more? Less than that? I listened to the soft patter of Bella’s heart. It was as if it was counting down the beats of her life.

But while I longed to preserve her humanity, a new realization was tugging at the edges of my firmly-entrenched belief system. I had no doubt that Bella and I were destined for each other. If I weren’t what I was, vampire, I would never have found her.

Perhaps I was always destined to end her life, just not in the way I thought. Could I take her life and save us both in the process? Or did damnation just pale in comparison to having Bella by my side forever? Maybe the universe worked in a way I didn’t fully understand, in a way that fell outside of my strict ideas about right and wrong.

No matter the answer, I’d finally accepted Bella’s eventual immortality. And in ways that I didn’t want to admit, I’d begun to wait for it expectantly. To run with her by my side, no longer limited by her mortal body; for her to see the world through eyes like mine, sharp and vivid and strong. How I longed to kiss her like she deserved, our teeth clattering against each other’s, my tongue pushed deep into her mouth, passionate and unrestrained. How I longed to nip at the spot behind her ear like I’d seen others do. A vampire’s teeth were one of the most sensitive parts of our body, yet mine had never touched Bella, and as long as she was human, they never would.

Teeth. My mind jumped to the reception and Tanya’s words of advice echoed in my mind. She’d ended on teeth,

“If she is to live to see another day as a human, always remember your teeth. Thoughts will fall away, one by one, your mind will narrow, your instincts will take over, to mark her and make her yours. Let your last thought be of your teeth. If not, she is lost.”

My last thought. I’d had nothing but thoughts for the past eighty-eight years. There had been no reprieve from the punishment of my mind. But from all I ‘d heard from Carlisle, my brothers, and now Tanya, I didn’t think I could give in and allow myself that reprieve, yet. I couldn’t trust myself to go without thought. As much as I hungered for that release, it was another thing I would wait for. Eagerly. I indulged myself with those forbidden thoughts until we arrived in Houston, the first rays of dawn breaking over the horizon.

I lowered the window shade and nudged Bella gently awake.

“A couple more minutes?” she mumbled.

“Bella, love, its time. The plane’s landed.”

“We’re here!” She jumped from my lap and reached for the window, but I held it shut. She realized her mistake and quickly drew her hand away.

“Sorry,” she gasped.

“Don’t apologize.”

Even so, she touched my hand, to try to make it better. “Where are we?”

“Just in Houston. The first stop.”

“Oh, I forgot… and the next is?”

“You’ll see.”

Bella gritted her teeth, narrowed her eyes and tried to look menacing. “All this secrecy on an empty stomach is liable to make your new wife very angry.” The combination of her hilarious attempt to instill fear in a vampire and her use of the word wife pushed my desire to the surface.

I tangled my hand in her messy hair and pulled her head to mine. “Kiss me?”

She placed her hand over her mouth. “Human m…” Of course she would be worried about her breath.

“Sshh,” I interrupted., gently pulling her hand away from her mouth, running one finger over the curve of her lush bottom lip. “I plan to wake at your side every morning from here to eternity. I can’t have you running away from me every time you wake and I want you. I love your scent, every scent. Kiss me.”

Bella’s eyes at first went wide, then her lids fell and her eyes glowed at me through her heavy lashes. Her hands dropped to her side. I stroked her cheek, red and patterned with the texture of the airplane blanket, and then very gently brought my lips to hers. I felt Bella’s heart begin to hammer against my chest. I loved that I could make her feel this way. I would try to make it happen as often as I could while she was still human. I hoped for a long honeymoon.

*

We had to walk quickly to make our connecting flight. Bella was still sleepy and I resisted the ridiculous urge to carry her through the terminal to get there on time.

“Rio de Janeiro?” Bella asked. I heard an edge of alarm in her voice. I’d never understand the things she feared and those she didn’t. Myself, for one; Jacob, for another. With us, she didn’t flinch. But for some unfathomable reason a flight to one of the most beautiful tourist destinations in South America instilled deep-seated fear. I grinned at Bella; her reactions were always a mystery to me.

“Another stop,” I said by way of comfort.

Bella sighed.

We were alone in first class, this time. The thoughts of the passengers in coach were only a distant hum. After some fruit and a croissant, Bella crawled into my arms again, and promptly fell asleep again. I rested my cheek on her head and closed my eyes to better hear her breathing and her heartbeat, to concentrate on the warm weight of her in my arms, to feel the way her scent coated my dry throat. I stayed vampire still and let time slip over and around Bella and me, freeing my mind to wander where it wanted.

I thought about what I’d learned of Bella in the last month, what I’d learned about myself. Was it enough to do this safely? Carlisle thought so, and he was on his way to Rio just in case. Alice said Bella would be safe, and her gifts to me, her visions, flashed through my brain, simultaneously easing my mind and setting my body on fire. My own fantasy played through my mind: Bella on the shore, warm waves surging around us, and I heard Tanya’s advice about my hands, my teeth, my…

I took a deep breath to calm the burning in my body, and another to ease my mind. I settled into the rhythm of Bella’s human heart, breathing in time to its patter.

But then Jasper’s words hit me like a battering ram. “The first time you have sex is always significant, for vampires and humans. But it’s much more intense for a vampire. And when you’ve found your mate, there’s nothing else like it. There’s a force, like an energy that’s generated. It just blows you away. Then afterwards, you’re changed.”

This would be more intense than anything I’d felt with Bella so far. And again, my body began to long for it, ache for it, at the same time my mind shrank away in fear from that kind of an uncontrolled release. I saw Jacob’s nightmarish visions; they were so similar to my own, and suddenly I didn’t know which were his and which were mine anymore. With Bella pressed against me I was burning and aching and suddenly scared. Really scared.

The pressure in the cabin changed as we began our descent to Rio de Janeiro, and Bella stirred next to me. She yawned and I watched consciousness bleed into her sleepy eyes, I watched her body become animate with her awareness. I waited breathlessly for her body’s reaction to my presence. It was always thrilling to me. As she blinked up at me, her heart gave a few fitful beats and her breath was suspended in her throat. And then she smiled, a look so serene, love lighting her eyes and pinking her cheeks. I wouldn’t let her see what a mess I was inside.

“We’re almost there now, love,” I whispered in her ear.

I saw nervous excitement dance in Bella’s eyes and she looked out the window. The colorful lights of Rio glittered beneath us, surrounded by Guanabara Bay and a vast black expanse of ocean. I gazed out at the Atlantic, and spotted a tiny speck of land out in the middle of water, far beyond the lights of the city.

“It’s just the next stop, though?”

“Yes. One more leg to go after this.”

Bella was completely awake by the time we stepped out into the humid night. The city’s heady scents hung in the air and traffic congested the streets. Bella tightened her grip on my hand. I looked down at her, and she was staring straight ahead with a determined look in her eyes that I knew so well. She was trying to act confident. I had such a brave wife, and she was such a bad liar.

I hailed a cab and directed the driver to the docks in flawless Portuguese.

"Conhece o trecho localizado a Norte do porto da Praça Mauá?"

"Claro, a Avenida Perimetral?"

"Sim, obrigado"

I’d hoped my confidence would reassure Bella, but she seemed stunned by my speech and backed into the corner of the seat.

"Desculpe, você tem um sotaque perfeito. É português?"

"Não...Eu estudei, um pouco a língua, há muitos anos atrás"

Bella’s eyes went wide with our easy repartee. Her heart was suddenly hammering in her chest. I glanced between her and the cab driver and Bella forced a smile in my direction. Her hands fidgeted nervously with the strings on her hoodie and her breathing was erratic. Was she frightened that I spoke Portuguese? Once again our differences had been called into sharp contrast, and I silently cursed myself. The she jumped a little, as if something stung her; she began sifting through her bag and finally pulled out her cell phone, her brow wrinkled.

Thankfully, the tension in the back seat suddenly evaporated and Bella giggled. “Look,” she held out her phone to me. It was a text from Alice.

“Breathe.”

“Sound advice for a human,” I quipped.

Bella rolled her eyes at me. “I’m not sure if it’s more helpful or annoying yet, having a sister that knows everything.”

“Welcome to my world,” I grinned as I turned on my own cell. It buzzed to let me know that I had a message as well. It was a text, from Jasper. Bella glanced over my shoulder.

“Just do it.”

“Ha, ha!” Bella laughed out loud. “Sound advice for a vampire,” she whispered into my ear, chuckling. Finally, she seemed at ease.

*

“Uma gorgeta de 50 reais! Ele deve ser um mafioso. Ele vai levá-la para ali para a matar?  Vou já sair daqui."

I couldn’t help smiling a bit at the cab driver’s thoughts. In his eyes he was speeding away from a dangerous mobster, if he only knew the truth. His thoughts quickly faded into the background hum of mental noise from the city. Carlisle’s yacht was in the slip just as I’d seen it in his mind. I held Bella a little closer and longer than necessary as I helped her into the boat. She looked around nervously.

“I’m an excellent driver, Bella. Don’t worry.”

“Right.” She wasn’t convinced.

The sleek craft was built for speed, which served two purposes nicely. It would speed Bella and I to the island quickly, and it would calm my nerves at the same time. While I was anxious for this journey to be over, I was just as frightened for the honeymoon to begin.

As we made our way out of the bay, the hum of human thoughts faded into silence. There was no sound but the motor and the waves crashing against the prow. I was completely alone with Bella. There was nothing keeping us apart except for our clothing and my fear.

I concentrated and tried to make my brain focus to quell my fear. I ticked through a list: how much pressure I could use to hold her, where she liked to be touched, what I could safely trust my mouth to do, what I could safely trust myself to let Bella do. I tried to keep it clinical, unemotional. The warm, damp wind whipped through my hair, pulling at its roots as I steered out of the bay and into the ocean. It nearly calmed my mind.

“Are we going much farther?” Bella’s small voice rose over the noise of the engine.

“About another half hour,” I replied as I turned to look at her. She was clearly terrified, her knuckles white as she clutched her seat. I couldn’t help but smile. She’d never get used of my fast driving, whether in a car or a boat.

“It’s okay, Bella, really.” I motioned for her to join me at the helm, but she shook her head emphatically. I rolled my eyes and turned back to the bow. I could just make out the outline of the island on the horizon. I waited a few minutes before pointing it out to Bella so that her human eyes would be able to see it.

Isle Esme had been an anniversary gift from Carlisle. He found it when we were visiting in Brazil in the early seventies. Esme loved the beach. We had a small cottage on Fire Island in New York, but for reasons Carlisle, Esme and I didn’t like to mention, we didn’t return often. (See The Newborn for details.) In honor of their fiftieth anniversary, Carlisle presented Esme with not only a beach house, but also the beach itself. They’d returned every year since.

“Bella, look there.”

I saw her eyes straining in the darkness. “Where are we?”

“This is Isle Esme.”

“Isle Esme?”

*

As soon as the boat was docked and my hands were free, I gathered Bella up into my arms, holding her close, running my nose along her neck as I made my way toward the house. My entire body was alight with anticipation and I needed her weight to moor me to the earth.

“Aren’t you supposed to wait for the threshold?” she asked.

“I’m nothing if not thorough,” I murmured, “and blessed, awestruck, suddenly frightened, hopelessly in love, and dying to take you for my own,” I added silently.

The docks led to a sandy path, and then to Carlisle and Esme’s home. Bella’s heart began pounding; her breath was stuck in her throat. I peered at her face, held against my chest, trying to discern what had caused this reaction. Was she as excited as I was? Was she afraid? She purposefully looked away.

My feet continued along the path, and with each step Bella’s heart rate accelerated.
Her heart was pounding visibly through her tank top by the time we reached the front door. I turned her face to look at mine. “Bella.” She looked up at me, her eyes huge and dark, and I saw the fear she could no longer mask. “My love, my wife, do you remember your own words to me? You told me to think of everything we’ve been through. That we can defy these odds as well.”

Bella’s eyes glittered, suddenly damp. “I remember.”

“Do you still believe that? I’m here for you, to do what you want. Is this what you want?”

“Yes,” she said quietly.

“Then take a deep breath and let me take you over this threshold properly, Mrs. Cullen.” I bent my head to hers and our lips swept across each other’s as we made our way as man and wife into the house.

I quietly showed her around, turning on the lights so she would be able to see, holding her close the entire time.

I saved the master suite for last, hesitating in the doorway after I turned on the light. The night was completely silent, just the sound of Bella’s heart and her breath, and the waves crashing against the shore. There were no more excuses, no restrictions, nothing between us but a few layers of clothing. There was no reason not to lay her on the bed, and slowly remove that last barrier. There was no reason not to lie naked with one another and feel her warmth bleed into my cold skin. Jasper’s words echoed in my mind. Bella was my mate. I would give her everything she wanted and I would protect her, even from myself.

I reached out for her sweatshirt. The room was very warm; I could take it off, go from there. But suddenly, I couldn’t, and I pulled my hand away. Bella’s heart was accelerating again, and it mirrored my emotions completely. I wished I had a human outlet for my nerves as I watched Bella walk slowly towards the king sized bed, situated on a raised platform, overlooking a wall of windows. A stage. Suddenly I had stage fright.

“I’ll… go get the luggage.”

I felt small and weak retreating to the front of the house, but I didn’t want Bella to see the terror I was sure was showing in my eyes. I needed to steel myself to continue. I could do this. Just not on that stage, not yet. I listened to the waves crashing against the shore. The water. It hadn’t been part of my plan. God, did I have a plan? Well yes, to lay her on the bed and slowly pull of her clothing.

But then I knew that my plan had a flaw. If I knew anything about Bella, I knew she’d want to shower, wash her hair, and brush her teeth. Fine then, I’d calm my nerves with a swim while she showered. Should I wait for her on the bed? On top of the sheets? Below? Clothed? Boxers?

No, I’d wait in the water. It would be easier. My mind flashed back to our afternoon in the hot spring. It was the inspiration for this honeymoon. Alice’s vision stirred in my brain; I was waiting in moonlit water. I hadn’t realized it was tonight, but now it seemed so obvious. Her vision gave me courage; I’d made the right decision. I rearranged my facial features to exude calm confidence, and I let myself feel just an edge of the desire that was carefully contained within myself, then I took a deep breath and walked back into the house.

Bella hadn’t moved in two and a half minutes I’d been gone. She was facing the bed, her heart hammering away. Beads of sweat glistened along her hairline. After last night I’d called ahead to ask the caretaker, Gustavo, to turn the heat up by another two degrees. Just to make sure. Maybe it was too warm? I ran my finger along Bella’s neck, wiping away the moisture, and then licked it from my finger. God, she was delicious, salty and sweet.

“It’s hot in here. I thought…”

“Yes, I know. Thorough.” Bella said, finally turning toward me. She placed her hands on my hips. “See? You remembered. And you were worried.”

I managed to smile. This was only the first piece of the puzzle to remember, the easiest by far. My skin trembled, my limbs trembled. I pulled away from Bella just slightly, hoping she wouldn’t be able to tell.

“I was wondering if… first… you’d like to take a midnight swim with me? The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of.”

“Sounds nice.”

“I’m sure you’d like a human minute or two… it was a long journey.”

“Yes, I guess I would.” Her eyes searched out the door to the bathroom.

I pulled her closer and felt the tips of her breasts rub against my chest. I slowly unzipped her hoodie and slipped it off her shoulders as I brought my lips to hers. My lips slid down her neck as the sweatshirt slid off her arms. I traced the line of her neck, brushing my lips and my tongue along her shoulder, slowly pushing the strap of the tank top out of the way. I rubbed my cheek against her bare skin.

That’s when I noticed we were both holding our breath. I chuckled. Perhaps we both needed this time to calm our nerves.

“Don’t take too long, Mrs. Cullen,” I whispered in her ear. I made sure my eyes met hers and I squeezed her hand. Bella’s eyes were bright and her smile was forced, nervous. “I’ll wait for you in the water,” I assured her, holding both her hands in mine. I brought her hand to my lips, brushing my mouth against her skin.

“Mm hmm,” she managed.

I took one last look at my wife, flushed and frightened, beautiful, mine. I was doing this for her. She was my mate. I would give her everything she wanted, and I would keep her safe. Don’t worry Bella. I’ll keep you safe, even from myself.
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Polar Night