Because You Live | By : CullenGirl09 Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Het > Het Views: 4111 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story. |
Chapter 4
WHAT...THE...FUCK...DID....I...JUST....DO...
I had been blissfull until a moment ago. For the first time in almost 2 months I hadn't had a nightmare. Then the harsh light of day hit me. What the fuck did I do last night? I woke up and realized I was naked, and I panicked. Then I looked up into a pair of golden eyes, but they didn't belong to my Edward...they belonged to...
"Carlisle?" I gasped. He reached for me, his expression confused.
"Bella, what is it, another nightmare?"
I flinched away from him.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry!" I cried out, reaching for my clothes.
"Bella? I don't...I don't understand."
"Carlisle, I can't do this, I'm sorry."
"Do what?"
"THIS. We can't be together, it's too soon, I'm sorry, I need to get out of here."
"Bella, please, talk to me."
"Carlisle, I shouldn't have asked you to stay last night, I need to work this out on my own. I took advantage of the situation, and I'm sorry. You loved Esme, I loved Edward, and you were like a father to him, so in turn that makes you like a father to me."
"Bella, we were both hurting. If anything I should be the one apologizing. You asked me to make love to you, so if anything I should have left last night. I'm not sorry it happened, it's just that maybe we should have waited. But I don't regret it, if anything I'm glad it happened. Your first time is not something to take lightly. Thank you for choosing me to be your first time."
The tears were starting to spill over, and I needed to get out of there.
I hadn't gotten barely out of the driveway when the door was wrenched open and I saw Alice.
"You're wrong you know," she said.
"About what?"
"Jasper and I were outside listening, and Jasper could feel your emotions, you think that you're worthless and you don't deserve to be happy, but you're wrong."
"What have you seen Alice?"
"You do become one of us, and Carlisle is the one who changes you, but I saw a wedding ring on your finger."
"You mean I end up marrying Carlisle?"
"My visions are subjective, remember? I also saw Edward killing you that first day in Biology, but here you are. I also saw James kill you, and that didn't happen. I then saw you and Edward getting married and him changing you on the honeymoon. So my visions aren't always certain, the future can always change."
"Why didn't you see Edward and Esme getting killed?"
"Because of the wolves. All I know is their futures suddenly disappeared but I didn't know why. It all happened too fast for me to even warn anyone, our only concern was protecting you."
She continued talking as I drove. I didn't have a destination in mind, I just needed to get away for a while.
"Bella, tell me something, do you love Carlisle?"
"I don't know anymore. I was hurting last night and I didn't think."
"Well Jasper could sense Carlisle's emotions last night and he clearly loves you."
"I thought vampires mate for life."
"We do, but when our mate dies we're more than capable of finding another. Abstaining from human blood allows us the ability to love freely. Nomads who wander around killing humans only have one thing on their mind if their mate is taken from them: revenge. Once they get their revenge they do something to piss the Volturi off, but seeing as how we're more civilized we don't feel the need to provoke the Volturi. Remember when Edward thought you were dead?"
I nodded glumly. I would never forget that time, racing to Italy to try to save him, all because of my stupid reckless behavior.
"The only reason why Edward didn't seek revenge was because you jumped on your own, if Victoria or another vampire would have killed you or tried to kill you, he would have hunted them down and killed them in a flash and then would have gone to Volturi."
"But didn't Carlisle feel the need for revenge as well?"
"Unlike the rest of us, Carlisle is a peacekeeper. He hates destroying creatures like us, but sometimes you have no choice. If Emmett and Jasper wouldn't have stepped in, I'm sure Carlisle would have killed the newborn that took Esme. Carlisle is the most patient tempered vampire I know of, I can only guess because of his abstaining from human blood for the past three centuries has made him what he is today."
"Why are you telling me all this?"
"Because I know you and Carlisle could make it work. We all love you and want you to be happy."
"But I'm younger than you, how can it ever work out? You actually want me to take Esme's place in your family, be your MOM?"
"Of course not, silly, no one can replace Esme in our eyes, but we do want Carlisle to be happy, and he's obviously happy with you."
"I just think it's a little too soon, it hasn't even been two months. Oh god, do you know what today is?"
"Saturday?"
"It's August 13th, today would have been my wedding day. Oh my god, I'm a terrible person. I made love to Edward's father the night before I would have married him." I was in hysterics now, and I didn't realize I had stopped the car until I felt Alice shaking me.
"Bella, Bella, Bella, calm down."
"But you spent all that money on a dress, and everything else."
"That dress will sit in my closet until you're ready to use it."
"Thank you, Alice, for everything."
"You're welcome. Now come back home with us, you and Carlisle need to talk."
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