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Find Myself In You	By : SensationalK Category: A through F > Black Dagger Brotherhood Views: 3874 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own, the Black Dagger Brotherhood Series, all rights go to the Warden. I do not make any money from it.

Chapter List
- 3
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- 5
Still no reviews, but rates!!! Yeah I can take what I can get!!!

Sorry for the delay but I’ve been in the hospital for the past few weeks. And now I got an open wound that they won’t close!!! Wahhh…People it’s not a pretty sight or smell….Yuck!

As a thank you for waiting, I’ll be posting two chapters!!! Second one is holding my first hentai lemon in a few years!!!

SensationalK

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John opened the door of his adoptive Father’s apartment quietly; he had an extra key that he hadn’t told the others about. He had taken the thing when Tohrment had gone off the deeps side when Wellesandra had been killed while still carrying his little brother. He found Tohr sitting the ugly green lazy boy that Wellsie had tried but failed to throw out. It looked like he hadn’t shaven in days, and a glass of whiskey was in his hands as he stared into the TV screen.

John whistled, and Tohrment moved his head and looked at John of the corner of his eyes.

‘Hi’ John signed, “What’s up, son?” Tohrment sighed out nodding his head to John.

‘I wanted to ask if you want to go out and get something to eat?’ he signed.

Tohrment shook his head, “I just want to rest here. Don’t feel like heading out right now,” Tohrment asked, and it was John’s turn to sigh and roll his eyes. He moved quickly, shutting off the TV and placing his massive body on the coffee table.

‘It’s not your fault’ John sighed, Tohrment made a look of disgusted.

“But I could have prevent it,” he answered, downing the last of his drink, the liquid burning down his throat until it hit stomach with a hard punch.

‘No, you couldn’t, Dad. No one would have ever thought what was happening on the other side of that wall. Hell, if you think like that, we all are to blame. Rhage, V and Butch could have heard her screams, Hell, Blay was out the balcony smoking, and he could have done something if he had heard noises.’ John was signing enthusiastically, trying to get his point across.

Tohrment knew that John was right, but he still felt horrible. The image of Janelle on her bed had burned into his memory. No one deserved that especially Janelle who lit up the damn world with a smile. He hadn’t slept right in weeks; every night he was plagued with the same dream. That he had heard what was happening and he tried with all of his might to get in the apartment, but couldn’t.

John kneeled on the floor in front of him; Tohrment automatically leaned over and put his head on his son’s shoulder for a moment. The man put his arms around Tohr, his big huge arm wrapping around him as he took a moment to collect himself. He blessed the day that God brought John into his life. Even though by blood John was Darius’s son, Tohrment felt like John was his own. Darius had entrusted Tohrment to his only living son, knowing that his old heart wasn’t strong enough to make it more than a few years.

John pulled back and looked Tohrment, ‘Come on, I’ll treat you to a brunch,’ he signed.

Tohrment sighed, and nodded, “Let me at least shower, and shave” he rubbed his face, feeling the beard that formed over the past of month. He moved to the bathroom; he showered, shaved and dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater. They left the building and headed out to Olive Garden to pack their stomachs full.

As they made it back to John’s SUV, John started the engine and pulled out the parking lot instead of heading to the Commodore, he headed toward downtown. Tohrment recognized the Hospital that Jane and Manny worked at.

‘Before you say something, we’ve all been by to see here. Dad, I think it’s time that you stopped by and said Hello’ John signed towards him. Tohrment looked at the big building and sighed; he had no other choice now that John had gotten him here he knew that his son wouldn’t budge until he stopped by.

John was shoulder to shoulder with him as they walked into the building and headed up to the fourth floor. Tohrment was happy that it hadn’t been the ICU; he hadn’t wanted to see another hospital since he lost his wife and their unborn son. He followed John the down the hall, stopped as he knocked on the door and then entered, Tohrment still following him. Tohr shivered at the sounds and smell of the hospital room, the sterile smell and electronic beeping.

He found himself looking at petite woman. She looked beautiful for an aging woman; luscious blond hair pulled into a ponytail, bright sea green eyes hidden behind a pair of reading glasses and tanned skin. Her face had few wrinkles that came with age; she was dressed in pair of slacks and a blouse. She was reading to Janelle, her English had accent to it, Tohrment assumed that it was German.

She looked up and over her reading glasses and smiled, “Hi there, John,” John nodded to her and turned around and signed slowly.

Janelle’s Mother looked through her glasses again and nodding, ‘This is my Father, Tohrment’ he signed.

“Hello Tohrment, I’m Anastasia, but Anna is just fine’ Janelle’s Mother made a move to get up.

“Please, stay sitting” Tohrment moved quickly, and took the woman’s warm hand and shook it.

“No, I need to get up. I’ve been reading for hours now, I need a little break. John, would like to help this old lady down to the cafeteria” she asked John. John nodded and stuck his elbow out that Anna hooked herself into. “We’ll be back in a minute, Tohrment. Just keep talking to her, it’s the best way to talk to coma patients it helps them come back” Anna spoke as John and her walked out of the room closing the door behind them.

Tohrment looked at the sleeping beauty in the bed; someone had defiantly cleaned her up. But her face was still deeply bruised, her left eye still slightly swollen, her lip was split and there were stitches that ran across right her cheek. Tohrment knew under those pyjamas and blanket were more wounds to show. He sat in the chair that Janelle’s mother had been sitting it. He didn’t know what to say. He saw the book that her Mother had been reading and picked it up it, it was a thick book that held of the Brother Grimm stories in it.
He went to the page that Anna had stopped and started at the top, “That evening the dwarfs returned home from the mines. Snow-White was lying on the floor, and she was dead. They loosened her laces and looked in her hair for something poisonous, but nothing helped. They could not bring her back to life. They laid her on a bier, and all seven sat next to her and cried and cried for three days. They were going to bury her, but they saw that she remained fresh. She did not look at all like a dead person, and she still had beautiful red cheeks. They had a glass coffin made for her, and laid her inside, so that she could be seen easily. They wrote her name and her ancestry on it in gold letters, and one of them always stayed at home and kept watch over her.
Snow-White lay there in the coffin a long, long time, and she did not decay. She was still as white as snow and as red as blood, and if she had been able to open her eyes, they still would have been as black as ebony wood. She lay there as if she were asleep. “
Tohrment paused to look at Janelle, he chuckled to himself, and right now she was the living story of Snow White. His mind wonder for a moment, he got up and took a close look at the lovely woman on the bed. His hand stroked her soft thick dark brown waves, then he fingered her soft cheek, and then her full lips, even though cut up still so beautiful. Okay, Tohrment could not deny himself that the first time he had seen his neighbour he had found her slightly attractive, but the wound that Wellsie left him behind was and still is fresh. It had been the first day that she had came to the apartment building to see the apartment. Vin had been by her side, trying so hard to convince to take the apartment telling her that it would be safer, Tohrment snorted.
Janelle had been in a pair of jeans which hugged her waist and thighs; she also had her back towards him, so he could see all of that delicious behind, and it made him swallow, twice. Vin had looked over Janelle’s shoulder and waved at him, Janelle had turned around and smiled slightly at him. He had been stunned to see light brown eyes mixed with green; he had ever seen them before in an African-American. Her lips were full, pink and so luscious, Tohrment looked Janelle now, and yes even now she was beautiful.
Maybe just this once, too see if fairytales were real.
Tohrment leaned down and kissed Janelle, softly not wanting to aggravate the cut on her lip. Tohrment pulled away now ashamed for what he had done taking advantage of Janelle while she laid there in a coma.
“One day a young prince came to the dwarfs' house and wanted shelter for the night. When he came into their parlour and saw Snow-White lying there in a glass coffin, illuminated so beautifully by seven little candles, he could not get enough of her beauty.” Janelle roughly whispered. Tohrment eyes shot back up to see hazel eyes looking at him intently.
“Janelle” Tohrment moved to call the nurse, but Janelle grabbed his hand shaking her and head, “Not right now, “ her voice was rough, from not used and over usage.
“How long have been awake?” he asked moving to sit on her bed.
Janelle smiled, “This afternoon when my Mother finished Rumpelstiltskin, but I fell asleep again soon after I woke up. I woke up again when you and John came in” she smiled at him, her eyes low and sleepy.
Tohrment blushed, Jesus, she knew that he had kissed her while thinking that she still had been in a coma. “It seems that it took a kiss from my prince to get me fully awake” she teased him.
Before Tohrment could respond, the door swung open with John and Anna. Janelle’s Mother stopped at the slight was seeing her daughter’s eyes open.
“My Baby!” she ran to the bed after giving John her coffee. “My beautiful little girl” she kissed her daughter’s face. “Mama” Janelle sighed, her hand coming up to holding the face of the woman that was crying heavily now.
___
“Will you take it easy?” Anna scolded her daughter; Janelle looked at her Mother and rolled her eyes.
“Mama, I can go to the bathroom alone. I’m not going to keel over from a little walk to the bathroom. I need to move my legs, they are starting to fall asleep and you know how I hate that tingly feeling,” she headed towards her room to use her master bathroom.
Anna sighed something was wrong with her child; ever since Janelle was an infant she showed her emotions. Her little girl was a woman that wore her heart on her sleeve; her eyes wild and bright with life, but Janelle was closed, locked up tight.
She heard what Lash had done to her baby. Anna had talked to Jane; Janelle had been tortured, whipped, beaten and raped by that son of a bitch. She has been for the last past week waiting for Janelle to breakdown, start screaming, something, just something to let her know that Janelle hasn’t lost herself.
She smiled, but it was fake. She laughed, but it sounded forced. She greeted everyone with a cheery voice, but it wasn’t real. Anna leaned her back against the couch and sighed as she sipped her coffee. She couldn’t take this much more, her baby was a hurting but she wouldn’t show it. She was trying to be strong, but something like that couldn’t be stuffed into a corner.
Anna knew about the nightmares she might be sleeping at Tohrment’s apartment, but she could sense her baby’s torment, she felt in her bones. Just like she had with all of her children, even now she knew that her sons were angry, angry that they couldn’t protect their big sister. Especially Luke; Luke had taken it harder than all of her sons. It didn’t seem all surprising to her. She had worked a lot after Luke had been born Janelle had took over the Mother roll for her brothers, but more for Luke who was just a little infant at the time.
There was a knock on the door, Anna got up from the couch and moved to the door. Checking who it was, she opened the door with a small smile. Tohrment walked in carrying a bundle of flowers and a bag of Chinese food.
“Where’s Janelle?” he asked realizing there was spot missing on the couch.
“In the bathroom” Anna answered, grabbing the food from Tohrment’s hands and walked toward the open kitchen.
Anna smiled as she watched the lovely man remove the flowers from the living table to be replaced with new ones he had in his hands. Since Janelle has been released from the hospital two weeks ago, he had stopped every day either bring flowers, food or, like now, both. Anna watched Tohrment move around the kitchen, he opened up a cupboard and reached in to get the glasses and she flushed, Mighty God, if she wasn’t married and twenty years younger, Tohrment would have to fight for his virtue.
She would love to see her little girl together with this man. Finally after all her of sleazy boyfriends that she had brought home, Tohrment would be one to treat her baby right. Anna had seen how his brothers treated their wives, and dear God, she prayed everyday that Janelle would not let this man disappear from her life, she need to take him, hold him hard. They both need comfort right now, Janelle for her trauma and Tohrment from his past pain.
Anna turned her head as Janelle remerged from the bedroom, and smiled at Tohrment. Only Tohrment can make her baby light up like a sky rocket right now.
“Is that Chinese I smell?” Janelle used her crutches to limp towards them.
“You sit down, I’ll bring your plate” Anna held her hand up towards her daughter and flicked it towards the couch.
Janelle sighed and moved to the couch, sitting down, sighing and wincing in pain. She leaned against the sofa and let her head fall back. She smiled gratefully as Tohrment came towards her with a glass of Coke and her plate of food before returning making his plate and coming back with her Mother.
As they ate, Janelle let her Mother and Tohrment talk to each other. Lately she hadn’t been in the mood to talk much. She was tired most the time so she slept through most the conversation and when she was awake she was lost in her own world or watching TV. She listened to her Mother talk through; she did notice how she talked about her Father and Luke with bright eyes. Janelle knew, her Mother was missing her Father, he may stop by everyday but her Mother was sleeping in Tohrment’s extra room she missed sleeping beside her husband being able to hold him.
“Mama, you miss Daddy don’t you?” Janelle asked quietly. Her Mother looked stunned for a moment, but she nodded. “I think it’s about time that you went back home. Daddy had that look in his eyes this afternoon, he misses you too” she winked teasingly at her Mother.
“What about you, sweetheart? I want to be here for you,” Anna murmured, taking her daughters hand kissing her knuckles.
Janelle shook her head, “I’m pretty much healed, Mama. I can get around the house alone, Tohr and his family has been stopping by everyday so I won’t be alone. You miss Daddy, Mama, and I know that Luke and Wayne miss you too. You need to get home to those men of yours.” she kissed her Mother’s cheek.
Anna was about to protest but Janelle shook her head, “I’m fine. Go home to Daddy tonight.”
Her Mother hasn’t left her side since the first day in the hospital. Now two weeks after her release, her Mother didn’t need to be around anymore. Anna sighed, Janelle had the same resolve face that her Father held when he was determined to get his way, she knew that it was no way to change her mind.
“I’ll leave when it gets dark” she shook her head, and Janelle smiled at her Mother.
Tohrment watched the two not really sure about Janelle’s decision. It had eased his mind knowing that Janelle hadn’t been alone because just her Mother, but he was damn sure that Janelle was hiding her emotions. That someone needed to be there when she broke, Mary had talked to him and Rhage about seeing patients like this before they did something stupid like go on a rampage or even worse, commit suicide. Tohrment was determined that Janelle needed to talk to Mary about her feelings, but she shot down every attempt telling him that she was okay when it was so clear that she wasn’t.
After they finished eating Anna went to Tohrment’s apartment to pack her things. She left a list of numbers to Tohrment before leaving. Janelle had gone to bed, her meds knocking her out most of the time.
“Tohrment walk me to the elevator will you” Anna said standing at the door. Tohrment turned around from putting the dishes away and went towards the older woman.
“Tohrment, Janelle is my baby; will you take care of her when I’m gone? I trust you with my Sunshine. She’s needs a lot of love right now, can you give her that?” Anna asked him, Tohrment blinked and stood still. “Call it a woman’s intuition but I can see it clearly that you’re loving my daughter… hard. I that’s why I can’t stop myself from being so damn happy when you stop by because I see Janelle’s eyes light up when you come over. She might not just yet realize it but my little angel is so deep in love with you,” Anna leaned over to call up the elevator by pressing the button.
She turned around to see Tohrment’s stunned face, “You need each other right now, and Janelle’s needs your love and shoulder right now the most because I know now that she didn’t want to break down when I’m around because I’m damn sure that I would have broke down with her. And you, sweetheart, you need to let love in your life, you had something tragic happen to you so you try to close you’re self off to not hurt again. Dear God, I would feel the same way with my husband suddenly disappeared from my life; if I couldn’t smell his scent, hear his laugh, feel his warm big arms wrap around me and hold me, but I would know that I can’t cut myself away from the world. Sooner or later, you’re going to get a shock when your realize that you’re too old and wrinkled to ever love again, that you let your life pass by, “ Anna heard the elevator chime and the doors open, she stepped it.
“Take it from an older woman, Tohrment. God forbid that I’m saying to forget, but don’t let that love that you felt for your wife waste away, share it. Sweetheart, share both of your love, if not Janelle, then someone else that you love. You got that,” Tohrment nodded dumbly, awestruck for the moment. Anna stepped forward and patted his cheek before stepping back and letting the elevator door closed.
Tohrment stood there dumb struck.
That ball just came out from the left corner, and hit him dead in the chest.

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Find Myself In You