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Things Change	By : kaguyahime Category: A through F > Ender's Game Views: 3255 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or have anything to do with the Ender's Game series or its author, no profit is being made from this

Chapter List
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"The boy's distracted"
"So you've said, have you asked him why?"
"I'm not his keeper, Colonel, whatever is on his mind is his own problem, not mine."
"You're the one who sees him the most; you need to make it your business. You're already hard enough on him, unless you figure out what's the matter he may cave in completely. And don't tell me you don't care, Rackham, as to the trained eye it is clear that you do"
Rackham strode out from speaking with Colonel Graff wondering why he had even bothered although he had half expected the reply.
He searched his mind trying to recall back to when he was Ender Wiggin's age, it seemed so very long ago.
After his success in destroying the bugger mother ship he had banished a lot of his memories, or maybe the trauma had caused him to forget, he could never be too sure now.
Grudgingly Rackham had to accept that he had never been as advanced as Ender was but he doubted that made a difference.
He opened the door to his office and pulled out his file on him. The boy intrigued him, he had grown a lot since he had been there and was far more mature than anyone could have hoped.
"Perhaps too fast..." Rackham muttered, despite denying it, had noticed subtle changes as the boy aged and it was now becoming hard to ignore. Often of late he had caught Ender gazing at him, his mind elsewhere and sometimes he felt as if he could read his thoughts, however much he tried to guard them.
He shook his head and carried on reading, much had been noted on the boy's mental development and psychical but nothing out of the ordinary.
Emotional development however was omitted; no one really took much notice of that but it had been raised that emotional wellbeing was as crucial. Especially since Ender had a lot more to face, a lot more hurt to come.
Rackham closed the file and pushed it aside, nothing that was there was any help. He supposed he had no choice except talk to him, Ender was incredibly difficult to read and he couldn't fathom anything from his face and his body language also told him little.
But it was clear he was unhappy and that made him a danger to both himself and others if he didn't pull it together.
"Petra? Can I talk to you?"
The girl looked up from her bed where she was sat reading, she frowned slightly
"Look if it's about earlier..."
Ender shook his head
"It isn't...but it kind of triggered it if that makes sense?" She nodded and he continued "something's been bothering me, if I could talk to Valentine I would but I don't even know if my letters get through. I need to talk to someone though and I was hoping you'd listen, if not I've got no one and even though I'm used to that it doesn't make it any easier."
Petra's eyes filled with concern and she moved for Ender to sit next to her
"You can always talk to me, I'd never tell anyone anything and even if I can't suggest anything I can listen."
Ender perched on the bed beside her, Petra was second best to Valentine, she had a calmness about her that was comforting and he felt he could trust her with his life.
"It's awkward..." he began and nervously told her everything, well not quite everything, he omitted out Rackham's name as that was slightly too much information.
"Well" Petra said as he finished "I think whoever it is the best thing is to tell him...he isn't in your army?"
"No" Ender traced a pattern on the floor, not meeting her eyes
"Then what's the worst that could happen?"
'They could throw me out' Ender answered in his head but didn't say it, instead he nodded.
"You won't do anything stupid will you?" Ender looked up sharply "because I have known you do a fair few things that are and something like this you can't afford to. Like the time you pissed off Bonzo and nearly got yourself killed."
"I won't!" Ender snapped, irritated by her reference to his former army commander "besides that was totally different."
"It was the easiest to remember, I doubt this would get you killed but it could be tricky" Petra smiled "either way you know where to find me."
He thanked her quietly and got up. He decided to head to the video library, he had already watched most if not all of the footage that was filed there but it was a place he knew would most likely be empty.
And it had a window and sometimes it was nice to sit alone and be lost in space and memories, just drifting.
It was empty and Ender closed the door in the hope others would recognise he wanted to be alone. Instead of sitting he stood and looked aimlessly at the various videos stored there and thought about what Petra had said. He could imagine Valentine saying the same but he wondered if that would have been the advice if they knew who he meant.
'Probably would have said to leave well alone' Ender mused 'and maybe that would be best anyway...however much it effects me.'
He picked out a few of his favourite pieces of footage and loaded them onto the screen, even those long past images of his hero brought the familiar warmth and tingle to his lower regions.

And watching him he could hardly believe that the celebrated soldier was the one who now trained him and had had been so close as he held the laser. Ender wanted that closeness again.
He stayed there until supper when Bean found him.
"You been here all this time? I looked everywhere!"
"Yeah, think I'm just going to go back to my room, not really that hungry..."
Bean gave a sigh and sat down opposite him
"Ender, this isn't like you..."
"I'm fine, just go."
Bean heard the set voice and knew he was going wasn't going to get anywhere when he has in this sort of mood. However as if to humour him Ender went with him to where the corridors spilt and even managed to give him a half smile before they parted.
Rackham closed the office door, however busy he had been he had actually accomplished very little. For once in his life he had been avoiding doing what he knew he should, he had never had any feeling besides indifference to students and had no idea how to talk them. The simple fact that he did care concerned him. Especially since he had no idea what type of feelings these were. It annoyed him more knowing the trials Ender was to be put through, what they really needed him for, emotion made it all the more difficult. Deep within him he hated the way the children were treated, it came very close to abuse but it was a damn sight better that when he had been that age.
'It's also better than being slave to an ant empire' he thought ruefully, allowing logic omit any other ideas 'their sacrifice won't be for nothing' at least that's what they all hoped.
As he locked the door there was a faint noise from behind him, he turned quickly only to see a shadow vanished back around the corner.
"Shit!" Ender threw himself on his bed, he had never backed out of anything. He had fought advanced armies and won against all odds and yet facing one person made him chicken out.

He gave his pillow a few furious punches before falling on it in tired frustration. He pulled the crumpled card he had found pushed under his door and looked at it.
7.15 am. Salamander and Griffin.
'No doubt there'll be another unpleasant surprise' Ender thought and tossed it to one side, he logged into the computer and sent a note round to his own army informing them and instructing to keep to the same pattern as that morning, adding as an afterthought to tell him of any other formations or strategies they may think up.

Then, despite it being so early, he fell into another restless sleep.
2.15 am
Ender woke with a start, his nightwear clung to him, uncomfortably cold and damp like early morning mist. It brought back memories of autumn walks he had had back on earth with Valentine before breakfast and how they had both ended up with the flu.
'Even that was fun with Val...'
He swung out of bed, unsurprising alert, and folded back the sheets to et them air and get rid of the clammy fee. He stood in the darkness for a moment, the quiet soothing his turbulent head.

He felt a mess.

His thoughts were confused and his moods much the same.
With a frustrated sigh he wandered out into the corridor not caring if he got caught
'They need to start taking some notice' Ender thought crossly 'we're not robots...'
He headed toward the battle room, intending to practice with the double laser, at least he could give it his best tomorrow and if anyone found him he was doing something constructive, but when he got to the room they kept the weapons he found it locked.

Turning back, his bare feet making no found on the metal floor, he diverted down to the teachers quarters, the office doors were always unlocked since none of the students were allowed down there.
Rackham's office was the fourth one down, this Ender knew having been there before, Colonel Graff's and his were the only one he was sure of. Bored and wide awake he ducked inside.
As he expected it was meticulously tidy, not a file out of place and barely a speck of dust, even his chair was carefully pushed under the desk.
'He's like a droid' Ender shook his head 'no human is this tidy...most don't tidy their desks more than once a year...' He wished he could sit down, his feet were getting cold, but he knew it would be instantly noticeable to his teachers sharp eye if the chair was moved even half a centimetre. Instead he paced over to examine to folders, moving from one foot to the other as he stood.

He caught sight of his file immediately and carefully removed it; Rackham's handwriting was appalling, probably due to everything being done on computer, there was little use for freehand nowadays.
Flicking through it there was nothing of real interest but as he replaced it Ender noticed a small leather bound book hidden behind. Cautiously reached up and took it out.

The pages seemed old but the cover had not a scratch on it and although he had been raised on computers and technology he knew it was a diary. Valentine used to keep one under the mattress, he knew because he had secretly read it.

This time he hesitated, he knew how much he hated his own privacy invaded, it was bad enough around here with the cameras filming everything that went on. But this was something he couldn't resist.
The writing was chicken scrawl but Ender managed to decipher somewhat, what he read intrigued him, it was a view of Rackham that no one else had ever seen. He skipped forward to the more recent entries and stopped, his blood warming.
I often think Wiggin does things just to annoy me. I try my best to dislike him but it is starting to get much harder, I detest these emotions, they are unnatural and inappropriate.
Ender pushed the diary back into place with shaking hands before slipping back to his room.
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Things Change