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Consequences	By : Sabriel0405 Category: Anita Blake > Het Views: 4737 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Anita Blake series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 5

I was alone in the dark when I woke up. The shower was calling my name and I grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the bathroom. Cooking smells wafted down the hallway and I could hear various members of the pard roughhousing and teasing each other. For just a moment, my life felt normal again. Or at least as normal as my life ever got these days.

By the time I made it to the kitchen, food was ready to eat and I was actually hungry. Micah must have cooked because it was a balanced meal. Spaghetti, meatballs, salad and garlic bread. I felt like I hadn’t eaten in days. Unfortunately, I thought that might be true. It took me at least three bites to notice everyone’s eyes on me. My fork dropped with a clink. “Okay, what’s going on?” I asked.

All eyes dropped back to their respective plates. I didn’t want to push it. For another five minutes the only sounds were happy eating noises. Nathaniel finally broke the silence. “Anita, we know something’s wrong. Why won’t you tell us what it is?” There was a subtle accusation in his voice. I had a split second of internal debate before deciding on a truthful evasion.

“You’re right. There is something going on.” I looked at each of my pard one by one, forcing their gazes to mine. “But I’m going to ask you to trust me. I can’t share it with you yet.”

Everyone nodded except Nathaniel. I wasn’t sure what to say. He looked hurt. “It’s not entirely my secret to share,” I said. He looked away from me. Now I was hurt and I’d be damned before I let him do that to me. I was his Nimir-Ra! I pushed away from the table and walked out the kitchen.

“Anita!” Nathaniel’s voice sounded behind me. I stopped but didn’t turn around. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Especially not after this morning.” I felt heat rush through my body and flush my cheeks. I still didn’t move. He was on the ground now, crawling toward me, submissive. He licked quickly across the back of my hand before rubbing his face against it. “But I’m scared.”

That stopped me. “Why?” I asked.

“Because you don’t do this. Oh, you protect us, but not from yourself. It’s been months.”

“Don’t you trust Micah?”

Nathaniel was still on his knees n front of me. “Of course I do. We all do. But he isn’t you.”

I pulled my hand away. “Please give me a little more time. That cannot be too much to ask,” I said and walked into the bedroom. I wasn’t being fair to him or to any of them. But until I told Jean-Claude and Jason, it wasn’t only my secret I was going to reveal. I couldn’t take the chance.

I wasn’t ready to face going to the Circus yet. The murders had made the paper along with the arrest and execution of the vampire responsible. It wasn’t one of Jean-Claude’s. Surprisingly, the vamp was one of Malcolm’s. That didn’t happen very often. At least Jean-Claude should be in a more positive frame of mind. I talked it over with Micah and we agreed that he would take me to the Circus the following evening. Maybe it was cowardice that wanted me to put if off for another day. But I needed to regroup. I had been unusually emotional this last month and fighting it had taken a toll.

I spent the day Christmas shopping. Zane had convinced me to move into the 21st century so I finally had a state-of-the-art computer set-up. Everyone had wisely decided to hang out elsewhere which meant I could shop to my heart’s content. A good thing since I had no idea what I wanted to get anyone. I decided on spa gift certificates for Cherry and Zane. Nathaniel got gift certificates for music, Merle and the rest of Micah’s pard got gift certificates for clothes. I kept moving down my list. I was saving Micah, Jean-Claude, Asher and Richard for last.

What do you get the men who have everything? Richard was actually the easiest. While we may have been on barely civil terms, I still knew him. There was a new compilation of Rogers and Hammerstein on CD as well as a new biography of the composing team. Plus I saw some great caving gear at the local outdoorsman store.

Why was I getting something for Richard? I couldn’t help it. He was one third of our triumvirate. I wanted him whole and healed as much as I wanted the same for Asher. I couldn’t catalog-shop for either Vampire. Their gifts had to be completely unique. But at least it wouldn’t mean going to the mall either. Not this time of year. I would worry about them later.

Micah was also a stumbling block. I still didn’t know him very well. It had only been six months. I still didn’t even know how I felt about him. I mean, I didn’t want it to be love. How can I be in love with all these men? But if it wasn’t love, than maybe I didn’t know what love felt like.

Most of our casual clothes were communal but I bought him some sweaters that were decidedly masculine. Not that he needed help in that arena. Micah may have looked delicate but only until he moved.

When I had finished, I went for a run and the workout felt good. Dinner was on the table by the time I showered and dressed. Micah and I even went out to the movies. We held hands like teenagers. I mat alt all the way until noon the next day before nerves put butterflies in my stomach. I couldn’t sit still and had a near burning desire to start shooting something. As usual, Micah had me pegged. He was very careful not to touch me or provoke me in any way. But by three, the tension was making me crazy.

Half of my clothes were strewn across the bed as I tried on outfit after outfit. If he was going to dump me, I wanted to look good. Cherry came in to assess my attire. My red lacy camisole showed significant cleavage. The black jacket was sheer at the arms but had opaque panels so I could still wear the Browning. The pants were black and filmy and had a stretch waistband. I hadn’t gained much weight but it was enough that skin-tight was out for the foreseeable future. I felt weird. Not because I didn’t dress up for Jean-Claude but because it mattered so much that I did.

We worked on my makeup for a few minutes. I looked in the mirror and didn’t feel like me, but I had felt disembodied all day, not like I was floating above myself but more like I was watching a movie and no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t change the part where the heroine drove over a cliff.

Micah had stopped reassuring me that it was going to be all right. It was only making me more uptight. He focused on reminding me that he wasn’t going to leave me, no matter what happened. That he wouldn’t leave the Circus without me. It said a lot for our relationship that I let him drive. I was too nauseated to talk but he kept his hand clasped over mine. It was the only warmth in my body.

The last time I was this nervous at the Circus was my first time at the Circus. I hadn’t trembled as much then I was doing now. I let us in and we made our way down to Jean-Claude’s chambers. His bedroom door was closed. For all I knew he wasn’t even there. I almost couldn’t bring myself to knock on his door. Micah went to do it for me. I stopped him. If I could bear to crawl down into the oubliette after Gregory, I could knock on my lover’s bedroom door. There wasn’t even a comparison.

The door opened before I had knocked the second time. “Ma petite,” Jean-Claude said,
“It’s good of you to drop by.” Shit. This was going to be harder than I thought.

“Jean-Claude-” I started.

“I must apologize for the other night. Murder investigations are always stressful. I wasn’t up to another interrogation. Why else would you grace me with your presence after over a month of near silence?” I could here the warm edge of anger in his so-smooth voice. The good news was that I was getting pissed.

“If you had bothered to ask, I would have told you that I wasn’t involved,” I said, not trying to defend myself.

“Anita, you can hardly blame me for jumping to conclusions. You are often the first to assume that I must be guilty of something.” My real name. This was not getting better.

“Fine. You want an apology? I’m sorry. Can we get past this crap or do you want me to leave?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay now anyway. That was the amazing thing about my relationship with Jean-Claude. I could go from wanting him desperately to wanting to put several states between us so I wouldn’t do anything drastic. If he wanted a fight, I could do that. I understood fighting. That was easier than what I had come to do.

“Why should tonight be different from any other night this past month? Leaving is always your solution when you can’t shoot up the room. You have no idea how you try my patience. I try to respect your wishes in all things but you have no such consideration for mine!” His eyes were drowning blue and my breath caught in my chest. It was worse because he was right. I hated when my needs hurt others, even when it was unintentional. Tonight would be full of those realizations.

“Good evening, Jean-Claude,” Micaid. id. The interruption was jarring, as he had intended it to be. Jean-Claude and I broke apart, just enough that I started breathing again on my own.

“Mon minet, I didn’t realize you were joining us this evening,” Jean-Claude said. That warm edge of anger was obvious now. But Micah didn’t flinch.

“I brought Anita here. I just wanted to remind her that I would here if she needs me,” Micah said, neutral but pleasant and yet it was clear that he had drawn a line in the sand.

He reached out to me and we touched, just our fingertips. It was enough. Warmth and pleasure flowed between us and I had momentary peace. Jean-Claude’s hand came up and clasped mine. The connection was broken. I mourned its loss.

Jean-Claude looked taken aback. He, too, saw the line but didn’t understand what he had done to provoke its creation. I suddenly understood that for all Micah’s optimism, he was no longer sure of Jean-Claude’s reaction.

The two men stared at each other, Micah unafraid of Jean-Claude’s ability to roll him, counting on Jean-Claude’s sense of decency. I could have told him that was a mistake. That Jean-Claude didn’t have a sense of decency. He liked to win. But he stayed on his best behavior and Micah eventually dropped his gaze without an appearance of having lost. I shook my head. Men! I gave Micah a quick kiss and he squeezed my hand. I felt the warmth all the way to my toes.

Jean-Claude pulled me gently away and said, “Please don’t leave, ma petite. Let us finish this discussion in comfort. Monsieur Callahan, you are free to stay or go but rest assured, she will not have need of you this night.”

Micah looked at me, waiting for acknowledgement. I nodded. I had to do this. Jean-Claude shut the door behind us. I could feel his emotions. Frustration and need poured from him in waves. He pulled me toward him and kissed me deeply.

I gripped his arms tightly and fell into the kiss. It felt so good to hold him. He was warm with someone else’s blood and I didn’t care. I wanted to forget the reason I was here. I wanted to make love with him before he knew the truth. I broke the kiss and buried my face in his shoulder.

The butterflies in my stomach suddenly took up synchronized diving. He put his hands on my shoulders and nuzzled my neck. “I’ve missed you, ma petite. Why did you stay away? Why did you allow me access to your dreams but to no other part of you?” I leaned into him for a moment before I remembered what I had to do.

I pushed away from him and walked as far from him as I could get and still remain in the bedroom. He started to follow me when I turned and held up a hand. “No, stay over there. Please,” I added. I started pacing.

“What is it, ma petite? What’s wrong?” Jean-Claude asked. “You are making me crazy!”

“I’m sorry,” I said. It wasn’t enough. I took my jacket off and removed the Browning and the holster. I didn’t want to have any unnecessary temptations. I felt Jean-Claude gaze hot upon my breasts. He made a move to come closer. I backed away. His hurt radiated to me and tears pricked at the back of my eyelids.

I drank him in for the first time. The outfit wasn’t a new one but it didn’t stop me from appreciating his body and the way the black leather molded itself to his form. A moan escaped me. He took another step toward me. “Please, ma petite. Come to me.” His voice slithered like silk along my spine. It took all my will power to resist the urge to throw myself in his arms. I wanted to do anything but what I had to do. A lone tear slipped down my cheek. I’d be damned if I’d be a coward, however. If he was going to hate me, it was better to get it over with now.

“I can’t come to you. Not until I tell you,” I broke off.

“Tell me what, ma petite?” he encouraged.

“I’m pregnant,” I said and watched him blink. Twice. He didn’t say anything. He just kept looking at me. “Jean-Claude?”

He shook his head as if to clear it. “Ma petite, I thought you just said you were pregnant,” he said, certain that he must have misunderstood. I could understand that thought.

“I did.”

Jean-Claude still stared at me. Okay, he stared at my stomach.

“Mon Dieu, but how? You are using birth control pills. Besides, I thought Monsieur Callahan had taken care of that,” Jean-Claude said. I couldn’t detect anything in his voice beyond shock.

“It’s not Micah’s,” I said.

“Ma petite, I am over four hundred years old. I cannot possibly be the father,” he said. I couldn’t tell if he was happy about that or not because he was still staring at my stomach.

“No, you aren’t-“ I started.

“It cannot be our Richard’s,” he said, beginning to speculate. “I would know if you had been with him again.”

“No! It’s not Richard’s. God, stop guessing. I’ll tell you who the father is. But you have to promise that there won’t be any retribution of any kind.”

“What do you mean, ma petite?” The warm edge of anger was there suddenly. It was all sinking in just like I thought it would.

“I mean that it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t have any choice. You have to promise that you won’t get angry. I won’t see him punished because of me, because I didn’t give him a choice. You have to promise!” I was crying now, my voice had a slightly hysterical bent.

Jean-Claude came over and took me in his arms. “It’s all right, ma petite. I promise.” He stroked my hair until I had stopped sniffling.

“Jason,” I said, my voice muffled against his shoulder. I wasn’t sure he heard me, though vampires have extraordinary hearing, until he stiffened.

“Jason?” he asked, holding me away from him so that he could see my face.

“Jason is the father of my child,” I said but I couldn’t look at him while I said it.

“My pomme de sang? My Jason fathered your child?” he asked.

I only nodded still staring at the floor. “It was when Musette was here and Belle was pouring the ardeur over me. Nathaniel had passed out at the club. I couldn’t take the chance-” I was babbling and the damn tears had started flowing again. Jean-Claude stopped me with a kiss. It definitely took my mind off things.

“But you are taking birth control,” Jean-Claude said.

“That was the morning after my night with you and Asher,” I flushed just saying the words out loud. “I was so sick. And then we were at the banquet and there just wasn’t time-”

Jean Claude stopped me with another kiss. “Does Jason know?”

I shook my head against his chest. “I had to tell you first,” I said. “I haven’t told anyone but Micah and only because he knew. I think Cherry knows and probably Nathaniel, but they are waiting for me to say something.”

Jean-Claude rocked me for a few minutes before sliding down my body to his knees. He raised the camisole up and pressed kisses against my stomach. I felt the first flutterings of desire tighten things low in my body. “Open for me, ma petite,” he said and I knew he meant the marks. My shields dropped away. He began speaking in French and his voice touched things inside of me that his body never could. I gasped at the sensation, like silk and feathers, only they tickled from the inside. I gripped his shoulders. Then he was holding me again while I shook in a reaction I didn’t understand.

“Shh, ma petite, all is well.” He caressed my hair. “Have you thought of a name for her yet?” he asked.

“Her?” I asked.

“Oui, ma petite, you are expecting a little girl. Micah didn’t tell you?”

I looked at him, confused. “A girl?” I repeated. I sounded like a parrot.

“Oui, ma petite. You knew it had to be either a boy or a girl?” he asked but I wasn’t paying attention. I was having a girl. I didn’t know what to do with girls. The few times I had ever envisioned children they were boys. Jean-Claude tilted my chin up and kissed me again. “I have called Jason,” he said. I went very still.
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Consequences