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Revelations About the Birds and the Bees	By : 1n4ch4n Category: G through L > Howl's Moving Castle Views: 8513 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Howl's Moving Castle. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Disclaimer: “Howl’s Moving Castle” and all its characters belong to Diana Wynne Jones. I simply own two copies of the mentioned book, one has Howl in the front holding Ben’s electric guitar and the other is the silly cartoon one that has the moving castle floating the background like a huge phallic symbol (hmmm… Calcifer is compensating for something, perhaps? .)

September 11, 2005

Revelations About the Birds and the Bees…

(and other things not mentioned as the aftereffects of “Happily Ever Afters”)

Chapter Five

by Ina-chan

The sun’s rays filtered through the curtains, persistently seeping through her closed eyelids. No matter how hard she resisted leaving the comforting cocoon of sleep, the will of wakefulness was simply too hard to disobey at that point. Thus, Sophie reluctantly opened her eyes to the sight of her husband’s slumbering face, a soft snore coming from his parted lips.

Despite herself, Sophie couldn’t help but smile. He truly looked deceptively angelic when he slept. As per her waking ritual on those times when she woke before him, she reached out to brush the stray yellow strands from his eyes to place a soft peck on his forehead. Normally, she would snuggle with him for a few more minutes, to steal a few more moments of warmth and to hear the reassuring beat of his heart.

This time, however, the sun’s rays didn’t seem like the gentle morning light she was used to as an inexplicable sense of urgency seemed to accompany it. Then the events of the night before and the early morning came crashing back to her memory.

“Oh! It’s this late already!” Sophie gasped aloud as she sat up with a start when realization hit her

Or at least, she tried to sit up.

As if sensing his bedmate’s intent to depart, Howl suddenly reached out for his wife in his sleep and held on to her like a child clutching a precious stuffed toy. Sophie let out another surprised gasp as she struggled from his grasp and tried to catch her breath. She had half a mind to whack him on the head or kick him awake. Somehow, she managed to stop the urge upon remembering that this was the first restful sleep her husband had gotten in a long time. Their adventure in Wales definitely hadn’t made things easier.

“Somehow, you always find a way to make yourself a bother,” Sophie softly scolded him in mock indignation, “Howl Jenkins, I have other things to do than be your human teddy bear, you know.”

As if he’d heard her, Howl simply let out an insolent snort in protest in between snores. Sophie sighed and gave her husband’s golden locks another affectionate caress before attempting to leave again.

Somehow, she skillfully managed to convince her husband that her pillow was as good a substitute for the real thing. She then wiggled out of bed, shed her nightclothes in exchange for a more sensible outfit, and ran down to the castle’s main floor within a span of fifteen minutes without breaking her neck.

“I’m sorry I overslept! Calcifer, you should have woken me!” Sophie called out absently as she wrapped the first apron she happened upon around her waist. “Is Michael already in the shop? Let me get started with lunch at least…”

“Don’t worry about it, dear. It’s all taken care of,” a familiar voice chirped cheerily

Sophie froze, recognizing the owner of the voice standing by a rather well- presented luncheon on the workbench. “Fanny? What are you doing here?”

“I dropped by for a visit yesterday to see how you’re doing,” Fanny replied as she arranged the flowers in the centerpiece.

“I really wish you would send notice before you do that.” Sophie frowned. It was just like Fanny to drop by suddenly unannounced. Then again, her sisters were no different. It could get tedious sometimes.

“Of course, that lovely young apprentice of your husband’s… such a nice young man… informed me that you’d been spirited away on some sort of holiday.” Fanny continued on, taking no heed of her daughter’s sulky comment. “I said to myself, ‘Finally!’ And being the thoughtful person that I am, I came right over for the morning after. I know exactly how it is to be in your position right now.”

“And what position is that, exactly?” Sophie inquired, not bothering to hide her complete bafflement

“Sophie, there’s no need to act so coy around me. You know exactly what I mean!” The older woman put one dainty hand on her hip and gave her stepdaughter an exasperated look, “The blossoming role of the blushing bride, of course!”

Sophie choked as an embarrassed gasp and a mirthful laugh tried to pass through her throat at the same time. Before she could manage a coherent reply, Fanny was already leading Sophie by the shoulders and firmly setting her down on a chair opposite the older woman’s seat.

“I figured that this would be the perfect time for the two of us to have a proper mother-daughter chat since I know from experience that men are usually out like a light for hours after such long, rigorous activity. Now Dear, I know Mrs. Fairfax already gave you sound advice about the activities that happen between a married couple,” Fanny rambled on, “but knowing how Annabel explains things… as lovely as she is… it’s more likely to scare you into postponing the whole thing. But you’ve always been a sensible girl, so I wasn’t too worried. I thought that you would figure things out on your own. Then I would simply step in to give you little tips and techniques once you’re good and ready.”

“What?” Sophie cried out in horror, turning several shades of red, quickly scanning the room for any hints of Michael eavesdropping on her very embarrassing conversation with her stepmother.

“Oh, don’t worry about the boy,” Fanny said reassuringly with a wave of a hand, as if reading the younger woman’s thoughts. “The shop is closed up for the day, and I sent him out for a day off… though he seemed rather persistent about wanting to stay. I had to recruit your sister to convince him to step out the door. Now, don’t be shy. It’s just us girls now. Tell me all about last night and feel free to ask me any questions.”

It might be noteworthy to point out at this point, that since Fanny’s marriage to Mr. Sacheverell Smith, Martha had stopped her apprenticeship at Cesari’s (to the disappointment of her admirers), returned to her mother’s care and had gone to finish her schooling. Though, Fanny agreed to permit her daughter to continue working at the bakery part-time at Martha’s leisure… when her schoolwork allowed, that was. Martha had gotten fond of the staff, and of course, any rendezvous with Michael had become difficult outside Cesari’s. It would seem that Mr. Smith had taken the role of a doting over-protective stepfather very seriously.

Lettie, like Sophie, refused to return to her mother’s house. She still lived under Mrs. Fairfax’s roof, but the Royal Wizard Suliman had taken the task of being her new tutor. To Mrs. Fairfax’s delight, it seemed that the Royal Wizard had been coming to the old Witch’s house far more than needed to teach his young apprentice. It was rumoured that an engagement announcement was pending within a few weeks’ time and that Ingary’s other Royal Wizard would be married before the year was out. In fact, someone started a betting pool at the Royal Court, which his friend Prince Justin vehemently denied starting, and was already amassing a small fortune of when that date will be.

When that date finally arrived, Sophie would learn that one of the reasons her husband had been suddenly burdened with so much of the King’s summons was the fact that Howl had taken it upon himself in order for Ben Sullivan to pursue his personal matters. One would think that it was a rather thoughtful gesture between one Welshman to another, but knowing Howl, there had to be an ulterior motive for that particular action… considering the history between himself and Lettie Hatter. It was no secret that based on that awkward history Lettie had taken the side of loudly disapproving her sister’s marriage to Ingary’s infamous wizard.

Of course, that was a story for another time. At this moment, Sophie was sitting before her stepmother, looking ready to explode with embarrassment at the older woman’s nosiness. “Fanny! Nothing happened!”

It had been bad enough when Mrs. Fairfax pulled her aside to give her a rather tedious lecture about the birds and the bees on her wedding day. Much of what was said, other than the basic mechanics, flew over her head anyway. Now, Fanny was prying as if to asses her ‘performance’ like it was some kind of a review for a practical exam… it was simply too much! The fact that there was still nothing to ‘assess’ in the first place only made things worse.

“What do you mean, nothing happened?” Fanny frowned, looking baffled at her stepdaughter’s revelation. “You finally go off to who-knows-where alone with your husband, return in the morning exhausted, and sleep right through the afternoon… and don’t tell me that suspicious mark on your neck is just a skin allergy.”

Sophie’s eyes widened as her hands instantly went up to her collar self-consciously. Her face instantly turned another deeper shade of red.

“Aha! That always works!” Fanny gave the younger woman a triumphant smile. “So something DID happen!”

“That’s dirty! Playing with my feelings like that!” Sophie shot back sulkily before putting on a defensive air. She continued to clutch her collar as she looked away uncomfortably, realizing that the only way for her stepmother to let go of the whole subject matter was to tell the truth. “You should have known better that we wouldn’t do anything further than that in another person’s home!”

Sophie didn’t wait for Fanny to reply. Another flush tinged her face, though this time hinting that it was because of an entirely different emotion based on the slight increase of the tone of her voice. One would recognize Sophie’s infamous controlled anger from her involuntary tremors and her clenched fists as she recounted the events of the night in the Parry home.

“After we tucked Mari in, Howl’s sister started ringing every fifteen minutes for almost three hours to check up on the house. That woman can be completely impossible with her paranoia! I think she was doing it on purpose, ringing at that specific time of night. Poor Howl didn’t get a wink of sleep until we came home all because of his sister’s silliness,” Sophie spat angrily. She suddenly stood up and started pacing about the room. “I had half a mind to pull the telephone line out of the wall, if it weren’t for the fact that Megan would ring the Police and the Fire Brigade if she couldn’t reach us. Ooooh! The nerve of her! Implying that I’m driving her brother’s health into the ground when she’s the one who’s making his life miserable! If the children weren’t there, I would have given her a piece of my mind! I ought to have---”

“So you’re saying that nothing happened…” Fanny interrupted, grabbing her daughter’s arm as the younger woman passed, and firmly redirecting her back to her seat. Sophie noted that it was obvious from the expression on Fanny’s face that half of what she ranted didn’t make much sense to her stepmother.

Sophie let out a slow calming breath before turning her attention back to the older woman. All at once, it became clear why she felt that she couldn’t come to Fanny even if she wanted to. Howl’s life… their life was just simply too complex to explain. Howl’s magic, Wales, and other the related complications were just beyond Fanny’s comprehension. Of course, it didn’t help the fact that Fanny seemed to be only interested in “solving” only one aspect of their complex and interconnected problems.

“Isn’t that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to tell you?” Sophie sighed, finally giving in. She averted her eyes again before admitting, “Of course we’ve kissed and… touched… and…” Sophie’s voice trailed off as she touched a spot on her neck, blushing again from memory of it, “…but things never got further than that. They never have!”

“They never have?” The older woman echoed as another line, etched over her delicate features. This time, the lines on Fanny’s forehead didn’t hide her concern over her stepdaughter’s situation. “Oh dear. You mean to tell me that you have been married all this time and you haven’t… not even once? All along, I thought you were just keeping quiet because you were too embarrassed to come to me.”

“Why in the world would you think that?” Sophie demanded, feeling a little bit scandalized. But it was more at the idea that Fanny expected Sophie would run to her and gossip about her private life.

“Well, would you have come to me to ask advice on your own?” Fanny inquired gently, “Not necessarily about that… but about this current situation you’re in?”

Sophie suddenly realized that there was no way she could answer that question without sounding ungrateful. Fanny was right. There was no way she would have gone to her stepmother to ask advice. Most especially with matters concerning this particular situation they were in. Sophie bowed her head, a little bit ashamed.

Sensing her distress, Fanny reached over and patted her stepdaughter’s shoulder, “Don’t worry about it, dear. I understand how frustrating and embarrassing it is to admit that things aren’t working out exactly as you expected them to.”

A small scowl marred Sophie’s features… it wasn’t like that at all! Well… perhaps what Fanny said was a little bit true… just a teeny bit. But it was more the fact that she barely had enough of her husband for herself, telling other people about those private things would be… in a manner of speaking… sharing him even further with others. ‘Others’, who had no business meddling about their private affairs.

“Oh, Sophie! I’m so sorry Darling,” Fanny sighed miserably, clearly misinterpreting Sophie’s silence, “when we pushed for you to marry, it was with the good intention of protecting your virtue, given your husband’s horrible reputation. It would seem that we have misjudged his character and may have pushed you into something that you’re not yet quite ready for.”

“But it’s not like that at all!” Sophie protested aloud now as she looked back up at her mother, getting even more irritated at what her stepmother was implying. Despite the small idiosyncrasies that she had to deal with being married to her husband, she wasn’t particularly unhappy. “It’s true that there are a number of things that Howl and I still have to work out and get used to before we take things a step further… but we do have a lifetime to figure those things out together, after all.”

Fanny stared at her with a stunned expression before letting out a peal of amused laughter at her stepdaughter’s words, “And here, I’m supposed to be the one imparting worldly wisdom!” She patted her daughter’s shoulder once again, as if admitting defeat. “Very well then, I’ll leave things to your judgment. But Sophie, dear, don’t wait too long. I don’t want you to regret missing out on other things.”

“But…” Sophie protested hesitantly. She stared into her stepmother’s searching eyes. She could see Fanny’s anxiety very clearly in them… or were her stepmother’s orbs simply reflecting Sophie’s own apprehension? Suddenly, she wasn’t so sure. Sophie closed her eyes and blocked out everything, trying to search deep inside herself for what she knew was certain. And then, she found it. She opened her eyes and gave Fanny a determined look. “I don’t regret anything.”

Fanny smiled warmly as she rose to her feet and took off the apron tied around her waist, in exchange for her coat hung at the back of her chair, “I better be on my way. Your husband is bound to wake up at any minute, and mine has been patiently waiting at home.”

“Must you go, really?” Sophie protested as she got on her feet as well. She followed her stepmother to the door and felt a little bit surprised to realize that she was genuinely sorry to see her stepmother leave.

“Then I shall give you my first unsolicited maternal advice with regards to marriage,” Fanny stated nonsensically as she pulled on her lace gloves and fetched her parasol by the front door. Then she turned to her daughter with a serious expression. “Husbands can be obstinate. Sometimes, it’s the wife’s role to take matters to her own hands and make the first move!” She gave the younger woman an affectionate hug as she whispered softly in her ear, “And in exchange for that bit of wisdom, I expect my first grandchild by this time next year.”

“FANNY!” Sophie cried out, her face flushing once again in complete mortification

“If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to come to me,” Fanny smiled warmly as she cupped her daughter’s cheek with a gloved hand

Sophie nodded with a grateful smile, then watched her stepmother walk out the mansion entrance, down the path, and drive away in her carriage.

“Are you serious about what you said? Nothing happened at all?” Another voice suddenly spoke behind her as she closed the door, causing Sophie to jump out of her skin. “Another wasted opportunity down the drain…”

“CALCIFER!” Sophie glared at the fire demon, who was poking his blue green flames cautiously from the grate of his hearth. “How long have you been there? Have you eavesdropping all this time?”

“Not on purpose! I was here first, but when your mother barged in and terrorized Michael away, I deemed it safer to keep a low profile.” Calcifer replied defensively, sounding a bit sheepish at the same time. Then he switched to a more serious tone, “But she’s right, you know. You can’t sit around waiting for him. If you leave things as they are, you’ll probably be ninety again by the time he gets around to doing anything.”

“Don’t you start thinking your nose into things that are none of your business!” Sophie retorted irritably

Calcifer rolled the purple pinpricks of his orange eyes in exasperation, “I personally don’t care what you two do. But watching the both of you mope around the house with all this… tension… without a second thought of how it’s affecting the innocent bystanders around… Well, it’s quite annoying! I think Michael is getting traumatized by it. You don’t even realize what you two are doing, do you?”

“What are you talking about?” Sophie exclaimed, getting infuriated herself

“You two are like these children who can’t decide on whether you should pick at a scab or not. You know you want to do it, but both of you are too scared to get rid of it,” Calcifer explained impatiently. “It’s irritating to watch. Just give it a quick poke and get it all over with before you both regret not picking at it when you had the chance!”

Sophie’s features scrunched up in complete bewilderment, “You’re not making any sense all!”

“My point exactly! Neither are the two of you!” Calcifer shot back, his flames flickering rapidly as if to reflect his growing irritation. “Frankly, I’m disappointed in you. You’re supposed to be the one with the common sense… still can’t get a hint right under your nose…”

Sophie put both hands on her hips and glared at the fire demon with the most cross expression she could muster. “What’s all that now? I thought you were supposed to be on my side!”

Calcifer arched a green eyebrow, not hiding his amusement. “What gave you that idea?”

“Because I’m right!” Sophie stated with such great conviction that Calcifer couldn’t help but burst into a cackle of uncontrollable laughter. Sophie frowned, not appreciating someone laughing at her own expense. But she knew that Calcifer would never laugh at her maliciously.

The expression on the fire demon’s face seemed to reflect that as soon as he composed himself. “This isn’t getting us anywhere. Why don’t you just cough up what’s really bothering you?”

Sophie let out small sigh, and dragged a chair to sit by the fire demon’s hearth. She didn’t exactly know what to say at the beginning. She wasn’t even sure if she should be telling Calcifer anything in the first place. In the end, the logical side of her mind reasoned that Calcifer was probably the best person… thing… er… fire demon to talk to about these matters.

Since fire demons don’t have any real concept of what humans perceive as morally good or evil (after all, he did manage to share Howl’s heart all these years without being corrupted by it), she knew that he wasn’t going to give her unsolicited advice. For the same reason that he once shared Howl’s heart, Calcifer would probably be the best choice of who to seek counsel with on matters relating to her husband.

She started with her frustrations during their overnight stay in the Parry household. Before Sophie knew what was happening, she found herself pretty much close to tears as she poured out everything that hung heavily within her… all her hurts, and her insecurities. All that time, Calcifer sat in his hearth, listening quietly with a thoughtful expression on his face. Even long after she finished speaking her mind, Calcifer still waited patiently until she managed to subdue her sobs into soft sniffles.

“Basically, the root of the problem is really because your vain peacock of a husband hasn’t told you his true feelings,” Calcifer stated matter-of-factly

Sophie blinked. It wasn’t exactly what she expected the fire demon to say, but in hindsight, she quickly realized that was, indeed, the main insecurity that had started the whole ordeal in the first place. The fact that he never said it aloud… and he always seemed to hold back or avoid it even when they were in an intimate situation.

“Well, we both know that Howl is a yellow-bellied-coward in all counts,” Calcifer continued on, when she didn’t reply. “I can’t account for the time before we made our contract, but I know for a fact that he would rather run away with his tail between his legs than find himself in a vulnerable situation. Or even show his vulnerability to other people. Heartless or not, I always assumed that was the likely the main reason why he dropped the flavour of the month the moment the poor girl started responding to his affections.”

Sophie chewed her lower lip as Calcifer bluntly pointed out another one of her fears. That was, if she heeded Fanny’s advice and made the first move, she would become like those other girls in Howl’s past. She may have kept a strong front all this time, but she knew that she couldn’t bear it if Howl turned around and left her after she told him how she felt. Sophie made another miserable sniffle before talking. “Howl never acted with me the same way he did when he was chasing Lettie or even Miss Angorian. I admit that I have very little experience with these things. But how else am I to know his real feelings if he won’t tell me?”

“Sophie, if you can’t see what’s in front of you,” Calcifer sighed, which sounded more like a hiss of water dousing embers on a log. From the expression on his face, it was obvious that he was on the verge of losing his patience again, “then you’re either blind or a bigger idiot than that pathetic lout snoring in your bedroom.”

Sophie glared at Calcifer indignantly. She knew that she couldn’t expect any sympathy from a fire demon. Regardless, it still stung to hear it… most especially when she felt that she was the one getting the short end of the stick. “Well then tell me Calcifer? He’s away most of the time, possibly avoiding having to deal with me. When we are together, even when things start out pleasantly, it always turns into a big fight. How would you say he treats me then?”

“Like an equal,” the fire demon replied firmly. “Just think about that for a moment, Sophie.” He muttered under his breath, “After all this time, I still have to spell everything out before you get it…”

Sophie almost fell off her chair upon hearing Calcifer’s words. She’d never expected that answer. Remembering Howl’s past actions with women, Calcifer did say that he “dropped” them the moment they started responding to his affections… then most likely than not, they probably never knew him long enough for him to show his more annoying traits.

The only other woman she’d seen him argue with was his sister, and the argument always fell in her favour, of course. Megan had seen her brother angry, but he definitely hadn’t shown Megan his temper at his worst like those several occasions that he had shown Sophie. Otherwise, Megan would think twice about igniting her brother’s temper. Based on the stinging words that Megan still threw at her brother, it was also obvious that Howl had yet to tell her about his other life… and his important job… or even about Ingary.

And finally, Calcifer did mention that Howl had the nasty habit of running away when he found himself in a vulnerable position… yet… on more than one occasion… even before their marriage and the contract had been broken, he’d allowed her to see glimpses of his vulnerability.

“Have you realized, that the whole time we have been together… not once have you told me that you loved me?”
“Then I strongly suggest that you listen harder.”

“Oh Calcifer,” Sophie broke into another round of tears, “he’s right! I haven’t been listening, have I?”

“Oy! Watch where you’re dripping!” Calcifer exclaimed in alarm, but made no effort to move away whatsoever.

But it was enough for Sophie to compose herself. She dabbed her tears with the hem of her apron before turning back to the fire demon, “What should I do now?”

“How should I know?” Calcifer’s flames ruffled in annoyance, though his expression quickly softened as he continued on, “Look… It’s not my place to tell you, but if it helps, I’ll tell you anyway… He’s frightened too, you know?”

“Eh?” Sophie stared at the fire demon in disbelief. “Are you talking about Howl?”

“No, I’m talking about your eight-legged tenants which you enjoy terrorizing at every opportunity… of course I’m talking about Howl!” Calcifer crackled exasperatedly. “He’s only had his heart back for a few months, dealing with this and that, and you can be quite overwhelming. What makes this whole ordeal so ironic is the fact that he’s completely terrified that if he went about his usual way of courting women with you, you’d question his sincerity based on what he’s done in the past and actually succeed with your past attempts of leaving him.”

This time, it was Sophie who gave the fire demon an incensed expression, “But that’s absurd! He should know by now how I feel about him!”

“And he knows how you feel… because you’ve told him?” Calcifer prompted as he arched both green eyebrows meaningfully

Sophie’s eyes widened as she finally understood what Calcifer was trying to say. All at once, she knew exactly what she should do. She would have hugged and kissed the fire demon if it were possible, but she settled with giving him a grateful laugh instead.

“Have fun,” Calcifer sizzled in a suggestive tone as he watched the young woman hike up her skirts and quickly run up the stairs to return to her sleeping husband.

End of Chapter 5

To be concluded… for real!

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Author’s Squawk:

I know… I lied. I honestly thought I was going to finish this by chapter five. Actually, I did… but the piece ended up extremely and epically loooooong. I basically just cut the entire chapter in half. The other half is still being betaed by the very lovely and talented Mimea. It’s the “M” version for ffnet, of course. As soon as she’s done with that, I’ll attempt to pen down the mediaminer and affnet version. And when that’s done and betaed, I’ll post the last half finally.

Of course penning down my idea for this final chapter caused complications. Before I finished it, I thought I was going to go back to my other fic right away… but my muses. AUGH! These lovely, torturous creatures of light! How I love them and despise them at the same time! More ideas came pouring forth about the women in Howl’s past… particularly about a certain woman who lived in the Waste…

In which the wicked, with the company of a demon, searches for the angel who will grant her greatest desire… .

Now how’s that for a confusing teaser?

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Revelations About the Birds and the Bees