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Cassiel's Daggers	By : bewaretheshort1 Category: G through L > Kushiel's Trilogy Views: 1882 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not now, nor will I ever, own Kushiel's Legacy, or its affiliates written by Jacqueline Carey. Any characters and/or ideas are the exclusive property of Jacqueline Carey. Furthermore, I do not make any money from this.

Chapter List
- 1-One
- 2-Two
- 3-Three
- 4-Four
- 5-Five
- 6-Six
- 7-Seven
- 4
- 5
- 6
I apologize for the lack of update. Also, updates will likely be put on hold until mid- to late-October, when I can buy the parts I need to get my computer fixed. I very nearly lost the entirety of this whole thing (which is 71 pages to date) when my hard drive when out. There will be more since I managed to save everything, but it won't be for a few months. I ask that you be patient with me while I try to get my computer repaired. There will be more in Edouard's story, and hopefully it'll be to your liking.
We were wakened some two hours after dawn by a young Cassiline Brother.  He waited at the door, dressed in the ashen grey garb of his kind, as we dressed ourselves.  My roommates had all the same clothing of simple shirts and breeches in dove grey, wearing soft slippers of the same hue.  My clothes, though less fine than I was accustomed, was still of better quality than their own.  I followed them out the door and watched as Brother Guy went to two other rooms to collect eight more boys, all either ten or scarce older.  Astin, I judged, was the eldest of the lot.
Still bleary with sleep, I let myself fall into the back, away from the curious stares of my peers.  We were ushered deeper in the Sanctuary, to a room that was bigger than I could have imagined.  The tables and benches were in near-mathematically precise lines.  It was empty, but for two initiates at the fore table, which was laden with food.  The smell made my stomach grumble eagerly, for I arrived too late to take part in the evening meal.
I followed my peers to the fore table, standing in a quiet line.  The fare was simple, little more than stew and dark bread, but for all that, it smelled better than any feast at my Father's table.  Initiates, with aprons over their grey clothing, handed us simple, terra cotta bowls and tin spoons and cups for water.
We sat at one empty table, half filling it, and I noticed that my peers waited to eat until Brother Guy sat with them, having been last to receive his meal.  Once he had sat, we were allowed to eat.  Though speaking was not prohibited, no one wanted to break the quiet in the dining hall.
That is, until a thought struck me.
"When we are initiates, will we be needed to cook?" I asked, somewhat nervous.  I had never so much as started a fire for the purposes of making myself a meal.
"We have cooks," he said through a mouthful of bread.  "Three of them.  Initiates serve the food and clean the cookware and kitchen, but we don't cook."
I nodded, relieved, and went back to my food.
Once we had finished eating, we took our used wares to the initiates, who accepted them without complaint.  Brother Guy led us to yet another part of the Sanctuary.  It was smaller, much smaller, than the dining hall, but every wall was lined with shelves upon shelves of books.  There were even shelves that had been erected in the middle of the room, filled with even more books.  There were Cassiline Brothers to tend the library, and did not spare us so much as a glance.  For myself, I was overawed.  I had never, in the whole of my life, seen so many books in one place.  This is not to say that Camaelines do not have libraries in their homes, but that we treasure somewhat other than books, and our armories are legendary.
Brother Guy took us to the back, where tables and chairs had been arranged.  The boys sat as they willed, some keeping to their roommates, but others, like Patrice and Renault, sat with others.  I saw that Astin was seated by himself, and took a place beside him.  He beamed at me, but rather than speaking, which was what I had resigned myself to, turned his attention to the Cassiline Brother who stood before us.
He did not introduce me to the others, nor did he given any sign that I was there.  He simply continued with whatever lesson that ended the previous day.  Occasionally, he would ask a question, which as often as not was answered by Astin, but otherwise spoke in a quiet, earnest voice about the strictures and history of Cassiel.
It was not unlike what Brother Gautier told me on our journey, simply expanded upon.  At first, I listened with only half an ear, more interested in my peers than Cassiline tales.  I may have been born to a Duc's household, but I was not the only noble's son there.  Patrice and Renault, I knew, were from the same class, and in a group of twelve boys, some six others also shared our fate.  Others, like Astin, came from common stock.  As I watched, I noticed that none of the boys of common stock sat with those from nobility, save for Astin and myself.
"Perhaps Edouard can answer a question," Brother Guy said, his voice intruding on my thoughts.  My head snapped up and I could feel my cheeks burn.  He smiled gently at me, expectantly.  "Well?"
I licked my lips nervously.  "What was the question, again?"
"What was Cassiel's response to Blessed Elua's request?" he asked.  I could almost hear Patrice's smirk as I struggled to recall what it was that Brother Guy had been speaking of.  Beside me, Astin looked at me with wide eyes, looking for all the world that by sheer will he could impart his knowledge to me.
"He acquiesced," I said at length, not at all sure of my answer.  At Astin's soft gasp, I knew that it was the wrong answer.  It is, perhaps, to the credit of Cassiline discipline gleaned from simply being within the Sanctuary that my peers did not laugh.  Brother Guy watched me for a moment, then turned his attention to Astin.
The words poured forth from Astin, made all the more fervent for how long he had been forced to withhold them.  "Cassiel told Blessed Elua that he could no sooner lay aside his duties to protect and serve Blessed Elua, and spend the eve in the pleasure of, not of the flesh, but of the mind, than he could allow any harm to befall him."
I did not need Brother Guy's gentle, admonishing gaze to know that had I been paying attention, the answer would have been obvious.  I felt my face burn with shame as he continued the tale, and resolved to listen, no matter what distraction befell me.
As I listened, my shame passing into memory, I heard such things that were only spoken of in the Sanctuary.  It was not, I had thought, because Cassiel's servants are sworn to secrecy, but because it rang so incongruous with what D'Angelines were taught to believe.  Blessed Elua had bade us "Love as thou wilt," this is true, but from Brother Guy, I heard tell of divine servants who had taken mortal brides before Elua and his Companions.
Griogori, they were called, the Watchers, who begat children with mortal women.  The punishment of the One God was singular and fierce, condemning those who had disobeyed to damnation and their children death.  In his anger, the One God raised the seas and sent them to take the children of the Grigori, called Nephilim, to its depths.  Thus, the Flood that nearly destroyed the world.
Such were the thoughts of Cassiel as he watched the Companions at their debauchery.
We are told in childhood about Blessed Elua's answer to the One God's arch-herald, how Cassiel gave him the dagger that scored his palm, but at the Sanctuary, we were told that Cassiel was relieved that the One God's anger had not been roused toward them.  When Terre D'Ange Beyond was created, for Blessed Elua, his Companions, and their offspring, Cassiel rejoiced, though he still knew himself and the Companions to be damned.
I feel that it should be said that such lessons were not given, but rather a conclusion that we came to in the long hours we had to think on what Brother Guy had told us.  Such as it is with every initiate-to-be, and every such lesson is only reinforced with the training we received as we grew.
At the end of the first lesson, and indeed every lesson, Brother Guy took us to the courtyard so that we might see some part of the training we would receive.
"You must not think that we disdain the teachings of Blessed Elua, nor his Companions," he told us quietly, so as not to interrupt the concentration of the initiates.  "Of a surety, even Cassiel followed Blessed Elua's precept, though he abjured mortal love.  It was because of love that he abandoned his post and walked with Blessed Elua.  It was because of love that he gave his dagger to Blessed Elua, despite his fears.  And it is from that love that we continue to protect the scions of Elua."
As I listened, I watched the initiates.  They wore the grey dress that my peers did, but they went unshod in their devotions.  I had thought to see them with dagger or sword in hand, and again, I was surprised to find myself mistaken.  As one, they went through the exercises that would serve them in their capacity as companions.  Their movements were smooth and graceful, moving like reeds bowing to the wind.  It was poetry in motion.  Transfixed, I watched and felt in myself a desire at once fierce and burning to become like them.
Brother Guy only allowed us a quarter of an hour to watch before leading us back inside.  He led us through the corridors, and I felt that some were familiar.  We were back in the dining hall.  This time there were initiates who filled the dining hall, eating in near silence.  Like them, we ate without speaking.
After the midday meal, we were taken back to the library for more tales and teachings.  I am proud to say my mind did not wander much at all this time.  I listened intently, frowning when I heard a somewhat that conflicted with what I had learned before.  Part of me wanted to rebel, to contradict what Brother Guy said and refuse to listen, but I pushed past that.  Then, I thought that I could continue to cling to what I had learned from my father's tutors.
Once he had finished the day's lessons, Brother Guy escorted us back to the dining hall for our last meal of the day.  As with breakfast and lunch, we did not speak, but ate in reflective silence.  The fare was once again simple, and I suspected was only leftovers from lunch.  Afterwards, we took our bowls, spoons, and cups to the initiates whose duties were to take them.
Brother Guy then took us back to our rooms, where we were allowed to rest and meditate on the day's lesson.  Like the dining hall, it was not prohibited to walk the halls of the Sanctuary but few did, but to bathe.
To my infinite relief, Patrice and Renault ignored both Astin and myself.  The spoke among themselves in low tones, and while my ear, trained by my stepmother, wanted to listen, I was too consumed by my thoughts.  Everything I had heard that day conformed to what I had been taught, but with such glaring differences that it all seemed unreal.  So caught up in my own thoughts, I did not notice Astin hop onto my bed until he spoke.
"It gets easier, you know," he told me, his voice soft.  Startled, I looked up at him.  He smiled at me, not a little compassion filling his bright eyes.  "A lot of boys have trouble when they first come, and they get angry.  Brother Guy never gets angry back though, he just listens and asks them questions.  If they get too angry he just asks them to be quiet.  And they do, 'cause it's Brother Guy."
"I'm not angry," I told him, keeping my voice down.  For some reason, I didn't want Patrice or his cousin to overhear.  "I just… It's so different."  I looked at my hands.  "I don't understand why I never heard this before."
"Because it's rude to tell people," he replied, settling on my bed.  "It'd be like telling everyone that they're wrong about everything.  And Brother Guy says it doesn't matter anyway, since knowing that they're wrong can't change what happened or that we'll go to Terre D'Ange Beyond when we die."
"I guess he's right," I murmured, thinking.  It nonetheless made me uncomfortable.  I fell silent, and Astin did as well.  He wriggled and squirmed and fidgeted, and occasionally muttered to himself.  I saw his brows draw together, and fall apart; rise and fall, while his mouth moved like he as chewing or his lips pursed.  He was fascinating to watch think, as I could almost see every thought cross his mind.  When I saw that he was growing tired, I finally spoke up.
"Perhaps we should bathe before we sleep," I suggested.  His eyes snapped open almost guiltily and he looked at me chagrined for a moment.  When he realized that I was not angry, or even annoyed, he smiled sheepishly.
"Alright," he told me.  "After that, you should go to the storage rooms and get your clothes."
Together, we left.  As before, I let Astin lead me through the winding corridors.  This time I tried to mark where we were going, and I did make some progress, though I would need a few more trips before I could memorize the path.  Again, there were initiates to fetch our water from the wells while Astin and I stripped.
Last night I was still reeling too much with my change of life and too tired from my journey to note the surprise on the faces of the initiates.  Cassiline Brothers are prohibited from the pleasures of the flesh, and because of this, did not bathe with one another as a way to combat temptation.  I, who had scarcely known a day without Emil, had grown used to bathing with another.  As for Astin, it was my guess that he was used to bathing in the sea with other children, and as such did not care to be naked around others.
I paid it no heed.  Astin posed no temptation to my ten year old self.  We washed quickly, shivering from the cold water, and were equally quick to dry and dress.  Astin grabbed my wrist and led me through.  The cold water, it seemed, freed his mind from the confines of sleep, and we all but ran to the storage rooms.
As I had come to expect, there was an initiate there to help us.  He was older, on the verge of taking his vows, with the stern mien of a true Brother.  He looked me over, and I could see the distaste in his eyes as he went to fetch my clothing.  He returned with three outfits and a pair of slippers.
"Try them on," he told me, shoving them in my arms.  "And don't complain."
Since complaining was the last thing on my mind, I was confused.  I did as he instructed, slipping to the back where he indicated.  The clothes fit well enough, but the shoes were too short for my feet.  I told him as gently as I could, and there was somewhat in his face that softened.  He brought me another pair, which fit just fine.  I thanked him and was reward with, not a smile, but at least a less-stern look.
As we walked through the halls, I expressed my confusion to Astin.
"Charnell's grumpy," he told me quietly, but I could tell that he was withholding somewhat, and pressed him.  "When Patrice and Renault first came, they complained so much that he called in a Brother to deal with them."  He gave me an apologetic look.  "You look like they did, when they first arrived, with nice clothes and such.  I think he was expecting you to be like them."
"Well, I'm not," I replied, a little stung at the thought.  "I'm nothing like them, nor will I ever be."
Astin grinned at that.  "I'm glad, since I like you."
He grabbed my wrist and hauled me through the corridors, back to our room.  More than once, I was hard pressed not to drop my clothes all over the floor.  I found myself smiling back at him, and following at a near run with an eager heart.
Once we reached the door, we struggled to keep the mirth from our faces.  To be sure, it was not to hide our companionship from our roommates, but some secret, unspoken desire to appear nonchalant.  Of course, we failed as soon as we walked in, and fell to fits of giggles.  Patrice glared at us, but from Renault, I felt a sense of longing.  In that moment, I felt as bad for him as I did for Astin.
I put my new clothes into the trunk at the foot of my bed and sat, reflecting.
My first day had been painless enough, and though I was plagued with thoughts of Emil to the point of distraction, I was pleased that I had made at least one friend.  He was nothing like my brother, and so I felt free to like him well enough.  I spent most of that evening in thoughts of home and family, until Patrice imperiously informed us all that he was going to bed, and warned to keep silent while he slept.  It didn't take long for his cousin to follow suit, nor for Astin.
With the room in darkness, I lay in bed willing sleep to come.  My journey was still wearing on me and I could feel the lack of sleep from the night before.  Still, I tossed and turned, missing Emil.
- 4
- 5
- 6
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Cassiel's Daggers