Courtesan | By : Shelindrea Category: Twilight Series > Het > Jacob/Renesmee Views: 4787 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
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A Calculated Risk – Chapter 5
JPOV
There is a burden to living these days. As I recover my strength and sense of health, I seem to have lost a sense of myself. How is it a mere slip of a girl is now owed for my life? Worst of all, is how she was forced to pay herself as ransom. It is too much to bear such an injustice.
How is it one can go from fighting fiercely at the side of one’s brothers to being a prisoner? It changes a man’s perception of himself. I find a great deal of anger abiding in my gut for so many things now that I hardly recognize myself.
Worst of all, it is the look of pity in Nessie’s eyes that haunts me, those dark eyes that search and watch. She is forever looking through those unnaturally long lashes when she thinks I cannot see her. She says nothing that is out of order, but I see her view me as if I am not myself, but rather some fragile creature whom she must protect. That is unacceptable. I have always felt the urge to protect her. How can I accept a charitable view from her? It is too much to bear.
So, I have sent her from me. This shall settle the matter. I refuse to be weak in her eyes, although why it should matter to me at all is something I cannot fathom. I have found comfort elsewhere before I am sure to be able to find it again. She is only a girl. She can serve Bella, fetch and carry, and remain chaste and safe within the house. I shall banish her from my mind, and all will again be as it was.
I cannot allow my fondness for her to rule my senses. She is a mere girl, there are dozens about the farm, and wouldn't any of them suffice to slake my carnal needs?
If only it were so... I have no desire for the other slaves, nor for any other woman. From the moment I touched her, she has consumed me. The entire time away from her, all I could think of was a way to return to her arms and find peace once again.
No, I will forget her, I am determined. I must, for I am no longer able to be what she needs.
NPOV
Time is a funny thing. When one waits for something, it can tick on forever, and when one dreads something, it flies. I have had the longest few weeks of my life as I waited to have a moment with Master Jacob. He has, as previously stated, been avoiding me, but fate is a fanciful master and the inevitable, unavoidable meeting finally came.
Mistress Bella, whom I have been keeping company during the day, was speaking with me about Master Jacob. She stated that she had noticed a change in him since the return from captivity. I listened quietly and attempted to determine where this conversation would take us.
“Nessie…” Mistress Bella said, “Tell me your thoughts about my dear Jacob. Do you see a change?”
“Mistress?” I replied.
“Speak plainly Ness, please.”
“I have seen him but little Mistress. I fear I have displeased him. I am most sorry,” I answered, so terribly close to tears.
“What?” Mistress Bella asked, “Why would you think that?”
“Because he sent me away, Mistress.”
“Oh, child,” Mistress Bella said raising my chin to look at her. “He said it was because he wanted you kept safe. He bade me protect you as he had failed to do. Did you not realize that you are still not to be given to others?”
“I assumed it was because I was undesirable, Mistress.”
Mistress Bella laughed and shook her head. “Silly girl, you are sunshine itself. I have come to enjoy our time together. You’re a joy to have about. Truth be told, I think that is also why Jacob has returned you to my side. Yet, I fear his doing so has injured you both, as your sunny disposition is now marred with a sadness in those dark eyes, and Jacob becomes more and more sullen as his physical health improves.”
I must have looked quizzical for Mistress Bella continued. “My sweet girl, do you mind your servitude? For you seem content, for the most part.”
“Mistress, I live to serve this house. You have been charity itself, and I have grown to love it here. Not that my opinion is of any import, but in truth, I live for you all.”
“As I suspected, now I have a sense that this nonsense has gone on long enough. I am returning you to Jacob’s feet, but I shall do so in a way that he cannot refuse you. Nessie, this may seem strange to you, but I cannot tell you my plan. You must simply trust me. Can you do that?”
“Implicitly Mistress.”
“Do not be afraid, no matter what happens. I have come to be very fond of you little one, and I swear nothing shall harm you whilst you are in my care.”
Funny, but whenever I am told not to fear, I fear so very much more. Mistress Bella sent me to the sewing girls and had them make me a beautiful set of silks to wear. They were made of whisper soft fabric of the palest peach, and were embroidered with sweet roses upon the hems. They were gossamer and ethereal, and I was told I was to dance for the men who had come to the farm for a mighty purchase. I had not danced since the night of my opening, and then it had been for Master Jacob’s pleasure and temptation. I was fearful of this, but knew I must obey. Angela, Mistress Bella's personal maid fancied my hair in a cascade of copper curls and had woven flowers with it. When all was done I was sent to an ante room, and Mistress Bella came and inspected me.
“Ah yes…” Mistress whispered, “This will do nicely. Now Renesmee, I want you to dance as if your very life depends upon it, for it just might.”
I was completely terrified by that statement. How could I dance for another, when the one I wished to tempt was not to be tempted? I felt my eyes glaze with tears as I readied myself for the party. I sucked in the warm air and prayed that I might be pleasing and might make my owners proud. Then I stepped out into the hall and took my place before the company. There were many new faces among the crowd, and one who seemed to be the leader of the buying party. He was handsome and dark, but there was fierceness in his eye as he watched me. I walked to the center of the hall and began to listen to the music of the flute and harp. I felt fear and trepidation as my body began to move in time to the rhythm I heard.
I focused on the dark master and tried to make myself pleasing but was afraid of his cold discernment. Then as I began to fear, I could not please anyone. I closed my eyes and remembered the last dance I had done, and how I had captured the eye of Master Jacob. Seeing his face in my mind’s eye brought warmth to my skin and a smile to my lips that were only for him. Yet in truth, none but I knew the reason for my pleasing smile and the waves of pleasure my body felt were all at the memory of him.
I writhed and danced in a frenzy, my hair finding itself gently and seductively unbound and falling in a fire lit copper sheet of riotous curls about me and clinging to my sweat dewed skin as I spun and bent remembering his eyes upon me. Then my mind played the strangest trick of all, for when my eyes opened I thought I saw him there, watching from a pillar. I looked to HIS dark eyes for a sign of approval and in my mind, I saw him lick his lips, saw him shift the girl upon his lap away and eye me as if I were a juicy piece of meat and he a starving man.
I found myself heated in his gaze, but as I began to spin and imagine him touching me allowing me to begin to sense a heat pool deep within me, I found myself rising in my heated display for the eyes I only imagined when suddenly there was a sound that broke the spell.
He was there, and there was a growl that emitted from him, a noise that seemed to denote a great displeasure and an almost animalistic sense of anguish. He sounded like a wolf howling at the moon.
“Renesmee!” he yelled.
I froze where I stood. All else seemed to freeze in time as he demanded my attention. “Enough! Come! Away with you!”
I was certain that I was in horrible trouble. I went to his feet and sat upon my heals my back straight, my head down, and awaited his command. He looked at me with a fierce and dangerous look. He took my wrist in a vice like grip and led me to the ante chamber.
Mistress Bella followed and looked at Master Jacob. “Jacob, what is the meaning of this?” she asked in a harsh tone, I had never heard her use before.
“I might well ask you the same Bella. Why is this girl here? Why is she displayed for the guests? What are you about?”
“The girl is of great value, Jake. What would you have me do, hide away a beauty which could be of use?” Mistress spat at him.
I was still held fast in Master Jacob’s grip and my flesh bruised under his fingers. I knew I had displeased him, but was frightened by the vehemence in both his and Mistress Bella’s voices.
“You gave the girl to ME!” he growled. “I did not release her!”
“No, Jake, you returned her.” Mistress said in a cold and nasty tone. “She is a girl of talent and beauty, and if she does not please you she can be used to please my guests. You obviously were dissatisfied. Would you have me sell her? I am sure she would fetch a price!”
My eyes flew to Mistress Bella’s face, and I could feel bitter tears well there and fall upon my heated cheeks. I realized that I would be sent away and my heart broke at the thought. It was then that Mistress Bella looked directly into my eyes, and I sensed that I was safer than I felt, though I could not see how.
“What?!….. No!” Master Jacob yelled. “She is not to be sold.”
It was then that he looked down at me and seemed to realize the tightness of his grip. He eased it and looked at my face. “No tears little one, all is well,” he said rubbing the pad of his thumb across my cheek.
“Bella, I am sorry. I have been wrong. How inhospitable of me. I did not mean to return your gift. That was not my intent. The girl never displeased me. It was I who was unwell, and feeling….” he looked down at me “…I do not know what I was thinking or feeling truth be told. I feel beholden to you for the rescue, and have nothing to offer for your saving my life. The girl seemed a fitting offering.”
“Jacob, I saved my husband’s life as well as yours, and Nessie assisted. She did not submit to that man, she merely distracted him so I could incapacitate him. She is still only yours. We shall never speak of this again, do you understand. You need not thank me. You are my dearest friend, and honestly, this girl pleases you. You would not have her sent to another. Keep the gift I gave you. This would please me. Now I have guests to soothe, and deals to broker. Do not return to the hall this even. Go and relax. I will deal with our customers.” With that Mistress Bella left with a small almost imperceptible wink to me.
I continued to weep silently, my wrist still trapped in Master Jacob's loose grip. I tried to comprehend what had just happened, but it was beyond me. Master Jacob looked down at me and released my arm. “Come, little one,” he said and led me away from the hall.
When we arrived at his chamber he motioned for me to sit by the fire. I was so confused. I feared I had displeased him, and that was enough to break my heart.
“Tears my girl?” Master asked. “Why do you weep? Did you think I would let harm come to you?”
“I knew not Master. I feared I had been displeasing, and would not be so to you or Mistress.” I confessed.
“Nessie…how would you have displeased me? You did as I bade you. You are a good girl.” He took my hand and looked at my wrist. “I was wrong to send you to Bella. I must learn to be accepting of gifts and to be a good Master to you. You have never failed me, but I tell you now, you are to dance for no one, but I tell you to do so, and no one is to touch you but I approve, or they will pay me for the honor. You are to remain within the house or my chambers. Do you hear?”
“Yes Master.”
“Now, does this hurt?” he asked as he brushed his thumb across my wrist where red welts were beginning to show.
“No Master,” I said averting my eyes.
“Little one,” he said softly, “where are you?”
“Master?”
“There are rules in this chamber. Need I repeat them?”
“No Master. I remember.”
“Then again I ask, does this hurt.”
“Not much Master.”
“Come, my girl.” he said as he led me to the basin and poured cool water into it. He took my wrist and placed it into the coolness of the water. It was soothing and eased the mild discomfort that I felt. “Now that should be better. I cannot have bruises on such a treasure.”
I smiled shyly and kept my eyes down. The mere touch of his hand upon my skin made me feel warmth beyond the firelight or the comfort of the furs upon which I sat. I had not realized how very much I had missed his touch. Yet, when I felt it I was amazed at the effect.
“I did not mean to harm you Ness,” he said softly.
He began to ease his thumbs across my wrist in a slow sensuous rhythm. My breath caught, as he began to softly caress me with the pads of his thumbs. The welts were fading, yet he brought my wrist to his lips and pressed them there against my dampened skin. Then he laved his soft, wet, warm tongue against my pulse point, and I was certain he would sense the jump in its beat as my heart became an untamed tattoo within my very breast.
“I had almost forgotten the softness of your skin, my girl. How is it that your skin is so perfectly soft?” he inquired with a glint in his eye.
My mouth was so terribly dry as I watched his lips upon my skin; I was incapable of speech. I had not realized the hunger within me for that very touch. Each and every nerve within my arm was sending flames of passion and unbridled desire throughout my being. I would have sworn that the lips that brushed my wrist were truly touching my more secret parts for the sensations that I felt upon my skin were felt in my womanly parts as I felt myself become a molten flame within.
“And the color of this skin…” Master whispered against my flesh, “so pale and perfectly formed. I must ease any mar I have made upon it, for it must remain the color of a ripened peach on a cloud. How could I have forgotten such softness? And it’s flavor, the sweetness of vanilla and sugar. That I am certain I could not blot out of my memory.”
I swallowed hoping to moisten my desert of a throat as his lips drifted up to my inner elbow. His eyes were toying with mine, looking in tiny increments as his lips whispered endearments against my skin.
“Can it be only once I have tasted this goodness? Can it be a mere night that was spent in your arms? Tell me little one, how fares your memory of events of that night?” He asked as he raised his head and pressed his velvet lips to the pulse point upon my neck. “Renesmee?”
“Yes, Master?” I managed to sigh as I began to melt against his strong frame for support.
“Have you thought of our last coupling? Has it crossed you mind?”
I moaned unbidden as his lips trailed my jaw and teased me avoiding my own, which longed to remember his taste. “Oh, Master.”
“You, my girl, are a seductress. You should be punished for it,” he whispered, kissing behind my ear upon the sensitive hollow he found there.
“Punished, Master? How have I displeased you?” I asked on a breath that kept catching in my lungs.
“You have not lost an ounce of that desirability you have, my girl. Rather, it has blossomed in your absence. You are even more tempting to me than you had been. 'Tis unbelievable that it has grown, this desire I have for you. How should I deal with this indiscretion of yours?” He sounded serious, but he continued to kiss and lick at these sensitive areas, and then he looked deeply into my eyes and smiled his devastatingly handsome smile.
“Ness, you look torn, are you unsure of how to answer me?”
“Yes, Master.” I sighed. “I am not artful; I have not meant to be anything but what you desire me to be, I swear.”
“I believe you, my little one, yet here is the evidence. Look at you. It shines out of every pore. I think you must be taught to know what this seductive nature has wrought you.” He pulled back and gazed deeply into my eyes, and though I knew I was not to look into his eyes without his bidding it I could not tear my eyes from his.
I was so confused; I could not tell whether he was in earnest and annoyed with me, or teasing me with words as he had with his touch. He seemed to be trying to engage me in this word play, and when I looked confused at him he smiled again and took my hand, leading me to the furs by the fire.
“Stand there Ness, let me look at you.” He said as he began to walk about me. “Yes, Bella is a knowledgeable woman. Did you know that your Mistress has made you almost perfect this evening?”
“I am so far from perfect, Master; I know not what you see.”
“I see a beautiful girl wrapped in finest silk and formed in pleasing manner. There is only one thing that could make you more beautiful, Ness,” he said and as he spoke the words he untied the silks from my skin. Each piece skittered over my skin and pooled upon the floor at my feet. Then, I stood in the firelight as his eyes raked me in a hungry manner.
“Now there is a perfect beauty, my temptress, my seductress, my girl. That is the truest memory I hold of you,” he said as his hands began to skim the territory his eyes had just taken in.
My knees almost buckled beneath me at his touch. Then with the swiftness of bird’s wings, he scooped me into his arms and began to kiss me senseless. I responded in kind, my lips hungrily devouring his skin, tasting and touching him as if I had been starved for him. In truth, I had been. I became a hungry beast. I drank in his aroma, a rich mix of masculine spice and heady musk. I used my fingertips to map his form and learn every nuance, so that I could find each plane and valley and know the sigh or moan that my touch elicited.
Somehow his clothes melted away, and suddenly he laid me down on the furs and stood poised above me. “Yes, punishment…” he said as he eased himself into me and then stopped “…slow and exquisite torture, I think is the way to go.”
I tried to tempt him deeper within me, aching for more, but as I moved to him he withdrew and held himself just beyond my reach. “Oh, I think we have found a truth here,” he said on a rich throaty laugh.
Again he eased into the center of my being and held himself there. I could feel him pulsing within me and ached for more of him, yet he held me still and looked deeply into my eyes. “So, little one, you have missed your Master, haven’t you?”
“Oh yes, Master.” I sighed, almost as a prayer.
“You need your Master?”
“Yes…Master.”
And with the smile of a satisfied glutton, he eased in to the hilt and took me as his own. He inflamed me with each touch and possessed my heart, mind, and soul, until all that I am, or ever will be became his and his alone. Then he held me on the brink of total submission and whispered in my ear. “Nessie, say my name, I wish to hear it on your lips as I taste your submission. Say it my sweet girl.”
He had not asked me to call him 'Master Jacob' as he had before. I was unsure, but again he held himself still not giving me release, nor taking his own. “Say it my beauty, say my name for me, here and now, for me.”
“Jacob…” I said on a breath.
“Again!” he ordered.
“Jacob…” I cried as he again began to move and urged me to the brink.
“Jacob, who? Nessie? Who am I?”
“Jacob, my Master.”
“YES!” He hissed, and we both fell over the peak sailing in each other’s arms until we floated to the soft furs together both sated and replete. He nestled his dark head against my breast and fell asleep. I listened to his even breathing and held fast to him in my joy. Then as I wound my fingers into his hair, I whispered ever-so-softly, “Jacob, my love.”
I heard him softly moan in his sleep and prayed that his dreams were half happy and content as mine.
A/N: please feel free to share your thoughts with me. Shelindreaire@aol.com
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