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Prelude	By : belladonnacullen Category: Twilight Series > Het > Bella/Edward Views: 5838 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Author's Note: When converting my files over to text for this site, try as I might, I can't make italics happen. So some of this may get a little confusing since the thoughts Edward hears are supposed to be in italics. Sorry!! I'm open to any suggestions for fixing this. Thanks for reading!
I walked slowly up the drive toward the house, pleased to have some time alone. But instead of making my way back to the house, I broke into a sprint and took to the forest in an attempt to keep my mind from dwelling on Bella's wishes. A damp summer breeze ruffled my hair, bringing with it the tart smell of wild salmonberry and thimbleberry ripening on the bushes in the underbrush. But instead of clearing my mind, the effortless speed of my run only seemed to enhance the difference between Bella and I.
Emmett's thoughts crowded in on mine. He believed we bonded and loved fiercely as a substitute for what we wanted most. I certainly desired Bella more than I knew was possible. Were the love and passion I felt for her only a substitute for my hunger? What if I was just fooling myself, and put myself in the perfect position to let the monster within win out in the end? No, it was impossible that an emotion this intense, that was able to transform me so completely, could be a substitute for anything.
I sighed as I ran; not even running could keep my mind from following a dozen trains of thought at once. If only I had to think about where to place my feet, judge when to dodge a tree limb, calculate a leap over a stream, perhaps then my mind might be able to let go.
I thought about the silence with which I ran through the forest. My steps were so controlled that I ran soundlessly through the trees. It wasn't with intense strength, but with unnatural delicacy. I stopped at a river running across my path. Kneeling down, I carefully skimmed my hand over the surface of the water, gentle enough to avoid creating ripples. It was true that as much as I possessed infinite strength, I was also capable of a more delicate touch than any human could imitate. I had complete control and awareness of every cell of my body. I turned to watch a spider spinning her web among the branches of the Indian plum to my right. I caressed the strands of the web, collecting the water droplets that hung on it in my palm, careful not to disturb her creation. If I could just be sure to touch Bella this way, then maybe . . .
I ran back to the house thinking I would just change my clothes before leaving for Charlie's house, hoping that my decision would be made on the way. But as I left my room I could hear Carlisle and Esme in his study.
"We should speak to him before he leaves again," I heard Esme say, "just so we know what we need to be prepared for."
"Yes, of course."
"Edward?" Their thoughts called to me in unison.
I reached the door just as Esme was opening it from the other side. "You're home." She placed her hands on my shoulders to smile at me, and then pulled me in for a hug. This greeting had become standard since Bella and I announced or engagement.
"We were just discussing you and Bella," Esme said out loud this time. "I was wondering about your plans for after the wedding." She looked up to Carlisle and he nodded. "Should we have Carlisle's study ready for the wedding night? We know how eager Bella is, and we would like to have everything ready, so the two of you can start your lives together." Esme smiled in earnest.
I worked to keep my facial features calm. "No, not that night."
"Yes, we considered that, with her family in town. And Tanya may want to stay and visit for a few days. In that case, we just have to arrange accommodations for everyone-"
"Actually Bella and I would like some time alone, as husband and wife, before she turns. We'll be flying out right after our wedding."
"Oh, yes, yes, I hadn't - " then Esme stopped abruptly and her hands fluttering up to her mouth. "Oh my. No. I hadn't thought -" But then she stopped herself again. Carlisle reached one arm around her shoulders and used his other hand to clasp both of hers, bringing them to her waist. "Yes, of course. A honeymoon, how lovely." Carlisle's jaunty smile was a well-worn mask.
"Edward we should talk, son."
"I hope I didn't hurt his feelings just now. I should leave."
Ah yes, the proverbial father son talk about sex. I wonder how many discussions included specific cautions on not killing or maiming the bride. How many ways could I endanger the life of my beloved? I seemed to find new avenues almost weekly. Perhaps I was insane to even entertain these thoughts.
Carlisle gave Esme a loving look, and a mutual pause of understanding passed easily between them. Esme smiled at him, then looked at me warmly. There was a certain brightness in her eyes betraying her concern. "I'm so happy for you dear," she managed, and left the room without another word.
I turned to face Carlisle. "Is it even possible?"
Carlisle paused. "Edward, I want to make sure I find the right words. In the past I feel many of my reactions to your ideas and feelings toward Bella may have implied that I don't have faith in you."
"On the contrary, I feel you may have far too much trust in my judgment."
"As I see it, you consistently underestimate yourself. The careful control you have shown in your relationship with Bella is beyond anything I have ever seen before, with vampire or mortal. And the love, concern, and respect you show for others has made me proud to call you son. You have been irrevocably changed, and it has been a privilege to watch."
"But back to the topic at hand. I thought your plan was to turn Bella after the wedding. Wouldn't it be more prudent to wait until afterwards for a physical union? This doesn't have to be a dangerous encounter for her."
"Bella wants this one specific human experience before she's turned. She doesn't know what her newborn feelings for me will be. She wants to make sure that she isn't losing anything by choosing this life, and I can't deny her that. I told her only that we would try."
"Edward, if there was any vampire alive that could do this, I believe it would be you. Because of the restraint that you show daily, and because of your feelings for the person you will be with."
"You are certainly not the first vampire to be physically drawn to a human." Carlisle continued, "The ultimate physical gratification for our kind with a human is not simply sexual, but of a more gastrointestinal nature. Humans are left drained of their blood; authorities suspect rape or various cults. Of course, this isn't inevitable. You may find your Denali cousins could be a first-hand resource for you on this count. But there is more than just sexual attraction between you and Bella. I feel certain your love will guide you, I don't believe you are a danger to her in this way."
"Of course the other obstacle would be your physical strength. Something you've no doubt considered. You'll need to keep yourself in check, your wits about you. You see, at the height of this experience, our minds let go and our bodies take over. Freedom from our usual hyper-aware state is an amazing release. Suddenly there are no thoughts, in comparison to a thousand at once. You would have to resist this. I'm afraid this won't be easy, and it may not be completely gratifying."
"Is it even worth it to put her in danger this way?"
"Son, I would say no if it weren't for the love you feel for Bella. I've told you of the human outcome when vampires sexually prey on humans. But vampires that engage in this activity are also left for the worse. These encounters often pervert our nature, turning us into a different kind of monster than the term vampire implies."
"An incubus?" I spat. Could my love for Bella take me to lows of such legendary proportion?
"Yes, I fear these encounters may be at the root of those stories. But these legends are just human interpretations of the supernatural world, not completely trustworthy accounts."
"However, Edward, when love and lust are combined and expressed physically it is something so powerfully good, it also changes us completely, eternally. It is something that can't be undone, and that every one of us should be lucky enough to have. It is something I want for you. You never choose the easy way Edward, in all things, love included. I trust you to make the right choice. And if this is your choice, I believe truly that Bella will remain unharmed."
"I'm afraid I can't be of more help to you with the specifics. Perhaps Tanya could be a valuable resource on the finer points."
I noticed a slight upturn at the corners of Carlisle's mouth. Perhaps if he actually saw some small bit of humor in this conversation, there was a chance that he was right. However, I was certainly not going to consult Tanya on this matter. No one in my family new about the depth of Tanya's feelings toward me, I could spare her that much. I certainly could not ask her to help me consummate my love for Bella. I would have to go without that.
Carlisle and I both turned toward the front of the house as we heard the sound of Alice's tires turn from the highway onto the drive.
"We can continue this conversation later, if you'd like." Carlisle assured. "Alice was with Bella most of the day ironing out the finer points of your wedding, and this evening she gathered your siblings together. I don't have to read minds to guess that she's planning on accosting you tonight."
As if to confirm Carlisle's suspicions I could hear Alice's thoughts as the car neared the house, "Flowers: lilac, orange blossom, jasmine? Lilac, orange blossom, foxglove? Freesia, orange blossom, jasmine? Jasmine, freesia, foxglove? Sunflowers? Daisies?"
I pressed my lips together and rolled my eyes. "Edward she means well, and I'm sure you will be delighted with the outcome," Carlisle gently scolded.
"Edward!" It was Alice. "Get Carlisle and Esme together and meet me downstairs. There is a situation that we have to discuss. Lily, azalea, lilac? Brown-Eyed Susan, sunflower, forsythia? Hyacinths, Hyacinths! Hyacinths . . ."
"Carlisle, Alice wants us to meet her downstairs. She didn't say why exactly, but perhaps to discuss flowers?" I smirked.
Carlisle collected Esme from her study and we gathered around the dining room table, waiting. No more than a minute later Alice danced in through the front door, and came to stand at the opposite end of the table.
"I saw a vision that Maria was planning to confront Peter and Charlotte on their recent travels to The Yukon." She explained straight off, without any pleasantries. "Daisies, lilies, marigolds." "Jasper felt obliged to be there to smooth things over. He feels responsible for the bad blood there. Emmett decided to go along for the hunt, reindeer, possibly polar bear along the way." "Lily, lily, freesia, lily." "Rose went too."
Somehow Alice seemed almost pleased with herself, like a child that has just finished an oral report and wants to rush off the stage. She smiled a strained smile at the three of us from across the table.
"Freesia, marigold, lilac, orange blossom?"
"Oh Alice! Why did they leave without saying goodbye?" Esme was clearly hurt and worried.
"They thought they would just leave quickly in order to get back with plenty of time for Edward and Bella's wedding."
"Alice, will they be OK? Is there any danger in their plans?" Carlisle was also alarmed by my siblings' sudden departure.
"No, I haven't seen any hint of a threat from Maria. Jazz is just helping out a good friend." "Marigold, brown-eyed Susan, iris? Iris, hyacinth, lavender?"
"I should call Peter, see if I can be of assistance."
"No, they're out of range in The Yukon!" Alice responded, a bit of alarm in her voice.
"At the very least I'd like to speak with my sons. Esme, let's get them on the phone. I'm pleased at their eagerness to help Peter and Charlotte, but it seems a much too hasty. I want to make sure this has been well thought out."
"Well, I was thinking I might jet out for a quick bite. Ha, ha! I might look for something a little farther from home than usual. Maybe I'll see you all in the morning?" Alice spoke quickly and turned to go.
Alice wasn't getting out of here so easily. Something was wrong and she couldn't keep me out of her thoughts forever. I stepped across her path purposefully, toying with the idea of tackling her if it became necessary.
"Yes, Edward?" Alice thought innocently. "Lily, hyacinth, poppy, marigold."
"Enough with the flowers, Alice. As if you would ever seriously consider marigolds as part of a wedding bouquet! What are you keeping from me? Are things worse with Peter and Charlotte than you let on? Is it something with Bella?"
Alice was suddenly deep in concentration as she answered, "Edward, I wouldn't think you would have to ask."
"I am quite clearly asking you Alice. And I would appreciate a straight answer." I was becoming impatient. "What is going on?"
And quickly, a flash from Alice's memory of the future: I was waist deep in moonlit water, waves gently splashing against my stone frame. I was undressed, waiting. Alice looked up at me defiant, "Would you prefer that I focus on something besides flowers so that I can continue with this scenario?" she challenged. "You know, I've never had to filter out your future like this before. I thought you might like some privacy, but maybe I was wrong."
That was unexpected, and it stopped my train of thought quite suddenly. "Well?" Alice asked out loud this time, "do you really mind if I recite flower arrangements?" Having a reminder that Alice could see our future so vividly changed the course of my thoughts completely.
"Alice, while I appreciate your decorum with respect to Bella's privacy, I do have one request. Would you please let me know if any decision I make will ever endanger Bella, physically or otherwise? Last year you warned me that my actions would do Bella more harm than good, and I refused to listen. It appears that my feelings for Bella have obscured my objectivity. Going forward, I will never disregard you in this respect. It is beyond important to me that I never cause Bella pain again, and never put her life in danger again. I couldn't bear it. You know that."
"Edward, you have my word. I love her too, we all do. It is not just you looking out for Bella's future. Any of us would do everything in our power to keep Bella safe. Know that." Alice usually devious face was very serious. Her sincerity was clear.
"Alice, Carlisle said there might be something you wanted to ask me," I remembered.
"Oh." Alice's face relaxed just slightly. "I noticed that one of the invitations is missing."
I reflexively pressed my lips together. "That's not really a question." I knew Alice was just protecting Bella, but this was none of her business.
"She doesn't want him there. She told me today. I think you should talk to her before you do this."
"I already know what she would say. She doesn't want to hurt him, or to hurt me."
"Maybe you should consider that."
"I will always consider Bella's feelings first. This is her wedding after all." Alice was scrutinizing me, seeking out something else in my eyes. It was harder to protect my emotions now that they were so close to the surface. I struggled to remain unreadable.
"There's more to it than that, isn't there?" Alice asked out loud.
I tried to look away, blinking in hopes that I could bring some other emotion to the forefront besides the doubt that was clinging to the edge of my happiness.
"You're still waiting to lose her, aren't you?"
There was no hiding now. Alice hit the mark. I felt my heart surge up through my chest, through my throat. My words were a rough whisper, "She deserves every opportunity to say no. His is the only objection that could sway her."
"It's time to accept that Bella is yours. Don't send the invitation. It's foolish. After all of my planning, you're trying to sabotage your own wedding."
"That's not it. I owe her every chance to say no. Anyway, it's already done."
"But none of the other invitations have even been sent out yet."
"Anything else, Alice?"
Alice wasn't even slightly appeased. Frustration and anger colored her face. I wasn't sure if she was more upset at my reasoning, or the fact that an invitation was sent out of turn. She looked like she would like to stomp away immediately, but her job as party planner kept her in the room.
"I was wondering if you would prefer a piano solo or a string quartet for a certain piece of music," Alice implored through gritted teeth. She put her hands to her temples in deep concentration, her mind silent now, but her voice slowly picking out a series of notes I knew well. Again, I saw a quick flash, an involuntary hiccup on Alice's part. But this was something I had seen before, something I had dreamed of the first night I watched Bella as she slept. It was Bella, smiling and radiant, in a lace wedding dress, walking down the aisle on her wedding day. Just as quickly it was gone. Obviously this was something Alice was closely guarding.
I took a deep, staggering breath. "Alice, I've never told a soul about that."
"What do you mean Edward?" She was oblivious. I composed myself.
"Wagner's March." I said softly.
"It's what will be playing as Bella walks down the aisle to you on your wedding day, of course."
"How did you know about that?"
Alice looked confused. "Edward, what are you talking about? I see the future, remember?"
"I dreamed Bella might someday walk down the aisle to that march more than a year ago." My breath was shallow, my vision narrowing.
"Maybe I'm not the only fortune teller in the family after all. But really Edward, everyone uses it." The anger in Alice's voice was ebbing. "Solo or quartet?"
That melody was clearly part of the vision I had as I watched Bella sleeping, over a year ago. The idea of Bella belonging to someone else had been so intolerable that I gave up my dream of a third option for Bella's future, the option of staying away. That was the night that I decided to be a part of Bella's life. This was the exact vision that had just appeared to me as a snapshot in Alice's mind.
Suddenly I realized how much I needed to be with Bella, to have her in my arms. I had heard enough, thought enough, but there was never really any decision to make. The realization that the vision of Bella on her wedding day had not been one of exclusion, but one that portended our shared destiny made things suddenly clear. It had always been Bella, our separate futures were one, and in a way I never thought they could be. There was no way I could stay away from her any longer. And the next four weeks opened up before me like an epic poem, possibly difficult, but long and sweet.
"Alice, I really must go. Take care hunting alone." And I was out the door quickly, bounding toward Forks, exultant.
As I climbed in Bella's bedroom window I saw that she was already asleep. She was tossing and murmuring incoherently, her blanket and sheet in knots at her feet. It was all that I could do not to wake her. "It's O.K., I'm here my dear. I came back to say yes. I am yours completely. It was always yes, even when I didn't know it." I pulled the sheet up to cover her frame and watched her sign in her sleep. Her limbs relaxed and she murmured, "Finally." Her breathing was now steady and deep. I gingerly settled next to her on the cramped twin bed, lightly stroking her cheek, the touch of her skin burning the tips of my fingers. I spent the rest of the night watching the moonlight trace a path across my love's face, and my touch was as soft as the moonlight itself, as gentle as a the mist that fell on the hemlocks and cedars outside.
- 5
- 6
- 7
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Prelude