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Broken	By : LadyExcalibur Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Het > Het Views: 3150 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 5
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******Chapter 6: Bemused and Bewildered*******

Bella leaned back against her door and heaved a sigh. Her lips still tingled from Edward’s kiss. The kiss had been sweetly tentative, not at all what she had expected a college kid to give a stripper. True, he had known her before she became the Bella she was, but still it had been unbearably tender.

She had been tempted – oh so tempted – to invite him. Her mouth had opened and the words had formed on her lips, but she had looked up into his eyes and been unable to say them. Unbelievably, she was not sure if he would accept. There was a sense of caution in him that she had never sensed in any other man. Even as much as Jake loved her, as much as he wanted to protect her, there had never been that wary edge, the sense that he might move away from her at any moment.

It almost seemed as if he was frightened of her, as silly as that sounded. His guardedness drew her, Bella admitted. Usually the men she met were only too willing to indulge in a physical relationship right away. Edward Cullen, however, seemed to want to get to know her rather than just the body with which she earned her living. With Edward, there would be no hurrying to a culmination of the feelings and sensations that were currently thrumming through her body. She had to tamp down a feeling that was suspiciously like disappointment.

The phone in her pocket vibrated, halting her speculations. Bella hesitated when she saw the number, wary for the first time in her memory of talking to him.

“Jake?” she said quietly.

“Hey, Bells,” Jake’s husky reassuring voice made her feel ashamed for her caution. This was Jake, her best friend, the only person in the world who did not seem to care that her brain was a scrambled mess.

Well, he wasn’t the ONLY one. There was another…

Bella sighed and settled into her favorite chair, thrusting away the confusing mess of feelings that had her in their grip. “Hey, Jake,” she replied.

“You sound tired,” Jake said with concern.

“It’s been a long night,” Bella said with a tired laugh.

There was a long pause. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” she assured him.

“You don’t sound okay,” Jake insisted.

“Who are you, my mother?” she teased.

“All right, I get it, butt out.”

“Something like that.” Bella felt herself relax as she heard the surrender in Jake’s voice. He was still worried, and curious, but he would let it go because she wanted him to.

Why couldn’t she love Jacob Black? It would make everything so much easier.

/Because you love…/ And there it went blank. Just as it always did. She never told anyone, not even Jake – especially not Jake – about that blank spot in her mind. Because the spot wasn’t quite blank, not completely. Something unseen hovered just beyond her reach and it was maddening.

When she had first woken up, she had seen something in her father’s eyes, some hidden shadow, something he was keeping from her. At first, she had been too injured to care or question. Later… Well, later, she had figured out that she didn’t really want to know. And that if she did, it might destroy her. By unspoken conspiracy, she had helped Charlie keep that secret.

Jake knew.

Bella was quite sure of that. But she had never asked him, not once in all the long months of recovery, never even hinted at it even when Jake had helped her learn who she was now. The new Bella had been quite happy to put old Bella’s ghosts to rest.

There were some secrets a woman had to keep, even from herself.

For the very first time, Bella found herself wanting to ask Jake what secret he and her father had kept from her. But the words wouldn’t come; the habit of ignoring the secret was too ingrained. She could only recall the pointed looks that had passed between Jake and Charlie, the subtle shaking of heads that had warned the few friends that had stopped by in the beginning, the way sentences ended abruptly and expressions tightened.

They all knew. Everyone except Bella and –

And?

That was the question, wasn’t it?

“Jake, do you remember when I first woke up after the accident?” Bella could not believe she had spoken the words that might open the floodgate.

No. Don’t go there, she cautioned herself.

Not there.

You won’t like what you find there, Bella Swan.

“Of course, Bella,” Jake said. “How could I forget? I thought we’d lost you.”

“Yeah, I was pretty messed up,” she said with a light laugh. Bella closed her eyes, remembering the pain of waking up, the way her body had protested the beating it had taken in the accident.

“What about it, Bells?”

She paused, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger and biting at her lower lip. “Quit biting your lip and talk to me Bella,” Jake commanded.

“Guilty,” Bella said, deliberately biting her lip again. “Okay, when I woke up…”

“Yeah?”

“When I woke up, I know I was missing a lot of memories, stuff from Forks, right?”

“Yeah.” Jake’s voice was cautious now and she could imagine his eyes tightening. His jaw would be clenching just slightly and one hand would curl into a fist on his knee.

“But you and my dad…you told me everything…right?”

“What do you mean?” Jake asked. His voice was too cool, too neutral. It wasn’t Jake at all.

“You didn’t keep anything from me. Did you?”

“Well, I’m sure we missed something,” Jake replied. “But we tried to hit all the important stuff, the things you’d need to move on with your life.”

Something about Jacob’s response struck her as too careful. She wanted to dig, but she felt the old fear surge up inside of her.

/Don’t go there! It’s dangerous! It will kill you…/

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she said easily. “Sometimes, I just…I just wonder, you know, about how I was before…”

“You’re still Bella,” Jake said softly. “And you always will be. Whatever happened before doesn’t matter, only what happens now…and in the future.”

“I know.” But did she?

“I wanna be a part of that future, Bells, you know that,” Jake continued. “I’m waiting for you. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

“I don’t deserve you, Jake,” Bella murmured. “I’ve gotta go, I’m dead tired.”

“Night, baby,” he whispered.

And she hung up the phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She shivered. Bella looked around her. She was standing in the middle of a clearing and she could smell the flowers in riotous bloom around her. Smiling, she knelt down and began plucking some of the delicate buds, tucking one behind her ear.

“Bella,” a low, velvet voice called and she turned to smile at him.

She had been expecting him. Somehow. Holding out her hand, she shivered again when his hand closed over hers. “You’re cold,” she said.

“Not when I’m with you,” Edward replied and he embraced her, keeping her safe against his hard, solid chest. “You make me the man I’ve always wanted to be.”

She looked up at him, bemused and bewildered.

“Kiss me again,” Bella pleaded and Edward groaned, leaning his forehead against hers.

“I shouldn’t…” he whispered. “It isn’t…safe.”

“I don’t play it safe anymore,” Bella told him. “Since the accident, I’ve realized I don’t have time for that. Life…it’s over too soon. It’s too fast.”

Something odd flashed in his expression. “It doesn’t have to be that way,” he said in a soft voice.

“You can’t live forever, you know.”

He didn’t answer, merely pulled her even closer and she shivered. “You’re still cold.”

“Don’t worry about me,” he whispered in her ear and she trembled at the chilled air of his breath. “Never worry about me.”

“I can’t help it,” Bella told him. “There’s something about you that makes me want to protect you.”

“Your instincts are still backwards, I see.” A harsh burst of laughter erupted from him. Then he was pushing her away, grabbing at her upper arms with his cold, hard hands and shaking her gently. “Do you remember me, Bella? Do you remember yet?”

She backed away from him, shaking her head, but he followed, not releasing his grip on her arms. “I can’t,” she said. “I can’t. It…It’ll kill me. I know it will. I can’t remember. I won’t!”

“For me, Bella? Please?” Edward’s voice went low and liquid, like honey pouring over her, warm and sweet. “You’ve got to remember, love.”

“Love?” She was confused but then his lips were on hers and she didn’t care anymore. Her lips parted beneath his and a cool, sweet tongue brushed against hers.

“I’m so sorry,” Edward hissed.

And fire erupted at her throat.

Bella woke up panting for breath, her hand automatically going to her throat where the pain had blazed in the dream. But there was no mark, no blood, no injury. She laughed at herself, rolled over and went back to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Edward leaned back against the shower wall, trying very much to ignore the rather insistent erection that had been clamoring for his attention since his lips had touched Bella’s. Or rather, since the moment he had imagined doing so. Closing his eyes, he tried to imagine all sorts of horrific images, anything to banish the memory of her lips parting for his kiss, the soft gasp he had swallowed as she reacted to his touch.

With a groan, Edward realized that the arousal which thrummed through him was not going to go away. Not easily at any rate. He reached down, his touch tentative and ashamed as he felt his own flesh. A stroke, just one, he promised himself.

But the relief associated with the action made his knees tremble. And with his eyes closed he could almost imagine that it was Bella’s small, hot hand moving up and down his flesh.

Almost.

“Bella,” he whispered, his hand moving faster and with more assurance. “Oh God. Yes.”

It was over quickly, he was too wound up for anything else. His back bowed and his balls tightened just a moment before he exploded over the black tiles. Edward was shaking as he fell back against the wall, his eyes still closed, the scent of Bella still clinging to him, filling his head.

“Shit,” he muttered.

Shit indeed.
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Broken