Enigma | By : Skullbearer Category: A through F > Dragonlance Views: 3917 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: I do not own the book(s) that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Enigma
Chapter seven- Belonging
"The wicked presence - The wicked essence
The thing that unites us - The thing that divides us"
Star by Star, Kovenant.
Once again Raistlin awoke with Dalamar acting as his blanket, only this morning he was not as sore as the previous. Dalamar had kept his bargain meticulously. Not that that had in anyway impaired him, if anything last night was even more incredible than the one before.
He'd had no idea one's mouth could be used in that way.
Gods, if this got any better, it would kill him.
He felt Dalamar stir, the Dark elf raising his head and smiling sleepily down at him. Raistlin couldn't quite place the expression, but it seemed that the Silvanesti was not in the least displeased with the situation. Neither was Raistlin to be honest, because although waking up next to- or under- someone was certainly an odd experience, it was a very pleasant one. How strange, that if he'd considered this before he met Dalamar, he would have found it disgusting. Well, everyone is wrong at some time or other.
Dalamar sat up, still perched on top of him, on his legs to be precise, and raised his hands above him in a long stretch- one, Raistlin suspected, that was entirely for his benefit.
"Good morning," He yawned, "Was last night to your liking?" He licked his lips playfully.
"Definitely," Raistlin felt himself blush but smiled back and was unable to restrain the temptation to run his fingers down the firm muscles of the elf's abdomen. "Clearly your mouth is just as talented at night as it is during the day," he purred, "Although I did wonder if I'd ever walk again after that."
Dalamar smiled, although Raistlin noticed it seemed slightly forced, and a glimmer of something unidentifiable flickered behind the Dark elf's eyes. He remembered the odd look he's seen in the elf's eyes when he pleasured him last night, and he smile faded. It was gone as soon as it appeared, and Dalamar's voice was calm when he answered, "Just as well that was only temporary."
"Speaking of which, we'd best be going." Raistlin tried to extricate himself from under the elf, but Dalamar just leant back down and easily pinned him to the ground by his shoulders. "Dalamar, let me up."
Dalamar lowered his head and kissed Raistlin lightly, just a brush of lips together. "And if I say no?"
"Why would you say no?"
"Because-" A kiss to his forehead, "I find you-" The elf's lips touched the skin between his eyes- " to be very attractive and-" A third kiss, on the bridge of his nose- "I want to make love to you again?" The last kiss would have been pressed to his lips again, but Raistlin turned his head away, looking up at the Dark elf in surprise. Dalamar was not teasing, he looked perfectly serious, and very eager.
Just as well, as Raistlin wouldn't have believed his ears otherwise. "You find me attractive?"
"Well, yes obviously." Dalamar rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you've never been called that before."
"No, actually." Quite the opposite, he'd lost count of the times he'd been dismissed on those lines; too pale, too scrawny, too plain.
Dalamar obviously disagreed, he shook his head-"Good grief"- and bent down for another kiss.
After that, there was nothing more that Raistlin wanted then to surrender and let Dalamar show him what early morning lovemaking was like. But it wasn't early morning any more, and not only did they need to get going, but they were in full view from the road and he didn't like the idea of being spotted while... Raistlin turned his head away again, "Please don't, we need to get going and even if you want to- to do that again, I don't."
Liar.
"Are you sure about that?" Dalamar said wryly, pressing their bodies together a little closer. Raistlin bit back a groan as the elf's erection slid over his own hard flesh.
"What I want and what my body wants are different things." He snapped, things had not changed so much that his lust could overrule his mind. "Now get off me."
Dalamar did so, albeit reluctantly, then threw his robes at him. "Then put these on, stop tempting me."
Raistlin pulled his robes on, and started looking around for his boots. Dalamar hadn't seemed to care when he put them last night, and one had nearly landed in the fire. Raistlin shook his head before turning to Dalamar, "If that had burnt, I'd be expecting you to carry me," he teased, not entirely joking.
The elf didn't respond to Raistlin's jibe, not even turning around as he finished knotting the ties on his black robes. Raistlin frowned, Dalamar didn't seem to have even heard him, and his expression was very different from the one Raistlin had seen a few moments ago.
Dalamar didn't speak when started off again, the silence was far more strained than that the previous day, although Raistlin didn't think it was because of what had happened that morning. As they walked and Dalamar not only still didn't speak, but also seemed more and more distracted, Raistlin broke the silence.
"What exactly is bothering you?"
Dalamar sighed. For the first time since Raistlin had met him, he actually looked slightly despondent. "I'll have to leave soon." He tried to look nonchalant, and while it might have worked with others, Raistlin wasn't fooled.
"What do you mean?" He demanded, holding off the sharp spike of shocked pain with reason.
"I mean that I'll have to leave, next crossroads we come to, you'll go east and I'll go north."
Raistlin stared as if Dalamar had just slapped him, feeling the first formless tendrils of hurt and anger starting to reach for him. "And you want to leave?" His low voice didn't quite hide the bite of his words.
"No." Dalamar sighed. Something tense inside Raistlin unknotted, the tendrils fading.
"Is there any reason in particular you're going north?"
"Not really."
"Well then, what's the problem?" Exasperated.
"I can't come with you." Flatly stated.
"And why's that?"
"Oh for the love of Nuitari!" Dalamar shouted, the tense neutrality of his words and expression vanishing like a snowflake in the Abyss. "Because I'm a Dark elf! Do you think I'll just be let in?"
Raistlin shrugged slightly, what this what Dalamar was worried about? "I can't see why you shouldn't, as long as you obey the laws. I have never seen anyone turned away from Solace."
"And what about you? How do you think that would make you look?"
Another shrug. "Everyone already distrusts me there, I don't have a reputation you could damage."
Dalamar calmed down, and took a deep breath before looking at Raistlin. "You wouldn't mind?"
"Oh, this is ridiculous." Raistlin snapped. "You know me. What with the amount of time we've spent playing this game it would be impossible not to, what do you think?"
Dalamar smiled, a real, pleased expression. "Thank you." The elf made no attempt to hide the joy in the words.
"You're welcome." Raistlin shook his head. Astonishing, a week spent reading each other's minds and the elf still hadn't got the message.
"Why did you want me to come with you?" Dalamar asked.
Raistlin would have to have been blind, deaf and more stupid than Caramon to miss the different levels of that question. He thought for a moment, then smiled. "Because I'm insanely curious, you're fascinating, have been my obsession for a while, are very attractive, plus I desire you, respect you and would like to stay with you a while longer?" A long while longer.
Dalamar smiled back, one of his few real smiles "Thank you. You want to stay with me? Feel owned?" The last was delivered with a touch of teasing.
Raistlin smiled back, Gods knew, he'd probably smiled more in the past week that in the whole of last year, or the year before that. There weren't many people who could make him smiled like Dalamar did, and that alone would be worth keeping the Dark elf around for. Once again, he felt the cool liquid joy fill him, definitely worth it. "No, merely that you should stay with me, at least for a while." He grinned, "If anything, you belong to me, it's my home we're going to after all."
Dalamar laughed, nodding, then shaking his head. "This is very strange."
Raistlin nodded back, smiling. "Yes." But it was a type of strangeness he would gladly put up with for a long, long time, when every change just made things better.
"I'll stay with you, at least for a while." Dalamar looked away, down the road, he really did look stunning, and even more so when he was smiling.
"Good." Raistlin answered, and meant it. No mater how strange this seemed, he was more than ready to try and make it work.
"How far is Solace?"
"We should reach it by tomorrow evening."
Raistlin glanced over at Dalamar, the elf was continuing his silence, although it was no longer strained. It was a warm silence, deeply pleasant, and again Raistlin smiled.
Belonging?
It was the right word, yes, but what did it mean?
Not like being owned, of course; or owning, despite his jesting words to Dalamar, so what was it like?
Like he belonged with the Dark elf?
Yes, in a way. He enjoyed his company, both their conversations and- Raistlin blushed, but firmly finished the thought- sex were wonderful, he respected Dalamar, even trusted him.
Yet what ties did they share?
Ties as lovers.
Ties as companions.
Ties as mages.
Ties as... friends? Yes.
Ties of respect, trust... Belonging? Caring? He didn't know.
He'd find out, of that he had no doubt.
Raistlin just wondered what he'd find.
The road was getting far more well travelled as they approached Solace, turning down the east fork in the road which would, in other circumstances, have them separating. Unfortunately, this meant that not only they saw more people now, but that the people they passed recognized Raistlin more often than not. Their only luck, as Dalamar so succinctly put it, was that Raistlin's social life was so nonexistent that he got, at most, a nod or a brief greeting, often accompanied by an odd look at his choice of companions. But as Raistlin had predicted, no one said anything about Dalamar's presence, something the elf was evidently very pleased about.
By nightfall they were finally in view of the great vallenwood trees. Raistlin smiled at how Dalamar's eyes widened at the sight of them. As much as he disliked the people in it, he did like Solace, and it gave him an odd pride to see Dalamar so impressed. "That's something to see, and you say you live in the branches?"
"Everyone does."
"Wouldn't help to suffer from vertigo, then."
"Not in the least. Why? Do you?" The unspoken words- that Dalamar had better not since he would be staying with Raistlin- hung in the air.
The Dark elf smiled, and shook his head.
They set up camp that night in a rather exposed location about half a mile from the edge of the trees. Due to the lack of cover, any physical activities other than sleeping had to be postponed for the night, although that didn't stop Dalamar from crawling into Raistlin's bedroll asleep wrapped around him.
Raistlin minded this not at all, the night was cold and while it wasn't the same as making love, sleeping together had an gentle charm of it's own. He could feel Dalamar's body pressed close to him, the warmth of his skin and the odd sensation of bone and muscle under the velvet softness of skin. Again, a strangeness he would gladly get used to. Raistlin smiled, and idly stroked the elf's rather matted hair and pondering their next move.
From curiosity to fascination.
From fascination to obsession.
From obsession to attraction.
From attraction to desire.
From desire to respect.
From respect to belonging.
Day by day their emotions had been changing, what was this the next change? They felt secure in each other's presence. Not simply not feeling threatened by the other but actually feeling safer with the other around. He hadn't wanted Dalamar to leave because he really enjoyed the Dark elf's company and not just because of the puzzle he posed. What was that then? That he would suddenly so freely trade the privacy he had held dear for so long to someone who he had known for so short a time seemed incomprehensible, but it had been so easy...
So easy to learn how to care?
His train of thought was interrupted by Dalamar stirring. He lifted his head from where Raistlin's chest was serving him as a pillow and blinked blearily at him.
"Do you mind not thinking so loud? You woke me up." He gave the small non-smile Raistlin hadn't seen for a while.
"Apologies."
"None needed." Dalamar rolled over next to him, staring up through the canopy of new leaves at the starry sky. "Now what were you thinking? I'm too sleepy to read it out of your mind so please tell me."
"Simply thinking that I like being around you."
"You feel safer, I expect," Dalamar let his head drop back down, and Raistlin felt the elf smile against his skin, "Like you belong and want to stay with me?"
"Even half asleep you still succeed in being shrewd."
"I know my emotions, and I know that you share them." Dalamar slipped his arms around Raistlin and closed his eyes, still with that small smile on his face.
"Do you trust me?"
"Mm-hum." The elf seemed to be well on his way to falling asleep again.
"Then tell me why you refuse to talk about the years of your exile."
Dalamar's eyes snapped open again, his smile vanished just as fast. "Never one to let an opportunity slip by, are you?"
"Never."
"Fine." Dalamar's expression became harsher, more brittle, and the iron mask Raistlin had glimpsed a few times slammed down behind his eyes like a headman's axe. Still, it didn’t manage to disguise the lingering pain in his voice when he spoke "The reason I didn't want to tell you, is that I thought you'd rather not know that your lover has been selling himself as a whore for the past two years."
Raistlin stared, absolutely stunned at how bluntly Dalamar spoke. "Why?"
Dalamar's lips twisted in a sneer, and for the first time he looked truly menacing. Raistlin might have moved away, but he knew better and just drew closer.
"You try surviving when everyone fears and hates you." Dalamar's voice was a snarl. "In the end it came between my pride, self respect or my life; well, pride went first, self respect if I had to but my life I'd keep. There was no other way, believe me, I would have starved. Happy now?"
"No, not really. I'm sorry." Even to his ears, the words sounded empty and pathetic. He touched Dalamar's hair, trying to make up through touch when words failed him.
"Don't bother." The words were cold, but Dalamar leant impercievably into the caress. Raistlin pressed a kiss to his temple, stray strands of black hair sticking to his lips.
"Why didn't you want to tell me?" Raistlin whispered, the strands ticking his face.
"I'd imagined you'd think less of me, or worse, think that I was doing this for my own gain." Dalamar at least had the sense to look sheepish.
"And here I'd thought you knew me backwards, obviously not." It was odd, but he'd never thought that, it had never so much as crossed his mind, since it was so obviously not Dalamar's intention.
"I know now." Dalamar's hand touched his hair gently, and Raistlin felt lips brush the side of his face, "But thank you anyway."
Raistlin leant into the contact, and when slid an arm around the elf's waist, part of him wondered how often someone- not him- had done this, had touched Dalamar the way he did. A hot burn of jealousy scorched his throat, and he shoved the thought away. He was not going to prove Dalamar's assessment of him right, particularly now.
He kissed Dalamar's forehead in wordless reassurance and hugged him more closely, resting his head on his shoulder before drifting off to his own dreams.
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