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Bittersweet Hurt	By : Minervaone Category: Twilight Series > Slash > Carlisle/Edward Views: 7954 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Author’s Note: A giant THANK YOU to all of the wonderful reviews for this story. I appreciate them all, and they keep me driven to finish the story of our vampiric lovebirds.
I know you are anxious to get on with the story, so I will keep this short and sweet. I just need to issue the standard disclaimer that I do not own these characters, or make any money from this story.
Do I need to continue with the slash warning?? Lol... I hope not.
Enjoy.
Reviews are fuel.

******
Part Seven - The Rift
Against Carlisle’s better judgement, he and Edward made their way away from the safety and security of their cabin and toward town. He knew he was probably going to regret this at some point; it just seemed too soon for Edward to be among a mass of human temptation.
Edward glanced over and glared at him. “I told you it will be fine, Carlisle,” he said as they walked through the woods to the edge of town. “Now stop worrying and enjoy yourself, please?”
Carlisle sighed. Edward was in his mind too much, making no attempt to stay out - digging for bits and pieces every second of every day. It was wearing him thin; he had no chance to think about anything outside of him, or to have a private thought for even a second. He needed to learn how to shield his thoughts before he went mad.
Edward rolled his eyes and let out a sigh. “I’m not in your thoughts that much.”
“Aren’t you?” Carlisle thought, giving Edward a sideways glance.
The forest thinned out and they could scent the city some distance away - smelling of burgeoning automation, fuel, animals, and always blood - so much blood concentrated in one area. Edward’s throat burned and he began to hold his breath.
Carlisle had made them feed on deer before attempting their little experimental journey. Edward was still a newborn and could wreak havoc if he decided he wanted to sample some of the population.
Edward sighed once more at Carlisle’s train of thought. “Would you have a little faith in me please, Carlisle? I don’t intend to kill anyone today,” he said.
“It’s not your intentions I’m worried about. It’s your instincts,” he replied.
The pair crested a hill, seeing the town spread out before them, a gray smoke hung over the city and was mixing with the gentle rain. Edward’s golden eyes looked over at him. “Are you ready?” he said with a lopsided grin, eager to relieve the interminable boredom the cabin offered. Carlisle felt the excitement coming off the boy in waves.
“Ready as I will ever be,” Carlisle thought, unable to keep from returning his smile.
. . .
Carlisle had to admit that Edward was handling himself well while faced with the temptation around him. They had wandered through town and stocked up on supplies and entertainment. Edward had only needed to be distracted twice, which was a very good sign.
They had even taken in a moving picture, sitting in the back row stealing soft caresses of hands and legs and arms under the flicker of the movie, entranced by the cowboys racing across the screen to save the girl.
All in all it was a good day, and Carlisle was starting to think that he had been too rash about Edward. They strolled down the main street, passing by soda shops and dime stores. Edward paused in front of a store window, staring at what he saw inside. Carlisle turned to see what had caught his attention.
A piano sat near the window.
Carlisle came up behind him. “Do you remember playing?” he asked softly over his shoulder, his breath tickling Edward’s neck. He shook his head no. There were flashes, bits and pieces of memories, but nothing concrete. All he knew was that he just wanted to touch the keys, his fingers beginning to twitch as if they were picking a tune out in the air from memory.
“That was how I first found you, Edward. Did you know that? I was walking to the hospital on Christmas Eve and I heard your playing,” he said, his eyes fixed on a memory in the past.
Edward looked at Carlisle in surprise. “You saw me before you saved me in the hospital?”
“I did. Your music drew me in, like a moth to a light. I had to get close to hear more, so I stood in the shadows and watched you play. It was the most beautiful thing I had heard in all of my long years,” he said. “I couldn’t help myself,” he smirked as his expression darkened. “I think if I had not heard you playing, I would not have been so desperate to save you,” he said. He paused for a few moments, lost in thought. “It was a good thing I changed my path to work that day,” he finally said with a smile.
Edward swallowed hard and looked back to the piano, seeing his human life in Carlisle’s mind staring out of the window on Christmas eve - his eyes green instead of gold, the sheen sweat on his forehead. He could hear the melody he had played in Carlisle’s mind and his fingers were itching to play the tune again. “Can we go inside?” he asked.
“Of course.”
Inside they found themselves in a darkened shop with high tin ceilings. Numerous musical instruments lined the walls, anything from accordions to trumpets and violins. It smelled of must and polish.
Edward noticed nothing except for the upright piano near the window. He walked over and ran his fingers along the top and down the side. The wood was dark and highly polished, and the yellow glow of the gas lights flickered in its reflection, giving it a glow of its own.
“Ah, I see you have immaculate taste in pianos. Do you play?” the shop owner asked as he came from behind the counter.
Carlisle spoke up for him. “Why yes, Edward does play. Would you mind if he tries it out?” he asked.
“Please be my guest, and let me know if you need anything.”
Edward looked at Carlisle, who nodded his head slightly, and then back down at the piano. He sat down and let his fingers run across the fallboard. He lifted it up and marveled at the pristine ivory keys, his fingers sliding across the cool smooth surface. Edward took a deep breath, and began to play.
It all came out without a thought; his fingers remembered every stroke.
He lost himself in the music, forgetting everything in the world except the sound. The music drowned out the world around him, it drowned out Carlisle’s worrisome thoughts, it drowned out the voices in his head, it drowned out the tempting smell of blood. The tension melted out of his mind and muscles, and for the first time since he had become a vampire, Edward felt truly relaxed.
He had no idea how long he had played. When he stopped at looked up to find everyone staring at him with their mouths agape, even Carlisle. “I-I’m sorry, it just came out,” he said, quickly standing up to move away from the piano.
Edward stopped when he met Carlisle’s intense stare. The shop owner came over to Edward and clapped his hand on his shoulder. “You are quite the skilled player, my boy,” he said. “That was wonderful.”
Edward nodded his head as Carlisle broke the eye contact and walked toward them. “Edward, why don’t you play us another one?” he asked.
Edward nodded and began to let his fingers pick out another melody, not noticing Carlisle talking quietly to the shop owner behind him.
. . .
They took the short route home, their arms laded with packages. Slowly they walked along the road of the outskirts of town, the woods were becoming more dense with each mile.
Carlisle was thinking it had been a good day when a gust of wind blew the sound of cries to their ears.
And the scent of blood.
Edward’s head whipped around and before he could stop his feet, he found himself running through the woods. Carlisle was right on his heels.
He found her laying in a heap at the bottom of the tree. Her leg was obviously broken, the bone sticking through skin and sweet blood flowing freely from numerous lacerations. He stopped and stared at her, the thirst erupting in his throat.
Edward heard something in his mind, a screaming of some sort. But he couldn’t make it out over the rush in his ears and really didn’t try. His mouth was filling with venom in anticipation of the kill, and he began to carefully stalk his way over to her.
It was a girl of no more than thirteen, with long brown hair and soft blue eyes. Her eyes widened in fear and her heart raced faster which only pushed more and more of her scent through his head. Edward had nearly reached her when he was tackled from behind by Carlisle. The surprise of it took him off guard and they both went down to the ground.
Carlisle was screaming in his mind to stop. “Don’t kill her! Don’t kill her!” as the wrestled on the ground.
Edward was younger and stronger and threw Carlisle off of him easily, making his way back to the girl again. Carlisle jumped in front of him and threw a hard punch across his face.
“Stop it, Edward! Just stop it!” he shouted at Edward over the girl’s hysterical screaming, grabbing his collar and trying to drag him away from the scent of the blood.
“Let go of me,” Edward growled out, trying to tear his hands away. “No one knows she’s here. She’s a runaway, Carlisle! No one will even miss her!”
“That isn’t the point, Edward! I will not let you do this!” Carlisle yelled, shaking Edward again by the collar, trying with all of his might to fight against the strength of a young vampire.
“This is what we were meant to do, Carlisle!” Edward shouted as he pushed Carlisle off of him. “We were meant to feed on them! And she is meant to be food for us!” he said as he pointed at the girl, sobbing and screaming and trying to crawl away from them.
“No, Edward, I’m sorry. I can’t let you do this. If you kill her, you will be on your own, I’m sorry. It’s either her or me,” Carlisle’s voice dropped to a whisper and catching Edward’s eyes. “What will it be, Edward? Her or me?”
Edward relaxed under his grip and closed his eyes as Carlisle breathed out a sigh of relief. “Now please leave. I am going to treat her and I want you to go back to the house,” he said as he continued to push Edward away from the girl.
He had calmed down enough to be able to hear Carlisle’s thoughts. “Please, not her. She’s just like...Esme. Please, Edward. Just go home.”
Edward sighed and his shoulders slumped, his mind flooded with images of another girl’s face, a girl with a broken leg and beautiful eyes.
“We were meant to feed on them Carlisle. Why do you deny yourself so much?” Edward said as anger began to course through his veins.
“Edward, all of life is a gift. That girl needs a chance to live, and I will not be the one to take it from her,” Carlisle replied. “Now please, just wait for me back at the house. I will be home as soon as I am done.”
Edward looked at the girl one last time before turning to leave.
. . .
He paced the floors of the house waiting for Carlisle to return, unable to keep his mind from replaying Carlisle’s thoughts when he saw the girl.
It wasn’t the girl they found today that bothered him. No, it was the girl in Carlisle’s mind. Soft brown hair, a pretty face. Her leg was broken just like that girl’s, and Carlisle had saved her several years ago before he had come across Edward.
All the way home he had listened to Carlisle’s thoughts and although he was taking care of the girl in front of him, his mind never quit thinking about the face from the past. Esme was her name. Carlisle thought it enough and Edward couldn’t miss it.
There was an unnatural twinge in his stomach and he paced the floor again, unconsciously rubbing his jaw where Carlisle had struck him.
. . .
Carlisle walked to the house alone on the dirt road, lost in his thoughts. How long had it been since he had last seen her? Four years? Six years? He couldn’t remember, the years were all starting to blend together.
He had thought of her face for months after, alone in the dark with only his memories to keep him company. It was full of love and promise and life, and it made him want for something he knew he could never have. When the loneliness became too much, he thought of her face and her scent, and suddenly his existence became tolerable again. Her face had been there on his most desperate nights.
Her skin was so soft when he had touched her leg. She let out small whimpers of pain and had tears in her eyes. He had only wanted to reach up and wipe them away for her. Even though she was still just a young girl, he could feel the goodness of her heart and it made him think of the life he could have had.
Her blood had offered some temptation, but it was her soul that he had desired more. But she had been too young with so much life ahead of her. He had often wondered how she looked now and if she was happy.
He hadn’t had a chance to think about her since Edward’s... abilities became known, and he was very good at keeping him distracted from his own thoughts.
She was a reminder of a life he could have had. Of the life he should have had. A wife, children, a home, a family. Things that he had ached for desperately for centuries, surrounded by it but unable to have. He stopped on the side of the road and sat down on a fallen tree trunk and just sat and thought about the face of a girl and the life he wanted - the one hidden in the darkest recesses of his mind.
. . .
The house was silent and dark when he finally arrived home, no movement to be found.
“Edward?” he called out. No one answered him.
He sighed and called out in his mind again. “Don’t ignore me, Edward, I know you are here,” he thought.
“I’m up here,” Edward replied, his voice muffled and strained.
Carlisle followed his voice and found Edward laying on his back on the roof staring at the night sky. He jumped up and sat next to him.
Edward was silent, refusing to look at Carlisle in the eyes. They sat there for what seemed like hours before Carlisle couldn’t take it any longer. “Talk to me, Edward,” he said. “Please.”
“Who was she?” Edward asked softly.
Carlisle closed his eyes and looked at his hands, knowing there was no way to get around this conversation. “She was a girl I treated several years ago,” he said. “And she was the first human I ever fell in love with,” he added.
“You’ve thought about her a lot.”
Carlisle laid back and put his hands under his head. “Yes I have,” he said.
Edward was silent for several minutes. “Is she the one you want in your life?”
Carlisle’s breath caught in his throat and couldn’t answer.
Edward closed his eyes and only heard the yes in Carlisle’s mind.
“Do you want me to leave?”
Carlisle’s eyes flew open, honestly surprised at his question. “Edward... I ...I want you in my life too,” he said.
“But what we have isn’t your dream, Carlisle. You want a family, you want a wife. Tell me, Carlisle, what am I to you?”
Carlisle’s throat tightened. “You are everything to me, Edward. I never truly lived until you came into my life, and I will always love you. I am... happy ...with the ways things are now, even though it was never what I intended” he said in the quiet of the night, only the sound of crickets in the distance.
“I was never your dream.”
“I didn’t know you could be a part of my dream,” he replied. “I had never considered any sort of situation like this until I saw you there in the window, staring out at the night like you saw me. You replaced her face in my mind. You made me feel things I could only have hoped to feel,” he said.
Carlisle reached out and began to run his fingers through Edward’s bronze hair. “I love you Edward, I always will. But the fact of the matter is that you are here by my side, and she is not. She is human and probably living out a happy life now, full of kids and pets and a little home. She was a vision of what I thought I wanted. But you came along and showed me a new one,” he said.
Edward couldn’t say anything as Carlisle bent down and gave him a light kiss on the forehead.
. . .
The next morning Edward was sitting in his favorite chair reading a magazine when he heard the distant rumble of a truck coming toward the house.
Carlisle appeared and smiled. “Good, it’s finally here,” he thought.
“What’s here?” Edward asked.
Carlisle pictured the Edward playing the piano from previous day at the store, watching Edward’s eyes light up as he realized what Carlisle had done for him. “You bought the piano?” he asked, unable to hide the excitement in his voice.
Carlisle chuckled. “It was a selfish gift, I just wanted to hear you play the piano again,” he said, giving Edward a kiss as he wrapped his arms around his chest.
“I would always do anything for you,” Carlisle said. “Always remember that,” he said as he tightened his hug against Edward. He pulled back and cupped Edward’s face in his hands. “I’m sorry for worrying you. Just know I would never want you out of my life,” he said.
Edward took a deep breath and forced out a small smile, leaning his forehead in against Carlisle’s lips so he couldn’t see the hurt in his eyes. Things would never be the same again, no matter how hard they tried. Edward would always see another face in Carlisle’s mind, and he would always be waiting for Carlisle to leave him - to have the life he deserved, the one he should have had if his humanity had not been snatched away from him.
. . .
Three days later Edward lay in bed, Carlisle’s arms around his waist, his breath warm against his neck, his fingers stroking his chest. Carlisle’s thoughts had been fuzzy and disjointed lately and Edward was having trouble deciphering them. It was almost as if Carlisle was trying to purposely shut him out.
“You’re thinking about her again, aren’t you?” Edward asked quietly.
Carlisle sighed against his back. “Please don’t do this Edward. I made myself perfectly clear about how I feel about you,” he said.
Edward closed his eyes and pulled away from his embrace, walking naked over to the piano. He sat down and began to play, soon losing himself in the melody.
Carlisle closed his eyes and rolled over and breathed in the scent of Edward’s pillow. “I’m so sorry,” he thought.
Edward was lost to the music and didn’t hear him.
- 6
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- 8
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Bittersweet Hurt