Adult-FanFiction.org : Books

Making Do	By : Blahsblah2001 Category: Twilight Series > Het F > Bella/Jacob Views: 9136 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
This chapter is SO dedicated to Kate.

“Oh, hell.”
I dropped down onto the couch, too tired to think about anything. I lay on my back, the rose pressed to my chest. One of the thorns sunk into my fingertip, and I immediately stuck it in my mouth before I could get blood on anything.
The taste of blood filled my mouth, and I tried to think about anything else. It no longer made me faint, not after the bikes, but I had to stop myself from analyzing it, trying to pick out some sweetness, some attraction I hadn't tasted before.
There was nothing, just the taste of pennies and the angry throb in my fingertip. Outside, a wolf howled, a long, lonely sound. I hoped to heaven that it wasn't Jacob making that sound.
I pulled my finger from my mouth and slowly, deliberately broke every thorn from the stem. I pressed the now harmless flower to my face, inhaling it's scent. Outside, the wolf howled again.
“Go away, Seth!”
“Come on, Jake, I just want to talk to you for a minute.”
I didn't slow down, crashing my way through the dark underbrush. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew what I was walking away from. Behind me, Seth was trying to pull his jeans on without slowing down.
“I don't want to talk.”
“Cullen's gone.”
“I don't want to talk to Cullen, or Leah, or Sam, or Bella, either.”
I wasn't going back to the clearing, I wasn't going to pretend to be fine while Bella made excuses for him. If she's going to rip my heart out, I want to bleed by myself.
“Bella wants to talk to you.”
“Oh, I bet she does.”
“Please, Jacob, you know we hate seeing you like this.”
“Like what?”
I stopped and turned. In the dark, Seth almost ran into me.
“Like what? What should I look like? Should I be a gentleman, shaking hands with the bloodsucker and telling him no hard feelings? Should I be a wolf, off in the woods somewhere already forgetting about them? You saw her through Sam's eyes. The leech left her as dead as if he'd drunk her blood, and now he's back, and it's as if I never existed. How am I supposed to act after that?”
“You're wrong! She's not gonna dump you that easy! Yeah, she was pretty beat up when he left, but to look at her now, you'd think he'd never existed.”
“You didn't see them together.”
“Like hell I didn't! You were visualizing it so strongly I think I could have picked it up in human form!”
“Good. Then you should understand.”
He stared up at me, and I glared back down at him. I must have been an imposing figure, because he broke the stare after only a few seconds. I turned away from him, starting off into the woods again.
“Even if she is going to leave you, at least give her the chance to! What is this gonna do, other than guarantee that she'll choose him? Twenty minutes ago you were willing to tear him apart, why are you giving up so easily now?!”
I stopped again, staring up into the sky. The moon shone through the trees, sending silver shadows over everything. My shoulder hurt like mad, and I could feel blood drying on my face. There was venom in my blood, burning it's way down my arm. It wasn't enough to kill me, not by a long shot, but it was making me miserable.
“Come home with us, Jacob.”
“At the very least, you need a shower.”
“Dammit, Paul...”
“Well, you're covered in blood.”
“And you smell like a leech.”
“Dammit, Paul!!”
I turned to face them, glaring as hard as I could.
“Fine. I'll go home. I'll take a shower. I'll talk to Bella. I'll even apologize to the leech if it will make you people get off my back.”
Paul nodded.

My room was empty, my wall of CDs currently residing in our home in Alaska. The couch was long gone, but I didn't care. To my body, even wood seemed soft and pliable. I sank down into the corner, staring out the window. The moon was almost full, and the forest was filled with silver light.
I didn't care about the moon.
My shirt hung in tatters off my body. I grabbed the front, ripping it off me as if it were tissue paper. Claws and teeth had turned the once-expensive garment into little more than shreds. I knew that these same marks were on my body, deep, jagged wounds that healed without leaving scars. They didn't bleed, why would they? There had been little blood in my body to start with, what little I had went into healing. I knew that if I could see myself, my eyes would be black as pitch. Thirst clawed at my throat, burning me, adding to the pain from my phantom wounds.
I didn't care about that either.
All I could see was Bella, hear her voice, her anger. I had been surrounded by creatures looking for any excuse to kill me, and the only thing I cared about was her anger.
Dammit! Why had I spent so much time just watching her? Why didn't I spend more time searching Charlie's mind, or Newton's? Newton must have been absolutely boiling over with jealousy, if I had just listened!
Because I didn't want her to be happy, that's why. I didn't want her to have a new boyfriend, I wanted her to miss me, to want me back...
Somehow, I just can't keep my promises to myself. I swore I'd never come back and then I swore that I'd only come back to watch, and then I swore that I'd only talk to her if she hadn't moved on, and then I purposely didn't look for signs I knew were there.
I swore that if she was happy I'd leave.
Dammit.

I pulled the blanket over my head, blocking out the light. It wasn't going to do any good, it wasn't the light that was keeping me awake. It was my thoughts, circling around and around in my head.
He's back.
He's back.
He's back.
A few months ago, the words would have righted my life and made everything perfect again. But now, they were making my head hurt. Where once I would have risked my life for the sound of his voice, a hint of his scent, the memory of his face, all I could think of now were his lips on mine, cold, hesitant.
I know they only seemed so cold because I was waiting for Jacob's searing heat, but it didn't stop shivers from running down my body.
Edward was beautiful, each defined feature perfect in a way no human could ever achieve. He was designed to draw humans in, everything from his voice to his looks to his smell drawing me closer, making me hate even the idea of leaving his arms.
But his beautiful body was cold stone. I couldn't sleep with him without a blanket between us, separating me from his chilled body. Not like Jacob's hot, radiating skin. I could fall asleep with him, our bodies tangled together, exhausted and satisfied. I could wake up with him, both of us shaking off dreams and happy to be together again.
I shook my head. I was focusing on the physical. I was alone, no wonder I favored the warmer man.
But there was more to life than nights.
Life...
Even life meant different things.
I imagined a life with Edward, moving every few years, as his kind had to. At first I would be his girlfriend, then his sister, as I got older. I'd be his mother, his aunt, his grandmother, my body changing and slowing as he remained forever seventeen.
I shook my head.
He wouldn't get it go that far. He said he'd never change me, but he would. As much as I would hate to age, to die, it would hurt Edward a hundred times worse. If he wouldn't, Alice would. No, I'd be a vampire before I turned twenty.
Nineteen. I'd be a teenager forever.
I could live forever.

The venom wasn't letting my arm heal right.
I grimaced as I undressed, making faces at myself in the mirror. I soaked a washcloth, scrubbing at the dried blood on my shoulder. The bone didn't feel broken, but I could see a smooth crescent of torn skin. It wasn't deep, but it burned, and when I wiped away the dried blood and dirt, I could see fresh blood welling up underneath.
I turned on the shower, inspecting myself in the mirror as I waited for the water to get hot. The cut along my hairline had healed a long time ago, but there was a mask of dried blood over half my face, and my hair was matted with it.
There were scratches down my back, too, but this blood had flowed downwards, around my waist and dripping off my stomach. By the time I had phased into human form, it had already dried that way.
And this was what Bella had seen when she caught up to us. The stupid leech as pristine as always, and me bleeding like a stuck goddamn pig.
The water was steaming hot, and I stepped into it without waiting for the temperature to drop. The pressurized water stung, but I didn't care. I scrubbed the cloth against my body, scraping the blood off, and turning my skin a bright red. The water ran brown as the blood washed out of my hair. I reached for the shampoo, only to discover that the usual stuff had been replaced with something of my sister's.
Freesia and lavender?
No fucking way.
I made do with plain soap. Grimacing, I ran the soapy cloth over the bite. The soap didn't sting as much as the venom, but it did make it's presence known. At least there was no more new blood. And the edges of the bite were white with scar tissue. It occurred to me that if I didn't want to be reminded of this fight every time I looked at myself, this thing was gonna need stitches.
Shit, shit, shit.
The water finally ran clear, and I stepped out, reaching for my towel. I tried to remember where I'd left the sewing kit. I picked one up for just such an occasion, and now I had no idea where it was.
I toweled off in a hurry, pulled on my flannel bottoms, and picked up my bloody jeans. I glared at them.
Stupid bloodsucker. Goes after my girlfriend and then can't even take a beating for it.
And then Seth thinks we need Bella. No. When I'm fighting a bastard who heals faster than I do without even a blood smear to show for it, I do not need an audience!
I located the sewing kit, in one of the drawers, under the spare soap bars. I threaded a needle with black and then, pinching the two sides of the bite together, sewed them up. Now, I could only wait, and pray that the scars from this fight didn't last forever.

I could live forever.
Forever.
A million mornings watching the sun rise, my skin sparkling, Edward beside me, smiling down at me, our arms around each other.
A hundred million nights spent together, my body as hard and indestructible as his, his cool skin finally soft against my own.
And an eternity of days, broken into weeks an months and years, moving from place to place, high school after high school. Senior after junior, junior after senior, watching the students around us get older and older. Returning to the same schools years after our classmates have died.
I could live forever, but would I want to?
Could I really live like the Cullens? Have lunch at the same table every day, never speaking to the students around me? What would it be like, looking at a calendar and realizing that everyone I know must certainly be gone by now?
That Jacob would certainly be-
My breath caught in my throat.

I left the truck a block away from Bella's house. Phasing would have torn the stitches out, and pulling into her driveway was too obvious. At this point, who knew who was guarding the house.
I kept alert as I scaled the tree, cursing when I reached the missing branch. So much for an easy entry. I climbed to the branch above it and then, trying to stay as quiet as could be expected, leaped through the broken window. I landed in a roll, surprisingly silent given the circumstances.
She wasn't there.
The bed was cold, empty, the blankets bunched at the foot. She hadn't been here since I tackled the leech out the window.
I sunk onto the bed, pulling a pillow to my chest. It smelled like her, even to my human nose. I sat motionless, listening to the house. Down the hall, I could hear Charlie snoring. The shower dripped monotonously. The kitchen was silent. The whole damn house was silent.
She wasn't here.
I buried my face in my hands, thinking. She wasn't still in the woods. Seth said Sam had brought her back. And if she had gone up to the reservation, she would have been going to my house. I would have passed her on the road. There wasn't anyone out at this time of night.
There's only one other place she would have gone.
There was a strange sound, like growling.
My body shook, the change trying to take me. I fought it off, trying as hard as I could to stay calm. I'd already broken Bella's window. To get my wolf form out of here, I would have to punch a hole in the wall, as well.
The trembling gradually subsided, but not my anger. I dropped the pillow, completely unsurprised to see feathers spilling out of it.

“You fucking bit me, asshole.”
I didn't look away from the window. If I had planned on acknowledging Jacob, I would have done it five minutes ago, when his tortured thoughts first came into my otherwise silent head.
“Bella isn't here.”
“Like hell she isn't.”
“You can get as angry as you want, but she isn't here.”
I suddenly had a very clear view of myself through Jacob's eyes, only in his mind I was being shaken, violently. I ducked to avoid him, moving to the other end of the room before the wolf had even reached the place I had been sitting.
“Like I was going to say, you can get as angry as you want. I deserve it. But you have to believe me when I tell you I didn't know.”
“Didn't know what? That she was on the bed under you? What did you think you were kissing, a pillow?”
“I mean I didn't know about you. I've been here for days, there wasn't any sign of you at all. The only boy she talked to was Newton, and there's pretty obviously no romance there.”
Jacob snorted.
“If I had seen you together, known about you.... I wouldn't have come.”
“Well, you did. And thanks a whole fucking lot.”
“I'll be gone in the morning. And if I ever come back I'll be sure, before I do anything. If I ever come back.”
The words left my throat like razor blades, leaving me torn and bleeding.
“That's the problem.”
Puzzled, I searched his mind for an explanation. What I saw mortified me. Bella, curled on the forest floor, lifeless eyes staring straight ahead.
“He's gone...”
Oh, god....
I realized that I was on the ground, fingers buried in my hair, trying not to see her, but there were months of memories and he was remembering them all at once.
I stared up at him, eyes wide.
“I did that to her?”
“You guys read minds??”
I nodded once, mentally begging him to stop remembering.
“Aw, fuck.”
And then, before he could smother it, came another memory, one that burned worse than any of the others.
Bella, spread out on the grass, sunlight on her naked body. Her hair fanned out above her, her arms over her head, and every feature of her perfect breasts preserved in Jacob's mind. Her beautiful eyes were half-closed as she murmured his name, smiling-
And then it was gone, buried under a frantic recitation of the Spanish alphabet.
“I... when I left.... it turned her into... that?”
“Yeah. We thought she might never pull out of it. Her father was going to send her back the Phoenix.”
I looked up at the boy in front of me. Even if I had been standing he would have towered over me.
“What are we going to do?”
Jacob paused.
“If she's not here now, she'll be here first thing tomorrow morning. What happens from there is up to you two.” His voice had an odd pitch, but he continued. “Just.... if you decide to disappear somewhere again...”
“Never.”
“But if you do.... tell her to write, will you?”
I froze.
“You think she'll choose me.”
“Absolutely.”
“But you two, you were.... I mean, on the grass....”
He looked away, and I was glad not to meet his eyes.
“Well, you know, I thought you'd never come back-”
“You hoped I'd never come back.”
“Yeah, I did, but can you blame me? I'm glad I did. Even if I did only get a few months with her, I'm glad I got even that much. Not just for my sake.”
“And you think she'll just... leave you?”
Jacob sighed.
“I'd be deluding myself to think anything else. I'd love it if she did choose me, but with me.... there's nothing for me like there was for you. There never has been.”
Misery absolutely radiated off him. I wondered briefly if Bella would leave him in the state I left her.
God, I've made such a mess of all of this.
“I'm sorry, Jacob. For everything I've put you both through, if there's anything-”
“Don't. It's so much harder to hate you when you're being sincere.”
I sighed. There wasn't as much anger in his head as sadness, but what was there was directed solely at me. And I deserved it.
I deserved all of it.

“She really isn't here, is she?” I asked after a while.
“No, she really isn't.”
I groaned. If she wasn't at my house, her house, or here, where the hell was she?
“She's probably still at home. Did you check the whole house?”
“No, just her room, but the rest of the house was so quiet-”
“As sleeping humans usually are. We did break the window in her bedroom, you know. She's probably sleeping somewhere else.”
“Then I came all the way up here for nothing?”
“From your point of view, yes.”
“If she's not here, I'm leaving. This place reeks of bloodsuckers.” I made a face.
“You aren't exactly a bouquet of roses yourself.”
“Whatever. I'll be at Bella's. If she wants to come see you I'll tell her you're here, but if you show up at the house I'll rip your arm off. Deal?”
He nodded. I walked past him, out of the room. It was almost impossible to turn my back to him, but vampire or not, he wasn't going to attack me tonight.
Miserable, I made my way back to my own house, collapsing into bed without even getting undressed.
I didn't sleep. I couldn't. I kept looking over at the clock, waiting for it to be early enough to go back to Bella's. Somewhere around three AM I went into the bathroom and cut the stitches out. They'd done their job. There was hardly even a mark where the bite had been, and the burning feeling was dissipating.
I tried to remember what day it was. Saturday? Sunday? Did Charlie have work today? When did he leave? I couldn't remember.
It must be Sunday now, and that meant Charlie was going to be around all day. It also meant I couldn't go over there until at least eight. Any earlier and even the stupidest parent would know it wasn't a social visit.
I tried to sleep, but my treacherous body would not give in. I'd nod off and then awaken moments later, sure hours had passed. This was easily the longest night of my life.
If only tomorrow could go as slowly. It would probably be my last day with her. I wondered how long it would be before she made an excuse to go see him.
Once she did, I might never see her again.
I sighed. I'd just have to make them as memorable as possible.

Kay, next chapter is the decision. And more pron. Hopefully.
- 6
- 7
- 8
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Making Do