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Destiny Awaits	By : Lollydolly Category: Twilight Series > Het > Bella/Jasper Views: 19535 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 6
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- 8
An: Thanks for all the reviews guys!
Chapter Seven
“Alice”
As soon as she spoke I froze. Her eyes scanned the message and then my face, before she stuffed the phone back into her pocket.
It was obvious that she didn’t know what to do. I fought to stay standing, my legs were numb, and I didn’t know how much longer I could expect them to hold me up. I could almost feel myself shutting down, falling back into the place I had been last night.
“What does it say?” The words sounded forced and brittle, even to my own ears.
Bella looked worriedly at me, I wondered what could be so bad. Nothing she Alice to say could hurt me as badly as her desertion had.
“Not much. She’s in South America. She says she’s sorry, and she loves us all.” I felt myself nod, then slide down the wall.
Bella didn’t hesitate to crouch beside me and hold me. I was glad, I thought I might just fall apart if someone didn’t hold me together.
Had I made Alice’s life so unbearable that she had to get away from me? Was I so difficult to love? She had held me together for more than half a century. She held me to this family. What was I supposed to do without her?
The loneliness in my chest gnawed at me. In over one hundred and sixty years of existence, I’d never felt so lost.
“You’re not alone.” Bella whispered. How did she know what I’d been thinking? “You have your family, we all love you.”
I pulled her into my lap and clutched her to me. The heat of her body soaked into me and relieved some of the ache in my chest.
“You’re safe.” She murmured.
Safe and warm... safe and warm... safe and warm... It became a mantra, holding off the crashing waves of grief just enough to let me think. Just enough to realise I wasn’t feeling only my pain, but hers too.
What was hurting her? I didn’t think I was holding her too tight, but I didn’t have much experience to go on. It took a lot of effort to release her, to convince myself that she wouldn’t run away if I let go. I let my arms fall to my sides and she continued to rub my back for another seventeen seconds before she pulled back.
Unshed tears glistened in her eyes as she gave me a tremulous smile. I struggled to find my voice, when all I really wanted to do was burry my face in her hair.
“What's the matter... have I hurt you again?”
She shook her head and swallowed. “I hate that you’re hurting.” She mumbled after a moment.
It shocked me speechless. Could she actually care about me? Was there a chance that she was here with me, not out of a sense of duty, or because Esme had asked it of her, but because she wanted to be here?
She offered no resistance as I pulled her close again. I tried not to think about how much I had wanted her, no, needed her last night. When she’d told me that Alice was gone, I’d felt the air shatter, and every jagged piece of it had found its way inside me.
Only one thing had stopped me from completely losing it, and that had been Bella. To be fair, I had pretty much lost it, but some shred of sanity had clung to her, and eventually pulled the rest of me with it.
And now here she was again, holding me together. I hadn’t thought of Alice at all for a few hours, I’d locked her tightly out of my mind, to prevent me from breaking down. Stupid of me to think that that would work indefinitely. Something was bound to bring her to the forefront of my mind sooner or later.
I found that when I thought of Alice, my feelings consumed me. Every part of my mind focused on her betrayal, how she’d left me with no explanation, no goodbye. How little I must have meant to her.
And when I shut down, Bella became the light at the end of the tunnel. Hope. She told me that I’d be ok, and that I’d be happy again. I doubted it, but it was nice to dream for a while.
Every moment I spent with her took away a little of the weight hanging over me. Every second immersed in her scent made the next one easier to bear.
I knew that without her I would sink, and it frightened me. Was it only yesterday that I’d been annoyed to find she was coming over? Could it really have been such a short time ago I’d resented her for making my hold on control even more tenuous?
Now she strengthened it. Every thread of control I had seemed to link me to her.
This wasn’t fair to her though. She might want to help me, but I couldn’t expect her to keep hold of me until I was strong enough to stand on my own again. I focused everything I had on her, pushing Alice to the back of my mind.
It was easier than I’d thought, but it hurt. My sigh of relief was echoed by hers, and I gave her one last squeeze before setting her down beside me. That was all the distance I could take right now. She took my hand in her own and ran her thumb over the back it.
“If you need someone to talk to, or just a hug, you call me and I’ll come, ok? If I ever find you in a state like this, and you don’t ask for help, I’ll take it as a personal insult.” Her face was stern, but there was the hint of a smile behind it.
I managed a nod as I felt my throat tighten. I hoped she understood how thankful I was, I couldn’t find it in me to say the words.
I heard Edwards tread on the stairs and tightened my hold on her hand. Don’t take her away... please. Begging wasn’t beyond me anymore, and I knew he would hear.
I saw him pause at the top of the stairs and look from her to me before joining us. “Esme’s been shopping, there’s plenty to eat if you want some lunch.” He held out his hand to her, showing no sign that he had heard my silent plea.
I understood his reluctance to leave us alone together, he didn’t trust me. I still didn’t trust myself that much either.
I worked on letting go of her hand, but as she rose, she pulled me with her. “You’ll come down?” It wasn’t really a question, I knew. “It would please Esme.”
Would it please her? I hoped so. Edward took one look at our still joined hands and swept away back downstairs, leaving us to follow in his wake.
Bella tugged on my hand in her haste to follow Edward and I concentrated on moving one foot in front of the other.
I hovered behind Bella as she made a sandwich, and sat as close to her as I could while she ate it, all under the watchful gaze of Edward and Esme.
It wasn’t very dignified, all this clinging like a child, but I could be dignified later. Right now I just needed to stay sane.
Every few seconds or so, Alice would start creeping back to the surface of my mind. Each time it happened I pressed a little closer to Bella, breathed her in, watched the way she moved, listened to the way she spoke. It was enough to send Alice scurrying back into the dark. For a while.
Bella's presence didn’t only bring comfort, it also brought pain. Every time she kissed Edward, I thought of how I had no one to kiss me like that anymore. I told myself I could live without kisses. It would be much harder to live without the love.
Love. It was the emotion she felt most, or at least the one she felt strongest. I’d never noticed it before. Sometimes it covered me like a blanket, soft and safe. Sometimes it crashed into me in waves, and I knew that she was thinking about Edward.
Alice had often sent out those same feelings as she’d looked at me. Once upon a time. How stupid I’d been not to see, not to feel the way she had been drifting further from me.
I tried to reach out for Bella, but I couldn’t move and everything hurt too much, and everything was too dark.
And then suddenly it wasn’t. Her hands were gripping my arms, and I could breathe. She’d come just when I needed her. Warm and safe... Everything would be ok.
Bella chased Alice away again. She didn’t ask any questions or say anything at all actually, until I felt almost normal.
“I’m going out with Esme.” She said and I felt my panic rising again. “Just into the garden. Would you like to come?”
Yes. I would. Very much. But I needed to practice this whole separation thing. If I didn’t, how would I ever learn to cope on my own?
“You go.” I croaked. “I’ll be fine.” She looked at me with concern then nodded and let go of me. It took every ounce of self control I had not to grab hold of her and keep her with me.
As soon as she and Esme were gone Edward loped off to the library. He didn’t even spare me a glance, but there was no need, I could feel his hostility well enough.
I counted the seconds. I was alone twenty three seconds before I moved into the living room and another fifteen before I stood by the glass wall. I could see them from here, bathed in week sunlight they sat on the ground weeding roses.
Gardening? That was something Esme always did alone. She always said she needed a bit of time to herself, away from her children.
The thick wall of glass cut me out of their conversation, but I could see the laughter in their eyes from here. I knew Esme already had strong maternal feelings for Bella, and it looked like Bella was welcoming them with open arms.
Bella was wearing gardening gloves that Esme must have bought her in anticipation of this moment. No one in this house needed them.
I watched the pile of weeds between them grow for five minutes before I went out into the garden. I could hear them now. Bella's laughter rang across the garden, and my feet stepped forward of their own accord.
Esme glanced up at me and gave me a quick smile. Bella was telling her some story about Charlie and a tin in the microwave. The closer I got to them, the better I felt. A smile fought its way to my lips as I listened to their giggles, only a few feet from them now.
Bella’s head whipped round to face me. “Don’t just stand there, there’s enough work for three. Or are you scared of getting your hands dirty?” The grin on her face grew as I sunk down next to her and accepted a trowel.
Bella started cutting flowers and laying them in a basket as I poked at the ground. The basket of roses tugged at my memory but I didn’t dare try to remember, there were things I didn’t want to think about right now.
“Oh” Bella's quiet exclamation drew my attention only half a second before the scent of her blood clawed at my throat. I stopped breathing.
Bella looked between Esme and I with wide eyes, then back at her hand. A thorn had pierced through the material of her gloves and pricked her finger. “Oh” She said again, and clamped her other hand around the injured digit. “I’m sorry, I’ll just...” I didn’t hear what she was saying as I raced into the house. I found the first aid kit Esme kept in the kitchen, it had only been a prop until Bella showed up.
When I got back outside Esme still hadn’t moved, she was tensed with her eyes tightly closed. Bella was struggling to her feet, without the use of her hands, she looked worried but I felt no fear coming from her.
I came to stop next to them and held my breath again, Esme opened her eyes and stared at me as I opened the box and took out and alcohol wipe.
She held her hand out for the box and stepped between me and Bella. I could see it wasn’t easy for her. Bella's blood smelled better than any I remembered, and I was pretty sure the same was true for Esme.
“I’d better do that Jasper. You go back into the house.” It hurt not to be trusted, but I knew she had reason to doubt my control, I was about to give in when Bella spoke up.
“It’s ok Esme. He can do it.” She pulled her glove off and held out her hand. Esme tensed again as the smell of blood intensified. She looked doubtful and wavered for a moment before she stepped aside.
I grit my teeth and wiped carefully across the tiny cut. What a waste. I wanted so much to suck that finger into my mouth, relieve the ache, taste the sweetness. My hands shook as I stuck a plaster in place, and then the horribly delicious scent almost disappeared.
Esme started breathing again and then pulled me into a hug that would have killed a human. “I can’t believe you just did that!” She all but shrieked. “I’m so proud!”
I ducked my head, I wasn’t used to praise. I’d always been the weak link in this family. The truth was I couldn’t believe I’d just done that.
“I told you that you wouldn’t eat me.” Bella said. She was positively beaming. “I think that proves it.”
“You were better than me.” Esme laughed.
“You could have done that.” I muttered, embarrassed.
“I don’t know, I was finding hard enough not to breathe, let alone do anything else.”
“I’m sorry, I should have been more careful.” Bella said. “You were both brilliant.”
“I’m going to call Carlisle. He won’t believe it.” Esme grinned and swept back into the house.
Bella waved a flower at me. “For my knight in shining armour.” She giggled.
I took the little rose bud, and for the first time in a long time, felt proud of myself.
Bella scooped up the basket and the tools and we ambled back to the house. Esme was in the kitchen rambling into the phone, making the whole thing seem more dramatic than it was. I wondered if I’d ever live it down.
Edward appeared in the doorway, his face tight as he spoke. “Bella, can I see you upstairs for a minute?”
She sent me an easy smile, and followed him. Away from me.
___________________________________________________________________

They’d been at it for almost half an hour now. Apparently, Edward thought gardening was far too dangerous a pastime for Bella.
I sat in the living room with Emmett and Rosalie, all of us trying not to listen as Bella tried to reason with our pig headed brother. The others were pointedly looking away from me. Edwards’s argument was, predictably, that I could have killed her.
He’d chosen to overlook the fact, that not only had I not hurt her in any way, I’d also tended to her cut.
Bella had repeatedly explained the situation, but he was having none of it.
“Are you actually trying to get yourself killed?” He growled.
“I was gardening for God’s sake, not juggling knives! I’m not a child Edward, and I won’t have you dictating to me like I am one. Jasper did brilliantly, you should be down there congratulating him, not up here berating me. It was an accident, and everything turned out fine.” I’d never heard anyone sound so frustrated.
Edward started wheedling then, he probably realised he’d lost the argument. “I love you Bella, I just worry. I don’t like you taking unnecessary risks, I couldn’t bear to lose you now.”
Rosalie snorted and rolled her eyes. I found myself listened for Bella's answer, half hoping she wouldn’t fall for his platitudes.
“I understand that Edward, really I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop doing things just because there’s the slightest chance I might get hurt.” Her tone had softened, but she wasn’t giving in.
Emmett pretended to retch. We could just make out the sound of them kissing from down here. At least they didn’t have to feel all the lust and frustration pouring off them. Or know how upset Bella got when Edward pushed her away yet again.
I felt a bit selfish, but I was glad. It meant she’d be back down soon. I heard Edward tell her he was going out to hunt again, and then the sound of water running in the bathroom.
I wanted to go up to her, but I understood that she needed time for herself. I went and looked for Esme, hoping she’d gotten over all her maternal pride by now. She could distract me for half an hour.
I found her in the kitchen pouring over a cook book and glaring at a small silver machine. “Oh Jasper, good, you can help me with this.”
“What can I do?” I tried not to sound too eager.
“I’m trying to make pasta, but I’ve never done it before and I think I’ll need more than two hands.” She looked annoyed, but I knew that she secretly loved having a human to take care of.
I relaxed into the pasta making, it was fiddly and messy, and the first skill I’d found difficult to acquire in a very long time.
After half an hour of failed attempts we finally had a usable batch of tagliatelle. Bella came stumbling into the kitchen and immediately cracked up laughing. I frowned and looked at Esme. She was covered in flour and bits of dough, and I had a good idea that I was in much the same state.
“What on earth have you been doing?” Bella laughed, reaching up to brush some flour from my cheek. The restraint I’d been employing snapped at the contact and I pulled her into a hug. Esme had kept my mind busy, but she couldn’t chase away the pain like Bella could.
I felt her tense in my arms for half a second before she hugged me back. It made me realise that grabbing her might not be fair to her and I might be making her feel uncomfortable. I let her go slowly. “Sorry.” I mumbled and went to wash my hands.
“I wasn’t complaining was I? If you start getting on my nerves I’ll let you know.” I risked a glance at her face and found her smiling.
“We were making pasta. It wasn’t quite as easy as it looked.” Esme was smiling too as she brushed herself down.
We finished cooking the meal together, and it was easy to pretend for a while, that we were just a normal family, bumping shoulders over the tomato sauce.
As the night wore on we all gravitated towards the living room and Esme found a movie for us to watch. I didn’t pay attention. Esme and Carlisle ignored the movie preferring to whisper to each other with their heads together. Rosalie was curled up in Emmett’s lap and Bella sat between Edwards’s legs, leaning against him.
I’d never been third wheel before, or seventh, as the case was now. It felt like sitting in a cold draught, and knowing that just beyond it the room was warm.
All the feelings of love and warmth around me should have made me feel better, but they cut into me like knives until I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt all their eyes on me as I fled the room for the solace of my study.
Half an hour later I heard the thunderous tread on the stairs that could only belong to Emmett. He didn’t bother to knock, he never had.
“How you doin’ bro?” He punched me in the arm and looked around the darkened room. I shrugged; my throat was too tight to speak.
“You’re a mess, you know that right?” Again I shrugged. “I hate seeing you like this. Talk to me man.”
I appreciated him trying, I really did, but the sympathy in his voice just made everything hurt more. I opened my mouth, but closed it again when I realised I didn’t have anything to say.
He shook his head sadly. “D’you want me to get Bella?”
She had said to call for her if I needed to. I nodded, not sure how much longer I’d be able to stay sane on my own.
Emmett turned back when he reached the door. “You did well today. I couldn’t have done that.” Then he was gone.
Bella didn’t waste any time, she was half way up the stairs before Emmett had even finished speaking. She walked in and turned on the light taking in the room before she looked at me.
“You need a shower.” She said firmly. “You’re covered in mud and flour and god knows what else. I’m not hugging you until you’re clean.”
“I’ve got nothing...” I tailed off, what would she think of me if she knew I didn’t even dare go into my own room?
She just smiled at me, and I knew that she already understood my problem. She knew how hard it would be to go into that room.
“You can use Edwards’s bathroom and I’ll get you some clothes and leave them on the bed. Get going.”
I followed her instructions, it was easier. Making decisions wasn’t on the top of my to-do list. There was nothing on my to-do list now.
The shower was hot but it didn’t really warm me so I hurried through it. I dressed without noticing what I wore and hurried back to the study.
I’d been on my own too long already so I didn’t wait for her to acknowledge my presence. I hugged her from behind as she perused my shelves. “You have good taste.” She told me as she sank back against me.
“You can borrow anything you like the look of. Think of this as your own personal library.” Talking seemed natural now, I felt stupid for finding it so hard before.
Bella's chuckle brought a smile to my face. “I can’t quite see you as a librarian.”
I don’t know how long we stood like that, but all too soon she was yawning and Edward was standing in the doorway, waiting to take her off to bed.
“Why don’t you two take my room? At least you’ll have a bed.” I wouldn’t be using it, and I didn’t like the thought of Bella squashed up on the couch while there was a bed going spare. Edward glared at me, and this time I couldn’t see why, surely there was nothing wrong with my suggestion.
Bella turned in my arms and reached up to kiss my cheek. The burn of it pushed away every bad thought in my head. “Thank you.” She whispered. “Goodnight.”
I took one last deep breath to commit her scent to my memory and let her go.
I stayed in the study and listened to her breathing until it became slow and deep with sleep, then went out into the garden and lay down by the roses to wait for dawn.
An: I hope I didn’t disappoint you with this. I know it could be better, but I feel like I’ve been staring at it for weeks, so I just gave in and posted it. Don’t forget to review! (Or if you can’t be arsed to review, rate it)
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Destiny Awaits