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Polar Night	By : belladonnacullen Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Het > Het Views: 8234 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 6
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- 8
Bella lay in my arms silently. She was deafeningly silent. I tried to decipher her emotions from the look in her eyes, something I thought I’d become quite good at. But although Bella was staring at me intently, I couldn’t be sure what she was feeling, and I couldn’t dream what she must be thinking. Her brown eyes were deep, mysterious pools, and I was completely out of my depth. She seemed equal parts happy, confused, disappointed and hungry. Her face showed no trace of pain, anger or fear.

It didn’t make sense. Did she care about herself so little that she could dismiss her own injuries, without a thought? She said she would tell me if I hurt her. Why didn’t she stop me? Had I frightened her? Did she endure last night for my sake? Was she trying to make this easier for me by pretending she wasn’t hurt, like she had after her birthday, like she had after the blood last night?

The longer the silence persisted between us, the more concerned Bella looked. Her forehead was furrowed, but her eyes were full of love. I didn’t deserve this kindness. I had to know what was going through her mind. Finally, I broke the silence.

“What are you thinking?”

Her eyes narrowed, pensive. “You’re upset. I don’t understand. You said… You told me that… that --”

“How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth – don’t try to downplay it.” I steeled myself for the response.

“Hurt?” Bella looked stunned, as if pain was the farthest thing from her mind.

I watched her sit up and move her arms and her legs, wriggle her fingers and toes. She was like an otherworldly goddess, coated in white fluff, her hair cascading in messy waves down her back, her breasts trembling with her every movement, her delicate lines, the scent of her sex.

I sighed and looked away. Could I think of nothing else besides how I wanted her? I was incorrigible. I studied the ceiling and it was easier to focus on the way she had gingerly moved her right arm, the way she’d held her neck protectively as she shook her head, and the little gasp she’d made as she flexed her thigh.

“Why would you jump to that conclusion?” she asked in inexplicable astonishment. “I’ve never been better than I am now.”

Despite the pain she was obviously in, she was emphatic that she was unharmed. When had she become such a good liar? I looked at her out of the corner of my eyes. She looked so earnest, and so dewy in the slanting mid-morning light. I closed my eyes, desperate not to get another glimpse of her nude body. It drove me insane with desire and guilt. “Stop that,” I muttered.

“Stop what?”

“Stop acting like I’m not a monster for having agreed to this,” I growled, acting every bit the monster.

“Edward, don’t ever say that!” But even as she disagreed with me, I felt her drawing away from me on the bed. It was a safe move on her part. It was about time. Nevertheless, her reaction killed me, and I squeezed my eyes shut wishing that I could take it all back. But I knew I couldn’t, and neither could she.

“Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me I’m not a monster.” I turned my head to the wall and held my breath.

She gasped. “Why am I covered in feathers?”

Of all the questions… “I bit a pillow. That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Oh.” Bella fell silent. “But it was the pillow. I’m f --”

“Do not say the word fine. If you value my sanity, do not say that you are fine.” I grated from between tensed jaws.

“But I am. I don’t get it Edward. Last night you were so… happy. More than happy. You were blissed out, Edward. I know you were.”

I spun around and took hold of Bella’s hand, stretching out her arm. I’d moved fast enough to make her gasp. “Look, Bella! Look at that.” I placed my four fingers across the marks on her forearm, a perfect match. I turned her arm over to reveal the darker mark that I’d made with my thumb.

Bella stared at her arm wordlessly and I let go of her. She looked over her body, attempting to brush away the down. Again, I looked away. Her tentative motions reminded of the way a new fawn moves, slender and tentatively graceful, discovering itself with each hesitant movement. And then the way her breasts shook as she brushed herself... I gritted my teeth and focused on the ceiling again. I stared so hard it should have caved in with the force of my glare.

“Oh,” she breathed in surprise.

“I’m so sorry, Bella. I knew better than this. I should not have --” But I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I shouldn’t have let myself get carried away when I made love to you. I shouldn’t have let myself come while I made love to you. I shouldn’t have enjoyed myself while I made love to you, because any enjoyment on my part involves monstrous impulses that are likely to kill you. “I am more sorry than I can tell you,” I managed between clenched teeth.

I pressed my hands against my eyes. They ached and stung like they never had before.

“They’re black and blue marks, Edward. It’s no big deal. It happens. I’m human.”

“I know, Bella. Perhaps that’s something we both should have considered more seriously.”

“God, Edward, it’s all we ever think about! Have two people ever talked more about being human? I doubt it. We knew this might happen. I’m sure this kind of thing happens a lot when two humans have sex.”

“Yes, you’re right. Human lovers injure each other all the time. It’s not the kind of behavior I’m looking to emulate.”

“Not on purpose, Edward. It was an accident. Humans get bruised, and then we get better. Maybe you don’t remember how it works for most of us.”

I lowered my hands and opened my eyes enough to look at Bella’s face. Only her face. I wouldn’t look at her body. She was angry; her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes were wide and bright and wet. I didn’t want to make her angry, I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and tell her I’d make it better. But taking her in my arms was dangerous. I couldn’t trust myself to touch her, and the pain this caused was physical. My eyes ached, my arms ached, and my stomach lurched. This bodily reaction was equal parts astonishing and agonizing.

Bella reached out to touch my hand. I flinched.

“I’m sorry. But, Edward... I. Am. So. Happy. And I know you were. I know it.”

“I can’t think of it like that now, Bella. Now that I know I’ve hurt you.”

“It doesn’t hurt.”

I clenched my jaw and I could feel my eyes glowing brightly. Bella looked down at her hands.

“It didn’t hurt last night. I would have told you.”

“That’s all the more reason not to try that again. You weren’t aware; I wasn’t aware. It was foolish.”

“Don’t say that! Edward, I don’t know about vampires. But for a human, it doesn’t get any better than that. We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then – well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I think for the first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice --”

I couldn’t let her finish that thought. “Assumed? Did you expect this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones – that equals a victory?”

“Experiment? Experiment! Is that what this was to you? Something you could report back to Carlisle about? Something unique that ‘Bella the human’ would like to try?”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry, that was a poor choice of words.” I glanced at her, vibrating with anger and sadness, stung. I shook my head; I didn’t know how to do this right. No matter what I did or said, I was hurting the person I cared about most in the world. I was hurting the person I was bound to for eternity. “I don’t want to hurt you any more than I have.”

“Then get over this, Edward. Don’t ruin this, don’t ruin last night for me, for us.”

“I’ve already ruined it.”

“No! I won’t let you do this. I won’t. Last night happened and, dammit, it was perfect, Edward. I had no idea what it would be like, and then… then, you and me... I didn’t dream it would be like that. You can’t take it back. You can’t make it bad.

“I remember what you said about time, how when you remember everything, what happened is always there. Last night will always exist. Don’t try to change it for my frail human mind.”

“You’re right. The past is past and I can’t do anything to change it. I can only change the future. I won’t make the same mistake again.”

“It wasn’t a mistake, Edward. Stop it! Stop trying to tell me that it wasn’t good. That I wasn’t good.”

I paused, stunned. How could Bella think that I objected to her? That I hadn’t enjoyed being with her? That’s not what I’d meant at all. I sat up and carefully touched my fingertips to Bella’s, looking into her eyes. I took a few deep breaths, and concentrated on speaking in a calmer tone.

“Bella. I didn’t dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn’t… well, the best night of my existence. But --”

“Really? The best ever? In your whole existence?” Bella glowed with happiness at my words. She grasped my hand and I resisted the urge to pull away. It was so warm; she was so trusting. It sent a vibration of pleasure through my body. I clutched her hand tighter.

“Yes, of course, Bella. And nothing, no amount of practice, not talking to Carlisle, my brothers, not bits of thoughts I’d tried to avoid over the years, nothing, could have prepared me for what it was like, with you, last night. Vampires say that sex the second best thing to human blood. But I’ve tasted your blood, Bella. Last night was something more.”

“It was more. It was everything.” I couldn’t help but agree with her.

She was right. It was everything. After last night I had everything I could ever want in Bella. I wouldn’t destroy that. I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

“But it was wrong. My enjoyment doesn’t change that. I won’t make love to you again. Not while you’re still human. Not until you are changed. I won’t hurt you like this again.”

“What?” Bella pulled her hand from mine, astonished.

“I’ll do whatever I can to make you happy, but I won’t do that. What else can I do to make you happy, Bella?”

Bella was silent. Her eyes glazed over, suddenly dull and emotionless. She gingerly slid from the bed. I couldn’t help groaning. Her face, her neck, her shoulders, her arm, down her torso, across her left breast, her hips, her inner thighs… In the past I’d killed men for as much. Bella stood in front of the mirror in the dressing area, looking herself over. She was quiet and subdued. She didn’t answer me. What else could I do to make her happy?

I sighed before moving quickly out of the bed and dressing from the waist down. Bella looked up and gasped. I’d moved too fast. She held on to the wall to steady herself, trying to look like she wasn’t alarmed. It was just an everyday occurrence, her husband moving faster than she could detect.

“I’ll never get this out of my hair,” she murmured turning back to her reflection, trying to pick white fuzz from between the tangles.

I took a deep breath and moved to her. I was behind her, at arm’s length. I wanted so badly to caress her bare shoulders, to wind my arm around her waist. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t touch her. Images from the night before flashed through my mind. I’d had no control. And it was all I wanted to do, again. Always. Constantly.

To distract myself, I began carefully plucking the feathers from her hair. I relaxed a little, grateful that I could manage this much contact. “It’s not your hair I’m concerned about, Bella.”

“Edward, I’m fi --”

“Shh,” I interrupted. She looked away from our reflection. I worked for three more silent minutes before she turned back to look at us. I managed a faint smile.

“I’m going to have to wash it out, I think.” Bella’s voice was flat. Her eyes met mine in the mirror. “Would you help me in the shower?” she asked hesitantly, just a hint of hope in her voice.

I’d been counting on taking a shower with Bella this morning. After all of those hundreds of nights of waiting, I thought this morning, her and I, the water, the tiles, my skin against hers... I closed my eyes and clenched my fists. “I’d better find you some food.”

*****

Edward left me standing in the bedroom, naked and partially coated in down. He’d succeeded in getting at least half of the sticky fluff out of my hair, but I still looked like a freak. I wound my hands around myself, oddly more self-conscious now that I was alone. I heard Edward opening the refrigerator, then the clatter of pots and pans. He was really going to make food. Now? I was stunned. Part of me wanted to march into the kitchen and talk. This wasn’t over, not by a long shot. But I’d have to get dressed first; my bruised and naked body wouldn’t make things easier. Another part of me just wanted to hide. After I’d given myself to Edward, finally, completely… this was his response?

So I retreated to the bathroom to regroup, looking over my shoulder, hoping to see Edward stealing a glance at me. He wasn’t there.

I turned the hot water up so that it was practically scalding, hoping that it might ease some of the soreness in my muscles. I was sore, all over, like I’d been weight lifting and then ran a couple of miles.

The steaming shower in the already hot room quickly turned the teak paneled bathroom into a sauna. I found some eucalyptus shower gel and took my time lathering up. The scent filled the room as I tenderly rubbed my aching muscles and joints. I took advantage of the time alone to close my eyes and replay last night for my own personal viewing pleasure. I wanted to hold onto that night for dear life. It would be up to me to remember it now. Now that Edward thought it was wrong. I’d been counting on him remembering it for me after I was changed. But I couldn’t be sure he’d ever talk about it again. So I had to make sure I remembered every detail, until I had the chance to write it all down.

It was going to be hard. Last night was like a blur. The most amazing parts stood out more than anything else. I remembered how Edward’s eyes glowed almost yellow; they were intense and timid all at once. And, of course, I could never forget the feel of him, impossibly cold, hard and heavy inside of me. So cold it burned. I don’t know what it’s like to be with a human, but I knew it wasn’t like that. And how did he know, how did we both know how to do that? I mean, the practice helped with his hands and his mouth, (god, I was getting excited again just thinking about his hands and his mouth), but everything else. I’m pretty sure we were good at it. Amazing.

And to see how he changed… At first he was so gentle that it almost killed me. I thought he’d never be inside of me. It seemed like he pushed millimeter by millimeter. But then, when he was finally, completely inside of me, I was filled more than I ever thought I could be. I’d been astonished; we fit together, perfectly. It was right after that when suddenly, Edward was more than a man; he was a vampire. He stopped trying to be human for me. He was whole and complete and amazing. Finally! I mean, I’m in love with a vampire, and last night I finally got to meet him. And my god, did I ever get to meet him! I could still feel his growls vibrating in my ears. I could still see the feral flash in his eyes, feel his icy come slipping onto my thighs. Last night was a revelation, seeing Edward finally let go. Really let go.

And there was that point in the middle, right before things really got intense. I don’t know exactly what to call it. But for a minute I was sure that there was something else there with us, that kind of wound around us and held us together. Up until that moment I couldn’t believe that Edward was mine, but after that, I knew. It was just certain, done, somehow. Even now, now that he’d rejected me, I still knew he was mine. That’s what made this all so hard...

Then, at the end, everything was so fast, so impossibly fast; Edward’s hands and his mouth were everywhere. He moved so gracefully and so quickly, well it would have done me in just to watch him. The way his lips curled, the way he showed his teeth, and the way he said “mine.”

It was weird how that one little word could make me feel: weak in the knees and light-headed. I’d never wanted to be someone’s property. The thought, rationally, made me uncomfortable. But the way Edward said it, like he was laying claim to my body - it shouldn’t, I know it shouldn’t - but it made me die a little, in a good way. To think that this body, this fragile human thing was Edward’s to, well, there’s no other word for it, but to ravage. It made the spot between my legs ache and it made me want him all over again.

Mine. I shuddered. Mine. I suppressed a groan. I gently rubbed myself with my finger and a sob escaped from my lips, surprising me. I didn’t know I was crying, but sure enough, my tears were mixed with the water from the shower. I pressed my face against the cold shower tile to smother my voice, and it reminded me of how Edward felt when I pressed myself against him.

Never. Again. Not as a human. How could he say that? How could he make that decision for us? I wanted him so badly, more now than ever. But one night with me, and he never wanted to touch me again. Because of these bruises. Because of my delicate human body. But now, now, I wanted this body more than ever. I needed him like that again. I wanted days, weeks, months, yes, even months, with nothing but him. Him and I naked and tangled in the sheets. And then in the morning we could talk and giggle and whisper and do it all over again.

I looked down at myself; my body was practically shaking with desire. I fought the very real impulse to run out there and try to force myself on Edward. I knew very well that wouldn’t work. I had over a year of experience in that department.

I pressed my body into the corner of the shower and I thought of Edward, of his enormous, hard body, and of how carefully he touched me, down there. I tried to mimic his movements, but I didn’t get it quite right. I pressed my breasts against the tile, pretending it was him that was hardening my nipples, I pressed my face against the tiles, and I rubbed my thighs together. But as much as I fevered for Edward, my body knew this wasn’t him. It wasn’t working.

I spun around and turned the water from hot to cold, ice cold. I unhooked the nozzle and sprayed it between my legs, as hard as the water would go, on the most intense setting.

I held the nozzle there and gasped, my fingers clawing at the wall. Before I knew it, my legs crumbled beneath me, and I was kneeling on the floor of the stall, my breath coming hard. I tried to be as quiet as possible as I brought myself over the edge. Still, Edward probably knew. He could hear and smell everything. Fine, let him know. Let him know what his wife was doing without him.

When I could stand again, I turned off the water and wiped the tears from my face. I dried myself and carefully combed the rest of the down from my hair. Then I took a deep breath and cracked the bathroom door. Edward wasn’t in the bedroom. I could smell eggs from the kitchen. My stomach rumbled. Human, I was sickeningly human. I was starving. I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast on the plane yesterday. I pulled the towel tighter around myself and walked quietly into the bedroom. I could be as quiet as I wanted, but I knew Edward heard me.

I looked through the clothing Alice packed for me. Why hadn’t I stopped her? Everything, down to the underwear and bras, were brand new. They were very lacy, very small, and very honeymoon-ish. Even if Edward wanted me, I would have been embarrassed. I pulled on the least revealing bra and panty set of the bunch, which wasn’t saying much, then searched for something that would cover as much of the bruises as possible. I found a white jersey dress with short sleeves. I considered tying a scarf around my neck, but I thought it would have been too obvious.

“Bella? Eggs are ready.” Edward heard me. He always heard.

“I’ll be right there.”

I rooted around in my bag and fished out my cell phone. I slipped back into the bathroom and prayed for reception. Miraculously, I had four bars. They’d probably installed their own cell tower here on the island. I dialed Alice’s number. I needed to talk to someone, and Alice was the only one that I could confide in about the vampire part of it all. “Come on, Alice, answer. I need you!” But it went straight to voicemail. Didn’t she see that I’d be calling? If Edward and I ever needed one of her visions, something happy and positive about the future, we needed it now. I sighed and shut the phone. I didn’t leave a message. Alice wouldn’t need one.

“That’s fine,” I thought. Edward was my husband. We’d work this out together. I could be rational; Edward was always rational. Well, until this morning.

I took a deep breath, took one last look in the mirror, squared my shoulders and made my way to the kitchen.

*****

Edward was sliding an omelet onto a plate as I walked into the enormous stainless steel and glass kitchen and eased into a chilly metal chair. “Enjoy your shower?” he asked in that voice that made me want to melt. How could he manage to sound so sexy and unruffled when I was so angry and sad? And what did he mean, enjoy my shower? Damn him.

“It was fine.” I used the word on purpose.

I saw him pause for a spilt second, before he turned to me, an impassive smile on his lips. “I’m glad.”

He put the plate before me and my stomach rumbled. It smelled delicious.

“You cook?”

“Food Network.”

“Right.” I hungrily forked the eggs into my mouth. They were amazing, perfect. Of course they were perfect.

“I haven’t been feeding you enough,” Edward observed as he sat across from me.

“I’m not a zoo animal, Edward. I’m a human. You don’t have to feed me. I can feed myself, thank you. And I was asleep. Not in eating mode.” I felt instantly bad about my tone and my choice of words. But really, what I said was the least of it.

I saw just a hint of pain in Edward’s eyes, but that same smile remained on his lips. “You’re still unhappy.”

“Unhappy doesn’t quite capture the full extent of how I feel, Edward.”

Edward’s chair was immediately next to mine. He almost touched my shoulder with his hand, but then drew it away. “Bella, I would do anything to make you happy. We’re here for your enjoyment.”

“Anything?” I asked turning to meet his eyes. They were flat, like unpolished bronze. His face was carefully arranged into a look of concern, but he was hiding something. I knew him well enough to know that. I was suddenly inspired. I’d learned that when he hid his feelings, I could often touch him and bring it out. I tentatively grabbed his hand. Edward flinched. But instead of caving in to me, it was like he locked himself inside even more.

He could only meet my eyes for a couple of seconds, before turning to look out the glass wall at the beach. “There’s snorkeling, a waterfall if we hike inland, tide pools to the north, caves along the water’s edge on the western shore…”

Edward’s voice trailed off and I didn’t respond. He’d intentionally misunderstood my request. I wasn’t going to beg for sex. I’d done enough of that for nearly two years. Not now. Not with my husband.

“That sounds lovely.” I wasn’t as good at this as Edward was. There was an edge to my voice that I couldn’t mask. I saw him wince again. “The waterfall sounds nice,” I offered woodenly.

I figured that we could hike there fully clothed; I could cover up most of the bruises. We’d walk at human speed. With my penchant for tripping, that could take all day.

Edward turned to smile at me, and his eyes nearly sparkled. How was he so good at this? Pretending that everything was all right. Pretending. It reminded me of last September, before he left me. It wasn’t even a year ago. That thought cut like a knife and I gasped a little and looked away.

“Bella, are you alright?”

Was he serious?

I waited for him to say something else. Instead he lightly stroked my cheek. His touch almost made me crumble, right there. It brought back all of the memories from last night and compounded the fact that I would never experience that again. I was angry with him, and I was angry at my own skin that bruised if the wind rubbed it the wrong way.

I turned back to look at Edward. His concern was real now, at least. He looked like he was in pain. I could feel my eyes watering and I tried desperately to keep the tears at bay. I wouldn’t cry. “Kiss me, Edward?”

Edward’s lips brushed against mine. I felt its effects through my entire body; I was buzzing, aching, like he just breathed life into me. I clenched my fists, I would not try to pull him to me. I stayed rooted in my seat. I wouldn’t jump into his lap. Edward’s lips pressed against mine harder, his hands came up and rested on my shoulders, but almost before it registered, they were back at his sides. There was no mistaking his desire. He moved his lips urgently, pressing them into me. In another instant he’d have me on the floor. I heard a sound from his throat. Was it a purr, a growl? No, it was almost pain… like a groan… but worse. Then, suddenly, he was across the room, opening the refrigerator. Inhumanly fast.

“I’ll pack you some snacks, Bella.”

“Thanks.”

*****

The hike was actually lovely. The island was beautiful in a tropical way that I’d never seen before. It was lush and green like Forks, but the leaves were all waxy and enormous, and there were bright splashes of color everywhere. Vibrant yellow and pink orchids grew from tree trunks, orange and red flowers grew from the ground, and some dangled from the limbs of trees. And the delicious heat, I couldn’t get enough of it. It snaked around my limbs and filled my throat, so fragrant and heavy I could almost drink it. It was dim under the forest canopy, but every once in a while, light would filter down and glance off Edward’s skin, shattering into thousands of crystal rays.

Edward held my hand to help me over tree limbs, to catch me as I slipped on wet rocks and fallen fruit. He told me about Brazil in the early seventies; the crowded streets of Rio, coursing with people, thick with the smell of human food and exhaust. He explained the differences between the rainforest on the mainland, where they’d settled, and the flora and the animals on this island. He pointed out the names of different flowers and trees as we walked.

The Cullens came to Brazil to avoid the Vietnam draft. It was easier to leave the country than to keep moving as soon as one of them was supposed to have come of age. I’d never thought of that.

“You didn’t want to fight?” I asked.

“We couldn’t. First of all, there’s the blood to consider. Emmett and Jasper, and even myself, we would never have had the willpower necessary to remain composed in a killing field. And then there would be medical exams, bullets bouncing off of our skin. There was no way, especially for a war we didn’t believe in.”

Suddenly, I wished I could have seen Edward in the seventies. What kind of clothes did he wear? Polyester? Bell-bottoms? Was Alice a hippy? I’d never seen pictures. They must have pictures. But I guessed they wouldn’t need pictures, with perfect memories.

“World War II was harder,” Edward continued. “Emmett and I both wanted to fight. I knew it was impossible, but it was difficult for us to keep Emmett from enlisting.”

“How did you?”

“Rosalie did. She was the only one that could talk sense to Emmett those first years.”

“Because she’s his… mate?” The word sounded awkward coming out of my mouth. It was the first time I used it like that, to refer to a vampire couple.

I thought Edward’s head turned to look at me a little quicker after I said it. “Yes, I suppose.”

We fell into silence.

I wondered why I couldn’t talk sense to Edward, then. Maybe it wasn’t the same between us, because I was human. Would I have more influence over him when I was turned? Would I be his… mate, then? What if when I was turned, he didn’t think of me that way? That thought caused me real, physical pain.

After last night I felt so attached to Edward, in a way that seemed like so much more than sex. And I thought he felt that too. No, I almost knew it. I was there; I wouldn’t let myself forget it. But now, he was so hard and cold. How could he keep himself from me when all I wanted was to be able to throw him on the ground and rip off his clothes?

Edward reached for my hand. “Are you okay?”

I hadn’t realized that I was suddenly breathing like I’d just run a marathon.

“It’s nothing. Maybe just jet lag and the hike.” His hand squeezed mine lightly before he let it go.

*****

We didn’t make it back to the house until well after sunset. Bella seemed tired and unsettled, and even more pensive than usual. The actual silence between us was compounded by the reprieve I’d had from the thoughts of others. It had been nearly twenty-four hours. Not a whisper of a thought in all that time. But I was actually glad that I couldn’t hear Bella’s thoughts today. Mine were enough to deal with. If I had to hear Bella’s thoughts about how badly I’d ruined our first day together as man and wife, well, I wasn’t sure what I’d do. But it wouldn’t be pleasant.

Bella threw herself into an armchair as soon as we made it through the door. She looked thoroughly exhausted.

“Are you hungry?”

“A little. I’m tired.”

“I could make you something.”

She smiled a little. “What else did you learn on the Food Network?”

“What would you like?”

Her eyes narrowed as she considered my answer. “Do you know how to make everything, now?”

“Not everything,” I conceded.

Bella rolled her eyes. “Maybe just some of the fruit we picked. I’m not that hungry. I just feel weird. It must be jet lag. I’m all off. I slept all day on the plane and then I was up all…” She closed her eyes. “Maybe just some fruit.”

After twenty minutes with some cut up guava and papaya, Bella put the bowl aside and stretched languorously. “I think I’ll get ready for bed.” She glanced at me, and I wasn’t sure how to respond.

“Perhaps you should sleep in the blue bedroom. The other one is covered in feathers.”

“She considered me silently for ten long seconds, her expression flat, unreadable. “Right.” Bella turned on her heels toward the bathroom.

“Bella?” I’d almost forgotten. I knew Alice’s plans for Bella’s honeymoon wardrobe. I’d thought ahead and stowed away some of Bella’s favorite clothing for the trip. I thought it might make her more comfortable. But with everything that had happened, I hadn’t had the chance to bring it up.

“Yes?”

“I know my sister well. I didn’t get a chance to tell you earlier. I packed some of your things in my luggage. I thought that it might make you feel more at home while you’re here.”

Bella peered at me. “You thought I might like to sleep in my own things?”

I nodded. “Something familiar.”

“You don’t want to see me in what Alice packed?”

“Bella, no, that’s not what I --”

“Fine, Edward.” Bella marched into the bathroom. It wasn’t long before I heard the shower running. Was she trying to kill me with all the showers?

But I took advantage of the moment, slipped my cell phone from my pocket and slid out the back door, grateful that Carlisle had a cell phone tower installed three years earlier.

*****

“Carlisle.”

“Edward, what is it? I hadn’t heard from you. I thought that meant that Bella was fine.”

I gritted my teeth. If one more person used that word, I would scream.

“There are bruises all over her body, Carlisle.”

“And?”

“I battered my wife,” I growled through clenched teeth.

“She has bruises?”

“Why are you rubbing this in?”

“Edward, child, she is human. She’s going to bruise. Is there anything else? Bleeding? Internal damage?”

“No!”

Carlisle sighed on the other end. “It’s fine,” I heard him say under his breath. Was he talking to Esme? Telling her that it was fine?

“You call this fine?” I worked with some difficulty to keep my voice low enough so that Bella couldn’t overhear me.

“Edward, get a hold of yourself. You knew this was going to be hard, you knew it was dangerous. All things considered…”

For three seconds I stopped listening to my father. Obviously, Carlisle didn’t care about Bella like I did. What if I tried explaining this to Bella’s mother and father? Their daughter left my bed bruised from head to toe. They’d call me a monster and they would be right. Carlisle wasn’t seeing this clearly. He was biased. Calling had been a mistake.

“… and as a first attempt, one might have guessed there would be minor contusions, not to mention --”

“You expected this?” I interrupted. “Who else expected this? Did Alice see this? Does she also think hurting Bella was acceptable?”

“Edward, how does Bella feel?”

“She won’t say… She says she feels fine.”

“Maybe you should listen to your wife.” For the first time he sounded irritated. But for all the wrong reasons, to my estimation.

“Carlisle, how would you feel if you injured Esme?”

“That’s impossible, son. Esme isn’t human.”

“That’s not what I mean...” I took a deep breath. “Carlisle, Bella is mine. After the wedding, after last night, Carlisle… we’re --”

“Yes, son. I know. You’re bound, she’s yours.”

“Yes… and I hurt her. Have you ever encountered one so callous and selfish, that he would… hurt his mate? Vampires don’t do this. And then, with every word I utter I hurt her more. Silence seems to be worse.”

“Edward, Bella is not a vampire. Did you think that marrying Bella, that having intercourse with her, would somehow make your relationship a vampire relationship?”

Had I thought that? Surely not. But what had I expected? I remembered back to Carlisle and Esme when they were first together, the unbreakable bond between them. Their complete accord and acceptance of one another. And then there was Rosalie and Emmett. Their physical union was stronger than anything else. They never had a doubt about what they shared physically. These were my two models of newly mated couples. Perhaps I’d been unrealistic.

“Edward, humans sometimes hurt one another accidentally. Humans often argue, disagree. It’s their nature. Their bodies are malleable, their emotions and their minds are unfixed.”

“But I’m not human, Carlisle. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Son, you’ve been doing this all along. You and Bella have always argued and disagreed like humans. It’s more drama than this family has seen in many years. You must know this. You must have an idea of how you’ve changed.”

“I won’t hurt her physically again, I can’t bear it. You and Esme may leave whenever you’d like. There will be no possibility that Bella will get hurt for as long as she is still human.”

He sighed in resignation. “Son, your relationship with Bella is unlike any other that I’ve seen. But I’ve known many, many vampires over the years. I don’t know that it’s physically possible for you to stay away from her, after last night.”

“Not without some difficulty,” I replied. Not without actual, physical pain. The attraction, the desire, the need, was unrelenting.

“I can’t fathom how you’re able to talk with me on the telephone so calmly,” he continued. “Perhaps everything is turned on its head when dealing with a human.” That was putting it mildly.

“Go talk to your wife, Edward. This is a discussion you should be having with her.”

“I’m afraid, Carlisle, of hurting her again. I’m afraid of what she must think of me.”

“Bella may be human, Edward, but the strength and consistency of her feelings for you is somewhat superhuman. You need to talk to her, son.”

Just then I heard Bella turn off the water in the shower. I heard her feet padding on the tiles, her heart beating regularly. I pictured her, pink, glowing and soft. I could feel her on my fingertips, taste her on my tongue. I couldn’t stay on the phone calmly. I couldn’t stay this far away from her… from her warm, wet, intoxicating body, from her beautiful face, from her silken hair.

“Carlisle, I need to go,” I managed.
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Polar Night