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Crescent Moon	By : lordoberon Category: Twilight Series > Het F > Bella/Jacob Views: 23572 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
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Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Here is second-to-last chapter. =D
CRESCENT MOON
A Twilight fanfic
by lordoberon
Chapter 8
Bella's POV

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When she opened the door, he was as dazzling as ever. His hair was perfectly combed, and glowed a golden-red in the cloudy Forks sunlight. He smiled his perfect, crooked little smile, and Bella’s heart thudded in her, and she thought, he is so beautiful. She reached out to touch him – that urge to touch him, to know him, whooshed in her very blood, it seemed – and clasped his hands. There were icy, and she resisted the urge to shiver, as his hands trailed up her arms lightly, and then went around her waist as he walked them through the door.
The discomfort of that icy touch set her back in reality. She was with Jacob now. Permanently. But he and she were the only ones who knew. And in Edward’s every perfection, he was perfect, not for her, she realized, but for any human. He had seemed like her Edward. He had proclaimed himself hers, and her blood, the taste and song that made him feel alive. But…Bella bit her lip, as they sat down on their familiar couch spot. Edward’s filling her life did not feel natural and right, after Jacob. It hadn’t even really felt right before Jacob – and that truth, denied, was what made her heart heavy each time she’d left Jacob to return to Edward’s arms.
She had been telling herself for so long that she and Edward were meant to be together, that she had convinced herself of it. It had taken Jacob’s passionate, unrestrained kiss to pull her out of it. But she couldn’t tell all this to Edward! It would be too much for him. Wouldn’t it? She didn’t want him to go to the Volturi again.
“Bella…” Edward’s whisper shook Bella from her reverie. She turned to stare into those golden eyes, and forced a smile.
“I missed you.” Her words sounded hollow even to her.
That perfect brow crinkled, and Edward leaned in closer to her on the couch. Bella shivered this time. Thank god Charlie wasn’t around to complicate things more right now. He’d gotten a load of paperwork at the office yesterday.
“What’s wrong? You’ve got your mind on something, I can tell. I spoke to Alice on the way back; she called me. She said something about a vision of you and Jacob, but she couldn’t see because of him. Is everything alright with you? How…how is Jacob, anyway?”
Bella almost felt a crazy laugh burble out of her, but instead the sound was a groan of despair. This was so hard. After years with Edward, she couldn’t say that she didn’t love Edward at all; she did, and she didn’t want to hurt him. But she had to. She loved Jacob more, much more. Jacob was imperfect, but he was right. He felt right in a way Edward never had, not in all that time she’d told herself Edward was IT.
“Jacob is doing fine, as far as I know…he’s fixing my car, and he’s going to bring it back later today. I went to spend time with him because the crowd at the beach just…wasn’t doing it for me.”
Edward leaned back against the couch arm now, away from her. Bella looked at him, watching as his gaze raked all over her face, searching for the answers, for her thoughts which he could never read. Finally, with a thoughtful, “Hmm,” Edward said, “Alright then.”
Bella was surprised. He was dropping it? Wow. Tension rolled out of her, and she held back a sigh of relief. For a time, she was free of giving answers. Thank god. It was just too much. Gratefully, she relaxed back against the couch as he turned on an old favorite film of theirs. When his hand crept into her hair, slowly, she leaned to the side and forced herself to lie against him, as she had so many times before. His body beneath her was cold and hard, so different from Jacob’s heat and fleshy warmth. Oh Jacob…how was he doing? Today was his third and final day of heat. She wondered how he was coping.
For the film, Bella couldn’t focus. She couldn’t stop thinking of Jacob, and everything that had happened. She was shocked, really, that it had happened, but then the shock would fade away and be replaced by warmth. Then she would think of Alice, interrogating her yesterday, and Edward who now lay so passively beside her, his hand playing in her hair. She felt awful for doing this to him. But the inattentiveness to self, which she had been more prone to feeling before, had lifted with Jacob.
Now she couldn’t hate herself anymore, because she felt known and loved. She told herself firmly that she didn’t feel guilty for making Edward worry, and she found that, actually, she didn’t. She tried not to feel guilty for what was going to happen with Edward. It had to happen. She couldn’t live like this anymore, loved but unfulfilled by her would-be lover, with her self confidence constantly ripped apart by his simple way of being, his utter perfection; and all the while her beating herself up for just being herself. It was insane. It was too much.
Jacob had known it was too much for her. He had told her this, and he had seen it in her…how much she was killing herself inside, to live properly on the outside for Edward. It had taken Jacob to finally wake her up…and Bella felt, as she sat there, her old ways of thinking and her old feelings for Edward sloughing away. It was like melting snow. She marveled that it was leaving her so fast; for a moment, she even felt a twinge of anger with herself. How could she be so heartless? But then she thought, well, maybe it was so easy because in actuality, she had had little warmth for Edward. Her feelings had been more worshipful, and more of fulfilling herself by constantly being around him, instead of allowing herself, and her natural feelings for Jacob, fulfill herself. Instead she had beaten herself up mentally for what was only normal! Her feelings now of being sad to hurt Edward were what she had pretended she was doing to Jacob – letting him down slowly, and kindly. But now, she was preparing to do that with Edward.
It was fucked up. Fucked. Bella knew it, and she knew that was how Jacob would say it. She was tired of this carousel ride. It was time to stop going in circles. She was going to get off the ride and enter back into reality. She was going to be a self again, herself, and not a carbon copy that shadowed Edward.
Simultaneous elation and terror rose in her, as the movie ended and Edward left to get ready for their dinner out tonight.
Bella tore through her closet like she never had before. It wasn’t that she cared what she was wearing. She just needed her hands moving, to match her scrambled mind. So she bit her lip and talked to herself and hissed at the pain in her back from leaning deep into her closet. Her hands frantically dug through clothes. Dresses and heels that Alice had bought her flew from the closet to flop onto Bella’s bed in a pile that gradually grew more monstrous. Her lip became so gnawed that it started bleeding, and Bella swore as she went to get something from the bathroom to clean up.
Her eyes, when she looked at herself in the mirror, were wild. Her pupils were large. Her face looked paler than normal. Ugh, she was turning into a mess over Edward! As usual!
She sat down on the toilet, and put her face in her hands. She hated this. All of it. It was crumbling her down in the same way that being with Edward had crumbled down her sense of self and strength. Oh, god, she was even crying now! She ripped toilet paper from the roll and wiped madly at the tears streaking down her face, and swore up at the bathroom tiles beneath her. None of this was like her, the crying or the swearing, but she was going so crazy right now that it actually felt kind of good.
There, damnit, Bella thought, as she tossed the sodden paper in the trash. She got up, scrubbed and cleaned her face frantically, applied some makeup, and stepped out of the bathroom. Edward stood on the stairway landing, leaning against her bedroom door frame.
He smiled. “Well, I think this is a first. Bella, not ready for a night out in five seconds?” He laughed his tinkling laugh of beauty, and Bella felt her heart melt in sadness at the sound. She would hate hurting him. He was so beautiful and he meant well…he just didn’t know what he was doing.
It wasn’t all his beauty and her imperfections, that wasn’t the entire problem. It was the way he tried so hard to know her, to fulfill her, and failed. He protected her, he listened to her…but he also hid things from her. He was never truly himself around her, because he hid things and repressed his very physical being around her. It was different than Jacob making sure not to use his full strength. It was harder for Edward to hold back his bloodlust than for Jacob to not lean too much against her. And the way that Bella had seen Edward be around his family, was never quite the way he was with her, no matter how tender he could be sometimes…
For a while the relationship had been exciting and new and amazing…a long while…but the affect it had ultimately had on her, and her friends and family, was damaging. Edward had damaged her enough, and Bella didn’t want that anymore. He genuinely loved her, in possibly the strongest love he had ever felt for anyone but family, but…his way of being around her was not of equals. It was not of freedom. And because his love for her stole too much from her self and her quality of life, it was not worth keeping. Jacob’s love was better-rounded. It was healthy and right for her. She felt like she belonged, around Jacob and the wolves. It was warm and felt like community. There was not the constant pressure of hiding secrets, histories, and physicality that came with being around the Cullen family. It was just love, simple and strong and honest in all its good and bad.
In response to her long, long look at him, Edward stepped forward, and took her hand. His smile was gentle. “Come on,” he said. “I’ll help you.”
As usual, he didn’t understand anything that was going on within her.
She let him steer her into her room, still thinking. Oh how hard tonight was going to be. But she could do it. Not for Jacob, although partly, yes. Partly, because he was a part of her now, and the part she wanted to keep instead of Edward. Edward had never truly been “a part of her,” because he never understood her or loved her for herself. The Bella that Edward loved was controlled and lesser, somehow, than Jacob’s Bella. Edward’s Bella was weak and contained and…lifeless, really, in comparison to Jacob’s. She wanted to be Jacob’s.
So they looked through her clothes, and finally Bella picked out a pale green sweater, along with a dark denim skirt and a dark navy-blue tank top with rose designs at the neckline and beneath the bust. She fluffed her hair out in front of the mirror, with Edward standing behind her. She knew he could smell her scent, and somehow what had once been comforting and sweet now made her nervous. And he was watching her every move, too.
Tonight was the night of wrongness. It felt so off-kilter!
Finally, Edward handed her the one pair of heels she owned, and as she sat down to put them on, his arm slinked to wrap around her waist. When she leaned down to get the buckle on her shoes, he pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. Bella blinked back tears, and resisted biting her lip again. The dread and horror and sadness rose up in her throat and she choked it back to lie heavy in her heart.
You can do this, Bella, she said. Tonight is it. Tell him. Tell him now. Don’t spend the rest of the summer with this feeling in you!
During the drive up to Port Angeles, they talked, and even laughed. But Bella’s laughter was hollow, just as her smiles were. He told her of an item of jewelry he had seen that he dearly wished he could buy without feeling like she would become embarrassed and never wear it. He told her, when she remained quiet, of Emmett’s antics on the way up to the hunting place – a fight with a bear, started when the bear crossed the road – and of Alice’s anxiety and then happiness when Edward came home, and, Edward claimed, that was the cause of his questioning her earlier.
Bella wanted to sigh. In the minds of the Cullens, it was okay to treat her as lesser. After all, she was the fragile human. She was clumsy. She had to be treated this way. It was only for her own safety, right? They did it FOR her, as a favor, in their thinking, by saving her unnecessary trouble. And when they thought she might not like it or be comfortable with it, like Edward did now with his questioning her earlier, then they justified it somehow in their heads.
She was tired of being treated like that. She was not a child, she was an adult, and when she was silly, like with Jacob, it was a good silly. All ways of being felt comfortable with Jacob, now, that is. She could be silly, grown up…sexy…
Bella put those thoughts out of her head, and ordered pasta for her dinner. Dinner was a silly idea really, seeing as Edward didn’t eat, but Alice had thought of it, and since her ‘birthday’ had been recently, Edward had asked Bella, and Bella had agreed.
For the first few moments, Bella ate silently, and Edward simply watched. It made her feel nervous as she had never before felt around him. He was able to read every mind except hers, but it made her skin crawl to have him staring at her. He had been able to tell earlier that something was “wrong”; could he see in her now the resolve to talk to him about Jacob?
For a second, the thought crossed her mind: What if he reads Jacob’s mind right now, as Jacob is in heat? He would see the visions of me that Jacob can’t help but have. He might even want to hurt Jacob…what if Jacob is thinking about us?
She bit her lip, and decided that waiting would not help. She was already apprehensive enough. Having Edward find out through the medium of Jacob’s mind would only make things worse. That was the worst scenario; there was, at least, a worse scenario then telling him herself, right now, during their night out.
“Edward,” she blurted, but her voice was soft and hesitant. She stared down at the table. “I want to talk to you about something.”
He leaned forward across the table – she had feigned coldness, and he had sat there instead of beside her. She watched his mouth, the mouth that had once so enamored her, as he said smoothly, “I knew there was something going on. Alice couldn’t figure it out, and I could tell she was worried. But most of what you said yesterday dissuaded her. What is it?”
His voice became tender as he asked the question, and Bella felt her resolve quaver a little. But no! She had to do this. It was for her and Jacob. She had to.
Where to begin? Bella bit her lip, and forced herself to look straight into Edward’s eyes. “I’m not going to start with any lies. I’m not going to say, as you did to me once, that this would be best for us.” She saw his hands clench against each other, and a hardness combined with sadness enter his gaze.
She took a deep breath, and continued, “I know that what I am going to say is not good for us. It is going to most probably break down any possibility of any ‘us’ in the future. I will not say, Edward…” She felt tears in her eyes, and quickly flicked them away, strangely angry at her own crying, “I will not say that it does not hurt me…to part from you.” She swallowed hard.
Edward opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it. She had never seen him unsure like this. His glittering, golden eyes were like hard pieces of glass. They cut her like a knife, staring at her unblinking, and then he murmured, “Please finish.”
His voice was like a stone. It was dead, and heavy, and hard. She wondered suddenly, would he hurt her? Would he fly into a rage? She knew Edward was prone to dramatics beyond what he ever showed her; it was something she had come to hear of, but never really know herself, when Alice had told her of his holing himself up when he left her, and then went to the Volturi. Edward was much more than he ever showed himself to be around her.
“It hurts me to say…it…” She took a deep breath. “I love you, Edward. You know I do. But…my heart has been so heavy and confused, even as we were together. You know it was only recently. You know things changed, when you returned after the Volturi. I know that you left for my safety, but…I needed you!”
Her voice was sharp and harsh now. “I needed you, as I had never needed anyone. And you left me, and you pretended you did not love me. I had given everything to you, practically given up who I was, and you just left me alone there…I felt like I would die…Jacob was all that saved me. His care and attention, and then his love…supported me.”
She couldn’t look at him. She looked away, and concentrated on taking deep gulping breaths. Then she dared a quick glance at him. Edward had his teeth clenched, and his hands were in two fists on the table. He was staring off into space, and his eyes were still like barely contained fire.
“What I want to tell you, is…I love Jacob. He nourishes me and loves me in ways that make me feel so alive…I have hated the confusion, this love triangle between us, of my choosing you or Jacob…I know it has hurt the both of you more than me, and I am so sorry for that. But I just…I am tired of that whirligig going around in circles, in my head and between all three of us. Recently, I spent time with Jacob…” Her voice had become a whisper. “I realized that I feel very strongly about him, and that so much hurt is in me, still, and that I have lost so much self-awareness…” She struggled for words, struggled to finish somehow. “Does any of what I said make sense?”
Bella hated to put Edward on the spot. She hated, in fact, to be here any longer. Edward continued to stare off into the distance, and his burning eyes scared her just a little. She didn’t want to leave him abruptly though, because that is what he had done to her. Except he had been lying, and this was real. She knew if she left now, it would give him more pain. She did not want to hurt him; the less pain, the better. So she forced herself to remain in her seat.
His voice was as cold as a glacier. She hadn’t heard him this cold, this hardened, since he spoke to the Volturi; since that first day, when he had smelled her blood. “Of course I understand it. It is simply that you are human, with human desires. It is that you want to live, and experience all the things of living. I spoke to you of this long ago, when first you told me that you wanted to be turned…into something like myself. I warned you of what you would miss, and yet you seemed so willing to give it all up…it astounded me, and made me fearful, because I do not want you whom I love to lose your soul. It seemed to me then, though, that you were very determined to be with me…” His voice broke.
Edward cleared his throat, and started again. “I see that when I left, it wrought great changes…which I hadn’t anticipated. Well, actually, I guess it worked!” He laughed bitterly. “I wanted you to forget about me. I wanted you to not need me. I wanted you to fall out of love of me. I wanted to keep you safe, and I left for your own sake, to protect you, not me or my family; I knew that it would hurt me to leave you, that I would experience a pain beyond any I had before…and so I did. And then…then you came to me, and loved me again, and…and I marveled, as I had so many times before, at the human heart’s capacity to love, and specifically at your desire to be with me. But…”
Edward’s voice was so quiet then that she couldn’t hear him for a moment, so Bella leaned forward, whispering, “What?”
He lifted his head up from where it had hung down as he spoke so quietly. His face was twisted and contorted in front of her, and his burning-fire eyes had turned into sad embers. “If only I could cry, you would see my pain. Instead I can only sit here!” His fist slammed against the table suddenly, and Bella jumped.
Edward spoke through dry lips. He stared at her with an intensity that made her heart thump wildly in her chest, but she forced herself to remain looking at him.
“I realize now,” Edward said, and his smile was bitter, “That my plan worked. You did realize that you do not need me. I do not fulfill you. I cannot, because of what I am…and Jacob has satisfied all those human longings within you…longings that I cannot. You have chosen life, and a love that…although with a dog, and a mere boy, hopefully will blossom.” His tone was a mix of anger and scorn, and then a tender hope, in his last sentence.
Finally, with a sigh, he looked away from her. Bella felt her heart rhythm slow, and she breathed deeply again.
Edward took a deep breath, too, and then abruptly stopped it. She saw churning within him, memories of when he had first smelled her scent, and wished that she could somehow cloud the smell of her blood in this moment, to lessen his pain.
“I only wish that…that you had realized sooner, how it was within you. That my plan has worked now, so long after, and you and Jacob have…come together…what was it that helped decide it within you? That, I would like to know.”
Edward was looking at her, with that same searching gaze he had had so many times before, except now there was not eagerness and excitement behind it, but a hard and cold resignation. Bella was shocked that he wasn’t angry, that he wasn’t begging her to stay. That would have even maybe been easier than his cold neutrality. She knew he loved her. But…but really, she thought, I shouldn’t be surprised. He always speaks of himself as if he is a monster. He told me so many times that I didn’t really want to be a vampire, that I didn’t know what I was talking about – or at least, that is what he tried to communicate to me, gently. And only now do I realize, looking at him, in his loneliness, and feeling how he tried and failed to fulfill me…I realize that he was right. I do not want that cold future, with so few to love me, and none of the warmth that Jacob brings. How do I answer him?
Bella wasn’t sure if she should tell Edward what her and Jacob had done, and that, when Jacob was in heat. Edward might decide to be less calm, and try and hurt Jacob.
So she said quietly, hurriedly, “We…we talked about everything, and…and his tenderness got through to me on many levels.”
Edward leaned back in his chair, and his gaze pierced her. She sat there, and decided, she wasn’t going to let him intimidate her. So she sat up more in her own chair, and looked him a hard look straight in the eyes.
His golden gaze moved across her face, took in her straight posture, the firm set of her shoulders, and then moved back to her eyes. He said finally, clipped, “I see already that you have changed.”
She could feel in all that coldness that his words sent towards her, so much pain and agony. He was trying to hide it, as he stood up. But it was there in his eyes, always. She could feel it, in how he pulled her chair back for her when she stood, and for a moment his hand drifted towards her back, and then abruptly he let his arm fall to his side. It was there again, when he held the door open for her, but did not meet her gaze.
And when she shivered in the cold night air, he shrugged his coat from his shoulders with a stiff motion, and handed it to her, saying briskly, “Keep it. Just for tonight. Then you can get rid of it.”
He drove like a mad man through the night, and she held onto the side of her door with a strange calm within her, occasionally broken by his swerving as he changed a lane like lightning, or barreled around a sharp turn. She let him drive in silence, and she could tell as he drove, that he was losing himself – ironic, when she had lost herself in him.
Edward was losing his calmness, his neutrality; the fire was back in his eyes. His hands gripped the steering wheel hard. Every movement of his body was frenzied and lightning quick. All pieces of humanity that he had worn for her were disintegrating. She wondered if the vampire in him, the anger he was trying to shield her from – even now, shielding her from parts of him he felt dangerous – would come out tonight. She hoped it would not become revenge on Jacob or the other wolves.
As they arrived at her house, Edward took a deep, deep breath. It hissed through his teeth, and when he put his hand over hers, for a brief moment, he was calm again. He turned to look at her, and she felt like all the pain in his face would make her heart stop. She blinked wildly against tears again, and said, “I’m sorry, Edward.”
He shut his eyes, as if the sound of her name on his lips was holy, or hellish, she didn’t know which. Then he opened them again, and for a moment, his eyes wandered over her with tenderness. She forced herself to let him, to let him look at her and love her – as she had never done with Jacob, when she was trying to spurn him – and shut her own eyes against his pain.
Then he was opening her car door, but he did not help her out. She handed him back his coat, whispering, “Thank you.”
She turned away, and his voice came from behind her. “Goodbye, Bella Swan.”
The car revved away, and once sure it was gone, Bella ran into the house. She bolted past Charlie, leapt into her room, and by the time her body was on the bed, the tears came raining down. Her last night with Edward was done.
She let the sobs shake and shake through her, until she fell asleep.
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Jacob’s POV
The third day was by far the hardest of all for Jacob.
From morning until the afternoon, he was in the throes of it. He was captured by it like a fish in a net, and drowning in it. Nothing would make it let go of him. His lust was like a wild animal that became him; he had transformed into it, and left Jacob behind. His body burned, and burned, and no amount of blankets over him helped him sweat it out, because it was not a normal fever. When his father tried to come in, to speak to him, Jacob shouted, “GO AWAY!” and when he thought about it later, in a brief moment of clarity, he still did not feel sorry.
He was so aroused, that it was beyond pleasure. It was pain. It was a gnawing, crazy thing. He saw Bella with every blink of his eyes. His body was super sensitive. He knew it was all enhanced because of the fulfillment he had allowed his body to experience yesterday. Now it was angry with him. It wanted more. The heat built and built in him, until he felt he could scream. Deep down, he knew there was joy, because Bella loved him, because she was his now, and he was hers, and he would not be trouble for her anymore; only joy. He would make himself her sun, as she had described him.
But right now, Jacob was simply fire. He wanted to eat something, to lick it all up with his flames, this Jacob-fire that he was. He wanted someone to touch him, to need him. He wanted another body to lie over him, or to allow him to dominate it. His heat had been boiled down to the very basic urges, and it had little discrimination anymore. The visions of Bella fell away at one point, and he was simply a pair of hands that rubbed and caressed his own body, and each time he rose to his peak it was sheer joy, and then when he fell again, he fell into the darkest discontentment.
When a car rumbled into the drive in the late afternoon, Jacob forced himself to get up. He forced himself to ask, what is it? Who is it? He wanted desperately to be distracted from his inner fire. Why oh why was it so hungry today? He wondered if any of his brothers had ever given in to their heat. Did they know that after you indulged your heat, it drove you crazy the next day?
He brushed sweaty tendrils of hair from his forehead, and forced his window open. For a moment, blessed cool air entered, and Jacob sighed to feel it on his warm body. He was shirtless as usual, and the wind rippled across his chest, sighed at the nape of his neck, and gave him shivers of a momentary relief across his entire torso.
When he opened his eyes, he saw a shining silver car. The driver’s door was open, with no driver in the car. That was all that Jacob registered in his rational mind, before the answer leapt to him as a growl in his throat: Cullen! He must be here for me. Bella must’ve told him what happened, that she doesn’t love him. Is he here to talk, or to fight?
The fire of the heat in him did not give him time to decide or to think. It told him: fight!
As he leapt through the window, his mind didn’t register the car. He didn’t notice that it was not the familiar silver Volvo; rather, it was a beat up thing, rusted on one door, and with a flat tire. The hood of the engine showed damage, even holes. A leak dribbled out beneath the car, and, if he had cared to inspect it, it was absent of one tire, already begun to be worked on by someone else. The tire lay on the ground on the other side of the car though, and he did not see it. He did not really see anything.
Jacob charged towards the car, a great growl ripping from his throat. He felt the phasing come over him in mere seconds. His anger fueled it. In moments, his hands were larger; his hair was thicker; he was wolf, and his heavy paws pounded in two bounds to the car.
The giant, brown wolf turned its head, ears pricking up at the sound of his own front door opening. Framed in the doorway was his Alpha, who stepped forward lightly, and crouched into a fighter’s pose as soon as he saw Jacob. The wolf, through his anger, heard the calmness in his Alpha’s voice as he spoke to Billy Black, who immediately closed the door and wheeled away. But the wolf did not hear really hear what his Alpha was saying. All he could feel was a great disappointment, and anger, and heat. Where was his fight? Why was his Alpha here? He did not feel like taking orders. He felt like running. He was angry still, and the heat boiling in him was unbearable. He had to be satisfied.
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Sam’s POV
Sam cursed himself upward and downward, as soon as he saw Jacob, in wolf form, in front of the car. He had got the car yesterday, in a stroke of coincidence that had seemed at the time like luck. After claiming responsibility for ridding a man (who lived just inside the Quileute borders) of hungry bears nearby, Sam was about to leave when the old man had asked him, “Son, would you like an old heap of junk for compensation? It’s not much, but it’ll go, and smoothly, with some work. She just needs a bit of touchup to look pretty, and the muffler’s out. What do ya say?”
“I know a friend who might find this a great distraction,” he had said with a smile. As he had driven the car over today, he had had his doubts. Wasn’t this too risky? Sam knew about risk. Ever since he had scarred Emily’s face, he was always sure to be cautious, and firm with his brothers. There was nothing as important to him as keeping his pack safe. He knew that he had to be firm, otherwise they would think that this was all fun and games. They would not obey him. It was not all fun. They all had responsibility.
To bring Jacob a car to work on during his last day was a risk, Sam had known. But he had remembered his own first heat, so long ago, and how miserable he had been for it – so intensely miserable and alone. So he figured Jacob, after all his hard work training the new pups recently, deserved some relief. Besides, it was Jacob’s third day; things would be improving. The heat would not be so consuming.
Now, as Sam cautioned Billy to go back inside and stay there, Sam stepped forward and let his body fall into a fighting crouch. He was an absolute idiot to even come near Jacob, on a day like this. He should have kept in mind more, that as a wolf, Jacob’s wellbeing was connected to all of his brothers; it was not an individual thing. What Sam had desired to be an act of kindness, was now in front of his very eyes, a giant risk, and a danger to his pack.
He assessed Jacob the wolf, as he remained steady in his crouch. His pack member was bristling with anger, panting. Sam could feel, with a brief brush of exploration, that Jacob’s mind was not calm. It was roaring. His anger that had burst him out of his room was calming, and his disappointment – he had desired a fight? Ah, so he did seek an outlet for his frustrated energy; Sam wished he could have given him the car as distraction. All that was left was the heat, raging in him.
Sam dipped his mind to meet with his brother’s again, in wonder. Why was the heat so wild? What had Jacob done to make it so? Sam knew that the slightest provocation to the heat could make it burn hotter and stronger, but this? This was beyond a slight provocation. Jacob was swallowed in it.
Sam gritted his teeth, and took a deep breath. The best way he could think now to do this, was bring all of his strength as Alpha forward. The best way to overcome Jacob in wolf form was to be wolf, too. But Sam knew that to phase now would be the worst thing he could do. The heat, Jacob’s scent, might overcome him…and then his own mind would be lost, drowned in Jacob’s desires and needs…Already though, Jacob’s scent in heat could be attracting the rest of the pack…
He licked his lips, and stared deep into the wolf’s brown eyes, thinking. Should they fight? Would that be all that would work? He had dared to fight another werewolf before, in his human shape, wolf body versus human shape, but it was dangerous. He would not come out with a few mere scratches. Especially with Jacob like this…
He tried to work through the fight in his head, planning his moves, how he would dodge, how he would bring Jacob down and talk to him, convince him to phase back…but then he found his mind had changed the scenario in his head. He was fighting Jacob and they were both in their human shapes, Jacob’s lean young body grinding against his, those long-fingered hands slamming against Sam, the white teeth glowing in the sunlight…the muscled torso, sweaty…Jacob’s brown eyes burning and warm, warm with desire and affection…
Sam shook his head, and frowned. What was he thinking? Ideas that were not really his own were entering his mind. These were things he would never think. He had never looked at any of his brother’s bodies. He kept his lust private, with Emily, in a room behind a closed door…but now he had images in his head with Jacob, pushing against the young man’s flesh, forcing sounds from that soft, full mouth…
He shuddered, and a growl tore through him. Shit! He swore and shook, trembling out of his fighting stance and standing up, trying to be strong. But he was already weak in the face of it. Jacob’s heat was affecting him very strongly already. He grit his teeth, angry with himself, trying to hold it all back, to hold Jacob’s heat at bay…but it was too late. His body trembled, ready to phase. Jacob’s scent surged into his nostrils, hot and rich and tangy with desire…he wanted the wolf before him to be a boy again, so he could take him, could fuck him hard and long in the forest with no one to hear them, no one to see their bodies twisting together, to see him entering Jacob, to see the boy’s smooth lips over his cock and that hot, wet tongue…
It was over then. There was no way to get back to himself. He shook; he trembled; and with a roar, he was wolf, dark and large and looming over his pack member. He let a loud growl burst from his throat towards Jacob, and he saw the sudden alarm in warm brown eyes. Then Jacob was off like a shot, a brown blur so large it could never blend into the forest, and Sam was after him, his paws pounding the forest with lightning speed to catch up.

I would love to know what people think of this chapter, since it has Edward and Bella talking, and Sam. What do you think? Was it too cliche to have Edward say a line about not being able to cry?
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Crescent Moon