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.In the Rodeo	By : keithcompany Category: G through L > In the Barn Views: 1675 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Again, Dangerous Visions, nor the setting from Piers Anthony's short story within the book. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-In The Rodeo
- 1
IIRC, Piers Anthony wrote an alternate-universe story where all the cattle, goats and other domesticated animals died off.
People replaced them with humans. They were altered at birth to be pretty stupid, not able to walk erect, unable to oppose their thumbs. And they were breeding them pretty huge.
I think i had a dream in the distant future of that planet.

I was a rodeo clown. The beasts that bucked the guys off their backs were women. If they'd stood, i think they'd have been about 20 feet tall.

After they got the guy down off of them, clowns would taunt or tease them and eventually lead them out back for the giant jacuzzi.
When it was my turn, my schtick was centered on a large bra stretched between poles. After getting the women-critters to chase me through the goal posts, they ended up restrained by the lingerie.
Then i had a couple of different acts. I'd do their hair, or do makeup, manicure, or pretend to be a dentist or something. Play it up to the people in the stands. Get roars of laughter.
There was some sort of sedative smeared across the inside of the cups that really chilled them out so they'd play along and smile at the audience.
It wore off by the time they were back in the slots and they were violent again.
I woke up wondering how they went about the hog-tying competition...
=============

I was working on my routine in the back yard. First I stretched the bra between the posts, then inspected it for wear and tear. It looked like it would last another season.
Then I went to the props case and selected the make-up kit. I had some ideas for a new scenario for the act.
Just as I turned around a man appeared. I mean seriously, he faded in out of thin air as I watched. His back was to me so he faced the brassiere. I could tell he wasn’t even kind of local by the way he stopped and stared.
First at the cup right in front of him, then his head turned to gaze over at the other one. “Giants,” he whispered.
“Can I help you?” I asked as I stepped around him. He glanced from me to the bra and back.
“Sexual dimorphism,” he whispered. I saw a button on the lapel of his jacket. That’s what he was talking to. “Hello!” he said in a much louder voice. “I am a traveler from, uh, far away and I…”
“Space travel or dimension travel?” I asked as I wheeled the case into position and opened it. He blinked.   “Dimensions,” I guessed. “You guys always think you’ll travel to a new one, one that hasn’t had experience with DTFs.” I shrugged and opened the lipstick case. It was about as long as my arm, way out of scale for the Lovelies, but part of the act.
“I, uh… We didn’t… The odds of… “What’s a DTF?”
“Dimension Traveling Fool,” I said, cleaning it up a teeny bit. “You testing the equipment or do you want to explore the dimension?” I opened the step stool and counted the steps between the makeup kit and the top of the stool.
“I like to keep the show going, you see,” I told him. “Can’t have too many pauses while they’re waiting for me to do something.” I waved the stick across an imaginary face. Then it was back to the kit for the powder puff.
“How…how tall are those women?” he asked.
“What’s your name, Traveler?”
“John.”
“Weird,” I said. “If you’re going to spend time here we need a more normal name. Say… Vespaggio. There. Common as dirt.” John automatically glanced down at the simple green dirt under our feet.
“So anyway, Vespaggio, we get a lot of DTFs around here. They come for the scenery.” I waved at the lingerie strung up between the two hitching posts. “Something about our cattle seems to fascinate them.”
I waved the powder puff through the air and then got a blowtorch. “If you’re interested, I can offer you room and board and a place on the truck. It’s my travelling season, so you’ll be seeing more than a few cities over the summer, or however long you stay. You just have to help me.” I pretended to scorch a beauty mark into the air.
John stared.
“John, do you need to go ask someone?”
“Um…no, I have the latitude to… I mean, as long as I’m getting good reports, I…” Are all your women this…scale?”
“MY women?” I laughed. “No, Vespaggio, and you’d better get used to the name, those aren’t for women. The Lovelies are a completely different species.” I closed up the kit and gestured him towards the house. “I’m Tarrgle, by the way. Let’s go have lunch, I’ll catch you up.”
Some time in the long, long ago, we used to have a whole varied biosphere. Archeologists have found creatures that some dimension travelers call cows, horses, goats, sheep and chimerae.
Then there seemed to be a die-off. Some biological agent wiped out all the life forms between frogs, humans and cattle.
The remains of the time indicate that the cattle were about the same size and shape as humans. We haven’t changed.
They grew. About two generations ago, DTFs started to pop up in farms and on ranches around the world. They were amazed at how big the humanoid cattle were.
They were a bit put off by the fact that we use something so very much like humans for meat, dairy and entertainment. They’ve shipped in a number of meat animals over the year, expanded our ecology, replaced the big wide center of the food tetrahedron.
We’d gradually phased cattle out of the food industry, but you just couldn’t see replacing them with anything like cows or mastodons. The people would never go for it.
So the Lovelies were retained. A few choice bloodlines of cattle were carefully husbanded for the rodeos. I was a rodeo clown.
“And you can travel as my assistant. We’ll say you’re a cousin.” I finished my beer and got up to wash the dishes.
“Tarrgle?”
“What?”
“If Dimension Travelers are so common, why do I have to pretend I’m local?” he asked.
“Good question,” I admitted. “Trust me. When you see why, you’ll probably thank me.”
-----
Our first gig was across the state. Vespaggio watched the scenery go by as I drove the camper. Sometimes he’d say something into his recorder.
He was quite excited as we went past the market in town. “Those are women!”
“Yes, Ves, we have women on this world.”
He turned to stare at me. “But that bra…”
“The bra is for the Lovelies,” I said. “It only looks like a woman’s underwear for comedic effect.” I drove on for a bit. “Did you think all of our women were that big?” He blushed but wouldn’t answer.
We were late getting to the rodeo but we were last on the sheet anyway. We got the rack off the roof, set the wheels and checked the springs. Then we sat on the lower rails of the fence and watched the show.
The first event was bucking. Ves nearly fell off the fence when the first gal rode out.
The Lovelies look kinda like women, it’s true. If you don’t know what to look for, and the Travelers don’t. I saw a large, naked blonde figure, crawling around the pen, trying to buck off the guy on her back. Her thumbs stayed at the side of her hand. She never spoke, even to complain about the man riding.
And she never stood. If she had, I guess she’d have been about twenty, twenty five feet tall.
Her breasts were healthy, large even for her scale. They swung majestically back and forth as she staggered and hopped over the dirt. Ves stared at them like he’d never seen a teat in his life.
“City boy?” Josshuh asked. I answered his smile with one of my own.
“Kind of a protected upbringing,” I said. “Nephew. I’m his one chance to see the world until he starts in the seminary.” My friend nodded and climbed through the rails.
When the time was up, the clowns rushed out to distract the Lovely Lady while the cowboy made his escape. Josshuh’s act was to rush out, slap her ass, then run and dive into a rubber barrel.
The cow would typically chase him, batting at the barrel until his partner distracted her. They’d trade back and forth until the cowboy was clear. This time the competitor wasn’t injured so it was a short act.
Then they opened the gate to the back and she headed off for the jacuzzi. “The heated bubbling pool is something we got from offworld,” I explained to my ward. “We used to just hose them down until they were calm.   Now they can hardly wait for their turn to soak.”
“Jack Koo Tze,” he muttered into his mike. I tapped him on the shoulder and nodded my head towards the stands.
There had been a couple of dozen people watching at the start of the show. Now every bench was packed with spectators. “Where’d they all come from?” he asked. After a second’s thought, though, he figured it out. “Dimension traveling fuckers,” he guessed.
I slapped him on the back and laughed. “Got it in one!”
The bucking competition went without a hitch. Then we were on. My act gives them a chance to shift things around without the audience having to wait.
They were just hitting the buzzer on the last cowboy when we went through the fence.   The rig dropped and automatically unfolded. The gag-sized bra snapped into position and the audience cheered.
The Lovely in the ring was named Desire. She was a veteran of the circuit, same as me, and I think she recognized my rig. She came charging across the dirt in my direction.
I stood between the cups, waving signal flags like I was bringing a blimp in to land. She centered on me and shoved both of her breasts into the two cups.
The contact ointment lining the cups worked quickly, or at least the sedative in the ointment did. Her rage faded and a large smile spread across her features.
More cheering rose as I decorated the face. With my assistant handing me tools, I just stayed on the stool and decorated. I did her lips, cheeks, pretended to pluck a stray eyebrow with a pair of tongs.
I kept the fake blowtorch out of her view, though the people in the stands saw it. It looked like the ink deposit was a burned-on beauty mark but Desire never flinched.
It was a good thing we’d rehearsed. Ves spent the whole act by the kit, back to the stands, face about two feet from a nipple the size of his head. I don’t think he blinked until we were done.
Desire’s smile got wider and wider, the makeup got weirder and wilder and the hoots and hollers got louder and sillier. I guess there was a difficulty in the shifting. Well, that’s what I was there for.
They finally signaled that they were reading for the busting event so I wrapped it up. Desire got led out of the ring, we took a bow and skedaddled.
We had nothing else to do for the evening so we restowed the rig on top of the camper. When I finished tightening the straps I climbed down to find Ves trying to start a conversation with a female contestant.
“Oh, pook,” I muttered and hurried over. I got him by the elbow and frog-marched him towards the pens in back.
“Tar, what the hell?” I glanced back to make sure we were in the clear.
“That’s a cowgirl, Ves. You don’t want to start chatting up a cowgirl. Even if she starts the conversation, there’s nothing there you want.”
“Why not?”
“Because we were late and you didn’t see their event. Their competition involves gentling the bulls.” He seemed confused. I cupped my hand and made a gesture around my crotch. “Ever had a girl calm you down? Gentle you? Land your tackle? Polish the prism? Whatever they call it in your world?”
“Well, yeah, but…”
I shifted my hand and used both of them to indicate what the cowgirls had to work with. “You remember that nipple you were staring at? Imagine the bull that’s built on that scale.”
The image hit him all at once. He gagged so violently I thought his tongue would shoot out onto the ground.
“That’s it,” I said. “So there’s absolutely nothing in your pants that’ll impress her. And if she’s not satisfied, you’re not going to like how she throws you outta the trailer.” He winced and twisted, trying to completely isolate his crotch.
So, now that he was educated on cowgirls, I took him to the stage manager to get paid.
Just as we left the trailer, with the woman’s thanks and some money, Devook showed up. She was part of a clown team that dressed as baby Lovelies. They made it look like the angry cow in the ring was trying to round up her babies.
I nodded to her and introduced my nephew. She smiled and introduced a man at her shoulder. He had the glazed look of a rodeo virgin. Ves was still gagging so he wasn’t quite as obvious.
The man beside her had a name with a lot of consonants and he was rather obviously a DTF.
“So, Targgle,” Dev said with a perfectly straight face, “Delta’s at that point in her cycle. Do you want to give Ves a chance at her? Because Awk’Kucht’Tok would like to, but if you’re family…?”
“No, that’s fine,” I said. “Vespaggio’s spending the summer with me, he’ll get plenty of chances to service one of the Lovelies.”
“Great,” she said, taking Awk’s arm and steering him to one of the large pens.
I leaned by Ves’ ear long enough to say, “This is why.” Then we followed.
---------
Delta was a bit smaller than Desire, but she was still a huge tract of land, as it were. She was calm in her pan, idly eating some chow nuggets. Dev gave her guest a whistle and let him through the gate. Delta glanced at him but didn’t react.
We took up a position in the shadow of a food trailer. A few other cowboys and clowns were there where Awk’Kitchy wouldn’t see us. He stripped at Dev’s direction and started walking towards Delta.
When he was near her he blew the whistle. “Mating whistle,” I said to Ves. “It tells her to get ready to mate.”
Delta perked up at the sound and started looking around. She was clearly excited. But there was no bull to be seen.
“Gotta get her attention,” Dev shouted. Awk blew the whistle again. I snorted and a few men and women around us giggled. Now she was downright agitated.   She churned up some dust as she went back and forth, glancing over and through the fence.
Awk ran along behind her, finally catching up enough to slap her thigh.
Delta spun around and stared at him. She cupped her hands around his legs and lifted him bodily into the air.
One finger eased over to gently touch him. He groaned and leaned backwards in her grasp. Of course, she was expecting something a bit more heroic.
The Lovely lowered him to the ground and pinched his cock between both forefingers. Then she squeezed and tugged, trying to get the erection up to the size she was used to.
He screamed and fought but he was completely helpless under her attention. She gave a squeak of frustration and tugged harder.
Awk called upon someone for help, probably a deity. “Don’t appear that his god has access to this dimension,” one of the cowboys muttered. Giggles sounded.
“Serves the judgmental bastard right,” someone else said. Delta lost interest about then, slapped Awk on the hip and went back to her chow. Our group broke up. I led Ves back to the camper.
“So,” I said as we got ready to drive to the next site, “that’s why you don’t want people to know you’re not from this dimension.”
“That was brutal!” he complained. “There’s no justification for that sort of shit!”
I nodded and aimed for the highway. “You might think that,” I agreed. “Of course, time after time, we get a Traveler. He looks around, decides that we’re barbarians. Or worse. Sometimes they’ve declared war on the whole dimension. At the very least they start lecturing us on what’s right and what isn’t.”
John sat silently in his seat as the road disappeared under the hood.
“Some time back,” I continued after a moment, “my, our ancestors had a difficult choice to make. They made it. It may not have been the right choice, I don’t know. I wasn’t there. But this is the world they made. This is my world. Our world.
“If you don’t want to live here, that’s fine. Just don’t spend a lot of time lecturing us on how evil we are. Were. I expect that there aren’t too many dimensions out there that can stand up to the same sort of scrutiny. How about you?”
He was quiet for a long time.   Finally he shrugged. “I hear that Auschwitz is a name people recognize in many, many dimensions.” Then he jerked a thumb towards the rodeo behind us. “But how does that justify…?”
“Guy comes to your dimension,” I said. “Lectures you about this, uh…”
“Auschwitz,” he supplied.
“Right. Auschwitz. This guy tells you how your heritage is evil. Then he wants to have sex with one of your food animals. Or a child. Or a coffee machine, anything that’s a taboo in your culture. What the hell would you do, hold his coat?”
- 1
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.In the Rodeo