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Learning to Breathe	By : andarte Category: Twilight Series > Het F > Bella/Jacob Views: 5612 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

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This concept came to me during a rather uneventful shift at work after listening to Eclipse on audio tape on the ride over. In theory, it takes place towards the beginning/middle of Eclipse, though I don’t have a particular day on which I picture it happening. It is, in a way, the result of musings about my own personality and how sometimes what we want/need the most isn’t what we would expect. Sometimes it takes a long, long time to realize the best thing for us.

I loved Edward with all of my heart, but I couldn’t breathe around him. Literally.

I realized that with Jacob, I could be free.

The realization came slowly, but when it came it hit me with greater force than I would have thought possible. Alice had seen a future where I died, and one where I became a vampire. As far as her visions went, those two were my only options. It had been foolish of me to forget that where werewolves were concerned, she was blind. Quite foolish, really.

It was something I had seen throughout dozens of decisions, but only just now identified. To Edward, I was a weak human who needed protection. Who couldn’t make the right decisions for myself. To him, it was his opinions and ideas for me that must be abided by.

With Jake, though, I could make my own decisions. My own mistakes. If they were wrong choices, then I would learn from them myself. To him my stubborn, sometimes foolish, character was tolerated. He would tell me when he disagreed, having nearly as bad a temper as I did if not worse, but he wouldn’t force my compliance. Neither would he trick me into it. I think, at times, he found my stubbornness amusing. Whatever crazy or dangerous idea I came up with, he would be along for the ride and to pick up the pieces. Even after I had repeatedly chosen another over him. Even then, he only wished me happy.

I think today, when Edward once again forbade a trip to La Push, was when the pieces finally fell into place for me. He ruled my life with his over protectiveness, asking marriage of me, the greatest price other than time, in order to have him and not Carlisle change me. And now that I can see the truth so clearly, I feel compelled to act.

I sprung from my bed clumsily, looking over at the clock. 9:30. I was only alone because Edward had gone hunting with his brothers, and I knew that even if Alice saw the change in my future she wouldn’t have time to get Edward or act herself if I went quickly enough to Quileute territory. I loved Alice and Edward dearly, but I knew what I had to do. I picked up the phone as I pulled on my clothes. It only rang twice before a tired voice answered.

“Hello?” came Jacob’s voice, now so much deeper than it had once been. It was still rough from sleeping, but it warmed me instantly.

“Jake?” I said. “It’s Bella. Is there any way... can I come down there to see you? Now?” Please say yes, I thought desperately. I didn’t think he’d refuse me, not after having said he thought we might be able to still be friends. Then again, I’d hurt him time and time again, and maybe he would get some stupid idea in his head that we were better off staying apart.

“Sure,” he said. “Now though?”

“Yes, now,” I answered firmly. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Bye Jake.”

I hung up quickly, not giving him the chance to object. I had to get to La Push now, before Edward had the chance to interfere. I was fully aware that I’d have to explain things to Edward, and all the Cullens, soon, but first I needed Jacob. I ran out to the truck, muttering a quick explanation to Charlie. I said I was going to see Jacob, and as usual he didn’t object.

The drive took what seemed like forever, though I pushed my truck as fast as it would go and must have made the trip in record time. Jacob was waiting in the shadows of his front yard when I got there. He seemed more at ease in the shadow, though I knew he could have hidden fully from me had he wished it. He walked over to my truck before I even had the engine turned off and flashed me something reminiscent of one of the old Jacob’s smiles. It warmed me further, and I felt even more confident in my decision.

“We need to talk,” I said, “in private, but I don’t know that I mean outside either.”

“Come inside the house,” he offered, opening the truck door for me. “Dad is out of town for the weekend visiting Rebecca. We’ll be all alone.”

It was perfect. Was this fate’s way of encouraging my decision? Bad luck after bad luck, and now that I have run to Jacob everything is done by fate to help me. I prayed that this streak of good luck would hold. We went and sat in his living room. I sat down on one end of the couch, and he sat as far on the other end as he could manage. Obviously he had his problems with my visit, and I hoped that when he learned the truth of it that it wouldn’t be quite so repulsive to him.

“Can I ask you something, hypothetically?” I asked, trying to keep my face somewhat devoid of emotion. As usual, though, I was sure to be an open book. Especially to Jacob, who noticed things about me that others didn’t.

“You can ask,” he said nonchalantly. “I can’t promise an answer.”

“Fair enough,” I said, then took a deep breath. “What if I had chosen you over Edward? Would things have changed? I mean, would you want to start making decisions for me?”

His face contorted into something akin to pain, as if reminding him of my choice was cruel. It would be over soon enough, though, even if he didn’t realize it. “No,” he said finally. “I wouldn’t change things. I’ve always been open with you, Bella. I’ve always told you my opinion of things.”

That was truth, and I recognized it as such. “What if, hypothetically speaking, I changed my mind?”

His face remained tense. “It would make me... very happy.”

“Jake?” I said.

“Yes?” He prompted.

I took another deep breath, then smiled. “I choose you.”

A second passed. Then two. And then I felt Jacob’s lips crush mine, his strong arms wrap around me and pull me onto his lap. Normally, as I had learned from his hugs, Jacob’s strength would crush me. Now, though, he was careful. It would seem that despite his apparent joy, he was still cautious enough about the situation to not want to risk crushing me.

I kissed him back enthusiastically. It was nothing like kissing Edward, whose cold lips were like solid marble. Not that kissing Edward had been anything other than enjoyable, but Jacob’s touch was like nothing I could have imagined. My heart raced, and my body rose drastically in temperature. I would be quite willing to get lost in him, and wouldn’t care if he never let go of me.

Finally Jacob pulled back. He was quiet for a minute, seeming to choose his words carefully. “What if you change your mind again?” he asked, quite fairly. “What if you decide that it’s not all that greener on the other side and would rather return to the bloodsuckers?”

“I will have to talk to them eventually,” I said, sighing. “I owe them an explanation. And I still care about them, so I don’t appreciate your nicknames for them. But, Jacob, I won’t be changing my mind. I love you, and I’ve realized you are the only one I could stay happy with. Go ahead, Jake. Make me yours.”

He seemed somewhat satisfied with my response, and then the meaning of my last words seemed to sink in. He raised an eyebrow at me in question, not trusting his own translation of my meaning. It seemed I would have to prove it to him. I closed the space between us once more, placing my hand on the back of Jacob’s neck and pulling him towards me. I kissed him eagerly, wrapping the rest of my body around him. He was motionless for a minute, and then I could feel the muscles in his body relax and he seemed to accept my words fully.

He stood up, easily carrying my body as though it were no heavier than a feather. We went back to his bedroom that seemed barely bigger than a closet, falling onto his large bed than his legs still hung off of. His black, silky hair that he’d allowed to grow somewhat longer again framed his face and his eyes seemed to glow brightly. It seemed in a way that Jacob had decided to take advantage of my certainty before I had the chance to alter it. I wasn’t objecting.

Jacob’s touch thrilled me, and my hands moved to remove his shirt so that our skin could be that much closer. He seemed happy enough with that idea, and quickly rid me of mine as well. He didn’t stop with my shirt, moving without pause to the rest of my clothing. I helped as much as I could, kicking off my shoes and raising my hips to make removing my jeans easier for him.

We lay there for awhile, when there was nothing left to prevent our skin from touching. Our hands and lips explored, and we soaked in the sensation of just being so close to one another. Finally we starting moving once more in earnest, Jacob enthralled by the female form and me more than willing to surrender myself to his education.

One of his hands explored the contour of my jaw, then fell to my neck, tracing down along the curve of my breast and the slim line of my waist. His fingers flared outwards, matching the flare of my hips, and finally went to explore the depths between my legs. One of his long, graceful fingers slid inside of me, and the sensation caused me to moan involuntarily. He grinned at my reaction. It was the first time in a long time that I’d seen Jacob truly smile, unhindered by the thoughts of vampires and werewolves. It made my heart flutter, and strangely it caused even more heat to flow through me and seem pool in the bottom of my stomach and around my hips.

He felt my barrier, like so much else that he observed about me, and paused to look at me in question. “Are you...” he began to ask, breaking off quickly and his face going red. It struck me as strange that it unnerved him so to ask the question, when here we were, our naked bodies touching.

“Yes,” I said softly in answer.

He grinned again, the glow in his eyes burning brighter in excitement. His finger worked its way in and out of me slowly, until finally he felt confident enough to try something more. I looked at him and nodded encouragement, shifting my body in a way that I hoped would make things easier. It wasn’t like either of us really knew what we were doing. But that was the idea, to make decisions and learn from the mistakes.

I was learning to breathe, and enjoying every minute of it.
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Learning to Breathe