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Just Breathe	By : SamanthLeopard Category: Twilight Series > Het F > Bella/Jacob Views: 4913 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Healing
- 1
What would have happened between Jacob and Bella if Alice had not returned?
Disclaimer: The first few paragraphs marked by * are straight from the book just for an opening, and thus not of my own work. I'm also going to borrow the kiss from Eclipse, it was just too good to be replaced. And Jacob was right. That should have been their first kiss. Some minor changes. After this will be purely my writing. Trying to keep this as in character as I can. I do not own anything from Twilight. This is my first Twilight fanfic to please, be gentle.
Chapter One
Healing
*Would it be so wrong to try to make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo, would it be so very wrong?
Jacob stopped the truck in front of my dark house, cutting the engine so it was suddenly silent. Like so many other times, he seemed to be in tune with my thoughts now.
He threw his other arm around me, crushing me against his chest, binding me to him. Again, this felt nice. Almost like being a whole person again.
I thought he would be thinking of Harry, but then he spoke, and his tone was apologetic. "Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing - and that's something no one wants to hear." He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear.
My breathing kicked up a notch, sanding the walls of my throat.
Wouldn't Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as was possible under the circumstances? Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn't begrudge me this: giving just a small bit of the love he didn't want to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn't the same love at all.
Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair.
If I turned my face to the side - if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder... I knew without any doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight.
But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?
Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought about turning my head.
And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear.
"Be happy," he told me.
I froze.
Jacob felt me stiffen and released me automatically, reaching for the door.
Wait, I wanted to say. Just a minute. But I was still locked in place, listening to the echo of Edward's voice in my head.*
Seeming to sense my thoughts, Jacob stopped, his hand resting lightly on the door.
"Bella?" he asked, his voice uncertain.
My hand reached for him, surprisingly steady, and I looked up at him in the dark. We was watching me, looking bemused, but held completely still as my hand came to rest on his chest, just over his heartbeat. His eyes flashed to mine, reading the confusion and hesitation there. I hesitated, and he remained still, seeming to sense, as I did, that this moment was pivotal.
Slowly, but deliberately, I moved closer to him, sliding my arms over his shoulder and around his neck. His hands rested lightly on my hips. His heat seeped into me, warming me as the sun would, and his eyes remained locked with mine, his full lips mere inches from my own.
His eyes were as hesitant as I felt, and I knew Mike had been right. It was cruel to leave things as they were. And I could stake my claim, here and now. It would make us both happy. Well, I would be as happy as I was able. And Jacob, my personal sun, would be truly mine, keeping me sane and holding me together. I couldn't imagine my life without him.
"I'm broken," I admitted. "I'm nowhere near good enough for you."
His intense eyes softened with love and... something else. "It doesn't matter to me. That doesn't change how I feel."
I held very still as his lips found mine with an eagerness that was not far from violence. His hand moved to the nape of my neck, twisting into a fist around the roots of my hair. All the while his lips, disconcertingly soft and warm, tried to force a response out of mine.
His burning hand found the skin at the small of my back, and he pulled me roughly against him, and he pulled me flush against his bare chest. His lips gave up on mine for a moment, but I knew he was nowhere close to finished. His mouth followed the line of my jaw, then explored the length of my neck. He freed my hair, then both of his arms were constricted around my waist, and his lips found my ear.
"You can do better than this, Bella," he whispered huskily. "You're over thinking it."
I shivered as I felt his teeth graze my earlobe.
"That's right," he murmured. "For once, just let yourself feel what you feel."
I shook my head mechanically until one of his hands wound back into my hair to stop me.
His voice turned acidic. "Are you just trying to hurt me? Are you really that cruel?"
Anger rocked through me like the whiplash from a heavy punch. That was too much.
My arms were already around his neck, so I grabbed two fistfuls of his hair, struggling to pull my face away from his.
And Jacob misunderstood. He was too strong to recognize that my hands, trying to yank his hair out by the roots, meant to cause him pain. Instead of anger, he imagined passion. He thought I was finally responding to him.
With a wild gasp, he brought his mouth back to mine, his fingers clutching frantically against the skin at my waist.
The jolt of anger unbalanced my tenuous hold on self control; his unexpected, ecstatic response overthrew it entirely. If there had been only triumph, I might have been able to resist him. But the utter defenselessness of his sudden joy cracked my determination, disabled it. My brain disconnected from my body, and I was kissing him back. Against all reason, my lips were moving with his in strange, confusing ways they'd never moved before - because I didn't have to be careful with Jacob, and he certainly wasn't being careful with me.
My fingers tightened in his hair, but I was pulling him closer now.
He was everywhere. The heat was everywhere. I couldn't see or hear or feel anything that wasn't Jacob.
The tiny piece of my brain the retained sanity screamed questions at me.
Why wasn't I stopping this? Worse than that, why couldn't I find it in myself even the desire to want to stop? What did it mean that I didn't want him to stop? That my hands clung to his shoulders, and liked that they were wide and strong? That his hands pulled me too tight against his body, and yet it was not tight enough for me?
The questions were stupid, because I knew the answer: I'd been lying to myself.
Jacob was more than just my friend. I loved him, much more than I should. In this moment, it felt as though we were the same person. His pain had always been and always would be my pain - now his joy was my joy. And now an entirely different path expanded behind the lids of my eyes. As if I were looking through the filter of Jacob's thoughts. I could see Charlie and Renée mixed into a strange collage with Billy and Sam and La Push. I could see years passing, and meaning something as they passed, changing me. I could see the enormous red-brown wolf that I loved, always standing as protector if I needed him. I saw the bobbing heads of two small, black-haired children, running away from me into the familiar forest. When they disappeared, they took the rest of the vision with them.
And then, quite distinctly, I felt hole in my chest, where my heart had once been, seal itself over, mending itself. I could feel my heart pounding, in rhythm with Jacob's, the two becoming a whole.
Jacob's lips were still before mine were. I opened my eyes and he was staring at me with wonder and elation.
"It's late," he whispered. "You should go inside."
"No."
He smiled, pleased by my response. "We won't be apart long," he promised. "But one thing first..."
He bent to kiss me again, and there was no reason to resist. What would be the point?
This time was different. His hands were soft on my face and his warm lips were gently, unexpectedly hesitant. It was brief, and very, very sweet.
His arm curled around me, and he hugged me securely while he whispered in my ear.
"I'll be watching over you tonight. Just call on me if you need me."
I nodded, my mind and body still trying to reconnect. I heard the low rumbling of a chuckle from inside his chest. He released me and I slid out of the cab.
Once I was inside the house I headed upstairs, making sure the curtains of my window were closed before curling up in a ball in the middle of my bed.
I had thought that kissing him would feel like a betrayal on my part. I had been prepared for the guilt and the pain. I had not expected, nor had I been prepared, for the overwhelming sense of completion. For the whole in my chest to mend itself and disappear. For my absent heart to not only return, but bind with Jacob's. For the first time since Edward had left...
My thoughts stopped there. Edward. I thought his name again in my mind.
Edward...
Nothing. I felt nothing. No pain. A slight twinge of regret, maybe disappointment. But I was breathing. This bothered me. I suffered so constantly since he left. And now, after one kiss, I could only feel regret? Maybe Romeo wasn't the only one who was fickle.
I shook my head, dislodging that train of thought. No, this wasn't sudden. Jacob had been healing me all this time. Taking the pieces of me and pulling them back together. And this was the last piece. My heart. And he had made it apart of his. I could feel the quickening of my pulse just thinking about him.
So, now what? There was no point in trying to hide my feelings from him, or myself, any longer. We both knew the truth. I sighed. I didn't really know what to do. All I knew was that I would have to see him tomorrow. Ignoring the leap of excitement in my chest, I forced myself to remember that we would need to talk before we went any further down this path.
I pulled myself out of bed and went back downstairs, trying to control the slight bounce in my step, and started on dinner, turning my thoughts to Charlie. He was like me. He would better handle Harry's death alone. But I hadn't been much of a daughter lately. I would do what I could to make this easier for him. Once dinner was baking in the oven, I ran upstairs for a quick shower. The hot water soothed me after the freezing cold of the ocean, and the steam made breathing easier on my raw throat. Chiding myself again for the foolish episode of cliff diving, I stepped out of the shower and absentmindedly wiped the steam off the mirror.
I hadn't looked at my reflection much, but I'd seen it enough to be startled at what I saw now. My eyes were light and alive, all traces of the 'zombie' gone from them. My skin was flushed, the healthy color returning. I looked... like me.
I quickly looked away from my reflection, getting into my pajamas and pulling my hair into a long braid before heading back down to the kitchen just in time to hear the cruiser pull into the driveway. I hurried to set dinner on the table, finishing just as he walked into the kitchen.
His eyes were on the ground and his shoulders were slumped. I walked forward to meet him; he didn't even see me until I hugged him around the waist. He embraced me back fiercely.
"I'm so sorry about Harry, Dad."
"I'm really going to miss him," Charlie mumbled.
"How's Sue doing?"
"She seems dazed, like she hasn't grasped it yet. Sam's staying with her..." The volume of his voice faded in and out. "Those poor kids. Leah's just a year older than you, and Seth is only fourteen..." He shook his head.
He kept his arms tight around me as I lead him to his chair. We ate in silence, and as I stood up, he looked at me, as though he was seeing me for the first time.
"Bells..."
"Yeah, Dad?" I asked, starting on the dishes.
"You look... different. Did anything happen?" His voice was careful.
I shrugged. "I spent the day with Jacob."
Charlie nodded but said nothing more, watching me cautiously for a few more seconds before heading upstairs with a muttered 'goodnight'.
I went back to my room, hesitating at the window, wondering if I should call out for Jacob. I knew he would be there, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to face him yet. My heart was aching for him, needing to be near him. I sighed and crawled into bed. I needed more time to come to terms with what had happened. He would be disappointed, but he would understand. For the first time in months I slept peacefully, and I dreamed. Not the nightmares I had become accustomed too, but of a large russet wolf.
- 1
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Just Breathe