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I'm Not Okay, I Promise	By : Jayded Category: Twilight Series > General Views: 2338 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-I'm Not Okay, I Promise
- 2-Chapter 2
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- 2
I’m Not Okay, I Promise
Five months, two weeks, three hours and fifteen minutes, that’s how long it’s been since she left me. We promised each other forever, but forever can only go so far when death is involved. style='color:black'>Without her I have no reason to live, yet here I sit surrounded by the immature students of forks high, doomed to remain in this hell of my own creation, my prison from which I have no escape, and all because of that stupid promise I made her.
“No matter what happens to me,” style='font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"'>shestyle='color:red'> had begun as she lay in the hospital clutching my hand. “You need to keep living, keep moving forward and remember that I love you” she then looked into my eyes to see my response, waiting for me to respond, and when I didn’t… “Promise me you will.” She said through the tears that were streaming from her face, I knew I would regret it but I loved her and could not deny her last dying wish, so I did the one thing that led to my life of misery. “I promise” By the time that changing her myself even passed through my brain it was too late and death had already taken her in hand, pulling her away from me and leaving me alone, an eternity to spend by myself. I don’t think she ever quite understood that I had spent a lifetime waiting for her and that even now I would continue to wait because nobody could ever match up with her.
Time ticks by slowly each minute seeming like a century in itself as I sit at the table in the lunch room my siblings next to me. Alice, the sibling that I am closest to has closed herself off from the world and is silent, as she had been since Bel-since she died… her personality has seemed to leave her completely and the once carefree so sure of herself sister that I had is now extinct. I don’t know who she is anymore and don’t pretend to, I haven’t exactly been Mr. Sunshine since she left me either. But Alice, she seemed to take it the hardest. The visions had never been exact but she had never had holes in them the way that she did right before my Bell- right before she died. If anybody blamed themselves more then me it was her.
Emmet though once laid back has lost a lot of his drive. He wouldn’t joke around anymore the way that he used too, instead preferring to remain quite and away from the house. He couldn’t stand to be around the rest of us. Though he didn’t have Alice’s visions or Jasper’s ability to feel what we were he still couldn’t stand the sight of us, never smiling always sad. Many times I had watched him just brush things off and move on but not this. No this one he never quite came back from it the way that he usually would have had it been someone else.
Jasper, if anyone worried me the most it was him. His usual cool demeanor was gone replaced by a jitteriness that had him looking like a drug addict. No longer was he the one that would just stand there silently pondering every feeling, every emotion that went through the room, now he was just as silent if not more so then Alice. The depression seems to keep drawing him deeper and deeper into himself, whether it’s his own or mine that he is feeding off of I can’t tell. I can’t even begin to imagine how badly this is killing him on the inside…my pain on top of his has to be enough to drive anybody to the brink of insanity. I wouldn’t know though I keep my mind to myself and stay out of my family’s thoughts.
Even Rosalie is silent, not pondering her beauty in the narcissistic way that she usually is. Like the rest of them she has drawn into herself. Suddenly clothes and her beauty don’t seem to matter to her. Not that she would ever admit that. Her cold exterior has seemed to grow turning her into more of an ice queen then she ever was. Even Emmet can’t make her smile now. No matter how much she pretended to hate her, she cared for her greatly and is still affected by her death.
“Have you seen the new girl?”
“She doesn’t belong here, doesn’t she know we don’t need any more people like her here.”
“I wonder what her story is.”
My head snaps up as the thoughts pass over my mind, I don’t bother to think about whom it belongs to all I care about are the words. She passes through my thoughts, the forbidden name that I don’t dare to speak not wanting to feel the pain that comes with mentioning her, it’s the same as when she first started here, how she turned everything upside down just by being the new student…’the shiny new toy that everybody wants in an elementary school’ as Jessica had put it. I growl too softly for the humans but loud enough for Jasper’s hand to come to rest on my shoulder, a trance like calm instantly settling over my body no matter how mad I want to be about this.
That is when I see her for the first time. She looks nothing like the other inhabitants of Forks. Jet black hair hangs clear down to her waist in tight curls that hug a heart shaped face. She is pale like my Bel-like she was but more so, her skin almost a paper white, her blue veins visible to my eyes. She turns then, her eyes focusing on me and I stop breathing completely. Next to me my siblings tense up as well, their lips curling up and over their lips to reveal two rows each of perfect sharp white teeth and it takes everything in me not to jump at her and rip her throat out. My body is tense unmoving as I glare at her a snarl trying to force its way through my lips. But I refuse to shame Carlisle like that. She’s beautiful in that cruel kind of way and looks almost identical to Victoria minus the black hair but she is completely human, I can see that in her movements and the blood I can practically hear rushing through her veins.
She smirks like she can hear the thoughts that are racing through my brain before turning and walking over to a far corner in the lunch room to take a seat at an empty table and I am thankful to get her away from me. Something about her is unsettling, causes an unease in me that I haven’t felt since I was human but I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. Gritting my teeth I do what I promised myself I wouldn’t, I search through the thoughts around me trying to place a name to the face, or better yet stumble across her voice and find out what it is what is making me so uneasy.
My eyes flutter over to where she is sitting, starring into space her hands clasped on the table in front of her. Like my siblings and I she doesn’t eat she just sits there looking into the distance, her face blank as if she is concentrating on something so much that losing it would mean life or death. She glances down at her wrist as if the time holds the most interest in the world a moment before the bell rings and my siblings and I climb to our feet. Three more classes and I will be done for the day and escape from the woman who looks so much like my loves killer.
At a sluggish pace I move towards my fifth period English class and take my seat towards the back my eyes falling on the desk in front of me not on the students around me. If I stay the way I am, the way I have been I doubt that they will notice me. Ever since she died I have become invisible again, the mourning boyfriend who cant seem to get over her. They would never understand what she meant to me.
“May I sit here?” I look up a sneer covering my lips as I take in the new student. Up close I can see that her eyes are a deep green color with flecks of gray throughout them. I shake my head before turning away from her to look out the window, grinding my teeth as I feel her move to take Bel-her seat. Nobody has dared to sit there since she left and now, this stranger has made a mistake and not even known it. I swallow down the growl that is threatening to escape my lips as I stare out at the parking lot looking over the cars and listening to the thoughts that are surrounding me.
I can’t believe that she would wear that…what are we the sluttiest girls in the state of Washington? What a whore.
I roll my eyes as Lauren rants behind me while abusing her eraser on the paper that is laid in front of her. I swallow closing my eyes resisting all urges to demand of the girl next to me why she looks the way that she does. That would be like asking a zebra why it’s stripped. My eyes flicker to the board as the teacher writes something down my mind off in the distance still looking for that new voice in my head.
“He killed himself if July of 1961. Took a gun to his head” I answer as the teacher stares at me. It was easy enough to get the question about Hemingway and his death from her but I don’t look at her to answer, I continue to stare out into the parking lot. Kind of like I wish I could of it not for that stupid promise… I sigh frustrated as she turns back to the board and continues on with the assignment her marker squeaking as she writes. All to fast the bell is ringing and I am pushing myself up and making my way to the door my mind still on the new student when a thought crosses my mind. Maybe the reason that I have yet to have heard her is I can’t.
Growling at myself I make my way to my next class not at all surprised to already find her sitting in the back desk away from the rest of the students. Gritting my teeth I walk over and stand next to her desk waiting for her to acknowledge me.
“Can I help you with something?” her voice is smooth as she stares down at the paper on her desk. I tilt my head looking over her letting my anger slowly grow willing myself to feel mad at this woman who dares to look so much like Victoria when my Bel- when she is gone. She looks up at me then, her green eyes narrowing at me before standing up her folded across her chest. Instantly the room feels eerily calm, like when Jasper is playing with the emotions of an area. My eyes widen in disbelief as I stare at her, not speaking but starting to realize that I was right about her thoughts. She pushes past me and moves towards the front of the classroom just as the teacher walks in.
“I’m sorry I have to go.” And then she is in the hallway and the calmness that has settled in the classroom is disrupted. I shake my head as I move to my seat and sit down. My mind is racing in a billion different directions and I can feel the beginning of a migraine as I realize two things in such clarity that there is no possible way that I can deny them.
First I can’t hear what she is thinking, and second, the new girl isn’t quite what she seems…she’s hiding something.
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I'm Not Okay, I Promise