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Loved And Lost	By : MissiYoung Category: Twilight Series > Slash > Edward/Jacob Views: 6898 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Loved And Lost
- 2-Reconnection
- 1
- 2
Author's Notes: Thoughts will be in italics. This is my first ever fully Twilight fanfic (I've cut my teeth on some crossovers) and since my usual fandom is Harry Potter, I tossed in a few fannon concepts because I'm used to them. Please let me know if anything is not clear. I also used a few HP characters, and they may make an appearance but I kinda doubt it-I just mention them in passing so far. There are merely my crutch lol. As I said at the end of the summary, there are mentions of a third partner (of the 'let's spice up our sex life for tonight only' variety) and I may, if the Muse strikes, actually have a scene of that nature. And yes, Bella bashing.

Chapter One: Building A Family Of Our Own

Prologue
I think the thing that I hated most back then was that I couldn’t hate him. Not really. It wasn’t his fault any more than it was mine, but somehow we both got blamed. Our friends blamed us. Our families blamed us. Bella blamed us, perhaps more than anyone else. My name is Jacob and I was once part of a pack, a descendant from a long and proud line of men (and one woman) who shift into wolves. His name is Edward, once part of a strong and proud coven of Vampires. Fate destined us for one another. We fought it, oh how we fought it; it drifted into three years before we lost the energy to deny ourselves one another, before it was just too hard to fight. In that time we turned our attention to a girl instead and fought over her; we both wanted the normalcy she represented, but most of all we didn’t want the other to be with her. When Edward left her, left us, I was both elated and devastated but I knew he’d be back and I used the time to draw her to me. When he returned I used guilt to have her bring us together, he and I. I was desperate to see him. When I found out he’d proposed I was again devastated; not for losing her, but because I would lose him.
I kissed her then, knowing he had just done so, imagining I could still taste him there. I know now that he kissed her when I left, trying to taste me in return. She still thought we were fighting over her. For one who plays at being humble she is amazingly conceited. We have wondered in the thirty years since how anyone could have believed we were truly fighting for her; we all but ignored her when we were together, growling and snapping at each other. Getting in each others faces, hands shoving chests; the only contact our families allowed.
I loved him then, much as I love him now, but I was scared. No one in the pack was gay. Only Seth truly liked the Vampires, and even he would not have understood. I was in his head, I knew him well. I nearly kissed Edward one night; we were patrolling our common border and the sight of him was my undoing. I had to leave; I couldn’t stay while he married Bella and left me behind forever. I came back the day before their wedding, a day I thought to be a week after. I didn’t know they’d changed the day hoping I would come home. I saw him again that night, the night before he was to marry her; we were patrolling our mutual border again.
I did kiss him this time. I did not beg him to love me instead, though I wanted to so very badly. I did not need to. I was delighted to find out that he already loved me, that he’d been waiting for me all this time. That was why he went after Bella, why he proposed, why he was even going to marry her. He wanted me and thought that he’d never truly have me so he tried for someone close to me hoping for the chance to see me through the years.
He found out that night that I’d belonged to him from the first moment I saw him.
It made me feel better, knowing that she was his silver medal. Bronze, really; Jasper would have been silver. I can agree with that; though strictly heterosexual, Jasper is insanely gorgeous and his voice can melt even a Vampire. I am far more prone to melting, as my Edward enjoys teasing me. I tease him back that the saying is ‘butter wouldn’t melt in your mouth’ not ‘your mouth makes my ass melt’. It’s not terribly clever but it always brings the comfortable laughter of an old inside joke.
Edward went home that night, delighting in the fact that we would be together. He told his family, those he loved best, what had happened. They cast him out. Part of it was because the ones who loved Bella were angry on her behalf; part was because I was ‘one of the dogs’. Mostly they cast him out because I was male and he loved me. I never made it home that night; I was run off the reservation soon after phasing back into a wolf. Partially because he was a Vampire but mostly because he was male, and no wolf of our tribe had ever imprinted on a male before; particularly before they started phasing. They didn’t even let me say goodbye to my father.
I have often wondered what they thought of Leah, if she’d ever imprinted. Had her imprint been female? Would they hate her for loving a female, or would they hate her more if she loved a male?
And now nearly thirty years have passed, only five days between now and the anniversary of our first kiss, and we must return to Forks. We neither of us want to give up the happy peace we’ve found here on this quiet island we’ve claimed for ourselves, but word has reached us that the Volturi are finally going to check up on Bella. Turned or not they are planning to kill the Cullen’s and the Quileutes.
Whether we resent them or not, we cannot turn our backs on our family. Even if they turned theirs on us first. Plus we have news, information that we have selfishly kept to ourselves these past twenty eight years. We should have written the Cullen’s when we found the first Magical Enclave. We should have written when we discovered how Vampires could give birth to children; even the male ones. We should have sent pictures and letters these past twenty five years since the birth of our first set of twins. Or the second set. Or either set of triplets. Edward loves being pregnant but we got a little carried away; he fairly well stayed pregnant for four solid years, barely waiting three months between conceptions. I think he would have done it again (not that I would have minded too overly much) but ten under the age of five became a bit much even for us.
We have talked recently about having more children, and had begun to try before word of the Volturi reached us; our youngest are old enough to drink now, nearly graduated from their first trip through college. They all love the idea of more siblings and I would have thousands of children with my Edward; we both love kids and he so loves being pregnant. I love him pregnant; he is beautiful when he glows with the live force of our children.
Chapter One

It was raining in Forks the day we arrived, and we both laughed at the predictability of the weather. Thirty years has not changed that. We were amazed to see that while the world had grown up, grown older, this little town had remained exactly the same. It was both comforting and depressing; if things had changed at least a little perhaps the longing for home would not have been so great within us.

We drove through the town in our rented cars, two Hybrid SUV’s we’d been assured were common in this country. They stood out but we were happy with the safety features; they may have been adults, but we had our children with us and wanted them safe. We had nearly reached the turn to the Cullen residence when Edward had me pull off the road. He was nervous, I knew, worried that we would be turned out even though the Volturi were looking for us in particular. We may have lived on a quiet island along the equator but we still had contacts in the wider world.
It didn’t take us long to decide we needed to turn around and go to Newton’s Outdoors for camping supplies. If they turned us out or not we would stay where we’d stayed once before, the clearing in the mountain where my Edward defeated Victoria. The woman who helped us was one that I remembered; her name was Jessica, she’d been Bella’s friend once upon a time. Apparently she had become Mrs. Newton in the last three decades and seemed contented with her life. She washed out our coolers so that we could use them immediately, thinking it funny we’d decided to go camping last minute. Particularly since it was raining.
Then we went to the grocery store, which was the same as it always had been. I recognized Sue Clearwater there and wanted to cry, but I held it in. Edward knew what I was feeling and he held me close for a moment, pulling me behind a display of canned spinach so I could calm myself. I’d known that time had passed, seen it in the girl I once knew who was now comfortably on the far side of middle aged. Seeing someone who’d been a favored Aunt, a woman who had happily taken on the role of surrogate mother to three sad and angry children, in the firm grasp of ‘elderly’ was hard.
I hadn’t been allowed to say goodbye to my father, and now I wondered if he was even still alive. I had always quietly hoped he would meet his grandchildren, and now despaired of it ever happening.
I still looked seventeen, eighteen maybe. I still felt like a teenager most days. I had learned during my world travels with Edward that so long as I continued to phase and spent time under every full moon (even if I couldn’t see it) then I would never age and most likely never die.
We left the store quickly after seeing Sue, buying more junk food than we’d originally intended. None of us mentioned it, all knowing I would take comfort in the high calorie substances that had no real nutritional value. I had all but cut junk food out of my life the past twenty years so that I could set a good example for the kids; this was a sure sign of my grief.
Soon we were back at the turn to the Cullen home and I knew how it hurt Edward not to call it his. I wanted to hurt them for hurting him but I knew I wouldn’t. That would only hurt him more. Instead I pulled off the road again and waited for him to be ready; our eldest son William was driving the second car and pulled behind us. It took several hours before Edward nodded to me, words not needed after thirty years. I started the car again and turned up the drive, driving slowly so as not to alarm the Vampires I could sense there; William crept along behind us and the children in our car (the four youngest, all girls) fell completely silent. There were more Vampires than I’d been expecting. More than the six we’d left behind; seven, if Bella was turned. I could sense nearly a hundred of them, and Edward whispered that they were expecting more. I could also sense the wolves and I was concerned. They seemed sickly; their numbers had neither grown nor dwindled. If I was reading them right they were even the same wolves I had left, but they had certainly aged. Not so much as Jessica but certainly more than I.
We reached the house to see half the current occupants waiting for us, Carlisle and Sam in the lead. Jasper stood to their left with Alice and Bella while Seth stood to their right with Paul and Embry. I did not recognize most of the Vampires, which I found strange all things considered; we had lived in the Enclaves for twenty five years, only retreating to the island relatively recently. This bothered me; I worried for Edward’s safety, and the safety of our children. I knew without looking that he was worried for ours.
We had told the children ahead of time to stay in the cars while we spoke to Carlisle and for once they listened to us. Edward and I got out and whispers sprang up around us; we both heard Esme’s whisper of her son’s name and knew she would be crying if she could. Seth strangled my name and he took a step forward; a sharp motion from Sam kept him in place. Carlisle looked torn, and Sam angry, but it was Bella who spoke first.
“You have a lot of nerve coming here!”
Her voice should have been beautiful but it wasn’t; it grated along my nerves and I could see that it had the same effect on Edward. She kept on with her lecture and we could see that she was upsetting Esme. The others could see it, too, and turned to her nearly as one.
“Shut up!”
Edward and I both flinched at the volume, though it was clear to see that Bella was not favored amongst those assembled here. She huffed in frustration, crossing her arms and glaring across the assemblage.
“Why have you come here, Edward?”
Carlisle didn’t sound accusing, merely curious and just a bit hopeful, so Edward answered him quietly.
“The Volturi are coming and we promised that you would not face them alone. Whatever else you might think of us, we would never go back on a promise made for the safety of our families.”
We moved from beside our doors to the front of the vehicle, listening to Esme’s dry sobs. The dry tears hurt me who had never known her well enough to love her; I knew they must be devastating to my Edward who loved her like a mother and I wanted to be close enough to comfort him. Rosalie, whom I have always hated as much as she hated me, held Esme close in comfort and my respect for the blonde grew. After several moments of near silence Rosalie passed her mother to Emmett gently and stepped forward until she stood only a few feet away from us.
“You’re still together.”
It wasn’t a question, but she clearly needed to hear the confirmation we gave freely.
“You look happy. Both of you do.”
I took her attempt to make me feel welcome at face value, deliberately ignoring the undercurrent of hostile tension she was clearly trying to shrug off.
“Thank you, Mrs. McCarty. You are more beautiful now than I remember you being, which I frankly hadn't thought possible.”
The use of her husband’s human name visibly startled her, but my own attempt to lessen the tension was clearly appreciated. She smiled a truly happy smile and it really was beautiful, nearly as beautiful to my mind as the smile of the daughter we’d named for her. Edward caught my passing thought and sent me a tiny smile of his own. Rosalie cast around for a subject to keep the conversation going.
“So…who came with you?”
I knew without looking that Edward’s face grew proud and loving; I knew also that mine did, as well. We always looked that way when speaking of our children.
“We have much to tell you, and I suppose that this is a good start. These are our children.”
Edward waved a hand to the cars as he spoke but the kids stayed put because we hadn’t given them the all clear yet. Rosalie looked slightly confused, but Sam growled and spit out his words, clearly accusing.
“So you’ve broken the treaty, then.”
Carlisle answered him.
“No, I hear heartbeats. They’re slower than a normal human’s, but they’re clearly there. It’s hard to tell how many there are; they seem to beat in sync.”
I laughed, clearly tense at the danger I perceived from the one I once called Alpha.
“We have five sons and five daughters. Two sets of twins and two of triplets. One of the things we’ve learned is how Vampires can carry and give birth to healthy children. Because I’m not quite human, they aren’t. If I were human, they would be mostly human as well. As it is they get all of the good things about being both a Vampire and a Locked Shifter without the bad parts. Their hearts have been in sync since their conception; we don’t know how or why they do it.”
This was clearly news to everyone, and Rosalie’s eyes looked sad and a little betrayed.
“You have children?”
Edward wanted to feel bad, I could tell; we’d debated telling his family decades ago but frankly weren’t willing to risk the pain of rejection. It was selfish of us, but they’d made their choice as clearly as we’d made ours. Plus we would not bring that sort of pain to our children, knowing they would grow old enough to understand.
“Yeah, Rosalie. I gave birth to all ten of them.”
“Oh!”
The sound was soft and Rosalie was crying the way only a Vampire could. I didn’t think about it first; I reacted the way I would have had she been my little Rosie. Before anyone else moved I had her in my arms, leading her to Edward. She latched onto him, sobbing into his chest; she never let go of me, either, which both surprised me and gave me hope. Esme came to join us, hands fluttering along Edward’s shoulders and Rosalie’s head, even landing on my arms where I had them wrapped around her children. It took awhile to calm her, not that I minded; no amount of time or distance or pain would ever make her any less my husband’s sister, and for that fact alone I would have stood in that rain for days with my arms around them. I knew Edward caught that thought when he turned his eyes on me and I knew he’d have tears in them if he could. After a moment he did, one slipping down his face. I wiped it away and knew that what we’d been trying for these past two months had worked without our knowledge.
Edward was pregnant; it was the only time he could ever cry.
This was not a good time for him to be pregnant but I couldn’t care; I was sure my face was filled with the same awe as his when he realized that my fingers had spread dampness across his cheekbone. We could hear the girls talking in the first car but didn’t turn to silence them; our gazes were stuck fast, neither wanting nor trying to look away. His eyes questioned suddenly but mine soothed, answered, let him know that everything would be fine. He leaned down and whispered in Rosalie’s ear and her head snapped up, eyes widened in wonder.
“Really?”
Again her strong, vibrant voice was only a breath on the wind but everyone heard her as clearly as if she’d shouted. My Edward nodded and she turned her liquid topaz on me.
“Wow.”
I knew she had a better vocabulary than that but I understood; Edward had been the same way for the first five months of his first pregnancy. So I smiled at her and ran a comforting hand down her arm. Her face lit up and she seemed to snap out of her shock.
“Why have I not yet met my nieces and nephews?”
She raised an eyebrow, tone imperious, and we were both glad to see her public personality returned. It seemed to snap everyone out of their shock and Jasper surged toward us, Emmett not far behind. I knew it hurt Edward that Carlisle and Alice stayed back, stayed with Bella; chose Bella…again. My strong husband pushed that aside to cry over later and teased his sister with a smile.
“Perhaps because we have held them hostage. We require a ransom.”
I could hear my kids laughing from the SUV’s, and I could see on Rosalie and Jasper and Esme’s faces the instant adoration it inspired. Edward assured me in our nonverbal way that it was on Emmett’s as well, but I could not see Emmett since he’d taken up a position behind me; I assured Edward that I trusted Emmett to have my back. The mountain of Vampire stood between me and my children and I did not fight him for it. Edward trusted his brother to protect our babies, however old they were, and I trusted Edward’s trust. My husband’s hand caught mine tightly in thanks, squeezing slightly to convey his love. I squeezed back.
“What ransom do you require for my nieces and nephews? Surely you know that you must but name your price.”
Jasper play-acted perfectly, keeping his tone serious while his eyes danced with his amusement. Still holding my hand with his left and Rosalie’s shoulders with his right Edward turned to Jasper mock seriously, honey eyes conveying his appreciation of his brother’s acceptance of our children. Of us.
“Assistance putting up the tents.”
Esme’s voice danced between us, strained and tearful.
“Tents?”
I turned to her and, letting go of my husband, settled my hand on her arm in a manner I hoped to be comforting; it seemed to work until she glanced up to see her own husband’s frown.
I noticed that even in the face of his displeasure she did not remove it and I loved her for that just a little.
“Yes, Mrs. Dr. Cullen. Eleven of us sleep and eat human food, so we brought everything we need to provide for ourselves. We did not wish to seem presumptuous.”
Living with Edward for thirty years had done wonders for my vocabulary, and the smirk he threw me told me he thought so, too. Esme darted a glance at the still frowning Carlisle again and clearly wanted to demand we stay but was unable to summon the courage to incite his anger deliberately. I did not blame her and I knew that Edward would not, though I knew also that he wanted to hear it desperately.
“Where did you have in mind?”
Emmett’s voice boomed from beside me and I heard my boys echo it, teasing their Uncle; I was glad that he took it to be teasing and not malice, for my children were anything but malicious. At least until you hurt a member of their family; many had fallen at the hands of the Masen Clan.
“The clearing where we put Bella when the newborn army came.”
I answered this, sliding my hand from Esme’s arm with a small smile and a gentle squeeze. I turned to face Emmett fully, incidentally placing myself between my pregnant husband and his rambunctious brother. I trusted Edward’s trust over the children in the car, but that didn’t mean I was taking any chances with my unborn child. Rosalie clearly agreed because she moved from Edward’s embrace to stand at my shoulder, shielding Edward from her husband’s view almost completely. I swore I could hear him roll his eyes when he poked me in the back.
“You’re an idiot.”
His voice was quiet but I knew everyone could hear him, so I agreed just as quietly before returning my attention to Emmett and offering him a ride. I ignored the giggling from our audience at my serious agreement of my idiocy.
“That’s so far away.”
Esme was fluttering again, and I fancied her as one of the Fey we’d met while in India; human sized and fluttering about in a way that reminded me of butterflies. I saw Esme just the same in my mind’s eye for a split second and felt my husband’s amusement for the random turn of my thoughts. Edward spoke next and my focus snapped to him as it always did.
“It’ll be a tight fit but that will leave the baseball field open for training and such. It won’t be the first time we’ve been in each others pockets.”
I heard a snort from behind me and knew it was Bella from the way it scraped along my nerves. I heard one of my children growl and shot a Look at the car; I could tell them apart, even when growling.
“Mary Alice Masen.”
I did not shout or growl, but my children knew well enough that if I was using their full names it was time to be quiet. Rylie obviously remembered, despite her years spent at Harvard; she was starting her final year for her Bachelors and would be starting Graduate School right away. I heard a gasp from behind me and guessed it was from Alice, though I didn’t miss the sharp look Jasper sent my husband when I used the name of his human family. I heard everyone shifting but honestly, what did they expect? They cast us out, told us that we were no longer welcome among them; did they expect us to force them to claim us as family?
Soon Edward and I were climbing back into the SUV while three of his siblings took off at a run, hoping to catch a bite to eat before reaching the clearing. I refrained from cooing at their attempts to shield the children from their eating habits but it was just too cute; blood may not have been necessary for their survival but my children all enjoyed it. They always brought back the carcass so we often had ‘exotic’ meat in the freezer. Venison was a family favorite (one of Edward’s top three during pregnancy) but mountain lion, despite their fondness for the blood, tasted horrible when eating its flesh.
We took off back down the driveway, moving faster now, and did not look back to see how they felt about our leaving. Sometimes the truth wasn’t worth knowing.
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Loved And Lost