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Reviews for .Why are there no Unicorns?

By : keithcompany
  • From RJaneyP on January 27, 2013
    Trust the helpful unicorn to get totally screwed! And the first people after the flood to remain horny because of the first dildo. And the almighty to be a little blood thirsty Bastard with his nasty flood and obvious hidden agenda???? G
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  • From BlueberryButton on March 18, 2012
    That was a surprisingly fascinating take on that story. Although I've got to admit, I nearly choked when they gave her the horn...but that's the sign of a good storyteller, right? Making you feel the emotions of the people in the story.
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  • From ANON - Calamus on September 22, 2009
    Oh, by golly.
    This was totally AMAZING. I can't believe I just discovered it now?
    I can't believe it was GAFFed!! Well, it's "blasphemous", but it's very well written! Why do some people live their lives according to a somewhat-historic novel? It's like, I dunno, living by the Lord of the Rings, and praying every night to Our Saviour Frodo... Pfft. Dude, believing in a God that created the Universe And All That Is is cool, but the Bible is still so a novel.
    Ha, I laughed very loudly when I realised you are totally right: the Divine Comedy is SO a fanfic. Wow. Talk about copyright infringement! Did people GAFF the Divine Comedy too as blasphemous at the time? Poor Dante!

    I really enjoyed this little fic. I liked your characters. I liked the unicorn's personality. I liked gay-but-still-wanna-be-a-father Ham. I loved the "hissing" in the bunk-room, some people really should learn how to keep to themselves.
    Gawd, I kept imagining Ham's face at the stuff his wife came up for him to do. ("She wants me to rubs her breats? What for? Is it some kind of spell to make me more virile?" ...Pft) I could picture his confusion and his look-around-are-we-getting-caught-right-now?

    And God, the tattletale? XDDDDD *wipes tears* OMGWTFBBQ!!! AMAZING. God is SO the villain. I mean: egocentric, do-as-i-say-or-die, megalomaniac, i'm-holier-than-thou, fear-me, love-me, I-want-to-rule-the-Universe, everything-that-feels-good-is-sin-and-will-be-punished God? TOTAL VILLAN, DUDE.

    I'm sorry for the rant? Please get back at me, fellow beastiality fan?
    Kisses hugs,
    Calamus
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  • From kyleinfernum on September 05, 2009
    Okay, one, you're awesome. Two, you don't need to change anything, you told a story, it was erotic, end of argument. Erotica by definition isn't as graphic as straight up porno.
    Three, it's freaking hilarious that you were sent to the 2nd ring of hell. (Honestly, why not the 5th or something?) Hilarious to the point of ridiculousness.
    Oh and I'm of the same opinion about Bible Fanfic. Honestly, it exists, it's more often than not used in a parody or humorous manner, and I think it's hilarious the people get offended by it. Then again, people get offended by the prospect of ghosts, and Harry Potter, and science, so why shouldn't people speculating about the Bible piss them off? Either way, it's a terrific piece of writing, just a few mistyped words (like three in the whole thing) and maybe a missed comma but who cares about commas???
    Whatever.
    Enjoy being GAFF. At least then your fame lasts longer that fifteen minutes, lol.
    Irony, my Captcha words are Deigns and Cerebral.
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  • From IsaacSapphire on December 05, 2008
    Ok, managed to finish reading.

    I really don't understand why this got GAFFed. The writing is quite good (I wasn't doing an edit, but no errors leaped out and grabbed me) and as far as content goes, well, one of my favorite fanfics involves nephilim (half demon) twins having sex in a confessional. I think that person will be in front of you in the line for hell, if such things warrant hell.

    Also, there's a published NOVEL called In The Shadow of the Ark (I think) that is of the same bit of the Bible. By the end, the heroine has had sex with almost all of the other humans on the ark. I liked this much better, perhaps because I actually like your characters. And a "Ham sandwich" IS one of my kinks :)

    I only saw one technical inaccuracy; the design of the ark as given in the Bible is such that it would be a very stable vessel. Can’t put a motor on it and steer it for anything, but very very stable. So the description of the ark rocking a lot is probably inaccurate. The only reason I know this is because I’ve spent waaaay too much time reading Institute for Creation Research literature.
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  • From IsaacSapphire on December 02, 2008
    I'm getting kicked out, so I don't have time to finish reading, (I'll be back) but I just want to say that I really liked your intro. You have some very good points. I'm going to go write smutty smutty slash of the Eddas now, just because you suggested it.

    PS. There is fanfic of the Koran; The Jewel of Medina just came out recently to great protest.
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  • From ANON - capt_davy_jones_gal on September 09, 2008
    whoever said ur ff was GAFF can go to the second level of hell or whatever. i thought it was good....would have been better if the unicorn had screwed her but we cant always get what we want lol in any case i though it was very well written. lol just so u know, i did loost my virginity and i still cant write sex scenes lol
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  • From Kip on September 02, 2008
    Really lovely, Keith! Well worth any amount of protest that you might get from the 'closed mind' brigade. If anyone is petty enough to protest, they've obviously got nothing better in their lives, so really, you're doing them a tremendous favour giving them something with which to occupy their otherwise empty hours... Aside from which, it was beautifully written, and I for one, loved it! 'Purr
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  • From methoslover on August 31, 2008
    Go to Youtube and type in The Irish Rovers "The Unicorn Song". It is hilarious and tells you exactly why there are no unicorns.
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  • From ANON - elysiandreamer on July 01, 2008
    How on earth could this be GAFF? I've read a lot of those, but this is not one of them. It's plausible, for one thing, not changing the original, and well researched, while keeping good characterization and originality. Not to mention, the humor was brilliant. I have to say, kudos to you. Not many people could get away with writing a story like this. Whoever called this piece a GAFF was just insulted for some reason. (If you don't want to read potentially offensive things about your religion, one, why are you even on this site, and two, why are you in this section at all? Idiots.)
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  • From ANON - Anon on June 30, 2008
    Awesome.
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  • From ANON - krickitat on March 21, 2008
    I mean..this story is well written i will give you that
    but do you KNOW how much we laugh whenever we read it?

    I have to tell you this place has won some special attention and love in the hearts of the lemon FC on narutofan.com
    at first we were just making fun of really bad fanfics but when most of us read yours it was just so freakin epic.

    I have decided to get someone to do some fanart of this and then we have decided to make this story our...mascot? would that be the right word? anyways, while i cant say that its one of our favorite fics or anything its at least one of our fav bad fics.
    I mean how can anyone read this and get mad or upset? i can understand why you were GAFF'ed but it seems like they went a little over board.

    anyways thank you
    If your gunna do it you might as well get serious about it

    krickitat

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  • From ANON - lantomphinker on November 29, 2007
    http://www.godawful.net/gaff_forums/index.php?showtopic=3136

    You got unjustly GAFFed
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  • From Knorg on November 23, 2007
    Finished reading. Great stuff, and amazingly fast! The unicorn horn stimulation for Ham was a great idea, and the bittersweet ending was pretty powerful.


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  • From Solaris on November 22, 2007
    That was a good story, Keith!
    Very well done.
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