rate_review Reviews

I liked the story, but you could use a beta.


p.s. I used to be one of those blood-suckers on Decatur in '98. Don't suppose you hung out in the Crystal or the Hideout or Sin City did you?

That was pretty good, but the format isn't very pleasing to the eye..

I agree with I-kun that the technical problems make it hard to read, and really take away from the rest of the story... but it does have a lot of potential. I got a really good feel for your main character, and found him interesting. Keep writing! Technical stuff just takes practice.

I also love seeing some P.B.Z work here. =) She was my first love when it came to M/M action... it was her books that got me interested in slash, in general.

Go for spell check, proper punctuation, and paragraph breaks before posting next time. Just the formatting hurts my eyes, not to mention the awkward phrasing and the choppy sentences. I couldn't even make it past the first few lines without thinking "What's a third-grader doing writing slash fiction." Keep working on it.