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Supplicant	By : TheBlindQueen Category: Twilight Series > Het > Bella/Edward Views: 2043 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Supplicant
- 2-Decisions
- 1
- 2
Title: Supplicant
Author: TheBlindQueen
Summary: Edward asks the Volturi to end his life.
Notes: For me, the most frustrating thing about the books is that we never really get to see inside Edward’s mind. (Hopefully Midnight Sun will one day be a reality!) And I’ve always wondered what he might have been thinking when he went to the Volturi to make his request. Not much adult material here, but I had to write it as the muse directed.

**Supplicant**

A heavy silence fell over the room while Edward waited patiently.

“This is most…unusual,” Aro finally said. “In all our years here, I don’t believe any of our kind has ever come to us with such a request.” He gave a thin smile, tilting his head as he studied the vampire standing before him.

Edward’s expression was placid, almost lifeless. “I no longer wish to exist,” he said in a husky voice. “My…” he swallowed hard. “My family will not assist me in this, and as you know, it is not an easy process for one of us. We are rather…durable,” Edward added with a flash of bitter humor. “I want you to end it for me.”

Aro’s eyes narrowed. “Why would you make such a request of us, my boy?”

Shrugging, Edward said simply, “It’s time.”

Aro motioned him forward even as he began moving toward Edward. The ancient held out his hand and Edward lifted his, reluctantly. Their hands met and Aro closed his eyes as Edward’s thoughts were opened to him. There was nothing but silence for a long time. At last, Aro opened his eyes, his expression astonished.

“All of this over a HUMAN?” he asked.

Edward looked down at the floor. “It is my wish.” He was not going to discuss Bella with them. Her memory was his, precious and treasured. He could not help what Aro saw, but he would not give him anything else.

“My boy, surely you can’t wish to end your existence simply because a silly human girl has died?” Aro murmured, glancing at his brother with amusement. “They’re so fragile, you know. They die so easily.” There was a slight smile playing on his lips. “No need for one of us to even care!”

“You know why,” Edward said between clenched teeth. “It is my wish, and we have no law against it.”

Aro pursed his lips. “What a waste, my boy.” He smiled. “It would have been better if you would have slaked your thirst the first time you met her.”

Edward’s jaw clenched. “It would have brought harm to my family.” That was an excuse of course. There had been so many reasons to resist her blood’s allure, and none of them made any sense. Not then, not now. They never would. But his love for her simply was, and that was reason enough.

“Now you wish to die because she’s-”

“Yes.”

“But it’s simply unbelievable!” Aro insisted.

“It is what I want,” Edward repeated. “Will you grant my request or not?”

Aro sighed and shook his head. “You must let us discuss this, Edward.” He gave the younger vampire a severe look. “After all, what would Carlisle think if I grant such a request to one of his own coven?”

A look of pain flashed briefly over Edward’s face, but he nodded and withdrew from the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As he waited, Edward let his mind pull out his few and precious memories of her. Bella, her eyes wide and wondering as she saw him in the sunlight for the first time. The soft warmth of her lips, so different than his own, against his cold flesh. The first time he had realized his love for her was stronger than his thirst for her sweet blood. The tender way she had murmured his name in her sleep, begging him to stay.

To stay.

And he hadn’t.

He had left her, so sure she would forget him and move on with her life. Human memories were such transient things, their feelings even more so. She would forget him, that’s what he had told himself even as he walked away from her in the forest. It had been the only thing that gave him the strength to leave her.

He would be no more than a distant dream, a nightmare from which she had escaped. She would say yes to some fortunate man and they would build a life together and it would be as if Edward Cullen had never existed.

That was what he’d hoped. What he’d feared.

And now she was gone. Dead. Nothing he had done had saved her in the end. His sacrifice, the terrible pain he had endured in leaving her was all for nothing. His stubborn Bella had given in to those wild, unformed thoughts he had seen flickering in her eyes, the very reason he had cautioned her, begged her not to do anything reckless or rash.

It was his fault. It was all his fault. Bella was dead because of him.

There was nothing to keep him in this world any longer. If he was damned, then he was ready to embrace his fate. The fires of hell could be no worse than the agony he felt now, knowing that Bella no longer lived. If by some miracle Carlisle was right, then Edward wanted nothing more than to join her. Either way, there was no reason to change his mind.

One thought haunted him, however. One terrible doubt that sliced at him with merciless ferocity.

Had she known? Before she ended her life, had she realized how much he loved her? Had she finally known that the only thing that could have driven him away was his love for her? Or had she believed the lie even as she drew her last breath? Had she died cursing him? Or loving him? Which one was worse?

Even now, he could feel the sweet tug of her hands in his hair as she gave herself up to his kisses, pushing her body closer to him. She had always wanted more, to be closer, arching herself into his dangerous embrace, seeking his touch, his caress. Her reactions had always surprised him, so different than anything he had a right to expect. His Bella had no sense of self-preservation, and he had allowed himself to revel in it. Her acceptance, her love, had been an unexpected gift. But Bella had been too fragile for his world and he had finally pushed her out of it.

For her sake. Not his own. Never for his own.

Yet he had realized he could not stay away forever. Bella’s hold on him had never lessened, and he had been so close to giving in. He had known that one day he would go to her and begged for her forgiveness. Unless she had been happy, and then he would have walked away, giving her the only thing he had left to give.

He wished that he could watch her sleep just one more time. He wanted to hear the soft, even sounds of her breath, inhale the delicious fire that was her scent. He wanted to watch the rise and fall of her breasts as she slept, to feel once more the torture it was to keep his hands from her sweet flesh. Just once, he would like to feel her softness beneath him, hear her sigh his name as his body worshipped hers. Edward wished he had the memory of making a place for himself inside of her, of feeling connected to her in a way he had never known with any other. He wanted to know what it was like to lose himself in her warmth, to feel like a man rather than a monster, if only for a brief and transitory moment.

He wanted to love Bella as a man loved a woman, to show her every feeling that was in his cold, dead heart.

If he had gone back, maybe that moment might have been his to savor. If he had been strong enough, perhaps one day he could have given into the desires he saw shimmering in her dark eyes, the clutch of her hands on him as they shared their tentative, dangerous kisses.

Now all of that was gone, the possibility of a future had been shattered by his own weakness.

So he waited.

~~~~~~~

Edward kept his expression impassive as he listened to Aro give him the decision. Not that he needed to hear it, he already knew. Carefully, he kept his hands at his side, not wanting to initiate any touch. No need to give Aro a warning.

He had always known that they might decide to refuse him. He had been prepared for that eventuality. He had never been one to leave things to chance, preparation was always the key.

Only when it had come to one clumsy, loving and exasperating human had he ever failed to know what was coming. She had turned his world inside out, upside down - and he could no longer exist in it. So it was time to leave it.

If they would not help him voluntarily, there were always ways to force their hands.

Now he had only to decide how to do so. For the first time in months, he felt almost whole. Soon, one way or another, this would all be over.
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