Adult-FanFiction.org : Books

The Newborn
By : belladonnacullen
Category: Twilight Series > Het
Views: 3452 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.
Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
I could feel Edward's presence before I heard the soft knock on the chamber door. I squeezed Carmen's hand and she nodded her head and pressed her lips together in an understanding smile.
I met the boy on the landing. It was difficult for him to meet my eyes.
"Could we walk, Eleazar?"
"Of course."
From the back door we plunged into the forested yard.
"It's become wild with neglect." Edward observed, as we picked our way over roots and around over grown hedges.
I glanced at him and saw the corners of his mouth fall into a frown. He flinched with my gaze and I looked away. I keep a respectful distance from the boy. I hadn't seen Edward since Denali in nineteen twenty-two, almost nine years ago. It was plain that he was no longer the same boy that would playfully toss a football, or impress women with his piano playing. He held himself stiff and erect and wouldn't meet my eyes. Everything about him was somber, serious and subtly menacing, even to one as old and experienced as myself.
"You followed me?"
"I found you. But I left when you asked me to."
"Thank you for that."
We fell into silence and I enjoyed the dappled rays of sunlight that fell onto my skin. I could sense there was something else that Edward needed to say, and I gave him his time.
"I wanted to speak to you before you left. Carlisle is understanding and forgiving, but he's never..."
"Yes. I sometimes wonder if he's truly vampire. The man deserves his status as legend."
"And the other legend in my life. I can't speak with her yet, although she deserves it."
"Tanya knows you're back. I telephoned."
"Thank you." The boy looked at me hesitantly, deciding whether or not to continue.
"Edward, I lived that life for many years. You can tell me anything."
We walked again in silence. I saw Edward's mind working, and he seemed about to begin several times before he actually spoke. "It felt so good at first. The sensation was amazing. It was the only time in my existence as a vampire that I felt like I was being myself. I was so strong, so full of life. I lived by my senses, and they were more acute than they had ever been. Colors were brighter, my hearing was more acute, scents more intense. Everything was heightened."
"After the first ones, I thought I was right. There was a faint nagging doubt in the back of my head, but I was sure it was a result of Carlisle and Esme following me about. I left them behind as best I could. I was determined to live by my newfound ideas of right and wrong, and through being myself, leave the world a better place."
"Some would consider it noble."
Edward looked me in the eyes for the first time. "What would you call it?"
I couldn't lie to the boy. He'd know. "Murder."
Edward nodded. "Yes, that's the word."
"The voices never went away. It wasn't just Carlisle or Esme. As I grew physically stronger, my mind deteriorated. I loathed myself, all the while becoming more determined to prove I was right. This conflict consumed me, and everything else fell away. Eleazar, it got to the point that I couldn't walk the streets. People knew. I gave into it and I did my best to live by instinct alone. But instinct doesn't make a distinction between the innocent and the guilty. I was left to think about the hunt and who I would take. And I lost more of myself with each meal. Now I don't know that there's anything human left in me."
"When I first heard your thoughts, I thought I had finally driven myself insane. But when I realized that it was actually you, I was devastated. I saw how far I'd fallen. I could no longer deny what I'd done." Edward stopped suddenly.
"What had you done?"
"I took the vilest of humanity and made it a part of who I was. I concentrated evil inside of myself, but the world still grew darker around me. I hadn't fixed anything. I knew I could never be the same again and that I was alone. I felt what it meant to be damned." Edward's hands were clenched into fists and his arms were wound around himself. His eyes were dull and unfocused. He looked profoundly sad. "I'd grown so sick by the time you were tracking me. That night you followed me in Miskolc was my last... murder. I'd picked up the man's thoughts in the mountains. He was a monster so vile, I convinced myself that it might prove to you, to everyone, to myself even, that I'd been right. I moved as fast as possible to save his intended victim. I nearly didn't make it and killed two guards just to make my way to the man." "I pulled him away from the boy before he could... But even as I was draining the life from the man, he was envisioning the most horrible, disgusting scenario. I would give my life to forget his mind, but I never will. I believe it will always haunt me. With each swallow I had more of that creature inside of myself. And I threw the man on the floor and spat out his blood." "That's when I really looked at the boy. He was frozen in a silent scream. His mind cried out for someone to help him get away... from me. I started to tell him it was all right, but at the sound of my voice, he started pulling out his hair and scratching at his face. He pulled himself into a ball and started shaking and rocking. I didn't rape that boy, but I ruined him in my own way." Edward had stopped walking, his arms still wrapped around himself. He sank to the ground, and sat with his knees pulled up to his chest.
I sat gingerly next to him and reached out to touch his arm. But Edward jumped and pulled away.
"I didn't want you to see me. I told you to go. But it was worse with your absence. I was haunted by the thought that my family might somehow still want me. I told myself to stay away, that they deserved better, but I moved westward and haunted shipyards. Before I knew it I was hiding in the hold of a ship bound for Boston. I nearly went insane surrounded by so many humans in such close quarters with nothing else to feed on. But I endured it without throwing myself overboard, only because I wanted so badly to see them again." "I wasn't sure what I expected when I returned. But I hurt us all. To see how much pain I caused..."
"That puts it mildly, my boy. You nearly destroyed Esme and Tanya. Carlisle held it together somehow, but-" I stopped when I realized that Edward was holding his breath.
He was staring at me, anguished.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."
"No, it's good to know." Edward stood to his feet, and as I rose, my hand brushed against him again. Edward flinched. "Until last night, I hadn't touched anyone except those I'd fed on for nearly five years." Edward paused before continuing. "Eleazar, I don't know how to live with myself anymore."
"As vampires we have no choice but to live with ourselves. Eventually you will find the way that's best for you."
"When I came here, I thought maybe I would just let them know I was alive. But I love them, and although I don't deserve it, they love me. I can't leave. But I'm possessed with fear that I might hurt them again."
"There's no magic solution to this, my boy. You must take it day by day and do the best you can. I wish I had a better answer. But this is the only one I know. Eventually you may live long enough that the good outweighs the bad."
"Have you lived that long?"
"Not yet."
- 9
- 10
- 11
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

The Newborn	By : belladonnacullen Category: Twilight Series > Het Views: 3452 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

The Newborn