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Normality	By : AlphaOmegaPsi Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Slash Views: 2984 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
AN: So, I'm really really sorry I took so long on this chapter. ^^;

I actually had to delete and rewrite everything I had because it was such crap. I think it's better now, but that's my own opinion. Feedback is appreciated.

Personally, I can't wait to write the next chapter. After that, it's pretty much the beginning of the end, and I've planned just about everything out from that point on. Hopefully, that means speedier updates than this one, but you never know.

Please don't make fun of me for my bad sex scenes.

--

I jolted out of my light doze when a clap of thunder practically shook the house around me. A muffled cry from Ethan, laying mere feet away on the floor, was barely audible in the midst of the devastating sound.

I sighed and rolled onto my back, kicking the comforter that was bunched around my knees down to the foot of the bed. It figures that on the hottest night of the year, a thunderstorm decided to show up. I hadn't been able to do more than doze since I went to bed.

At least that was more than I could say for Ethan.

Dad had blown up when he heard Ethan was sleeping in Lizzie's room. He was more than a little old-fashioned, and decided that it would be better if he slept in my room. Personally, I thought the couch was the best place for him, but when the storm hit, we all learned of Ethan's crippling fear of thunder. The decision was set: he didn't want to sleep alone, so he got my floor.

Another loud clap sounded, and I heard what sounded suspiciously like a sob. I felt a twinge of guilt, but ignored it. This had to be a trick; what kind of vampire was scared of thunderstorms?

Still...

I snuck a glance over my shoulder when a flash of lightning lit up the room. He was curled up in a ball, hugging his pillow so tightly I was surprised feathers weren't popping out either end. His blanket was wrapped around him, despite the heat, and his eyes were screwed shut tightly. It looked like he was trying to will the storm away with his mind. I turned back quickly before he saw me move.

It had been three weeks since we'd started "dating." I used the term as loosely as possible since it was definitely a lie on my part. I didn't even know if it could be considered dating between two guys. I hadn't told anyone about it, not even Lizzie. She suspected something had changed, but I wasn't going to tell her and Ethan was keeping it a secret, so there was no way she'd find out.

The only real difference was that we were spending more time together. I usually blew at least half of my paycheck per week by going out, and that was only when I paid for myself. We still hadn't worked out who paid for meals and activities, so we were just paying for ourselves until we did.
Not that I really wanted to pay for him.

I was beginning to question my plan, though, and whether or not it was actually working. I didn't know more about his true self as a vampire than I did before, though I now knew that his middle name was Benjamin, his favorite color was green, and when he was five he had a pet turtle named Lorrie that drowned in the toilet when he forgot to take her out one night before dinner. Despite this, I was reluctant to call it off. It might take awhile, but I knew I could get what I wanted if I were patient.

My real concern was, honestly, myself. I had always been a decent actor, and tricking Ethan into thinking I really cared about him was fairly easy. However, I felt like I was getting into the role too much. Whenever we kissed, I found myself lingering a little too long. I would reach for his hand if I wasn't paying attention, and if I didn't catch myself I would end up spending the whole night holding it. Sometimes I'd actually find myself enjoying a hug more than I should and, though I tried as hard as I could to prevent this, he had started invading my masturbation fantasies.

So far, I'd managed to pass it off as being too committed to the lie, but I didn't know how much longer I could keep it up if things continued this way. I was afraid I was going to go insane, or actually buy into the story I'd woven. Above all else, it was important that I remembered this was a ruse, and nothing more.

Another loud clap of thunder sounded, followed by a piercing cry that was most definitely a badly-muffled sob. I guess I expected what came next, but that didn't stop me from groaning in protest when Ethan climbed into my bed, blanket and all.

"It's too hot," I said, at the last minute remembering to slur my voice as if I'd been asleep. Ethan didn't seem to notice as he wrapped his arms around my waist in a grip tighter than I would ever expect from him and buried his face in my spine, his nose bumping up against my skin uncomfortably. It didn't take a genius to tell that the wetness on my back wasn't all sweat, and I sighed in resignation as I turned over ad let him bury himself in my chest instead.

It was times like these that I could forget what he was, forget what he was trying to do, and indulge in the strange protectiveness I'd begun to feel toward him. Either he was a great actor, or he wasn't faking it, and I couldn't think of a single reason why it would be beneficial to pretend to be scared of storms. I wrapped an arm around him and the blanket, trying to ignore the heat for the time being, and let him sob into my chest.

"I'm s-sorry," he stammered when he'd calmed down a bit. "I tried to be b-brave like you, but...I just c-can't. I'm s-so scared."

I almost laughed when he said "brave like you," but stopped myself just in time. It was clear by the tone of his voice that he was serious, and if I laughed now, he might think I was laughing at his fear. As far as I knew, he had no intention of drinking my blood for a while, but I didn't want to set him off.

I wondered what he'd think if he knew I lay awake the night after a fit, and went over the scenario in my head over and over again, until it seemed to be playing on the back of my eyelids? I wonder what he'd think if he knew I sometimes cried myself to sleep over it? I wonder what he'd think if he knew all the things I really was, instead of this image of myself I'd created? Would he think I was brave, if he knew that, or would he recognize me for the real coward that I was?

I felt Ethan shiver against me and pull the blanket tighter, and noticed his skin was ice-cold and practically drenched in sweat. I frowned.

"Are you getting sick?" I asked, habit forcing me to press my hand to what little forehead I could reach. His head was the same: cool and clammy to the touch, sweat dampening strands of hair and plastering them to his face.

"I-I'm fine," Ethan insisted, shaking my hand off and burying his face on my chest once more. "I always get like this when I'm scared. It's nothing to worry about."

"It is when it's almost 90 and you're still cold." I tightened my arms instinctively. "Haven't you ever seen a doctor about this?"

"No, because there's nothing wrong with me." I heard an edge in Ethan's voice that shocked me. He was pretty easy-going, and the last person you would ever expect to pick a fight. He didn't pull away or show any other sign of annoyance, but still...I could tell it was a touchy subject. I decided to let it go.

Silence fell in the dark room, and it even seemed like the storm was starting to subside. The rumbles were fewer and farther-between, and they weren't nearly as intense as they had been. Even the heat seemed to be letting up a little. Sure, there wasn't much room on my twin bed for the two of us, but it wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. It felt sort of...right..if such a thing could be explained that way.

I resolved to stop thinking for the rest of the night and fully relaxed, letting my eyes slide shut. The first symptoms of dozing began to hit me: snatches of dreams that I would never remember, whispered voices full of nonsense, the strange flickering between full awareness and the feeling of being pulled underwater.

My head broke the surface at the feel of lips pressing against mine, the lovely feeling of sleep drifting farther away as I opened my eyes blearily to find Ethan's face mere inches from my own.

"What do you want?" I mumbled, too annoyed about my sleep being lost to find the energy to be annoyed about the kiss.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I didn't mean to snap at you like that. It just feels like such a natural thing to me that I guess it annoys me when people don't see it that way too."

I could relate to that. As much as I still hated the fits, they had become a natural thing to me as well. As much as I freaked out about them afterward, I had learned to move on quickly, instead of dwelling on it indefinitely. Could the reason that I was so distant from everyone be a simple conflict of thoughts, or was I over-thinking the whole situation?

Anyway, how could I possibly compare the two situations? There were nothing alike, even if I desperately wanted them to be, even if I desperately wanted something to be like my own situation, so maybe I didn't feel so alone. Even if the person who was like me was a vampire, just knowing that might be comforting.

I was jerked out of my thoughts by another kiss, this one on a previously unknown sensitive spot on my throat. I barely managed to stifle a groan as I glared down at Ethan's grinning face.
"What the hell?" I hissed.

"Did you know your forehead creases when you're thinking really hard?" Ethan giggled. "It's kind of cute."

"What?" I frowned, wondering where the timid boy from what seemed like minutes ago had gone. This was a side of him I'd begun to see more and more of, but I certainly hadn't expected it to show up now, after that storm. It figured that on the night I really wanted to sleep, the universe would work against me to make it impossible.

Ethan didn't say anything, instead leaning forward to press another kiss to my lips. I let him do it, even allowing him to deepen it and relaxing as he practically climbed on top of me. So what if I'm getting into my role too much? I thought lazily as his hand roamed over my chest and – I winced when I realized this – flabby stomach. Too many times I had skipped the gym. I'd have to remedy that soon. By playing into my own story, I was much more convincing. And anyway, it didn't exactly feel bad. Indulging a bit wouldn't kill me, and in the long run it would probably pay off.

I tried to hold back a moan when he slid his hand lower, down past the elastic waistband of my boxers, to grip my already half-hard member – I chalked that up to teenage hormones – but it slipped out anyway. I could practically see the dopey grin on Ethan's face as he continued, only stopping briefly to slick his hand up with some kind of lotion he got from who-knew-where. I should have known he was planning something like this.

Despite his appearance, Ethan could be a huge pervert. I discovered this in the second week of dating him. That had bee the first time he'd tried anything, but at the time I told him I didn't want to. The discomfort was evident, and he backed down fairly easily after that. Guess he was just waiting for a better opportunity, and apparently this was it.

Not that I was complaining by that point. Awkwardness aside, something that was gradually disappearing between us, it felt really good. Much better than when I did it myself. My hands found themselves completely occupied covering my mouth, trying not to wake up the rest of the house, as stars exploded behind my eyes and my heart tha-thumped in my throat.

When I came, I had to bury my face in the pillow to keep from screaming, and my head was swimming so much that I felt I was back in my dream again. I hadn't thought about that in a while, though I probably should have given recent circumstances. Still, it seemed like the real thing was wholly different than the dream, and I couldn't bring myself to make a connection with the two in my mind. As far as I was concerned, they weren't even related.

A muffled whine tore my addled brain away from my thoughts and forced my attention on the other inhabitant of the bed. He had rolled away without me noticing and, completely naked, was now jerking himself off desperately.

I couldn't help but think how beautiful he looked in what little moonlight was now filtering through the window. His sweat-drenched hair had been swept back off his forehead, completely revealing his face, a mixture of pleasure and pain with soft cries escaping his lips every now and then. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't in my right mind that made me think it was a good idea, but after only a moment's hesitation I reached out to stroke him, trying to adopt the slower rhythm he'd used on me.
Ethan's hand fell to the side as mine quickly found a good rhythm. I could hear his cries becoming more muffled as he tried desperately to stifle them. A strange sort of satisfaction washed over me when I heard that, and I doubled my efforts to see what other noises I would hear.

As luck would have it, I managed to glance up as he came. If he had been beautiful before, it seemed to pale in comparison to how he looked now. His eyes were screwed shut tight, mouth open in a silent scream as he arched off the mattress. One hand clenched in the sheets while the other, which was practically hanging off the bed by this point, had found the leg of my bedside table and either trying to knock it over or trying not to knock it over.

When he calmed down, his breath came in soft pants and his eyes were glazed as he smiled lazily at me. I started to lay back down and soon found myself entangled in another kiss by a very rumpled Ethan. I let him use my chest as a pillow when he settled back down, the heat suddenly becoming very insignificant.

"We should do that more often," Ethan murmured sleepily. I made a non-committal sound in my throat, closing my eyes. "You don't agree?"

"I'm tired," I grunted, deciding not to vouch either way. My reason had returned only moments later, and I was trying to hold off the immense wave of shame and guilt I knew was sure to come. Sleep would be a balm for those feelings.

"Okay then, we should go to sleep." For a few moments, everything was silent, and I really had hope for drifting off to sleep, but then: "Hey, Barlie?"

"What?" I groaned in annoyance. It should not have been this hard to fall asleep.

"I love you."

My eyes flew open and I almost sat up straight, but Ethan weighed me down.

"What's wrong? I thought you were tired."

"You...you..." I spluttered, trying to find the right choice of words. "Are you serious?"

Ethan shrugged, and for some reason his non-chalance about the matter annoyed me. "Yeah, I'm serious. I don't say that unless I mean it. I love you, Barlie." The blond yawned widely, his demeanor way too relaxed for someone who just made a huge confession like that. "Anyway, I'm tired now, too. Goodnight." In a few short moments, his head still pillowed on my chest, he had fallen into a softly snoring sleep.

My mind, however, was now reeling, and sleep had once again become impossible.
I wondered if I could take him at his word that it was a true proclamation of love. After all, he was a vampire, born to deceive others for his own means, and this might just be one more way to manipulate me into doing what he wanted. Though I still hadn't figured out what that was. I silently cursed Lorrie. Maybe her uselessness could have been replaced with some hard evidence if she had never existed. Stupid turtle.

Anyway, hadn't we only been dating three weeks? Was it customary to tell someone you loved them so soon, assuming he was telling the truth? I was honestly flailing; I'd never had a relationship like this before – or even a normal one, for that matter – so I couldn't be sure how to react. Did I tell him I loved him back, even if it was a lie, in an effort to maintain the ruse, or did I just skirt around the topic and hope he didn't notice? I didn't really like either option very much.

Ethan shifted a bit in his sleep and mumbled, too quietly for me to hear what he was saying. An unconscious smile tugged at my lips, and I reached out to push back a strand of hair before I caught myself and pulled the offending appendage tightly against my body. There was no doubt I was going nuts, now, and I was definitely buying into my own ruse. I had to find some way to stop this, or he would be the one pulling the strings, not me. We couldn't have that, or else...or else...

Now that I thought about it, I hadn't seen Ethan do a single dishonest thing since meeting him. That might be because he was trying to deceive me, but for the life of me I couldn't see what end that would accomplish. There hadn't been any strange disappearances or murders recently, none of the wolves had mentioned any killings or seen anything suspicious as far as I knew. Was it possible that I was overreacting to the situation. Could it be that, even if he was a blood-sucker, he wasn't bad? Everyone was free to make their own decision, I suppose, and being a vampire might not have been his fault or his choice. Had I wrongfully accused him in my own mind due to my own prejudices? Looking back on all my behavior, it didn't seem fair.

I'd had enough with dancing around the subject. Tomorrow I would find out once and for all what his intentions were. If they were bad, I knew Dad and the others could handle it. But if they were good...
I decided not to think about that tonight and relaxed against the pillows, letting my eyes slide shut for the umpteenth time that night. Despite my thoughts, the pull of tiredness was too strong to ignore. Finally, finally, I fell asleep.
- 9
- 10
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Normality