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Love's True Path	By : PrettySin Category: Anita Blake > Het Views: 3142 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Anita Blake series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
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Caleb chewed his lip as he paced the far end of the hospital parking lot, debating whether or not he'd made the right decision by coming here tonight

He didn't know what to think or to do... how to act or what to say. He wanted to have Jason hold him; he wanted to beat the hell out of the wolf... He swore softly, forcing a hand through his curls. A car pulled into the hospital parking lot, but he shook his head, ignoring it as he headed inside of the hospital.

Jason pulled on his clothes and headed out to meet Richard. He saw Caleb enter the front door and swore.

"Not happy to see me, I take it."

"I have a ride home. Sorry you had to come all the way out here." Jason looked away from him.

Caleb's jaw tightened. "You should have just told me you didn't want to see me again. It would have saved us some time. Sorry to have bothered you." He turned, heading for the door at a brisk pace. Of course Jason didn't want him! Who would? Especially after he'd been with Lucian- and the kidnaping. Jason had been forced to remember that he was dealing with damaged goods.

"Caleb, wait!” Jason ran to catch up to him. "I didn't think you'd want anything to do with me. I cheated on you." He sounded so sad, so lost.

The leopard swallowed, shaking his head. "At this point, I'm trying to live with what happened to me, Jason. I can't deal with the fact that you betrayed me like that, or called something that you misunderstood a betrayal of you so easily. To the point where you felt that you had to fuck an- wait, let another man fuck you. I can't deal with that now. I'll deal with it later. When I've relearned how to breathe again. It's up to you, Jason. Would you rather not see me anymore?"

"I still love you, Caleb. I made a mistake, a huge mistake, but I don't want to lose you. Just tell me how I can help you."

Richard walked in the front door, saw them, and headed back out.

"I don't know." Caleb looked down. "At this point I don't want to be here- anywhere. I don't want to think, I just... I want to let go. I can't do this Jason. Not again. Not alone. I don't know how I did it the first time."

Jason wanted to hug him so badly, but he felt so dirty, so wrong. "I'll be there for you if you want me."

The leopard met Jason's gaze, and he looked... broken. His spirit looked shattered, ripped and shredded into tatters. "I'm afraid, Jason. I don't want to live anymore."

"Don’t say that Caleb. If you aren't here I would go insane." He hugged him suddenly. The pain from the past few weeks poured out of his as he began to sob.

Caleb shook his head, starting to shake. He struggled not to cry, but as the first tear fell down his cheek, he fell to his knees, hiding his face in his hands while sobs shook his body. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't. He pulled the wolf down to him, hiding his face in Jason's neck.

Jason kissed his neck. "I'm sorry. I betrayed you. I'm an idiot and I deserve to be hurt for what I did."

He shook his head, too overcome by the tears to say anything.

Jason whimpered low in his throat.

Slowly, Caleb calmed, pulling back to wipe at his blotchy face. "Sorry..."

"Why are you sorry?" He asked softly.

He paused, looking for the reason. "I... I made a scene... I-"

"I don't about that. I just want to try and make this right."

"I don't about that. I just want to try and make this right." Jason meet his gaze for the first time in weeks. His heart was breaking.

"Then we can try." Caleb licked his lips. "I love you too much for this. I... you hurt me, but I can't do this without you..."

"Thank you for giving me that much, Caleb." He left like he could breath again, like Caleb had lifted a weight from his chest.

"I don't know that I can trust you to be with just me, Jason." He added quietly. "You're going to have to earn that."

"I know that Caleb." He was thankful to have even a little bit of Caleb back. He would do anything to earn his trust back.

"Okay." Caleb crawled to his feet, blushing as he saw Lillian watching them with concern.

"Hi, Lillian." Jason called from his spot on the floor. "We're ok."

"Good. Make sure you boys don't come in my hospital again- I don't think I've ever had such whiny patients." She teased kindly. "Feel better, boys."

Offering Jason a hand up, Caleb watched Lillian walk away.

Jason took his hand and stood up. "We did give her a hard time."

"Yeah." Caleb sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Jason? Jase sees a woman... um... Micah? Mica? Mika? Something like that... a psychologist..."

"Yeah, I know Mika. She's our lupa. What about her?" He asked as they walked out to the car.

"You have a lupa?" He blinked at Jason. "Since when?"

"Um...since she and Richard are mate's and he declared her lupa." He said simply.

"Oh... Bet Anita's not happy..." Caleb unlocked the car and looked at Jason. "Would you like to drive? I... don't really feel up to it..."

"Sure." He took the keys from Caleb. "Anita has been more or less MIA since Jean-Claude kicked her to the curb."

"She's just losing all her men..." Caleb bit his lip as their fingers brushed, then climbed into the car. "The point of mentioning Mika being... that I'm going to try to start seeing her."

Jason looked at him. "Good. She can help you work through some of this." He didn't mention he'd been seeing Mika for a few weeks.

"Yeah. Jase said she was good." He frowned. "Your sister cuddles in her sleep."

"You slept with my sister?" He gave him an odd look. "And, yeah, I know. We had to share a bed once when they were remodeling her room."

"Yeah. Last night." He paused. "But... in the non-sex sort of sleep. In the actual sleeping slumber sleep kind of sleep..."

"I know, Caleb." Jason grinned at him. "Why didn't she sleep with Nathaniel?"

"Because she's having issues with intimacy... and Nathaniel's... Nathaniel. Intimacy and touching reassure him. So he's trying to be patient and supportive, but it's not easy when it feels like you're in heat." He shrugged.

"I'll talk to her." Jason said as he headed to the circus. He needed that talk as much as she did. "I'm sorry I kissed Jean-Claude..."

"You didn't understand my reaction as well as you assumed you did, Jason. Don't be sorry about that. Be sorry for not trusting me to trust you."

Jason didn't respond, just drove in silence.

"I said what I said because of how natural you two looked together, how easily you moved and kissed him." Caleb swallowed. "Hell, before, I probably wouldn't have had an issue sharing you with him." He looked out the window, his eyes shining.

"I know. I got caught up in the moment. This is all my fault." Jason pulled into a parking spot.

Caleb didn't say anything as he climbed from the car and began to head towards the entrance. What was there to say?

Jason followed his in silence, wondering where he was going to sleep tonight.

"Do you want me to sleep on the couch?"

"No, I will."Jason told him.

"Oh. Alright..." Caleb could have sworn as they entered the Circus. He wanted to hit something, anything. He wanted to rage, and rant and...

"Bonne nuit, gentlemen." Jean-Claude glanced at Jason. "Mon Pomme, Mon Chat... how are you?"

Jason froze. Jean-Claude was not who they needed to see right now. "Hi."

"Such a meager greeting, Jason..." Jean-Claude looked at Caleb. "And you, Mon Chat?"
"I... alright..." Caleb bit his lip.

Jason tried to tell Jean-Claude this was a bad time with his eyes.

Jean-Claude gave him a sharp look before continuing, "As I was going to say- there was an incident and Melanie has borrowed your couch- I am having it replaced tomorrow. Good evening." He bowed slightly, and began to walk away from them.

"I’ll sleep on the floor." Jason informed Caleb.

"That desperate to stay in a separate bed..." Caleb meant to think the words, not intending to actually speak them aloud.

Jason flinched. "I didn't think you'd want me sleeping next to you."

"Jason, why don't you let me think for myself?! If I don't want something, I'll tell you! Just stop fucking assuming that you know everything, especially when dealing with me- it's starting to become clear that you only looked at a part of me, just like everyone else- though you had a different view point." Caleb moved down the hall towards what used to be their rooms.

Jason stopped in the hallway. He turned on his heel and just walked away. He hated himself so much at that moment.

Caleb slammed into their rooms, growling as he saw the bed, caught the scent of another man and his lover. He hissed, ripping the sheets from the bed and threw them into the tub, which he began to fill with boiling hot water and soap. He went back into the bedroom and stared at the bed. Rage built in him, and the next thing he knew, he was throwing the bed across the room, into the wide screen TV, smashing the glass.

This, however, simply angered him more. He moved back into the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. The new scar over his eyebrow was faded, as if he’d had it for years rather than the true amount of time it’d been there. It angered him more, and he slammed his fist into the glass, making the image go away, but the broken fragments remained as if mocking the torment of his pain. He growled, his eyes flashing the soul of his beast and he punched the mirror again, then again before reaching up to just rip it from the wall and throw it into the tub with the rest.

Blood dripped from his hands to the floor, and Caleb fell, sitting in it as he watched the blood ooze from his hands and arms, felt tiny rivulets stream down his face where glass had hit him. A large fragment lay next to him, and his picked it up, ignoring the way it cut his fingers. It’d be so easy... so very easy to end it all. There was no one to miss him- not really. No one to mourn him... it’d let Jason be with someone who deserved him, who he wanted... And Caleb wouldn’t be able to cause anyone any more pain if he just finished it... He swallowed, and raised the shard of glass.

Jason heard the commotion and ran to their room. He ran into the bathroom and grabbed Caleb's arm. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING! You were just going to leave me behind! You say I have all these faults, but you can't see how selfish you're being. You'd just take your own life and leave me behind to cry for you, to hate myself even more because I pushed you over the edge!" Jason moved Caleb's hand so the shard was pressed against his own throat. "If you want to kill someone, kill me! I deserve to suffer for what I did." He was crying and yelling, not sure what to do. He only know if Caleb wasn't with him he couldn't go on.

He dropped the fragment of mirror, appalled at Jason's words. He shook his head. "You're bleeding... you... you cut yourself..." A shallow cut on the wolf's neck seeped blood, nothing dangerous. A nick while shaving was probably worse.

He touched his neck. "I don't care."

Caleb pressed his still bleeding hands to the cut. "I need to get a band-aid... and clean this..."

"Clean yourself up. You're bleeding everywhere." Jason stood up.

"J... Jason..." Caleb grabbed his hands. "Don't... don't leave me, please... please don't leave me alone..."

"You don't want me, Caleb." Jason said harshly. "I'll just make you miserable."

The leopard dropped his hands away, forcing himself to his feet. He looked at Jason, and was silent as he headed for the door.

Jason let him go. He looked around at the ruin that was now his room. He chocked back a sob. He left his room and headed for Jean-Claude. He didn't even bother to knock, he was so upset. He crawled into Jean-Claude's bed, sobbing.

"Mon Loup.... What on earth..." Jean-Claude pulled him into his arms, crooning softly to him in French in order to calm him.

"It's not going to work. I ruined everything. I made it all worse." He buried his face in Jean-Claude's lap.

"Sssh.... tell me what happened..." Jean-Claude reached over and pushed a number on his phone that sent a message for Asher to come to his rooms.

Jason finished telling him what happened just as Asher arrived. He took in the scene before him and knew what had happened. Jason and Caleb had had a fight.

"Jason... where would Caleb go?"

"I don't know." He said, defeated.

"I believe that we need to find him, Mon Loup... with what you told me that he tried to do in your bathroom, it isn't safe for him to be out there alone."

Asher hugged Jason. "I will find him, mon ami."

"Thanks, Asher." Jason said as he laid down next to Jean-Claude.

"Merci, Mon Chardonneret. Be careful." Jean-Claude pulled Asher into a kiss before letting him go. "Call me as soon as you have news."

Asher returned the kiss. "Oui. Je t'aime." He said and left.

Jason whimpered. "I hate myself so much right now."

"Jason... I do not know what to say... but you are both at fault. You need to work together if you want to make it through this... But you need to understand... Caleb has been through hell and back only to make it back to earth and... He needs you, Jason, more than ever. I know that you are hurting, but... I feel that it is more important that you help him with his pain at the moment..."

Jason buried his face in Jean-Claude's pillows. "It doesn’t feel like it. It's like my head is spinning and I can’t figure out which way is up. I just keep making it worse."

"I know, Mon Loup." Jean-Claude rubbed the wolf's back comfortingly.

"I feel sick to my stomach. I don't know how to fix this." He moaned. "Shit, I'm getting dried blood and stuff on your sheets."

"Jason... they wash. Besides... I am a vampire. Believe it or not... blood does get on my sheets every once in a while." Jean-Claude teased gently.

Jason glared at him. "Don't tease me right now, Jean-Claude." He froze as Asher came back with his arm around Caleb.

Caleb looked numbly at the floor, leaning into the blonde vampire. He felt weak, tired. He ached with every nuance of his very being.

"Bonjuor, Caleb..."

Asher led him over to the bed. Jason pressed himself against the mattress.

Jason looked up from the bed. "Caleb..."

Jean-Claude nearly swore as he watched Caleb still, and continue. "Caleb- stop." His voice carried a command, and the submissive in Caleb responded. He looked down, utterly still, though he didn't speak.

"Caleb come here." Jason said softly.

The leopard dropped to his knees and crawled to Jason, belly low to the floor and his gaze locked on the carpet. Jean-Claude frowned at this amount of submissive behavior- he hadn't seen it since Nathaniel had been...

Jason slip off the bed. "Caleb." He whimpered. He never seen his lover look so...broken. He buried his face in his hands. Part of it was his fault. He'd added insult to injury quite literally.

Caleb flinched, shirking away a bit as if trying to make himself look smaller.

The Master of the City looked at Asher, unsure of what to do.

"I'm sorry, Caleb. I don't know how to fix this." Jason felt horrible about what he'd done. Asher ran his hand up and down Caleb's back trying to comfort the cat.

Moving quickly, Caleb tucked himself into the corner, away from them and hiding his face in his knees.

Jason crawled over to him and hugged him. "I love you, Caleb."

The leopard didn't respond to the embrace or the words. He just sat there, huddled into a ball.

Jason looked at Jean-Claude and Asher. He pushed Caleb's legs down and crawled into his lap. "Caleb...please talk to me. Tell me what you want and I'll do it."

Why? Why should he? He'd told Jason... Jason didn't want him... All Caleb ever managed to do was make it worse... hurt Jason more, make him hate him more. He raised his wrists, looking at them. God, he wished Jason hadn't stopped him... if only he hadn't... Caleb just wanted to die. To sink into nothingness and be nothing. It was all he deserved.

Jason pressed his face into Caleb's chest. "If you leave me Caleb I don't know what I'd do. You nearly gave me a heart attack when I saw you with that glass in your hands. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I was scared.”

Jean-Claude was beginning to become very worried- Caleb's lack of response was not good.

"You don't want me. It's not worth it."

"You are worth it, Caleb." Jason had to be strong for him. "I love you with all my heart and soul."

"No, Jason. I'm not. Just give it up. I'm sick of this. I'm not doing it anymore." Caleb looked down, ignoring the tears that slid down his cheeks.

"Yes, you are." Jason said firmly. "You think so little of yourself and I know that bitch, Anita, didn't help. But I love you and I’m not giving up no matter how much you protest." He gently kissed Caleb's tears away.

"I'm not a fucking yo-yo, Jason." Caleb scrambled away. "You can't... can't tell me stuff like that and then hate me... and go back again. It doesn't work like that. I don't work like that."

"I don't hate you, Caleb. I'm trying to piece this all together, too. I'm sorry I've been so hot and cold but I really do want this to work." He met his gaze. Asher put his hand on Jason's back and looked to his lover for help.

"Yeah... I can tell." The cynicism in Caleb's voice was more than obvious.

"Mon Chat... just give him a chance..." Jean-Claude rose from the bed.

Jason flinched at his words. God, he'd screwed this up so bad. Asher nodded. "Oui, you should give Jason a chance."

"Chance sixty? Or seventy maybe? I've lost track..." Caleb quipped.

Jason's shoulders fell in defeat. "I'm sorry you've had to keep count, but I don't want to loose you."

"What do you want from me, Jason?" Caleb looked down, the broken air engulfing him once more.

"I just want you to love me."

"I'm trying. It's just not enough for you..."

"I'm sorry." Jason said dropping his gaze to the floor.

"Me too." Hugging himself, Caleb sank onto the end of the bed. "I'm sorry."

"We should get you cleaned up, Caleb..." Jean-Claude looked at the blood covered cat.

"Oui. I'll go get the bath ready." Asher stood up and headed into the bathroom. Jason stood as well and offered Caleb his hand.

He looked at it a moment before slowly taking it.

Jason led him into the bathroom where Asher had the bathtub filling.

Caleb's hand tightened on Jason's and he swallowed. "I think... there's glass in my clothing..."

"We'll take care of it." He laid a towel down so that the glass than fell would land on it.

The leopard swallowed, hugging himself and swearing as a piece of mirror cut into his arm and his side, bringing fresh blood forth.

Jason removed the piece of glass and grabbed a hand towel. He gently applied pressure to the wounds.

Caleb bit his lip. "Thanks..."

"You're welcome." He removed the towel once the bleeding had stopped. Asher looked at the two of them together and quietly left the room.

Shaking, Caleb slowly started tugging off his shirt.

Jason undressed and slipped into the warm bath water.

Managing to undress further without cutting himself, Caleb looked into the mirrors that surrounded Jean-Claude's tub, taking in the number of new scars on his body.

Jason sank down in the water until it was up to his chin.

Caleb reached up a shaking hand, touching the scar on his left nipple.

Jason opened one eye to look at Caleb. "Join me..."

"I'm scarred..." He swallowed, and slowly climbed into the tub.

"So what? It doesn't change who you are. You're still beautiful, Caleb, just like Asher is."

"I'm not beautiful..."

"Yes, you are, Caleb." He let the warm water soothe him. He needed it right now.

"How can you say that?" Caleb's voice was disbelieving. "You of all people should know how... how... fucked up I am! How ugly!"

Jason moved quickly dunking Caleb under the water. He pulled his back up. "Don't even say that again. To me, you are the most beautiful person in the world."

He coughed, shoving his hair back. Caleb glared, wanting to yell that Jason had really proved that. "No, Jason... I'm not."

"You are." He said as he captured Caleb's mouth with his own. "You're so beautiful it hurts my heart." He whispered against his lips.

The leopard stilled, swallowing. Caleb looked into Jason's blue eyes, taking him in. "Kiss me again... show me you want me..."

Jason did as he commanded. He kissed with all of the passion he had in him.

Caleb moaned softly, pushing closer to Jason, holding him even closer.

Jason wrapped his arms around him.

He pulled back, gasping and kissing Jason's jaw, then his neck. "Hide me... hold me..."

"I'm sorry about how things turned out. I never meant for any of this to happen." The wolf held Caleb tightly.

"I know." He swallowed.

Jason cuddled him, making sure not to drown him in the process.

Caleb winced as Jason brushed a piece of mirror lodged in his skin.

Jason pulled back. "You did a real number on yourself." He said as he gently removed the glass.

"I guess..." He licked his lips, pushing his hair back.

Jason sat back and pulled Caleb against his chest. "You guess...try 'Yes Jason I hurt myself and won't do it again because I scared the hell out of you.' "

His lips quirked slightly. "Yes, Sir..."

"That sounds a lot better." He kissed his lover's forehead.

"If you say so..." Caleb nuzzled Jason.

Jason smiled at him. "I do say so."

"Uh huh..." He swallowed. "Is there anymore?"

"Anymore what?" He asked softly.

"Umm..." Caleb stared at Jason, lost at the husky tone in his voice.

"Did you forget what you were talking about?" He asked, eyes half closed. The warm water was helping to relax him.

"Yeah?" He shifted against Jason, slick skin against slick skin.

Jason ran his hand down Caleb's back. "Well, tell me if you remember."

He purred low in his throat. "I... okay..."

Asher knocked on the door. "Everything ok?"

"We're fine." Jason answered.

Caleb blushed. "I'm covered in blood..."

"Then I'll wash you." Jason told him

"Okay..." The leopard bit his lip, watching Jason.

Jason grabbed a washcloth and began to wash Caleb's chest.

Caleb shivered, watching Jason's hands move over his skin, the blood turning the water pink.

Jason ran the towel down the cat's arms, cleansing him.

"Jason..." Caleb swallowed. "You... still like me?"

"It seems it's not sinking in. I've been tell you that for hours."

"I mean... you still want me... want me." He looked down.

"I'll never stop wanting you." Jason kissed his shoulder as ran the towel along Caleb's inner thigh.

"Oh... alright." He spread his legs at Jason's touch.

"Just alright." Jason said as he bent his head down so he could suck Caleb's scarred nipple.

Caleb moaned, arching his back. "Jason!"

"Yes, Caleb?" He asked as his gently sucked on his nipple.

In the other room, Asher cuddled up next to Jean-Claude. "Is it wrong that listening to them is turning me on?"

"Asher... I hardly think it is wrong... and if it is, then I am doubly damned, as I am as well, non?" Jean-Claude nuzzled Asher's neck.

"You don't think they'll be upset if they hear us?" He kissed his lover's neck,

"Non... and I think that they'll understand..." Jean-Claude nipped at Asher's pulse.

Asher smiled at him. "I am sure they will." He heard Caleb moan loudly.

"Bon..." Jean-Claude rolled to his back, tugging Asher so that the blonde straddled him on the bed. "Tres bon..."

Asher leaned down so he could capture Jean-Claude's lips with his own. He tugged at his lover's shirt.

He purred, kissing Asher teasingly, refusing to let the other man deepen the kiss as Jean-Claude's hands roamed his shoulders.

"You are evil, mon ami." He nipped at Jean-Claude's bottom lip.

He gasped as Asher's fang nipped him, bringing forth a drop of blood. "Am I, Asher?"

"Oui." Asher replied as Jason and Caleb entered the room wrapped in towels. Jason took in the scene on the bed.

Caleb gasped as he saw Asher straddling Jean-Claude. "And I always pictured Jean-Claude as the top..."

Jason snickered. "Me too. Who knew he was a closet bottom?" Asher rubbed his hand over Jean-Claude's thigh.

The Master of the City gasped. "Mon Loup, either join or leave..." He pressed up into Asher, his hands working to free the other man of his shirt.

Jason looked at Caleb. "I was kind of planning to sleep in here until I can get my room cleaned up."

The leopard looked shamed. "I'm sorry... it's my fault..."

Jean-Claude pushed himself up on his elbows, biting his lip.

Jason kissed him. "It's nothing that can't be replaced. I'd rather lose that stuff than you."

Asher tossed his shirt aside. He pushed Jean-Claude's shirt up.

He helped the other man take it off, leaning up to nibble at Asher's ear.

Caleb kissed Jason back, almost shyly. They had not made love in the tub- merely teased each other to the point of distraction before Jason insisted on getting out. "What are we doing, Jason...?"

"It's up to you, Caleb." Jason told him. He had let Lucian top him. He doubted that Caleb would want to make love to him again. Asher kissed Jean-Claude's scar.

Cupping Jason's face, Caleb met his gaze. "If you do that to me again, I will dismember you, Jason, and make sure it doesn't grow back during the full moon. Are we clear?"

"Crystal, Kitten." He kissed him. "So are we going to join them on the bed?" He wrapped his arm around Caleb's waist.

"Oh, I am." Caleb smirked. "You, however, only get to touch me. Whatever they want to do to me though is fair game... and you're not allowed to protest."

Jean-Claude moaned softly as he heard the cat's words, pushing against Asher once more.

Jason looked at Caleb. Could he really do that? Hell yes. He had to do it. "Ok." Jason said. "I only get to touch you and have no say in what they do to you." Asher grinned at Jean-Claude.

Caleb let his towel slip free, and Jean-Claude's gaze locked on his body. "Ah, Mon Ami... but we have a delicious treat waiting for us.... non?"

"Delicious indeed." Asher slipped off of Jean-Claude and offered Caleb his hand. "Bon soir, mon chat."

He took the vampire's hand, stepping closer. "Good evening, Asher..."

Jean-Claude moved, appearing behind Caleb before anyone could blink, his hands splayed on Caleb's lean hips. "Ah... delectable..." His tongue trailed from the cat's shoulder and up his neck.

Jason shivered at the thought of what was about to happen to his lover. He stayed where he was though, not sure he'd be able to control himself. Asher kissed Caleb's hand. "We will have a great deal of fun with you, Caleb."

Caleb's lips quirked. "Is that what they're calling it these days?" He leaned forward, catching Asher's lips in a kiss as he felt Jean-Claude press up behind him, teasing the nape of his neck.

Asher buried his hand in Caleb's hair. "Jean-Claude, I think we're wearing too much clothing."

Jason leaned back against the wall watching the three of them together. If this was how Caleb was going to punish him he would take everything he threw at him.

"Ah... oui." Jean-Claude moved so he could meet Jason's gaze, the deliberately bit Caleb, breaking the skin on his shoulder.

He cried out at the pain, but as the vampire's tongue and mouth worked the bite he moaned in pleasure until Jean-Claude pulled back. "Undress Asher. Now."

Caleb stared at Jean-Claude's blood stained lips, feeling it trickle down his chest as he slipped to his knees before the other vampire. "Yes..."

Asher undid his pants. Caleb helped the vampire undress. Asher looked at the wolf, with lust in is eyes. He wondered how long Jason could hold out.

"Hmm... what would you have of him now, Asher?" Jean-Claude kissed him, sharing the taste of the cat's blood.

Caleb slipped Asher's pants down, trailing kisses over the newly exposed skin.

"I must admit, I have always wondered how it would feel to have his beautiful mouth on me." Asher told Jean-Claude with a smile.

Purring, Caleb rubbed his face over Asher's groin, his curls brushing him.

"Tell him what to do, Asher..." Jean-Claude embraced him from behind, his fingers tweaking and teasing Asher's nipples.

"Take me into your mouth Caleb." He told the cat as he leaned back against Jean-Claude. Jason couldn’t take anymore. He knelt behind Caleb, naked and kissed his shoulder.

He shivered, glancing at Jason as he pulled Asher into his mouth, his tongue licking and teasing as he sucked.

Jean-Claude nipped at Asher's neck, sucking at the spot as he rocked his hardness against him.

Jason cupped Caleb in his hand, stroking him gently. Asher moaned. Caleb's mouth was so soft and warm. They were all so caught up in the moment that they didn't hear the door open.

"Oh God. I knew you never really liked women, Jean-Claude." Anita half-hissed as she took in the scene before her. "First, I have to put up with feeling you fuck Asher through our marks and now this! You will find a way to remove the marks or I will and you won't like my way."

Caleb yelped, pulling away from Asher to stare at Anita, struggling to crawl to his feet.

"My, my... but it seems that someone has forgotten how to knock." Jean-Claude crossed his arms over his chest.

Jason held Caleb tightly against his chest, glaring at Anita. "As long as I'm bound to you, I can do whatever the hell I want to do." Anita rolled her eyes at him.

"Can you?" The vampire stalked forward. "You, ma petite putain, are too confident in your own abilities." He looked her over. "Supping at a harlotry was never my style...."

Anita slapped him. "I'm the whore when you have three other men in your bed. You have no right to say anything. Tell me how long were you Belle's fuck doll?"

He caught her hand. "Never strike me again." Jean-Claude's eyes flashed blue.

"Don't call me a whore when you're had more lovers than I can even imagine."

"There is a large difference between you and I, Anita." The Master of the City pushed her from him. "Get out."

"Hardly." She said. "Fix this between us or I will be back." She said coldly and left.

Caleb leaned against Jason, biting his lip hard as he watched her leave, feeling the anger in the air from Jean-Claude.

Jason kissed the back of his neck. "It's ok."

Asher slid off the bed and wrapped his arms around Jean-Claude. "I hate that woman."

"As do I." The words were growled and the power lashed about the room, threatening to cause Jason to turn.

Jason shook fiercely as he fought not to shift. "Jean-Claude..." He said as he ground his teeth together.

"Mon amour, you must control yourself."

Jean-Claude fisted his hands, struggling to reign in his anger.

Caleb kissed Jason softly, then moved, covering Jean-Claude's mouth with his. The vampire startled, then kissed him back, his power ebbing.

Jason felt his power ebb and was able to breath again. He managed to stand up and move over to them. "You ok, Jean-Claude?"

He groaned and buried his face in Caleb's neck. "Will I never be free of her?"

Caleb bit his lip, his hand stroking Jean-Claude's bare back.

"I'd say have her killed, but since you're bound to her you can't really do that. Isn't there anyway to break the bonds?" Jason asked him as he kissed Caleb.

Asher pressed his face into the back of Jean-Claude's neck. "I have never heard of anyone being able to do it."

"I fear that Mon Ami is right." Jean-Claude sighed, nuzzling Caleb's neck absently.

"Are you sure? Maybe we can look on the internet." Jason offered.

"What a terribly modern solution to an old problem, Mon Loup." Jean-Claude's lips quirked, and he pulled his pomme to him to be next to his feline lover.

Jason slipped his arm around Caleb's waist. "It is worth a try, mon amour." Asher whispered softly. It was almost dawn and he could feel the approaching sun.

"Any thing is, Mon Chardonneret."

Caleb felt Jean-Claude sigh, and pushed the vampires gently towards the bed. "It's almost dawn... into bed, you two."

"Mothering from you, who is but a baby compared to us?" Amusement colored Jean-Claude's voice.

Jason laughed. "But we know when to go to sleep."

Asher took Jean-Claude's hand. "Come. We shall go to the coffin room tonight and let them have the room."

Jean-Claude laced his fingers through Asher's. "Ah, yes, Mon Amour... but perhaps you wish to dress first?"

The blonde vampire shrugged and grabbed his robe from the bathroom. He tied it around his waist.

"Let us go then, Asher. Bonne Nuit, Mon Pomme, Caleb." Jean-Claude bade them tugging Asher towards the door.

Caleb sat on the edge of the bed as they left the room, and licked his lips, wondering what Jason was thinking.

Jason laid down on the bed, exhausted. He hated dealing with Anita now. She kept harassing him about Jean-Claude and Caleb.

"Are you alright?" Caleb fidgeted unsurely.

"Yeah, I'm ok. You?" He asked him as he rolled over onto his stomach.

"Alright... I guess." He looked at his lap, knotting his fingers together.

"Come lay with me, please." Jason said.

Biting his lip, the leopard crawled over to Jason, laying down so close to him that their bodies nearly brushed.

"Some day it's turned out to be." Jason whispered as he kissed him softly.

He nodded, pushing hesitantly closer to him, brushing his lips back over Jason's.

"How come his bed is so much more comfortable than mine? I think I'll steal it."

Caleb laughed softly. "Think he'd let you?

"I'll get Asher to help me. He can't say no to him."

"And why would Asher want you to have this bed?" He traced idle designs on Jason's abdomen.

"Um...because he wants me to be comfortable?"

"And why is that?"

"I don't know." He yawned a bit.

"Tired puppy..." Caleb rested his head against Jason's stomach, nuzzling it.

"Hey, that tickles." He laughed as he pushed him off.

"Sorry." Caleb bit his lip, curling up on a pillow at the head of the bed.

"Hey, it's ok. You can tickle me all you want." He pounced on Caleb.

He jumped, staring at the blonde. "I wasn't trying to tickle you..."

"I know, but it's ok." He kissed his chest.

Caleb's breath hitched, his muscles tightening slightly. "Ah."

Jason looked up at him. "What do you want to do?"

"What do you want?" The leopard shifted slightly, pushing his hair back.

"I'm in a really good mood, a kind of playful mood." Jason told him.

"Are you?" Caleb's lips quirked. "I'd have thought you'd have been frustrated with me..."

"Why frustrated?" He asked him.

"Because... of what I said with Jean-Claude and Asher... my going down on him..." Caleb rubbed at the dried blood on his shoulder.

"I just thought it was hot. Why would that make me frustrated? All I could think about was taking you right then and there."

"Seriously?" He smiled slightly.

Jason just smiled at him.

Caleb moved, brushing his mouth over Jason's, tracing his lower lip with his tongue.

"Hello, Kitty." He said as he kissed him.

He laughed softly. "Random much, Pup?"

"Not at all." He said. "Hey, tomorrow, let's get some fish. I've always wanted fish, but not goldfish. Goldfish are lame."

The leopard froze, then sat up. "Fish?"

"Yeah. I always drive past this cool looking aquarium.''

"Jason... you're the most random person I've ever known. Just so you know."

"Sorry. I just thought about it. Leave me alone." He stuck his tongue out at him.

"And what the hell made you think of fish?" Caleb leaned forward, licking Jason's tongue before moving to lay on his stomach.

"Nothing really. It just popped into my head and it sounded like fun." Jason moved so he could lay on top of Caleb.

He squirmed beneath the other man, "Comfortable?"

"No, you're kind of lumpy." He kissed Caleb's back.

"Sorry. You never complained about my bubble butt before..."

Jason ran his hand over said butt. "It's nice to squeeze but not to lay on."

Caleb whimpered, pushing up slightly into Jason's hand. "Oh..."

He squeezed Caleb's butt. "You've got just enough meat on you."

A low purr began in Caleb's throat and he pushed more into Jason's squeezing hand. "You intend to eat me then...?"

"I might bite, but I'd never eat sometime as pretty as you." He kissed Caleb's spine.

"Ah..." The noise of acknowledgment was more a moan, and Caleb's previous arousal from their half finished tryst with Jean-Claude and Asher came screaming back.

Jason licked a wet line down his back. When he reached Caleb's butt he stopped and gently bit him at the base of his spine.

He writhed, grabbing at the pillows and the blanket. "Jason..."

"Yes, Caleb?" He asked as he ran a soothing tongue over the bite mark.

"I..." The cat swallowed, looking over his shoulder at the wolf.

"You what?"

"I want..." He bit his lip, shifting uncomfortably as his arousal was pinned to the bed by his own body. "You know what I want..."

Jason held him down against the bed. "I want to hear you say it. I want to know this is what you really want from me."

Caleb swallowed, before speaking in a husky, low voice. "Torture me, Jason... tease me before you top me... I want to know you still want me..." He arched, pressing his ass up like a cat in heat. "Mark me as yours..."

Jason dug his nails into Caleb's backside. "How can you still want me?"

"I'm breathing..." He moaned.

"Caleb, seriously, how can you want me when I can't even stand to look at myself?"

The leopard groaned, this time distinctly out of frustration as he let his head fall face first onto the pillow. Caleb laid there for a moment, then sat up, forcing Jason to move back. "Jason, you hurt me, alright? You know it, I know it, the fucking world knows it- However, I'm too fucking stupid to stop loving you. And it hurts more when I'm away from you. It's your choice." Caleb crawled from the bed, grabbing Jean-Claude's robe and wrapping it around himself. The vampire could kill him later if it bugged him.

Jason sat on the bed, just looking at him. He wanted to make this work, but he felt so bad about what he'd done he couldn't even bring himself to make love to Caleb, "I feel so dirty." He admitted finally.

"Then take a fucking shower, Jason." Caleb rolled his eyes, trying to hide the extra sheen in them. "My soul is so covered in shit it's not even funny. Every God damned second, all I think about are the lives I've ruined, Chimera, my family being ripped up before my fucking eyes..." A chocked sob nearly strangled him. "I think about that lunatic shoving silver rods into me and asking if they feel as good as you do... before he ripped out my piercings..." A tear fell, and he angrily wiped it away. "You're the only fucking clean thing in my life, and you're making it so I can't even have that because you feel guilty. You fucked up. Big time. Hugely. I know it, but you aren't dirty..." Caleb froze, horror dawning. "Unless... you mean with me..."

Jason shook his head. "Caleb..no. That's not what I meant. I feel dirty because I cheated on you. You...you make me feel...complete. Before you, I felt so alone, but now I have you. I feel dirty because I hurt you. I was off screwing another man while you were being tortured. If I hadn't left you that night none of this would have happened. I feel dirty because it's my fault you were tortured!"

He shook his head. "No... Jason, he wouldn't have been so angry if I had cooperated... I didn't." Caleb moved forward, kneeling before Jason. "And if you hadn't left, he would have killed you. He told me all of his sick little plans... To kill you... He planned on fighting his way up to Ulfric, and replacing Richard... on killing Jean-Claude and somehow ruling the city..."

"I would have died to spare you this Caleb. You didn't deserve this." Jason cupped Caleb's face with his hand.

He glanced away. "I guess it won't thrill you if I said 'I'm sorta used to it'?"

"You shouldn't have to be used to it, Caleb."

"Yeah." He swallowed, looking back at Jason. "I don't blame you... for being with him. I was angry... at first... and earlier... but... I can't blame you."

"Caleb, I blame me. It was wrong." Jason gave him a look. As it was, if looks could kill...well Caleb would be in a lot of pain. "You think so little of yourself, not that I helped much with that, but don't you dare say it was ok. I betrayed you."

He shrank back from the other man a bit. "Sorry." Caleb said softly, and at the look in Jason's eye, he knew immediately it was the wrong thing to say.

"Don't be sorry, Caleb. I hurt you, kicked you while you were down. I preferred your anger. At least when you're angry, I feel right. Punish me. I was wrong for what I did and deserve to pay." Jason got off the bed and began to pace. "How can you just forgive me like that? I did something horrible to you." He felt awful about what he'd done. He couldn't stand it.

"I love you." Caleb bit his lower lip, chewing at it. "What would you have done if I'd slept with someone else?"

"Found the guy and beat the crap out of him. I'd of made sure he never came around you again. Then, I would have given you a thorough tongue lashing."

"What have I done, Jason?"

"Nothing. You didn’t do anything wrong. I did." He tried to explain to the think headed cat.

"I meant, what did I do after you told me..." Caleb sighed. He was going to have to call Jase and have her beat up her brother.

"You yelled at me, but now you're backing down. I deserve more than that. If you slept with someone else I'd wonder why, btu I slept with someone, let him top me, while you were being tortured."

He put his head in his hands. "I know, Jason."

"That's why I can't forgive myself, Caleb." He knelt down beside him.

Caleb didn't move as he listened, swallowing. He didn't know how to fix this...

Jason kissed his cheek. "Maybe we should put sex off for a while."

"Whatever you think." Caleb stood, moving to Jean-Claude's wardrobe. He grabbed what appeared to be silk lounging pants and slipped them on, and peered inside for a shirt. The vampire would have to forgive him, or not. He couldn't really bring himself to care.

A 'Guilty Pleasures' t-shirt hung in the far back, obviously never worn by Jean-Claude, and Caleb slipped off the robe before pulling the black cotton shirt on.

"I think that's mine." Jason said as he slipped back into bed, suddenly exhausted.

Caleb froze. "Do you want me to take it off?"

"No, why would I?" He yawned. "It's just a shirt."

"Yeah... just a shirt." He crawled into the bed, leaving the majority of the mattress between them and closed his eyes, hugging a pillow to his chest.

Jason sighed to himself as he rolled over onto his stomach. For tonight it would work.

The sun rose over the Circus, and Caleb drifted reluctantly into an uneasy sleep where images plagued him. Flashes of Shayne's face, the sweet smell of the chloroform and the bumpy ride to the warehouse... Suddenly, it was startlingly clear in the dream as he was woken by the silver shaft penetrating him.

"Ah... I thought that might wake you..." Shayne laughed as Caleb screamed, fighting against his restraints.

The wereleopard screamed, clawing at the blankets, the air, and anything else around him as he struggled to be free of the restraints, of the silver penetrating him, of Shayne's taunting laughter.

Jason woke with a start as Caleb screamed. He grabbed a hold of Caleb, getting badly scratching up in the process. He pinned Caleb's hand down so he couldn’t hurt Jason or himself. "Caleb, wake up." He shook him as best he could.

He only fought harder, lost in the dream and now trapped in reality as well. Caleb struggled against his lover, tears streaming down his face as he screamed, unable to wake.

"Caleb, come back to me. It's Jason. Shayne isn't here, I am." He held Caleb down.

Slowly, Caleb's screams slowed to sobs and he blinked open bruised looking eyes only to close them again as he saw Jason above him. He turned his face away, hot tears running back across his temples into his hair.

"Caleb? Hey, are you ok?" He let go of his wrists. He began to stroke his hair. "Hey, it's ok. I'm here for you." God, Caleb had nearly given him another heart attack.

The cat shook his head, and covered his face with his hands.

"Do you want some water or something?"

Caleb didn't respond other than taking his hands away from his face. He'd stopped crying now, and simply laid there.

Jason wrapped his arms around him, not know what else to do. He just held him and offered him soothing words.

"It still hurts..."

"What still hurts?"

"Everything." Caleb met Jason's gaze with eyes so haunted it was as if the wolf could see the ghosts swimming in them, feel the throb of the pain he held. "Why won't you make it stop...?"

"I'm sorry, Caleb, I can't. I don't know how to make it all go away." He looked away. He truly had failed him.

Pulling himself into a tight ball, Caleb shook his head, his tone muffled and lost. "Touch me... it makes it stop. I can't remember when you touch me..."

Jason slid his hand under the Guilty Pleasures shirt. "I love you." He pressed himself against Caleb.

He crawled into the wolf's lap, wrapping himself around him. "I'm sorry, Jason... I'm sorry... I tried to be strong..."

"It's ok. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't realize how much you were trying. I pushed you too hard." He kissed him.

Caleb kissed him back, and then hid his face in Jason's neck. "I'm so tired of pretending to be alright..."

"Then don't pretend. It's ok to let it all out. It's something that is very hard to deal with, Caleb. It's ok to not be alright."

"No... Jason, no..." He swallowed, shaking his head. "You don't want to touch me... and it's the only way I can think... I'm so scared... all I can remember is... is..."

"I do want to touch you, but I'm scared I'll hurt you again. I need time for myself to make sure I can make you happy." He laid his head on Caleb's shoulder.

"All I remember is him, Jason..." He chocked out, "What if I forget you? Your touch? What if I get scared of you too?"

"Never. It'll never happen. I'm right here for you, always. No matter what happens I'll always be there to comfort you and love you." Jason told him firmly.

"You swear?" Caleb met Jason's eyes with his, biting his lower lip.

"I swear." Jason told him and meant it.

He cuddled against the wolf's chest, swallowing. "Sorry..."

"What are you sorry about now?" Jason asked as he held him.

"That I caused all of this..."Caleb pressed a kiss to Jason's jaw, then nuzzled the spot.

"You didn't cause anything. Everything is ok." Jason kissed the top of his head.

"I did though..." The leopard shook his head. "I'm too tired to argue about it... and we have to be at Jase's for dinner at five..."

"We're eating at Jase's tonight?" He yawned rather loudly.

Caleb nodded, yawning as well. "Don't start that... and she threatened to hurt us both if we didn't..."

"Sounds like Jase." He shook his head. "Let's get back to sleep. I think she'll hurt us more if we fall asleep during dinner."

Moving to straddle Jason and cuddle more into his neck, Caleb purred, closing his eyes. Almost instantly, he was asleep.

Jason managed a small laugh as he too succumbed to sleep.

Caleb chewed his lip as he paced the far end of the hospital parking lot, debating whether or not he'd made the right decision by coming here tonight

He didn't know what to think or to do... how to act or what to say. He wanted to have Jason hold him; he wanted to beat the hell out of the wolf... He swore softly, forcing a hand through his curls. A car pulled into the hospital parking lot, but he shook his head, ignoring it as he headed inside of the hospital.

Jason pulled on his clothes and headed out to meet Richard. He saw Caleb enter the front door and swore.

"Not happy to see me, I take it."

"I have a ride home. Sorry you had to come all the way out here." Jason looked away from him.

Caleb's jaw tightened. "You should have just told me you didn't want to see me again. It would have saved us some time. Sorry to have bothered you." He turned, heading for the door at a brisk pace. Of course Jason didn't want him! Who would? Especially after he'd been with Lucian- and the kidnaping. Jason had been forced to remember that he was dealing with damaged goods.

"Caleb, wait!” Jason ran to catch up to him. "I didn't think you'd want anything to do with me. I cheated on you." He sounded so sad, so lost.

The leopard swallowed, shaking his head. "At this point, I'm trying to live with what happened to me, Jason. I can't deal with the fact that you betrayed me like that, or called something that you misunderstood a betrayal of you so easily. To the point where you felt that you had to fuck an- wait, let another man fuck you. I can't deal with that now. I'll deal with it later. When I've relearned how to breathe again. It's up to you, Jason. Would you rather not see me anymore?"

"I still love you, Caleb. I made a mistake, a huge mistake, but I don't want to lose you. Just tell me how I can help you."

Richard walked in the front door, saw them, and headed back out.

"I don't know." Caleb looked down. "At this point I don't want to be here- anywhere. I don't want to think, I just... I want to let go. I can't do this Jason. Not again. Not alone. I don't know how I did it the first time."

Jason wanted to hug him so badly, but he felt so dirty, so wrong. "I'll be there for you if you want me."

The leopard met Jason's gaze, and he looked... broken. His spirit looked shattered, ripped and shredded into tatters. "I'm afraid, Jason. I don't want to live anymore."

"Don’t say that Caleb. If you aren't here I would go insane." He hugged him suddenly. The pain from the past few weeks poured out of his as he began to sob.

Caleb shook his head, starting to shake. He struggled not to cry, but as the first tear fell down his cheek, he fell to his knees, hiding his face in his hands while sobs shook his body. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't. He pulled the wolf down to him, hiding his face in Jason's neck.

Jason kissed his neck. "I'm sorry. I betrayed you. I'm an idiot and I deserve to be hurt for what I did."

He shook his head, too overcome by the tears to say anything.

Jason whimpered low in his throat.

Slowly, Caleb calmed, pulling back to wipe at his blotchy face. "Sorry..."

"Why are you sorry?" He asked softly.

He paused, looking for the reason. "I... I made a scene... I-"

"I don't about that. I just want to try and make this right."

"I don't about that. I just want to try and make this right." Jason meet his gaze for the first time in weeks. His heart was breaking.

"Then we can try." Caleb licked his lips. "I love you too much for this. I... you hurt me, but I can't do this without you..."

"Thank you for giving me that much, Caleb." He left like he could breath again, like Caleb had lifted a weight from his chest.

"I don't know that I can trust you to be with just me, Jason." He added quietly. "You're going to have to earn that."

"I know that Caleb." He was thankful to have even a little bit of Caleb back. He would do anything to earn his trust back.

"Okay." Caleb crawled to his feet, blushing as he saw Lillian watching them with concern.

"Hi, Lillian." Jason called from his spot on the floor. "We're ok."

"Good. Make sure you boys don't come in my hospital again- I don't think I've ever had such whiny patients." She teased kindly. "Feel better, boys."

Offering Jason a hand up, Caleb watched Lillian walk away.

Jason took his hand and stood up. "We did give her a hard time."

"Yeah." Caleb sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Jason? Jase sees a woman... um... Micah? Mica? Mika? Something like that... a psychologist..."

"Yeah, I know Mika. She's our lupa. What about her?" He asked as they walked out to the car.

"You have a lupa?" He blinked at Jason. "Since when?"

"Um...since she and Richard are mate's and he declared her lupa." He said simply.

"Oh... Bet Anita's not happy..." Caleb unlocked the car and looked at Jason. "Would you like to drive? I... don't really feel up to it..."

"Sure." He took the keys from Caleb. "Anita has been more or less MIA since Jean-Claude kicked her to the curb."

"She's just losing all her men..." Caleb bit his lip as their fingers brushed, then climbed into the car. "The point of mentioning Mika being... that I'm going to try to start seeing her."

Jason looked at him. "Good. She can help you work through some of this." He didn't mention he'd been seeing Mika for a few weeks.

"Yeah. Jase said she was good." He frowned. "Your sister cuddles in her sleep."

"You slept with my sister?" He gave him an odd look. "And, yeah, I know. We had to share a bed once when they were remodeling her room."

"Yeah. Last night." He paused. "But... in the non-sex sort of sleep. In the actual sleeping slumber sleep kind of sleep..."

"I know, Caleb." Jason grinned at him. "Why didn't she sleep with Nathaniel?"

"Because she's having issues with intimacy... and Nathaniel's... Nathaniel. Intimacy and touching reassure him. So he's trying to be patient and supportive, but it's not easy when it feels like you're in heat." He shrugged.

"I'll talk to her." Jason said as he headed to the circus. He needed that talk as much as she did. "I'm sorry I kissed Jean-Claude..."

"You didn't understand my reaction as well as you assumed you did, Jason. Don't be sorry about that. Be sorry for not trusting me to trust you."

Jason didn't respond, just drove in silence.

"I said what I said because of how natural you two looked together, how easily you moved and kissed him." Caleb swallowed. "Hell, before, I probably wouldn't have had an issue sharing you with him." He looked out the window, his eyes shining.

"I know. I got caught up in the moment. This is all my fault." Jason pulled into a parking spot.

Caleb didn't say anything as he climbed from the car and began to head towards the entrance. What was there to say?

Jason followed his in silence, wondering where he was going to sleep tonight.

"Do you want me to sleep on the couch?"

"No, I will."Jason told him.

"Oh. Alright..." Caleb could have sworn as they entered the Circus. He wanted to hit something, anything. He wanted to rage, and rant and...

"Bonne nuit, gentlemen." Jean-Claude glanced at Jason. "Mon Pomme, Mon Chat... how are you?"

Jason froze. Jean-Claude was not who they needed to see right now. "Hi."

"Such a meager greeting, Jason..." Jean-Claude looked at Caleb. "And you, Mon Chat?"
"I... alright..." Caleb bit his lip.

Jason tried to tell Jean-Claude this was a bad time with his eyes.

Jean-Claude gave him a sharp look before continuing, "As I was going to say- there was an incident and Melanie has borrowed your couch- I am having it replaced tomorrow. Good evening." He bowed slightly, and began to walk away from them.

"I’ll sleep on the floor." Jason informed Caleb.

"That desperate to stay in a separate bed..." Caleb meant to think the words, not intending to actually speak them aloud.

Jason flinched. "I didn't think you'd want me sleeping next to you."

"Jason, why don't you let me think for myself?! If I don't want something, I'll tell you! Just stop fucking assuming that you know everything, especially when dealing with me- it's starting to become clear that you only looked at a part of me, just like everyone else- though you had a different view point." Caleb moved down the hall towards what used to be their rooms.

Jason stopped in the hallway. He turned on his heel and just walked away. He hated himself so much at that moment.

Caleb slammed into their rooms, growling as he saw the bed, caught the scent of another man and his lover. He hissed, ripping the sheets from the bed and threw them into the tub, which he began to fill with boiling hot water and soap. He went back into the bedroom and stared at the bed. Rage built in him, and the next thing he knew, he was throwing the bed across the room, into the wide screen TV, smashing the glass.

This, however, simply angered him more. He moved back into the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. The new scar over his eyebrow was faded, as if he’d had it for years rather than the true amount of time it’d been there. It angered him more, and he slammed his fist into the glass, making the image go away, but the broken fragments remained as if mocking the torment of his pain. He growled, his eyes flashing the soul of his beast and he punched the mirror again, then again before reaching up to just rip it from the wall and throw it into the tub with the rest.

Blood dripped from his hands to the floor, and Caleb fell, sitting in it as he watched the blood ooze from his hands and arms, felt tiny rivulets stream down his face where glass had hit him. A large fragment lay next to him, and his picked it up, ignoring the way it cut his fingers. It’d be so easy... so very easy to end it all. There was no one to miss him- not really. No one to mourn him... it’d let Jason be with someone who deserved him, who he wanted... And Caleb wouldn’t be able to cause anyone any more pain if he just finished it... He swallowed, and raised the shard of glass.

Jason heard the commotion and ran to their room. He ran into the bathroom and grabbed Caleb's arm. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING! You were just going to leave me behind! You say I have all these faults, but you can't see how selfish you're being. You'd just take your own life and leave me behind to cry for you, to hate myself even more because I pushed you over the edge!" Jason moved Caleb's hand so the shard was pressed against his own throat. "If you want to kill someone, kill me! I deserve to suffer for what I did." He was crying and yelling, not sure what to do. He only know if Caleb wasn't with him he couldn't go on.

He dropped the fragment of mirror, appalled at Jason's words. He shook his head. "You're bleeding... you... you cut yourself..." A shallow cut on the wolf's neck seeped blood, nothing dangerous. A nick while shaving was probably worse.

He touched his neck. "I don't care."

Caleb pressed his still bleeding hands to the cut. "I need to get a band-aid... and clean this..."

"Clean yourself up. You're bleeding everywhere." Jason stood up.

"J... Jason..." Caleb grabbed his hands. "Don't... don't leave me, please... please don't leave me alone..."

"You don't want me, Caleb." Jason said harshly. "I'll just make you miserable."

The leopard dropped his hands away, forcing himself to his feet. He looked at Jason, and was silent as he headed for the door.

Jason let him go. He looked around at the ruin that was now his room. He chocked back a sob. He left his room and headed for Jean-Claude. He didn't even bother to knock, he was so upset. He crawled into Jean-Claude's bed, sobbing.

"Mon Loup.... What on earth..." Jean-Claude pulled him into his arms, crooning softly to him in French in order to calm him.

"It's not going to work. I ruined everything. I made it all worse." He buried his face in Jean-Claude's lap.

"Sssh.... tell me what happened..." Jean-Claude reached over and pushed a number on his phone that sent a message for Asher to come to his rooms.

Jason finished telling him what happened just as Asher arrived. He took in the scene before him and knew what had happened. Jason and Caleb had had a fight.

"Jason... where would Caleb go?"

"I don't know." He said, defeated.

"I believe that we need to find him, Mon Loup... with what you told me that he tried to do in your bathroom, it isn't safe for him to be out there alone."

Asher hugged Jason. "I will find him, mon ami."

"Thanks, Asher." Jason said as he laid down next to Jean-Claude.

"Merci, Mon Chardonneret. Be careful." Jean-Claude pulled Asher into a kiss before letting him go. "Call me as soon as you have news."

Asher returned the kiss. "Oui. Je t'aime." He said and left.

Jason whimpered. "I hate myself so much right now."

"Jason... I do not know what to say... but you are both at fault. You need to work together if you want to make it through this... But you need to understand... Caleb has been through hell and back only to make it back to earth and... He needs you, Jason, more than ever. I know that you are hurting, but... I feel that it is more important that you help him with his pain at the moment..."

Jason buried his face in Jean-Claude's pillows. "It doesn’t feel like it. It's like my head is spinning and I can’t figure out which way is up. I just keep making it worse."

"I know, Mon Loup." Jean-Claude rubbed the wolf's back comfortingly.

"I feel sick to my stomach. I don't know how to fix this." He moaned. "Shit, I'm getting dried blood and stuff on your sheets."

"Jason... they wash. Besides... I am a vampire. Believe it or not... blood does get on my sheets every once in a while." Jean-Claude teased gently.

Jason glared at him. "Don't tease me right now, Jean-Claude." He froze as Asher came back with his arm around Caleb.

Caleb looked numbly at the floor, leaning into the blonde vampire. He felt weak, tired. He ached with every nuance of his very being.

"Bonjuor, Caleb..."

Asher led him over to the bed. Jason pressed himself against the mattress.

Jason looked up from the bed. "Caleb..."

Jean-Claude nearly swore as he watched Caleb still, and continue. "Caleb- stop." His voice carried a command, and the submissive in Caleb responded. He looked down, utterly still, though he didn't speak.

"Caleb come here." Jason said softly.

The leopard dropped to his knees and crawled to Jason, belly low to the floor and his gaze locked on the carpet. Jean-Claude frowned at this amount of submissive behavior- he hadn't seen it since Nathaniel had been...

Jason slip off the bed. "Caleb." He whimpered. He never seen his lover look so...broken. He buried his face in his hands. Part of it was his fault. He'd added insult to injury quite literally.

Caleb flinched, shirking away a bit as if trying to make himself look smaller.

The Master of the City looked at Asher, unsure of what to do.

"I'm sorry, Caleb. I don't know how to fix this." Jason felt horrible about what he'd done. Asher ran his hand up and down Caleb's back trying to comfort the cat.

Moving quickly, Caleb tucked himself into the corner, away from them and hiding his face in his knees.

Jason crawled over to him and hugged him. "I love you, Caleb."

The leopard didn't respond to the embrace or the words. He just sat there, huddled into a ball.

Jason looked at Jean-Claude and Asher. He pushed Caleb's legs down and crawled into his lap. "Caleb...please talk to me. Tell me what you want and I'll do it."

Why? Why should he? He'd told Jason... Jason didn't want him... All Caleb ever managed to do was make it worse... hurt Jason more, make him hate him more. He raised his wrists, looking at them. God, he wished Jason hadn't stopped him... if only he hadn't... Caleb just wanted to die. To sink into nothingness and be nothing. It was all he deserved.

Jason pressed his face into Caleb's chest. "If you leave me Caleb I don't know what I'd do. You nearly gave me a heart attack when I saw you with that glass in your hands. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I was scared.”

Jean-Claude was beginning to become very worried- Caleb's lack of response was not good.

"You don't want me. It's not worth it."

"You are worth it, Caleb." Jason had to be strong for him. "I love you with all my heart and soul."

"No, Jason. I'm not. Just give it up. I'm sick of this. I'm not doing it anymore." Caleb looked down, ignoring the tears that slid down his cheeks.

"Yes, you are." Jason said firmly. "You think so little of yourself and I know that bitch, Anita, didn't help. But I love you and I’m not giving up no matter how much you protest." He gently kissed Caleb's tears away.

"I'm not a fucking yo-yo, Jason." Caleb scrambled away. "You can't... can't tell me stuff like that and then hate me... and go back again. It doesn't work like that. I don't work like that."

"I don't hate you, Caleb. I'm trying to piece this all together, too. I'm sorry I've been so hot and cold but I really do want this to work." He met his gaze. Asher put his hand on Jason's back and looked to his lover for help.

"Yeah... I can tell." The cynicism in Caleb's voice was more than obvious.

"Mon Chat... just give him a chance..." Jean-Claude rose from the bed.

Jason flinched at his words. God, he'd screwed this up so bad. Asher nodded. "Oui, you should give Jason a chance."

"Chance sixty? Or seventy maybe? I've lost track..." Caleb quipped.

Jason's shoulders fell in defeat. "I'm sorry you've had to keep count, but I don't want to loose you."

"What do you want from me, Jason?" Caleb looked down, the broken air engulfing him once more.

"I just want you to love me."

"I'm trying. It's just not enough for you..."

"I'm sorry." Jason said dropping his gaze to the floor.

"Me too." Hugging himself, Caleb sank onto the end of the bed. "I'm sorry."

"We should get you cleaned up, Caleb..." Jean-Claude looked at the blood covered cat.

"Oui. I'll go get the bath ready." Asher stood up and headed into the bathroom. Jason stood as well and offered Caleb his hand.

He looked at it a moment before slowly taking it.

Jason led him into the bathroom where Asher had the bathtub filling.

Caleb's hand tightened on Jason's and he swallowed. "I think... there's glass in my clothing..."

"We'll take care of it." He laid a towel down so that the glass than fell would land on it.

The leopard swallowed, hugging himself and swearing as a piece of mirror cut into his arm and his side, bringing fresh blood forth.

Jason removed the piece of glass and grabbed a hand towel. He gently applied pressure to the wounds.

Caleb bit his lip. "Thanks..."

"You're welcome." He removed the towel once the bleeding had stopped. Asher looked at the two of them together and quietly left the room.

Shaking, Caleb slowly started tugging off his shirt.

Jason undressed and slipped into the warm bath water.

Managing to undress further without cutting himself, Caleb looked into the mirrors that surrounded Jean-Claude's tub, taking in the number of new scars on his body.

Jason sank down in the water until it was up to his chin.

Caleb reached up a shaking hand, touching the scar on his left nipple.

Jason opened one eye to look at Caleb. "Join me..."

"I'm scarred..." He swallowed, and slowly climbed into the tub.

"So what? It doesn't change who you are. You're still beautiful, Caleb, just like Asher is."

"I'm not beautiful..."

"Yes, you are, Caleb." He let the warm water soothe him. He needed it right now.

"How can you say that?" Caleb's voice was disbelieving. "You of all people should know how... how... fucked up I am! How ugly!"

Jason moved quickly dunking Caleb under the water. He pulled his back up. "Don't even say that again. To me, you are the most beautiful person in the world."

He coughed, shoving his hair back. Caleb glared, wanting to yell that Jason had really proved that. "No, Jason... I'm not."

"You are." He said as he captured Caleb's mouth with his own. "You're so beautiful it hurts my heart." He whispered against his lips.

The leopard stilled, swallowing. Caleb looked into Jason's blue eyes, taking him in. "Kiss me again... show me you want me..."

Jason did as he commanded. He kissed with all of the passion he had in him.

Caleb moaned softly, pushing closer to Jason, holding him even closer.

Jason wrapped his arms around him.

He pulled back, gasping and kissing Jason's jaw, then his neck. "Hide me... hold me..."

"I'm sorry about how things turned out. I never meant for any of this to happen." The wolf held Caleb tightly.

"I know." He swallowed.

Jason cuddled him, making sure not to drown him in the process.

Caleb winced as Jason brushed a piece of mirror lodged in his skin.

Jason pulled back. "You did a real number on yourself." He said as he gently removed the glass.

"I guess..." He licked his lips, pushing his hair back.

Jason sat back and pulled Caleb against his chest. "You guess...try 'Yes Jason I hurt myself and won't do it again because I scared the hell out of you.' "

His lips quirked slightly. "Yes, Sir..."

"That sounds a lot better." He kissed his lover's forehead.

"If you say so..." Caleb nuzzled Jason.

Jason smiled at him. "I do say so."

"Uh huh..." He swallowed. "Is there anymore?"

"Anymore what?" He asked softly.

"Umm..." Caleb stared at Jason, lost at the husky tone in his voice.

"Did you forget what you were talking about?" He asked, eyes half closed. The warm water was helping to relax him.

"Yeah?" He shifted against Jason, slick skin against slick skin.

Jason ran his hand down Caleb's back. "Well, tell me if you remember."

He purred low in his throat. "I... okay..."

Asher knocked on the door. "Everything ok?"

"We're fine." Jason answered.

Caleb blushed. "I'm covered in blood..."

"Then I'll wash you." Jason told him

"Okay..." The leopard bit his lip, watching Jason.

Jason grabbed a washcloth and began to wash Caleb's chest.

Caleb shivered, watching Jason's hands move over his skin, the blood turning the water pink.

Jason ran the towel down the cat's arms, cleansing him.

"Jason..." Caleb swallowed. "You... still like me?"

"It seems it's not sinking in. I've been tell you that for hours."

"I mean... you still want me... want me." He looked down.

"I'll never stop wanting you." Jason kissed his shoulder as ran the towel along Caleb's inner thigh.

"Oh... alright." He spread his legs at Jason's touch.

"Just alright." Jason said as he bent his head down so he could suck Caleb's scarred nipple.

Caleb moaned, arching his back. "Jason!"

"Yes, Caleb?" He asked as his gently sucked on his nipple.

In the other room, Asher cuddled up next to Jean-Claude. "Is it wrong that listening to them is turning me on?"

"Asher... I hardly think it is wrong... and if it is, then I am doubly damned, as I am as well, non?" Jean-Claude nuzzled Asher's neck.

"You don't think they'll be upset if they hear us?" He kissed his lover's neck,

"Non... and I think that they'll understand..." Jean-Claude nipped at Asher's pulse.

Asher smiled at him. "I am sure they will." He heard Caleb moan loudly.

"Bon..." Jean-Claude rolled to his back, tugging Asher so that the blonde straddled him on the bed. "Tres bon..."

Asher leaned down so he could capture Jean-Claude's lips with his own. He tugged at his lover's shirt.

He purred, kissing Asher teasingly, refusing to let the other man deepen the kiss as Jean-Claude's hands roamed his shoulders.

"You are evil, mon ami." He nipped at Jean-Claude's bottom lip.

He gasped as Asher's fang nipped him, bringing forth a drop of blood. "Am I, Asher?"

"Oui." Asher replied as Jason and Caleb entered the room wrapped in towels. Jason took in the scene on the bed.

Caleb gasped as he saw Asher straddling Jean-Claude. "And I always pictured Jean-Claude as the top..."

Jason snickered. "Me too. Who knew he was a closet bottom?" Asher rubbed his hand over Jean-Claude's thigh.

The Master of the City gasped. "Mon Loup, either join or leave..." He pressed up into Asher, his hands working to free the other man of his shirt.

Jason looked at Caleb. "I was kind of planning to sleep in here until I can get my room cleaned up."

The leopard looked shamed. "I'm sorry... it's my fault..."

Jean-Claude pushed himself up on his elbows, biting his lip.

Jason kissed him. "It's nothing that can't be replaced. I'd rather lose that stuff than you."

Asher tossed his shirt aside. He pushed Jean-Claude's shirt up.

He helped the other man take it off, leaning up to nibble at Asher's ear.

Caleb kissed Jason back, almost shyly. They had not made love in the tub- merely teased each other to the point of distraction before Jason insisted on getting out. "What are we doing, Jason...?"

"It's up to you, Caleb." Jason told him. He had let Lucian top him. He doubted that Caleb would want to make love to him again. Asher kissed Jean-Claude's scar.

Cupping Jason's face, Caleb met his gaze. "If you do that to me again, I will dismember you, Jason, and make sure it doesn't grow back during the full moon. Are we clear?"

"Crystal, Kitten." He kissed him. "So are we going to join them on the bed?" He wrapped his arm around Caleb's waist.

"Oh, I am." Caleb smirked. "You, however, only get to touch me. Whatever they want to do to me though is fair game... and you're not allowed to protest."

Jean-Claude moaned softly as he heard the cat's words, pushing against Asher once more.

Jason looked at Caleb. Could he really do that? Hell yes. He had to do it. "Ok." Jason said. "I only get to touch you and have no say in what they do to you." Asher grinned at Jean-Claude.

Caleb let his towel slip free, and Jean-Claude's gaze locked on his body. "Ah, Mon Ami... but we have a delicious treat waiting for us.... non?"

"Delicious indeed." Asher slipped off of Jean-Claude and offered Caleb his hand. "Bon soir, mon chat."

He took the vampire's hand, stepping closer. "Good evening, Asher..."

Jean-Claude moved, appearing behind Caleb before anyone could blink, his hands splayed on Caleb's lean hips. "Ah... delectable..." His tongue trailed from the cat's shoulder and up his neck.

Jason shivered at the thought of what was about to happen to his lover. He stayed where he was though, not sure he'd be able to control himself. Asher kissed Caleb's hand. "We will have a great deal of fun with you, Caleb."

Caleb's lips quirked. "Is that what they're calling it these days?" He leaned forward, catching Asher's lips in a kiss as he felt Jean-Claude press up behind him, teasing the nape of his neck.

Asher buried his hand in Caleb's hair. "Jean-Claude, I think we're wearing too much clothing."

Jason leaned back against the wall watching the three of them together. If this was how Caleb was going to punish him he would take everything he threw at him.

"Ah... oui." Jean-Claude moved so he could meet Jason's gaze, the deliberately bit Caleb, breaking the skin on his shoulder.

He cried out at the pain, but as the vampire's tongue and mouth worked the bite he moaned in pleasure until Jean-Claude pulled back. "Undress Asher. Now."

Caleb stared at Jean-Claude's blood stained lips, feeling it trickle down his chest as he slipped to his knees before the other vampire. "Yes..."

Asher undid his pants. Caleb helped the vampire undress. Asher looked at the wolf, with lust in is eyes. He wondered how long Jason could hold out.

"Hmm... what would you have of him now, Asher?" Jean-Claude kissed him, sharing the taste of the cat's blood.

Caleb slipped Asher's pants down, trailing kisses over the newly exposed skin.

"I must admit, I have always wondered how it would feel to have his beautiful mouth on me." Asher told Jean-Claude with a smile.

Purring, Caleb rubbed his face over Asher's groin, his curls brushing him.

"Tell him what to do, Asher..." Jean-Claude embraced him from behind, his fingers tweaking and teasing Asher's nipples.

"Take me into your mouth Caleb." He told the cat as he leaned back against Jean-Claude. Jason couldn’t take anymore. He knelt behind Caleb, naked and kissed his shoulder.

He shivered, glancing at Jason as he pulled Asher into his mouth, his tongue licking and teasing as he sucked.

Jean-Claude nipped at Asher's neck, sucking at the spot as he rocked his hardness against him.

Jason cupped Caleb in his hand, stroking him gently. Asher moaned. Caleb's mouth was so soft and warm. They were all so caught up in the moment that they didn't hear the door open.

"Oh God. I knew you never really liked women, Jean-Claude." Anita half-hissed as she took in the scene before her. "First, I have to put up with feeling you fuck Asher through our marks and now this! You will find a way to remove the marks or I will and you won't like my way."

Caleb yelped, pulling away from Asher to stare at Anita, struggling to crawl to his feet.

"My, my... but it seems that someone has forgotten how to knock." Jean-Claude crossed his arms over his chest.

Jason held Caleb tightly against his chest, glaring at Anita. "As long as I'm bound to you, I can do whatever the hell I want to do." Anita rolled her eyes at him.

"Can you?" The vampire stalked forward. "You, ma petite putain, are too confident in your own abilities." He looked her over. "Supping at a harlotry was never my style...."

Anita slapped him. "I'm the whore when you have three other men in your bed. You have no right to say anything. Tell me how long were you Belle's fuck doll?"

He caught her hand. "Never strike me again." Jean-Claude's eyes flashed blue.

"Don't call me a whore when you're had more lovers than I can even imagine."

"There is a large difference between you and I, Anita." The Master of the City pushed her from him. "Get out."

"Hardly." She said. "Fix this between us or I will be back." She said coldly and left.

Caleb leaned against Jason, biting his lip hard as he watched her leave, feeling the anger in the air from Jean-Claude.

Jason kissed the back of his neck. "It's ok."

Asher slid off the bed and wrapped his arms around Jean-Claude. "I hate that woman."

"As do I." The words were growled and the power lashed about the room, threatening to cause Jason to turn.

Jason shook fiercely as he fought not to shift. "Jean-Claude..." He said as he ground his teeth together.

"Mon amour, you must control yourself."

Jean-Claude fisted his hands, struggling to reign in his anger.

Caleb kissed Jason softly, then moved, covering Jean-Claude's mouth with his. The vampire startled, then kissed him back, his power ebbing.

Jason felt his power ebb and was able to breath again. He managed to stand up and move over to them. "You ok, Jean-Claude?"

He groaned and buried his face in Caleb's neck. "Will I never be free of her?"

Caleb bit his lip, his hand stroking Jean-Claude's bare back.

"I'd say have her killed, but since you're bound to her you can't really do that. Isn't there anyway to break the bonds?" Jason asked him as he kissed Caleb.

Asher pressed his face into the back of Jean-Claude's neck. "I have never heard of anyone being able to do it."

"I fear that Mon Ami is right." Jean-Claude sighed, nuzzling Caleb's neck absently.

"Are you sure? Maybe we can look on the internet." Jason offered.

"What a terribly modern solution to an old problem, Mon Loup." Jean-Claude's lips quirked, and he pulled his pomme to him to be next to his feline lover.

Jason slipped his arm around Caleb's waist. "It is worth a try, mon amour." Asher whispered softly. It was almost dawn and he could feel the approaching sun.

"Any thing is, Mon Chardonneret."

Caleb felt Jean-Claude sigh, and pushed the vampires gently towards the bed. "It's almost dawn... into bed, you two."

"Mothering from you, who is but a baby compared to us?" Amusement colored Jean-Claude's voice.

Jason laughed. "But we know when to go to sleep."

Asher took Jean-Claude's hand. "Come. We shall go to the coffin room tonight and let them have the room."

Jean-Claude laced his fingers through Asher's. "Ah, yes, Mon Amour... but perhaps you wish to dress first?"

The blonde vampire shrugged and grabbed his robe from the bathroom. He tied it around his waist.

"Let us go then, Asher. Bonne Nuit, Mon Pomme, Caleb." Jean-Claude bade them tugging Asher towards the door.

Caleb sat on the edge of the bed as they left the room, and licked his lips, wondering what Jason was thinking.

Jason laid down on the bed, exhausted. He hated dealing with Anita now. She kept harassing him about Jean-Claude and Caleb.

"Are you alright?" Caleb fidgeted unsurely.

"Yeah, I'm ok. You?" He asked him as he rolled over onto his stomach.

"Alright... I guess." He looked at his lap, knotting his fingers together.

"Come lay with me, please." Jason said.

Biting his lip, the leopard crawled over to Jason, laying down so close to him that their bodies nearly brushed.

"Some day it's turned out to be." Jason whispered as he kissed him softly.

He nodded, pushing hesitantly closer to him, brushing his lips back over Jason's.

"How come his bed is so much more comfortable than mine? I think I'll steal it."

Caleb laughed softly. "Think he'd let you?

"I'll get Asher to help me. He can't say no to him."

"And why would Asher want you to have this bed?" He traced idle designs on Jason's abdomen.

"Um...because he wants me to be comfortable?"

"And why is that?"

"I don't know." He yawned a bit.

"Tired puppy..." Caleb rested his head against Jason's stomach, nuzzling it.

"Hey, that tickles." He laughed as he pushed him off.

"Sorry." Caleb bit his lip, curling up on a pillow at the head of the bed.

"Hey, it's ok. You can tickle me all you want." He pounced on Caleb.

He jumped, staring at the blonde. "I wasn't trying to tickle you..."

"I know, but it's ok." He kissed his chest.

Caleb's breath hitched, his muscles tightening slightly. "Ah."

Jason looked up at him. "What do you want to do?"

"What do you want?" The leopard shifted slightly, pushing his hair back.

"I'm in a really good mood, a kind of playful mood." Jason told him.

"Are you?" Caleb's lips quirked. "I'd have thought you'd have been frustrated with me..."

"Why frustrated?" He asked him.

"Because... of what I said with Jean-Claude and Asher... my going down on him..." Caleb rubbed at the dried blood on his shoulder.

"I just thought it was hot. Why would that make me frustrated? All I could think about was taking you right then and there."

"Seriously?" He smiled slightly.

Jason just smiled at him.

Caleb moved, brushing his mouth over Jason's, tracing his lower lip with his tongue.

"Hello, Kitty." He said as he kissed him.

He laughed softly. "Random much, Pup?"

"Not at all." He said. "Hey, tomorrow, let's get some fish. I've always wanted fish, but not goldfish. Goldfish are lame."

The leopard froze, then sat up. "Fish?"

"Yeah. I always drive past this cool looking aquarium.''

"Jason... you're the most random person I've ever known. Just so you know."

"Sorry. I just thought about it. Leave me alone." He stuck his tongue out at him.

"And what the hell made you think of fish?" Caleb leaned forward, licking Jason's tongue before moving to lay on his stomach.

"Nothing really. It just popped into my head and it sounded like fun." Jason moved so he could lay on top of Caleb.

He squirmed beneath the other man, "Comfortable?"

"No, you're kind of lumpy." He kissed Caleb's back.

"Sorry. You never complained about my bubble butt before..."

Jason ran his hand over said butt. "It's nice to squeeze but not to lay on."

Caleb whimpered, pushing up slightly into Jason's hand. "Oh..."

He squeezed Caleb's butt. "You've got just enough meat on you."

A low purr began in Caleb's throat and he pushed more into Jason's squeezing hand. "You intend to eat me then...?"

"I might bite, but I'd never eat sometime as pretty as you." He kissed Caleb's spine.

"Ah..." The noise of acknowledgment was more a moan, and Caleb's previous arousal from their half finished tryst with Jean-Claude and Asher came screaming back.

Jason licked a wet line down his back. When he reached Caleb's butt he stopped and gently bit him at the base of his spine.

He writhed, grabbing at the pillows and the blanket. "Jason..."

"Yes, Caleb?" He asked as he ran a soothing tongue over the bite mark.

"I..." The cat swallowed, looking over his shoulder at the wolf.

"You what?"

"I want..." He bit his lip, shifting uncomfortably as his arousal was pinned to the bed by his own body. "You know what I want..."

Jason held him down against the bed. "I want to hear you say it. I want to know this is what you really want from me."

Caleb swallowed, before speaking in a husky, low voice. "Torture me, Jason... tease me before you top me... I want to know you still want me..." He arched, pressing his ass up like a cat in heat. "Mark me as yours..."

Jason dug his nails into Caleb's backside. "How can you still want me?"

"I'm breathing..." He moaned.

"Caleb, seriously, how can you want me when I can't even stand to look at myself?"

The leopard groaned, this time distinctly out of frustration as he let his head fall face first onto the pillow. Caleb laid there for a moment, then sat up, forcing Jason to move back. "Jason, you hurt me, alright? You know it, I know it, the fucking world knows it- However, I'm too fucking stupid to stop loving you. And it hurts more when I'm away from you. It's your choice." Caleb crawled from the bed, grabbing Jean-Claude's robe and wrapping it around himself. The vampire could kill him later if it bugged him.

Jason sat on the bed, just looking at him. He wanted to make this work, but he felt so bad about what he'd done he couldn't even bring himself to make love to Caleb, "I feel so dirty." He admitted finally.

"Then take a fucking shower, Jason." Caleb rolled his eyes, trying to hide the extra sheen in them. "My soul is so covered in shit it's not even funny. Every God damned second, all I think about are the lives I've ruined, Chimera, my family being ripped up before my fucking eyes..." A chocked sob nearly strangled him. "I think about that lunatic shoving silver rods into me and asking if they feel as good as you do... before he ripped out my piercings..." A tear fell, and he angrily wiped it away. "You're the only fucking clean thing in my life, and you're making it so I can't even have that because you feel guilty. You fucked up. Big time. Hugely. I know it, but you aren't dirty..." Caleb froze, horror dawning. "Unless... you mean with me..."

Jason shook his head. "Caleb..no. That's not what I meant. I feel dirty because I cheated on you. You...you make me feel...complete. Before you, I felt so alone, but now I have you. I feel dirty because I hurt you. I was off screwing another man while you were being tortured. If I hadn't left you that night none of this would have happened. I feel dirty because it's my fault you were tortured!"

He shook his head. "No... Jason, he wouldn't have been so angry if I had cooperated... I didn't." Caleb moved forward, kneeling before Jason. "And if you hadn't left, he would have killed you. He told me all of his sick little plans... To kill you... He planned on fighting his way up to Ulfric, and replacing Richard... on killing Jean-Claude and somehow ruling the city..."

"I would have died to spare you this Caleb. You didn't deserve this." Jason cupped Caleb's face with his hand.

He glanced away. "I guess it won't thrill you if I said 'I'm sorta used to it'?"

"You shouldn't have to be used to it, Caleb."

"Yeah." He swallowed, looking back at Jason. "I don't blame you... for being with him. I was angry... at first... and earlier... but... I can't blame you."

"Caleb, I blame me. It was wrong." Jason gave him a look. As it was, if looks could kill...well Caleb would be in a lot of pain. "You think so little of yourself, not that I helped much with that, but don't you dare say it was ok. I betrayed you."

He shrank back from the other man a bit. "Sorry." Caleb said softly, and at the look in Jason's eye, he knew immediately it was the wrong thing to say.

"Don't be sorry, Caleb. I hurt you, kicked you while you were down. I preferred your anger. At least when you're angry, I feel right. Punish me. I was wrong for what I did and deserve to pay." Jason got off the bed and began to pace. "How can you just forgive me like that? I did something horrible to you." He felt awful about what he'd done. He couldn't stand it.

"I love you." Caleb bit his lower lip, chewing at it. "What would you have done if I'd slept with someone else?"

"Found the guy and beat the crap out of him. I'd of made sure he never came around you again. Then, I would have given you a thorough tongue lashing."

"What have I done, Jason?"

"Nothing. You didn’t do anything wrong. I did." He tried to explain to the think headed cat.

"I meant, what did I do after you told me..." Caleb sighed. He was going to have to call Jase and have her beat up her brother.

"You yelled at me, but now you're backing down. I deserve more than that. If you slept with someone else I'd wonder why, btu I slept with someone, let him top me, while you were being tortured."

He put his head in his hands. "I know, Jason."

"That's why I can't forgive myself, Caleb." He knelt down beside him.

Caleb didn't move as he listened, swallowing. He didn't know how to fix this...

Jason kissed his cheek. "Maybe we should put sex off for a while."

"Whatever you think." Caleb stood, moving to Jean-Claude's wardrobe. He grabbed what appeared to be silk lounging pants and slipped them on, and peered inside for a shirt. The vampire would have to forgive him, or not. He couldn't really bring himself to care.

A 'Guilty Pleasures' t-shirt hung in the far back, obviously never worn by Jean-Claude, and Caleb slipped off the robe before pulling the black cotton shirt on.

"I think that's mine." Jason said as he slipped back into bed, suddenly exhausted.

Caleb froze. "Do you want me to take it off?"

"No, why would I?" He yawned. "It's just a shirt."

"Yeah... just a shirt." He crawled into the bed, leaving the majority of the mattress between them and closed his eyes, hugging a pillow to his chest.

Jason sighed to himself as he rolled over onto his stomach. For tonight it would work.

The sun rose over the Circus, and Caleb drifted reluctantly into an uneasy sleep where images plagued him. Flashes of Shayne's face, the sweet smell of the chloroform and the bumpy ride to the warehouse... Suddenly, it was startlingly clear in the dream as he was woken by the silver shaft penetrating him.

"Ah... I thought that might wake you..." Shayne laughed as Caleb screamed, fighting against his restraints.

The wereleopard screamed, clawing at the blankets, the air, and anything else around him as he struggled to be free of the restraints, of the silver penetrating him, of Shayne's taunting laughter.

Jason woke with a start as Caleb screamed. He grabbed a hold of Caleb, getting badly scratching up in the process. He pinned Caleb's hand down so he couldn’t hurt Jason or himself. "Caleb, wake up." He shook him as best he could.

He only fought harder, lost in the dream and now trapped in reality as well. Caleb struggled against his lover, tears streaming down his face as he screamed, unable to wake.

"Caleb, come back to me. It's Jason. Shayne isn't here, I am." He held Caleb down.

Slowly, Caleb's screams slowed to sobs and he blinked open bruised looking eyes only to close them again as he saw Jason above him. He turned his face away, hot tears running back across his temples into his hair.

"Caleb? Hey, are you ok?" He let go of his wrists. He began to stroke his hair. "Hey, it's ok. I'm here for you." God, Caleb had nearly given him another heart attack.

The cat shook his head, and covered his face with his hands.

"Do you want some water or something?"

Caleb didn't respond other than taking his hands away from his face. He'd stopped crying now, and simply laid there.

Jason wrapped his arms around him, not know what else to do. He just held him and offered him soothing words.

"It still hurts..."

"What still hurts?"

"Everything." Caleb met Jason's gaze with eyes so haunted it was as if the wolf could see the ghosts swimming in them, feel the throb of the pain he held. "Why won't you make it stop...?"

"I'm sorry, Caleb, I can't. I don't know how to make it all go away." He looked away. He truly had failed him.

Pulling himself into a tight ball, Caleb shook his head, his tone muffled and lost. "Touch me... it makes it stop. I can't remember when you touch me..."

Jason slid his hand under the Guilty Pleasures shirt. "I love you." He pressed himself against Caleb.

He crawled into the wolf's lap, wrapping himself around him. "I'm sorry, Jason... I'm sorry... I tried to be strong..."

"It's ok. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't realize how much you were trying. I pushed you too hard." He kissed him.

Caleb kissed him back, and then hid his face in Jason's neck. "I'm so tired of pretending to be alright..."

"Then don't pretend. It's ok to let it all out. It's something that is very hard to deal with, Caleb. It's ok to not be alright."

"No... Jason, no..." He swallowed, shaking his head. "You don't want to touch me... and it's the only way I can think... I'm so scared... all I can remember is... is..."

"I do want to touch you, but I'm scared I'll hurt you again. I need time for myself to make sure I can make you happy." He laid his head on Caleb's shoulder.

"All I remember is him, Jason..." He chocked out, "What if I forget you? Your touch? What if I get scared of you too?"

"Never. It'll never happen. I'm right here for you, always. No matter what happens I'll always be there to comfort you and love you." Jason told him firmly.

"You swear?" Caleb met Jason's eyes with his, biting his lower lip.

"I swear." Jason told him and meant it.

He cuddled against the wolf's chest, swallowing. "Sorry..."

"What are you sorry about now?" Jason asked as he held him.

"That I caused all of this..."Caleb pressed a kiss to Jason's jaw, then nuzzled the spot.

"You didn't cause anything. Everything is ok." Jason kissed the top of his head.

"I did though..." The leopard shook his head. "I'm too tired to argue about it... and we have to be at Jase's for dinner at five..."

"We're eating at Jase's tonight?" He yawned rather loudly.

Caleb nodded, yawning as well. "Don't start that... and she threatened to hurt us both if we didn't..."

"Sounds like Jase." He shook his head. "Let's get back to sleep. I think she'll hurt us more if we fall asleep during dinner."

Moving to straddle Jason and cuddle more into his neck, Caleb purred, closing his eyes. Almost instantly, he was asleep.

Jason managed a small laugh as he too succumbed to sleep.
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Love's True Path