Affliction | By : lordoberon Category: Twilight Series > Slash > Edward/Jacob Views: 7216 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
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AFFLICTION
a Jacob/Edward fanfic
by lordoberon
Chapter 3
Edward’s POV * * *
The peace that Edward had felt while he was gone dissipated as soon as the flight into Forks landed.
It started with a call from Alice, who said she was worried about Jasper, who had been gone for two days straight and, when asked where, he simply answered, “I had to think.”
Then, that reminded Edward of Jacob, and he realized suddenly, that the pull of Jacob’s scent had disappeared. Somehow, it seemed, it was a temporary thing, and now…now he still felt like it had been wrong to leave Jacob, who was apparently miserable and searching for some sort of solace…in Jasper? Edward wasn’t ready to face Jacob, yet, all those feelings. He didn’t want to go home yet, either, so he stayed by Bella.
They sat in front of the TV together. Charlie was out back talking with Billy Black. Austen’s “Emma” played on the screen, and Bella curled up closer to Edward, smiling.
Edward stared at the screen, but he couldn’t see anything. All he could see was the dejected look on Jacob’s face as he left him. Alone. Edward remembered what it was like before Bella. He had been so lonely. Of course, he hadn’t realized what he was missing until Bella came along, but…there had been questions, emptiness, a gnawing need. Bella had filled all of that and more.
What if Bella left him? He looked down at her, and stroked her hair, letting the dark waves slide against his fingers. If she left him, he would be devastated. Even with the thought in mind that it was for their own good (for Bella would never leave for any other reason, he knew), still…it would hurt. It would hurt almost as much as when he had left Bella, knowing himself and his kind to be dangerous for her.
The pain that Bella had felt when he was gone, was Jacob experiencing that now? Jacob had wrought changes within him. They were tender changes, thought-provoking changes that whispered at him at odd hours of the night.
Edward’s contemplation was interrupted as Charlie walked into the room, and immediately he eased Bella off of his chest and settled her upright against the couch back. She smiled at him, and Edward couldn’t help but smile back. Bella, sweet Bella…
Charlie’s voice was gruff, insistent, as he said, “Bells, I think it’s ‘bout time you go see Jacob. He hasn’t seen you in a while, and Billy says he’s been hurtin’ lately. Got into a bit of a tussle or something earlier in the week, and he’s a bit beat up for it. He won’t talk to anyone about it, not even Sam.”
Sam. The werewolf scent hit Edward, and he resisted the urge to crinkle his nose. Whew. At least the other werewolves still smell. Now that that thirst for Jacob’s scent is gone, will he smell bad to me again? It was only Jacob. I wonder why? How?
He searched in Charlie’s mind as Bella said something. But there was nothing new there. Charlie didn’t know what had happened, but he was worried, because Sam had been a little upset. Sam had come with Billy, and when Billy had told Charlie about Jacob, a dark look crossed over Sam’s face. What was going on that Jacob wouldn’t tell even his Alpha about? How hurt was he?
Edward wanted to know. Was Jacob alright? If he had a heart it would be thudding in anxiety right now. He realized, even if he had left Jacob, he needed that boy to be okay. Slowly, he moved his hand to touch Bella’s shoulder.
“Bella.” Edward’s voice was soft with care. “I think you should go to him. Go see him. He’ll be happy to see you.”
He smiled, and Bella looked surprised, and then nodded. “Okay. I’ll go visit him tomorrow.”
Edward noticed how Charlie was staring at his hand on Bella’s shoulder, and just to bug him, just a little, he slid his hand further, up over Bella’s neck and into her hair. Her sweet scent tickled at his senses. Edward leaned in a little more, and then said a little more forcefully, “Bella, why not go visit him now? I can come see you tomorrow. It’s winter break. We have plenty of time. Plus, he’s hurt. Go.”
He bit back a laugh at the puzzled thoughts in Charlie’s mind and met Bella’s gaze. He could never read her, even now. She nodded at him, saying, “Alright.”
They feigned a farewell, and Edward included a slightly inappropriate kiss in front of Charlie. He was feeling tense tonight, and when he was tense, Charlie annoyed him especially.
Edward drove alongside Bella for a few miles, and then turned left, towards home. He left his car at the side of the road and started to walk.
As he walked, he thought. Questions swirled through his mind, such as, What am I supposed to do about Jacob? How hurt is he? What did Jacob want with Jasper?
Again and again he kept coming back to two questions: What do I do about Jacob? What do I feel for him?
He stopped when the scent of werewolves hit him. Oh. He was at the Quileute border, deep in the forest. With a sigh, Edward lay down over the ferns and stared up at the night sky. He remembered running through these woods with Jacob. He remembered how Jacob’s scent had become suddenly delicious to him, inexplicably. He had satiated that need, twice now, and added other needs in there, too.
Edward had not only betrayed his entire family by drinking blood – albeit from a werewolf, still, a werewolf in his humanlike form - He had also betrayed Bella, by having sex with Jacob. Would Bella ever forgive him for it? He should tell her. The secret weighed heavy inside him. She had the right to know.
He had promised the rest of forever to her, and it had all been broken in one moment of lust. God, he was terrible. Didn’t he have any morals? Sex was not the be-all and end-all for Edward, not at all. Bella was beautiful, but he desired her safety and her company more than her body. Nevertheless, he felt like sex was a way of promising themselves to each other. So why had he broken that promise, with Jacob?
Maybe we could all three be together…Edward laughed at his own ridiculous idea. He got up, and returned to his car. Then, on second thought, he ran to Bella’s house and jumped into her room.
She sat on her bed in her long shirt and flannel pants. Smiling, she opened her arms to him. Edward sunk into her embrace, and they lay down on the bed. She curled her arms around him for a moment, and then lay back.
“How’s Jacob?”
Edward could feel some tension leave his muscles as he said it. He had wanted to know ever since the topic had come up earlier.
Bella’s body was tense beside him, just a little, her arm a bit rigid beneath his exploring fingertips. She sighed. “Well, I don’t know, Edward. I talked to him, but all he said was, ‘Paul got me, that’s all.’ I made him take his shirt off, and he had these scrapes across him, and dark bruises. What could hurt a werewolf like that, Edward? He said it didn’t hurt much, and he wasn’t angry or anything…but I’m thinking, only…only a vampire could do that.”
It took Edward a few seconds to calm his breathing. He clenched his free hand into a fist, and then let out a breath. Jasper. It had to do with Jasper and that strange phone call he had received about Jacob watching Jasper. Had his brother gone and done something rash and stupid? Was Jacob unwilling to tell because he knew it would incriminate all the Cullens in the eyes of his fellow wolves?
Edward sat up, and said quietly, “I think I’ll go talk to him. Maybe I can get him to tell me.”
Secretly though, what he wanted to do was go talk to Jasper. He had to know. What had Jasper done??
Bella sat up, and put her hand over Edward’s. Her eyes were deep and searching, and he couldn’t resist looking at her. She pulled him in every time.
“Edward, did something happen between you and Jacob? They won’t let you go past the border. What’s wrong, Edward?”
He looked away from those honest, loving eyes and clenched his jaw. “Bella, I…I’ll tell you everything later. Don’t worry. It will be okay. I’ll be okay. Jacob, too.”
Then he left.
When he reached his house, the lights were on. Of course. The lights were always on in the dark at the Cullen household. No one slept. Slowly, Edward snuck around the edge of the house, pushed his way through a back door that was blocked in the garage, and whirled up the stairs. He was about to go into Jasper’s room, when on second thought, he decided to talk to Alice.
“Alice.”
She sat on the couch in the living room, working on a complicated knitting stitch. It was the pink scarf she had promised Rosalie for Christmas. The fact that she had left it until now, two weeks before, was disconcerting. It meant that Alice was definitely bothered about Jasper.
“Edward!” Alice dropped the knitting and whirled around, embracing Edward as he came to stand before her. “I’ve been waiting for you to come home, you know.”
He sat down next to her, and picked up the knitting. As he talked, he continued the pattern. The knitting needles flashed between his fast fingers.
“Thank you, Alice. How are you?”
She answered in her mind, and Edward read her thoughts. “Edward, you know I am worried about Jasper. He came back this morning, and he hasn’t talked to me very much. I asked where he went, and like I told you, he said he had gone on a long walk to think. He wouldn’t tell me anything more. He’s been brooding up in his room, and I hope that he’s okay. Can you talk to him, Edward?”
Out loud, Alice said, “I’ve been great. I’m working on this for Rosalie – she’s out with Emmett – tell me what you think of adding this heart pattern in? I know it’s a little cheesy for her, but I think the dark and light pink would compliment her hair color beautifully.”
Edward kissed his sister on the forehead and stood up, handing the knitting job back to her. “Add it. She’ll love it. I finished the first half for you.”
He blurred up the stairs back to Jasper’s room and didn’t even bother knocking.
His brother sat on his bed, arms behind his head. He stared up at the conglomeration of stars he could see through the glass ceiling. His blonde hair was neat and clean, his clothes impeccable. He looked peaceful.
Edward stared at him, trying to tell just by looking if the peacefulness was real or faked. He decided it was real. Anger whirled in him the more he stared at Jasper, sitting there without a care in the world. Why had he hurt Jacob? Edward thought of Jacob, lonely and in pain. He knew he had caused that pain, but right now, he wanted to be angry and blame it on someone else.
The anger burst within him and Edward rushed forward. Before he knew what he was doing he had slammed Jasper up against the wall, and hissed into his face, “Jasper, what did you do to him? Tell me.”
The other vampire hissed back, and then flung Edward off of him with a single hand. “Stop manhandling me. I didn’t do anything he didn’t want me to.”
Edward stood up and stared at Jasper. “What does that mean?”
He knew Jasper hadn’t left ‘to go think.’ What was really going on here?
Jasper lay back down on the bed, and when Edward didn’t move, he smirked. “Edward, you know what I mean. It’s the same thing you did to him. Except I didn’t break his heart.”
Edward’s mind was a jumble. He couldn’t believe it. Jasper had gone all the way with Jacob? Is that why Jacob had been staring at Jasper? So he gave Jacob some kind of pity fuck because Jacob missed Edward?
The thought was a burning hot coal of anger in Edward, but at the same time, it was emptiness. Sorrow. What could he do for Jacob? He had Bella. Jacob had no one. What could he possibly do?
“Be angry with me again, Edward. Come on.” Jasper had stood up now and was staring at Edward. Edward realized he was bending over, his hands on his knees as he stared at the woodwork of the floor.
Edward blinked. If only he could cry, that was what he would be doing right now. He remembered the sweet scent of Jacob, the warmth of his smile, and something collapsed inside him. He was beyond anger and all of that. He felt almost as crazy as he had when he first smelled Bella.
Chaos. He was made of chaos. Edward leapt up, and Jasper caught him by the shoulders. He stared at his brother as Jasper shook him, over and over. Then Alice was there, her thoughts a haze in his reading, but he couldn’t read her. All he could do was see Jacob, that smiling face, and then, that look of dejection.
Jasper’s voice pierced his fog suddenly, and Edward opened his eyes. “Edward. Edward. You love him, don’t you?”
Edward stared at Jasper. Love? He thought, he would never love anyone, except his family and Bella. That was all. How could his heart grow to love someone else? DID he love Jacob?
It didn’t take a lot of thinking about. The level of how much he cared about Jacob was as much as he did about Bella. He worried for Jacob, he wanted Jacob, and he wanted Jacob to be happy…so much was there, in his heart, when he thought of Jacob. “Heart.” Do I have a heart? Whatever it is…something in me loves them both.
Edward groaned and collapsed onto the floor in defeat. Through the covering of his hands, he whispered, “Yes. I do, I do love him. I…his scent drove me wild, and I even bit him…and he was attracted to me, and then…I…I gave myself to him, in a way I haven’t even done with Bella…twice! …and then I left. I thought it was over. But still I…I have feelings for him and I wonder why I had that thirst for him in the first place.”
Alice and Jasper were bent over him. Alice said, “You have to talk to Carlisle, Edward. Please.”
But she was too late. Edward wasn’t listening. The forest was a blur around him as he ran, all the way back to the Quileute border where he had been. He stayed there, and before long, Sam was standing in front of him, his great wolf body shrinking down, down, until Sam, the man, stood before him.
Edward didn’t even give Sam the chance to speak. “I want to speak to Jacob Black. Right now. Tell him it’s important.”
Somehow the urgency in his voice got through, and Sam transformed again. Edward waited for what seemed forever in the darkness. As he waited, he wondered, what was he doing? What was he going to say? He didn’t even know. All he knew was that he didn’t want to leave Jacob. He loved him, and he couldn’t leave him miserable.
The dark crept more upon him. Then, suddenly, there was Jacob. Sam left, simply left, somehow not wanting to ask questions for the moment. Jacob stood silent before Edward. The grey shirt he wore was sufficient against the cold night, along with a thick pair of jeans. He stood with his arms crossed in front of his chest, his look blank. Edward didn’t want to look into his mind.
“Jacob…”
The boy continued to stand there, silent, but now he was looking somewhere in the vicinity of Edward’s shoes. Edward still didn’t know how to word this, what to say.
He watched as the boy shuddered, biting back the anger with a fierce swallow, and continued to stare at the ground. Finally though, gradually, the boy’s gaze moved, up, up, until he was staring into Edward’s face. His look was empty and miserable and dark. Edward hated seeing it there, knowing he had created it.
Resolutely, Edward stepped forward, and grabbing Jacob, pulled him over the border. Wordlessly he flung Jacob’s arms back from his chest, and practically tore his shirt off. Then, he looked.
He looked, and he looked. There, branded across Jacob’s hips, were dark bruises. He had the round marks of fingertips on his chest, and across his back were a couple reddish scrapes, and more bruises.
Edward stared at Jacob’s wounded back and sighed. He pulled Jacob back, further away from the border, and then let the boy’s body rest against him for a moment. Jacob remained unresponsive, though now his body was tight and tense.
Slowly, tenderly, Edward let his hands slither around to Jacob’s front. His fingertips touched the soft skin of Jacob’s belly. He rubbed it, reveling in the familiar sensation again, and then bent his head.
The first lick of his tongue to Jacob’s wounds made the boy jump in surprise. Then, his hands flung themselves onto Edward’s, and for a moment Edward thought, He hates me. He doesn’t want this. He’s going to tear my hands off of him.
But then, to his surprise, Jacob’s hands stayed there. The boy arched his back a little, and a small whimper came from him as Edward continued to lick with his cold tongue.
Edward knew that Jacob had missed him, just from that whimper alone. He didn’t have to ask.
As he licked Jacob’s wounds, slowly, meticulously, he thought of how he had done this after he bit Jacob. Of how angry Jacob had been, yet also wanting. The memory made Edward smile. Jacob’s muscles loosened a little, at his tender touch, and the boy let him turn him around, hissing as Edward’s cold touch slid over the reddish scrapes on his back.
Then Edward stood up, and grabbed Jacob’s hand. He held it, and started to walk. For a long while the two boys walked in silence. Then, as they neared the meadow where so much had commenced, Edward asked, “Are you alright? Did he hurt you?”
Jacob let his anger out suddenly. “NO. You hurt me, by leaving. Bella hurts me all the time. It’s a wonder I put up with it all.”
Edward knew that Jacob was right. He flexed his fingers and then held Jacob’s hand harder, tighter against his thigh. “I know,” he said quietly. “We do. And I’m sorry for it, sorrier than I can say. It hurts me too, to…to cause you pain. Because…”
He turned to Jacob, and the boy’s eyes were wide in surprise in the moonlight, his mouth open in shock.
Edward smiled. “I love you. That’s it. Plain, and…well, complicated. And I know it’s not fair that I could have you both, you and Bella, it makes no sense at all. It’s very unfair of me, and…”
He was never one for rambling but suddenly he here he was, babbling his mouth off. His sentence was cut off as Jacob suddenly grabbed him by the arms and hugged him. Laughing and laughing, he held Edward tight, and then let go.
Jacob’s face was flushed. He said, “Don’t even say anything. I’m a nut. I love you, too.”
They kissed. Jacob’s mouth was warm and silky against Edward’s, and they both moaned, to finally be touching each other again. Then Edward insisted they keep walking. As they went through the forest, he watched how the moonlight dappled against his partner’s dark skin, and he watched Jacob’s bright, happy gaze. Edward reveled in the lazy, absentminded way Jacob’s fingers would trace over him in random moments, tickling at his neck, or sliding down his chest.
When they reached a copse of trees, Jacob suddenly realized where they were.
“That’s Bella’s house,” he spluttered, pointing. “And…and that’s Bella’s window.”
“Yes?” Edward smiled, slowly, at the shock on Jacob’s face.
“Well, I, uh…” Jacob flushed, and looked down at the ground. “I didn’t expect us to end up here. I mean, doesn’t she keep her window open at night? For….for you. I, uh…” he scratched the back of his head nervously. “I was planning on…doing things with you…in the forest, back there. I didn’t realize our destination would lead us…to her.”
Edward tilted Jacob’s chin up and forced the werewolf to look at him. “Jacob,” he said. “You knew we would come here. Where else would we go? We both love her. This is our last stop and our first stop, anywhere we go, because of what she means to us.”
Jacob looked like he was about to give some angry retort, but then he caught the calm and loving look in Edward’s eyes. Edward smiled at his embarrassment, and smiled more when Jacob said, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
He meant then, to take Jacob up to talk to her (Was she asleep? He hoped she was, for the sake of her own health). Instead though, Edward found Jacob’s mouth was on his, and he was sinking…everything else fell away, and it was only him, and Jacob. In the back of his mind he knew that a pine tree was rubbing roughly against his skin, and that Jacob had snuck his shirt off somehow. He knew he shouldn’t be letting Jacob kneel before him and unzip his pants, because in all rights, he should be treating Jacob well, after all the misery he had made Jacob go through.
But then Jacob’s hot mouth was sliding up Edward’s thighs, and that wet, burning tongue was slicking his cock, licking so hard and long until Edward’s cock was hard and tight against his belly. He groaned against the sweet touch, tugging at Jacob’s hair. He let the werewolf sling one of his legs over a shoulder. He let him press him against the tree until the imprint of the his back seemed a permanent part of the tree trunk.
Edward’s breath was panting as Jacob licked him all over, drinking in, memorizing him, it seemed. His tongue licked all over his cock, under and over it; he kissed the tip with his lips, and then he was lapping at the underside, and Edward couldn’t stop himself after that. He pounded his cock deep into Jacob’s throat, gasping in delight at the movements of Jacob’s tongue, groaning his lover’s name as that boy took in his cock again and again.
Then he was coming, and Jacob watched him spill his seed somewhere deep in the night.
Before Edward could say anything, Jacob was standing up, and pressing his hard, hot body to Edward’s. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I want this. I’ve been aching to touch you…”
Edward opened his eyes as that dark head of hair pressed against his chest, licking over his nipples, then up over his neck, finally kissing him, hard and long. Then Jacob bent down again, and his mouth was hot and wet over Edward’s entrance for a number of delightful, intoxicating minutes. Edward felt like he was drowning in Jacob.
That long, lean body pressed up against him, wrapped one of his legs around him, and Edward cried out as the first hard thrust of Jacob’s cock entered him. Jacob soon became hungry, faster, pounding Edward again and again. His hand was tight in Edward’s hair, his mouth biting over Edward’s neck, over his ears, over his chest and shoulders. Short nails scraped over Edward’s back, pressed his cock and rubbed it against Jacob’s belly until Edward didn’t think he could feel any more full and tight.
In the movements of Jacob’s body Edward could feel so much – anger and resentment and love, ecstasy and questioning, all of it pounded and stamped into him by a body so strong, so fast, that the poor tree they were leaning against started to fall over. With every shove it creaked, just as Edward found himself gasping Jacob’s name. In turn Jacob was pounding him harder, his flesh melding with Edward’s in moments where his hard, long cock pressed at that electric spot inside Edward.
It was all broken apart by a strange voice interrupting, piercing through the haze of lust in Edward’s mind: “E-Edward??”
He came, but even as he felt that high, it crackled apart, and dissipated, because of the look of broken down shock on Jacob’s face. They pulled away from each other, and Edward instinctively grabbed at his pants and yanked them back on.
He slumped back against the tree. It was cold and rough, an unwelcome crackling against his back. Jacob was a mass of dark on the ground, shaking and shaking until he began to blur.
Edward’s eyes were all for the girl that stood to his right, though. Her large, oversized blue shirt with the sleeves hanging down only made her hands seem smaller. Her hands were held up to her mouth in shock (she had seen everything, hadn’t she?). Big, brown chocolate eyes stared at him. Her hair tumbled down around her shoulders in a beautiful, massive dark wave. Her feet, stuck in a pair of sandals, trembled, and the cotton pale purple of her pajama pants fluttered in the night breeze.
Bella
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