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The Newborn
By : belladonnacullen
Category: Twilight Series > Het
Views: 3452 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.
Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
"Ask me anything, Edward."
Is it true, the things I've heard Carlisle think about you, Kate and Irina?"
"I've never known Carlisle to lie," I mumbled looking at the ground.
"Tanya..."
"Edward, what are you asking?" I looked up, into his golden, shyly inquisitive eyes. I knew what he was asking, and yet I tried with all my might to stop my mind from going there.
"I know what you're doing, Tanya. I know when people are trying to block their thoughts. You always block your thoughts from me. So do your sisters."
They did? But then, I suppose we all saw Edward as a boy. Or was there more to it? Did they...? I stopped my thoughts again. Edward shrugged his shoulders.
"I'm sorry, it's none of my business."
It wasn't his business, but maybe I wanted it to be. I wanted to make him understand. I'd told him from the beginning that he could ask me anything.
"I just don't think there's any reason to be alone if you don't have to be."
Edward's head snapped up and his wide eyes fixed on mine.
"With humans?" I nodded my head.
"But why?"
"Why is Carlisle drawn to humans? It's the worth we see in them that's changed us, made us pariahs among our kind."
"But Carlisle heals them. He helps them."
"And what I do is so bad? I'm certain I leave them better than I found them."
Edward flinched. "That's not how I was raised, Tanya."
"Edward, Carlisle is one voice in the entire vampire world, and a solitary one at that."
"I wasn't talking about Carlisle. I was talking about my mother, my human mother. She raised me to be a gentleman."
"You're not human anymore, Edward. There are different rules now. You should get used to it."
"I choose to believe that the rules of decency still apply."
"You're calling me indecent? I've been good to you from the beginning."
"But it's because I know you that I don't understand how you can bare it."
"The same way you might bare it when you're attracted to a female."
"But, I've never been."
"No one? There hasn't been a single female that's peaked your interest?
"The only vampires I know are Carlisle, Esme and your family. So, no."
My chest was suddenly hollow, and I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach.
"And I only have one desire when I see a human. Certainly not love, or whatever you're talking about." Edward paused and took a step in my direction.
My breath was caught in my throat. I wanted him to touch me and I wanted to slap him all at once.
"Didn't you ever find someone that you wanted enough? Didn't you ever find someone that you loved?" he asked in a quieter voice.
I didn't answer.
"Tanya, all this time...that sounds awful."
"I'm not looking for pity, certainly not from a naive newborn," I managed.
"Is it naive to suggest that you might wait for love?"
"How dare you judge me for choosing life over a millennium of loneliness?"
I'd had enough. Who was this boy to look down his nose at me, and to think so highly of himself that he might pity my life? I'd survived a thousand years, and most of it with no support from the others of my kind. What did he know of this world, of men and of monsters?
He could have his damned loneliness. I turned and shouted at him mentally, some of the most depraved, deviant, sexually explicit images that I could think of. Edward's expression went flat and his eyes grew wide.
But then anger took over and his eyes blazed.
"You are different than I am. It's right that they gave you a different name in the legends, because I don't want to be linked with you, even in fairy tales and nightmares."
There was venom flowing in my mouth and my fingers were extended like claws.
Edward's eyes were on fire, and his lips were wet. Yes, venom was flowing in him as well. But then I forced a smile on my face. I willed myself to stand erect, and to turn and walk away. Yes, I turned my back on him. That newling couldn't hurt me.
*
Edward and I spent the rest of that visit apart. I threw myself into my lifestyle with renewed vigor. It was summertime. There were fishermen in Alaska from all over the world. The canneries operated twenty-four hours a day. I was happy. I used to be discrete when Carlisle visited, but not anymore. It was the twenties, and I intended to live fully in the modern era. I wore my dresses cut low, and brought the hems up close to my knees. I wore fishnet stockings and feathers in my hair. I bared my shoulders, and wore rhinestones.
Everyone in the family raised their eyebrows when I came down for the night, except Edward. He never looked in my direction. No one dared say anything about my behavior, until Carlisle saw me walking onto the construction site one night just as he was leaving.
He pursed his lips as he came up to me. "Tanya, please. I need to get this house finished before we have to go. I don't need any trouble. Couldn't you...date elsewhere?"
I knew it was hard for him to talk about this, and the painfully awkward look on his face softened me.
"Of course, Carlisle. I don't want to hurt you. Why don't we walk back together?" I put my arm out for him to take.
"Isn't someone expecting you?"
"No one important." It was the closest to the truth I'd gotten since Edward and I argued in the spring. I felt deflated.
Carlisle accepted my arm and we walked back to the house in silence. But as the lights of my home became visible on the horizon Carlisle slowed his gate and turned to me.
"Tanya?"
"Yes?"
"I notice you're not spending as much time with Edward this visit." The gentle tone of his voice was almost more than I could bear.
"Did he say anything to you?"
"No." I let the conversation fade into silence. I had nothing to say. Carlisle tried again.
"You two just seemed so close the last time we were here. I thought..."
"You thought what?"
"I thought there might be something between you."
I sighed. Edward had made it very clear that wasn't the case.
"I'm sorry Carlisle, but your son isn't my type. I thought you knew that."
*
The nights were coming sooner, and with the darkness came the first frost. The exterior of the Cullen's house was complete, and it was time for them to depart for New York.
My clan agreed to supervise the rest of the work until the house was finished. My sisters and I were helping Esme pack her things. It was still hard for her to concentrate, so we were seeing to it that nothing of hers was left behind. She smiled warmly at us as we cautiously moved through her space.
Carlisle, Eleazar and Edward made a last trip to Anchorage for old times sake. There was no need to test Edward's skills now, we were all aware of their potency. So I wasn't sure what they were up to in Anchorage, but it was no business of mine.
We were nearly finished when we heard the men approaching through the dry fall grass. One set of footsteps was quicker than the rest. They hurried up the stairs and the door to the bedroom was thrown open. Edward was in the doorway with a large mahogany chest in his arms.
"Esme."
She spun around and I could see her fight the urge to crouch. Edward should have known better than to come in so suddenly. I rubbed her shoulder in an attempt to calm her. It took her a quarter of a second to recognize that he wasn't a threat.
"Edward!" There was relief in her voice.
"I saw this and thought of you," he said, holding the chest out for her observation. "It reminded me of something, well something I've seen you think about. I didn't mean to pry."
He placed the chest on the floor and Esme was next to it.
"Oh my! Where did you find this? It's exactly like the one I had as a girl." She looked up at Edward with that same loving gaze I'd seen in her eyes so many times already. "Thank you." She threw her arms around his neck, and he staggered backwards under the strength of her newborn grip.
She released him abruptly, and took a few steps backwards herself. Edward's smile was sincere and unguarded. It was too much for me to take. They had such an honest loving relationship, and I'd been shut out.
"Excuse me, Esme." I made sure to walk calmly out of the room. But once I was clear of Esme, I flew down the stairs, past Carlisle and Eleazar, and out the door. I ran as fast as I could.
It wasn't quite dusk yet, and I should have been more cautious, but I didn't care. I tried to shut out all thoughts of Edward. I needed to erase all the emotions his love for Esme sent surging through my body.
They'd be gone in the morning. I just needed to make it until the morning. But there were steps coming up from behind me. Whoever it was, was gaining on me. Vampire. I pushed myself faster; I didn't need consolation from my sisters, or worse, from Carlisle.
But my pursuer came on faster, impossibly faster. Oh god. Edward. He caught up to me easily. I ignored him and we ran in silence. He let me lead, and I took us over terrain that pushed the limits of our ability. It wasn't until I reached Kesugi that I knew where I was headed.
Denali rose in front of us, it's peak hidden in the clouds. We were there in an hour. From Denali's peak, the tundra spread as far as the eastern horizon. Glaciers fell into the icy blue waters to the west. To the north was the encroaching darkness of winter. I looked forward to that darkness, and focused on it as I breathed in the shallow air.
My hair blew across my face, and my light cotton dress whipped against my legs. I felt my body adjust to the temperature of the mountaintop. I could almost imagine I was at peace if it weren't for-
"Tanya?"
"Please leave."
"I'm sorry, about our fight, about this summer. I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't want to leave it this way."
I didn't speak. I didn't move. I didn't breathe.
"I got you something too." His hand was held out in front of me. I looked down to see a small wooden box. I gasped. It looked just like something I'd lost many centuries ago. But instead of the Erdely crest of Transylvania, a phoenix was carved on the cover. "The way I see things can be very black and white. But I'm trying to change."
"You can't change, Edward. You're vampire. It's who you are."
"Does that mean you can't change either?"
"Give me one good reason why I should change, if I could."
Edward sighed. "I don't want to make you angry again."
"Then don't Edward, just leave." "I miss being your friend. I miss you. SzŸks�gem van r‡d az �letemben. Ne hagyja, mint ez."
I looked up. Edward's eyes were pleading. I couldn't say no to him.
"You want someone like me as a friend?"
"Not someone like you, I want you, Tanya. I want my friend back."
I shook my head and sighed. Did he expect a wooden box and a phrase or two in Magyar to erase how I felt?
"No, but I thought it might help."
I gasped and I looked back at Edward. He was smiling cautiously; with a look in his eyes very similar to the one he had given Esme.
"Alright."
"Then you'll come visit me in New York?"
"I suppose I will."
"Ask me anything, Edward."
Is it true, the things I've heard Carlisle think about you, Kate and Irina?"
"I've never known Carlisle to lie," I mumbled looking at the ground.
"Tanya..."
"Edward, what are you asking?" I looked up, into his golden, shyly inquisitive eyes. I knew what he was asking, and yet I tried with all my might to stop my mind from going there.
"I know what you're doing, Tanya. I know when people are trying to block their thoughts. You always block your thoughts from me. So do your sisters."
They did? But then, I suppose we all saw Edward as a boy. Or was there more to it? Did they...? I stopped my thoughts again. Edward shrugged his shoulders.
"I'm sorry, it's none of my business."
It wasn't his business, but maybe I wanted it to be. I wanted to make him understand. I'd told him from the beginning that he could ask me anything.
"I just don't think there's any reason to be alone if you don't have to be."
Edward's head snapped up and his wide eyes fixed on mine.
"With humans?" I nodded my head.
"But why?"
"Why is Carlisle drawn to humans? It's the worth we see in them that's changed us, made us pariahs among our kind."
"But Carlisle heals them. He helps them."
"And what I do is so bad? I'm certain I leave them better than I found them."
Edward flinched. "That's not how I was raised, Tanya."
"Edward, Carlisle is one voice in the entire vampire world, and a solitary one at that."
"I wasn't talking about Carlisle. I was talking about my mother, my human mother. She raised me to be a gentleman."
"You're not human anymore, Edward. There are different rules now. You should get used to it."
"I choose to believe that the rules of decency still apply."
"You're calling me indecent? I've been good to you from the beginning."
"But it's because I know you that I don't understand how you can bare it."
"The same way you might bare it when you're attracted to a female."
"But, I've never been."
"No one? There hasn't been a single female that's peaked your interest?
"The only vampires I know are Carlisle, Esme and your family. So, no."
My chest was suddenly hollow, and I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach.
"And I only have one desire when I see a human. Certainly not love, or whatever you're talking about." Edward paused and took a step in my direction.
My breath was caught in my throat. I wanted him to touch me and I wanted to slap him all at once.
"Didn't you ever find someone that you wanted enough? Didn't you ever find someone that you loved?" he asked in a quieter voice.
I didn't answer.
"Tanya, all this time...that sounds awful."
"I'm not looking for pity, certainly not from a naive newborn," I managed.
"Is it naive to suggest that you might wait for love?"
"How dare you judge me for choosing life over a millennium of loneliness?"
I'd had enough. Who was this boy to look down his nose at me, and to think so highly of himself that he might pity my life? I'd survived a thousand years, and most of it with no support from the others of my kind. What did he know of this world, of men and of monsters?
He could have his damned loneliness. I turned and shouted at him mentally, some of the most depraved, deviant, sexually explicit images that I could think of. Edward's expression went flat and his eyes grew wide.
But then anger took over and his eyes blazed.
"You are different than I am. It's right that they gave you a different name in the legends, because I don't want to be linked with you, even in fairy tales and nightmares."
There was venom flowing in my mouth and my fingers were extended like claws.
Edward's eyes were on fire, and his lips were wet. Yes, venom was flowing in him as well. But then I forced a smile on my face. I willed myself to stand erect, and to turn and walk away. Yes, I turned my back on him. That newling couldn't hurt me.
*
Edward and I spent the rest of that visit apart. I threw myself into my lifestyle with renewed vigor. It was summertime. There were fishermen in Alaska from all over the world. The canneries operated twenty-four hours a day. I was happy. I used to be discrete when Carlisle visited, but not anymore. It was the twenties, and I intended to live fully in the modern era. I wore my dresses cut low, and brought the hems up close to my knees. I wore fishnet stockings and feathers in my hair. I bared my shoulders, and wore rhinestones.
Everyone in the family raised their eyebrows when I came down for the night, except Edward. He never looked in my direction. No one dared say anything about my behavior, until Carlisle saw me walking onto the construction site one night just as he was leaving.
He pursed his lips as he came up to me. "Tanya, please. I need to get this house finished before we have to go. I don't need any trouble. Couldn't you...date elsewhere?"
I knew it was hard for him to talk about this, and the painfully awkward look on his face softened me.
"Of course, Carlisle. I don't want to hurt you. Why don't we walk back together?" I put my arm out for him to take.
"Isn't someone expecting you?"
"No one important." It was the closest to the truth I'd gotten since Edward and I argued in the spring. I felt deflated.
Carlisle accepted my arm and we walked back to the house in silence. But as the lights of my home became visible on the horizon Carlisle slowed his gate and turned to me.
"Tanya?"
"Yes?"
"I notice you're not spending as much time with Edward this visit." The gentle tone of his voice was almost more than I could bear.
"Did he say anything to you?"
"No." I let the conversation fade into silence. I had nothing to say. Carlisle tried again.
"You two just seemed so close the last time we were here. I thought..."
"You thought what?"
"I thought there might be something between you."
I sighed. Edward had made it very clear that wasn't the case.
"I'm sorry Carlisle, but your son isn't my type. I thought you knew that."
*
The nights were coming sooner, and with the darkness came the first frost. The exterior of the Cullen's house was complete, and it was time for them to depart for New York.
My clan agreed to supervise the rest of the work until the house was finished. My sisters and I were helping Esme pack her things. It was still hard for her to concentrate, so we were seeing to it that nothing of hers was left behind. She smiled warmly at us as we cautiously moved through her space.
Carlisle, Eleazar and Edward made a last trip to Anchorage for old times sake. There was no need to test Edward's skills now, we were all aware of their potency. So I wasn't sure what they were up to in Anchorage, but it was no business of mine.
We were nearly finished when we heard the men approaching through the dry fall grass. One set of footsteps was quicker than the rest. They hurried up the stairs and the door to the bedroom was thrown open. Edward was in the doorway with a large mahogany chest in his arms.
"Esme."
She spun around and I could see her fight the urge to crouch. Edward should have known better than to come in so suddenly. I rubbed her shoulder in an attempt to calm her. It took her a quarter of a second to recognize that he wasn't a threat.
"Edward!" There was relief in her voice.
"I saw this and thought of you," he said, holding the chest out for her observation. "It reminded me of something, well something I've seen you think about. I didn't mean to pry."
He placed the chest on the floor and Esme was next to it.
"Oh my! Where did you find this? It's exactly like the one I had as a girl." She looked up at Edward with that same loving gaze I'd seen in her eyes so many times already. "Thank you." She threw her arms around his neck, and he staggered backwards under the strength of her newborn grip.
She released him abruptly, and took a few steps backwards herself. Edward's smile was sincere and unguarded. It was too much for me to take. They had such an honest loving relationship, and I'd been shut out.
"Excuse me, Esme." I made sure to walk calmly out of the room. But once I was clear of Esme, I flew down the stairs, past Carlisle and Eleazar, and out the door. I ran as fast as I could.
It wasn't quite dusk yet, and I should have been more cautious, but I didn't care. I tried to shut out all thoughts of Edward. I needed to erase all the emotions his love for Esme sent surging through my body.
They'd be gone in the morning. I just needed to make it until the morning. But there were steps coming up from behind me. Whoever it was, was gaining on me. Vampire. I pushed myself faster; I didn't need consolation from my sisters, or worse, from Carlisle.
But my pursuer came on faster, impossibly faster. Oh god. Edward. He caught up to me easily. I ignored him and we ran in silence. He let me lead, and I took us over terrain that pushed the limits of our ability. It wasn't until I reached Kesugi that I knew where I was headed.
Denali rose in front of us, it's peak hidden in the clouds. We were there in an hour. From Denali's peak, the tundra spread as far as the eastern horizon. Glaciers fell into the icy blue waters to the west. To the north was the encroaching darkness of winter. I looked forward to that darkness, and focused on it as I breathed in the shallow air.
My hair blew across my face, and my light cotton dress whipped against my legs. I felt my body adjust to the temperature of the mountaintop. I could almost imagine I was at peace if it weren't for-
"Tanya?"
"Please leave."
"I'm sorry, about our fight, about this summer. I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't want to leave it this way."
I didn't speak. I didn't move. I didn't breathe.
"I got you something too." His hand was held out in front of me. I looked down to see a small wooden box. I gasped. It looked just like something I'd lost many centuries ago. But instead of the Erdely crest of Transylvania, a phoenix was carved on the cover. "The way I see things can be very black and white. But I'm trying to change."
"You can't change, Edward. You're vampire. It's who you are."
"Does that mean you can't change either?"
"Give me one good reason why I should change, if I could."
Edward sighed. "I don't want to make you angry again."
"Then don't Edward, just leave." "I miss being your friend. I miss you. SzŸks�gem van r‡d az �letemben. Ne hagyja, mint ez."
I looked up. Edward's eyes were pleading. I couldn't say no to him.
"You want someone like me as a friend?"
"Not someone like you, I want you, Tanya. I want my friend back."
I shook my head and sighed. Did he expect a wooden box and a phrase or two in Magyar to erase how I felt?
"No, but I thought it might help."
I gasped and I looked back at Edward. He was smiling cautiously; with a look in his eyes very similar to the one he had given Esme.
"Alright."
"Then you'll come visit me in New York?"
"I suppose I will."
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- 5
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The Newborn	By : belladonnacullen Category: Twilight Series > Het Views: 3452 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

The Newborn