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The Newborn
By : belladonnacullen
Category: Twilight Series > Het
Views: 3452 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.
Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Life fell into a comfortable pattern. Edward and I simply switched nights for days, and spent sunny hours in the study, reading, listening to the radio, and playing records on the phonograph. We attempted chess and checkers, but it held no real challenge for Edward and I'm a notoriously sore loser. Then there were the wonderful rainy days, where we'd take in museums and walk in the world in the daylight.
But as much as I enjoyed my time there, there was something nagging at a corner of my consciousness. I wasn't used to a chaste life, and that was the only life Edward knew.
He showed no inclination otherwise. This hurt on a deep level, yet one that I was always striving to mask even from myself, for Edward's sake. I was afraid that the ease of our companionship would all change if he knew. When I had time to myself, our conversation on the Denali mountaintop would often play in my mind.
"Give me one good reason why I should change, if I could."
"I don't want to make you angry again."
It became increasingly clear that there was nothing to be gained by ignoring my nature. As the days and weeks flew by, I became more and more restless, until one evening at The Savoy Ballroom when I couldn't contain the feeling anymore.
Having become something of a fixture on the jazz scene, we were greeted warmly at the door, and shone to a prime table. The humans at these clubs were always eager to show off their most beautiful and well-dressed patrons. We were universally regarded with awe, but were never approached, until tonight.
The man's dark brown eyes were on me from the time we sat down. I watched him as he inquired with the waitress about us, not bothering to hide his intentions in the least. He was very tall, very lanky, with a thin mustache and hair slicked back from his forehead. I caught his eye and then looked away. Edward sighed.
"Another admirer."
"You noticed?"
"He's practically shouting, it would be hard not to."
"And what, pray tell, is he shouting?" I couldn't keep the smile from my face if I tried.
"I'd rather not say." Edward wouldn't meet my glance.
I turned back to the male and raised my eyebrows. He blew a puff of smoke in my direction. I looked back at Edward, suddenly uncomfortable across from me. Surely men had thought about me before. Why was he so uncomfortable now?
"Because this one is different, determined. He has actual ideas about you. Not just flitting fantasies," Edward answered.
I heard the male's chair scrape as he moved to stand, his footsteps were remarkably calm and regular as they came in the direction of our table. He smelled of cologne, cognac and cigar smoke. But underneath the swagger I could hear his heart beating a mile a minute and smell fear in the endorphins on his skin. I would have this man.
Edward's head snapped up in my direction, his eyes were wide. He'd heard my thought. "This one is beneath you, Tanya."
"This one is brave. It's endearing."
The man's steps grew closer, and his scent had me on the edge of my seat. Would he really approach me? I was overcome by his audacity, the fearlessness, as well as the insecurity that was knocking in his veins. There was venom flowing in my mouth. The man cleared his throat. I swung around to face him and watched him take a half of a step away from me. He recovered quickly, for a human.
"Excuse me miss, is this seat taken?" he asked indicating the seat between Edward and I.
There was a quick and quiet, yet unmistakable hiss from across the table. I shot a stern look in Edward's direction. His jaw was set, but he looked away and remained quiet.
"Of course not, please have a seat. Can I offer you a glass of champagne?" The conversation was quiet and easy. I was from Alaska, in town visiting my cousins, and enjoying the New York nightlife.
He'd been 'up the river' for a number of years, and had just returned. He wasn't inclined to talk about his business, which was natural. Many of the single men here dealt in liquor, gambling, or gun running. His manner was so forward I was entranced. He actually reached for my hand, drawing his back only for a second after the difference in our temperatures registered in his mind. But there were other human males circling the table now. They were talking about my new friend, and not in the most glowing terms. I wondered idly if I would have to fight for him. Because I wouldn't let this male die until I had him. I heard a rumble in Edward's chest with that thought. There was no need for that. The man was perceptive enough.
"It seems I've overstayed my welcome this evening. But please, Tanya, tell me when I can see you again."
I batted my eyelashes.
"I'm so sorry, I certainly didn't mean to lead you on, but I'm not sure how much longer I'll be in New York. I'm afraid this is probably good bye." This obviously troubled the poor fellow and he looked like he might argue the point.
However, the circling males were closing in, and however brave, he valued his life. "Very well, my dear, it's been a pleasure." And with that he was up quickly and out of the club.
Edward let out a sigh of relief. "I'm thankful that's over with. Of all the intolerable thugs-"
I raised my eyebrows at Edward. "It's not over."
"You knew what I was when you invited me here."
"But that man?" Edward's eyes were piercing into my own, sharp, inquisitive.
"And why not?"
"He's a criminal."
"But surely criminals enjoy physical comfort as well as the virtuous."
"I wouldn't know," Edward replied impatiently, looking down at the ground. Suddenly he seemed restless. "What do you say? I know it's early, but suddenly it seems like the perfect time to take our leave."
"And I'll meet you back at the house before dawn."
Edward looked back at me. His eyes narrowed and he pursed his lips.
"Fine," he muttered.
*
On the way back to the house I was in high spirits. The physical intimacy of the evening washed over me like sweet relief. I'd been a fool these past weeks. Edward had been clear about his feelings for me from the beginning.
Certainly he was remarkable in every way, it was true. Edward was remarkably beautiful, talented, sincere, as well as remarkably stubborn and proper. I knew this and I knew he couldn't change. I had been a part of this vampire race for a millennium. I couldn't expect miracles the way Carlisle did. I had best accept the situation and move on. At that moment the universe threw a deer into my path and I pounced on it with joy. I felt complete. I was full of life's energy, and grateful for life's pleasure.
I returned to the house and bounced up the stairs to my room, planning a long bath as a reward for a night well done. The house was dark. I could hear Carlisle and Esme from their quarters on the third floor and grinned. To think I once considered the man a monk... I opened the door to my room and unzipped my gown almost before I was in the doorway. I stepped out of the dress as I walked over the threshold, and turned to close the door. But a stray beam of moonlight glanced off the leaded doorknob and flashed off of something golden in the corner of the room. I spun around, clutching the dress to my body. Two golden eyes glared at me.
Edward had been waiting. * "You enjoyed yourself tonight."
"Edward?"
"I'm glad, cousin." His voice was hard, unfamiliar. "I wouldn't want to hold you back."
"Edward?" He was in front of my face. "Will you be seeing him again?"
I stepped back. "And what business is it of yours?"
The question hit a nerve and Edward backed down. Melancholy and insecurity took over where the anger left him. He looked down. "It's really none of my business."
There was something in his voice. Defeat?
"Can I tell you something, Tanya?"
"Of course."
"Tonight, when I came home alone, Carlisle and Esme, they couldn't shield their thoughts from me, though they wanted to." He looked down and to the left, and shook his head. "They think I'm letting you get away."
I sucked in air and my knees went inexplicably weak. "And what do you think, Edward?"
There was silence. Give me one good reason I should change my ways, if I could. We were both absolutely still. The minutes ticked on. Resignation grew in the space of that silence and I swallowed it down.
"Well, they're wrong. It only counts as letting me get away if there were a reason you'd want to keep me."
"It's what they both hoped for. There's no denying it. I tried to pretend otherwise. Why don't I feel that way, if I'm supposed to?" I pushed words out of my mouth, willing the muscles to move with every ounce of force I could muster.
Still the words came out a mere whisper. "We can't help who we're drawn to."
"But when I watched you tonight, it seemed so natural and easy. And I don't have feelings like that for anyone. I never have. It hurts my parents to see me alone." He turned from me and walked to the window. The sky was growing pink with dawn.
"You're less than ten years vampire. Give yourself time." He hung his head. I took a cautious step in Edward's direction. "Sometimes, when one is turned so young, there are human feelings that didn't have a chance at establishing themselves. These feelings are buried deep within our nature, but they are there. I've seen this happen many times. It may take some work to uncover them. Just try it, Edward. You could have your pick of any woman. Believe me about this. I know" I had been walking slowly toward him. I dropped my dress on the floor as I made my way to him. I reached out my hand, and was just four, three, two inches from caressing his neck, from running my hand through his hair..."
Edward spun around so quickly that the air around him quaked. His eyes were on fire and he clutched my wrists. "Is it supposed to make me feel better about myself that I can draw these humans in? Anyone of them would run screaming if they knew me, knew what I would do to them. Just give me a minute alone with any one of them. I would take them gladly; I would take their blood. That is my one desire, Tanya. Yes, I've learned to mask it well, but my throat still burns, the venom still flows and my body commands me to take the life of every woman I see."
"My most fervent fantasies are the nightmares of others. If I could sleep, I would have one recurring dream. It would terrify me and sicken me, and bring me the greatest pleasure I've ever known."
"Edward, stop." But he didn't, the words came forcefully, his sweet breath washing over my face.
"I can pretend at being civil, I can pass as human. But I don't deserve your compliments, or Carlisle's or Esme's. I am a monster. My body wants nothing of love, or lust, it commands me to drink. I am the same as every other red-eyed vampire I meet on the street. I'm worse than that worthless human you found yourself with tonight. I am not Carlisle, or Esme, or even-"
"Or even me?"
Silence fell over the room. Edward seemed to remember that he was holding my wrists, and he dropped them. The fire gradually left his eyes, and he brought his eyelids down to hide the shame that had begun to show through.
"Edward, I've seen firsthand the gentleness and love that's within you. These desires will fade over time, they become more manageable. You are out among humans each day, and you make it through each day without harming a one. You, Carlisle and Esme are the only ones of our kind that have managed that. You are a bright light within our world. You don't only draw those women in because of your predatory charm, it's the light and goodness they see in you."
Edward didn't say anything. He didn't move.
"I'm sorry I didn't sense this within you. I would have tried to ease your mind sooner if I knew."
"I hide it well. I want Carlisle to be proud. I want Esme to be at ease."
"But what do you want for yourself?"
"I don't know, Tanya. You taught me to divert my attention, and I mastered that art. But when I stop, for even a moment, I'm left with the solitary monster within myself. It's very hard to accept." Edward's voice had trailed off into a whisper. He swallowed, clenched his jaw and then looked me in the eye. "I feel like I should want you. Like maybe that would make my life better. Look at what it's done for Carlisle and Esme. But there's something wrong with me. Instead, I only want blood and death."
"There's nothing wrong with you. You are a vampire. It's the truth of our existence. There is nothing sweet or safe about it. We are dead and we bring death. But our kind, our families, we rise above it every day. It gets easier. I promise."
Edward walked to my bedroom door. He paused there, his hand on the doorknob, but still said nothing.
"Let me talk to Carlisle. I'll make him know there's nothing between us. He only wants what is best for you, but the pressure it's exerting is too much. Carlisle and I have known each other for centuries. Let me talk to him."
- 5
- 6
- 7
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The Newborn	By : belladonnacullen Category: Twilight Series > Het Views: 3452 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

The Newborn