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Normality	By : AlphaOmegaPsi Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Slash Views: 2984 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
AN: Okay, so I lied a little bit. You'll see how at the end of the chapter. Raisden_Captivity, consider it a gift for being such a loyal reviewer.

I'd like to get an opinion on the dream sequence if it's not too much trouble. Did it seem dreamy enough? Was Barlie's reaction in the dream appropriate, in your opinion? Was his reaction when he woke up appropriate? Was his flip-flopping attitude appropriate? Do you think the dream was a good way to go about it? Comments are appreciated.

Okay, so this is the longest chapter to date and it's given me so little trouble that I officially dub this my favorite chapter. Weird how chapter 7 is always the turning point in my stories...hell, maybe it is a lucky number. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing.

--

I'm in my house but it's not my house. Distortion everywhere, everything shifting and changing in an instant of an instant. Pictures on walls leer down at me, things that should be still are moving.

I move and it feels like floating. Everything weightless, everything fluid. I am like water; no, lighter than water. I am air, pure and simple. I breathe the air which is me and still I'm moving to some unknown location. It is not by my own desire that my formless self moves, but by the desire of whatever madman has their grasp on me. Still, I do not feel the need to run.

A soft room and a form on a bed. The face and features are so blurred, I cannot tell who it is, but the desire to know grips me strongly. This person, whoever they are, is meant for me. They are waiting for me to do whatever I will.

I am no longer formless, but I still feel lighter than air as I reach out a hand to caress the unknown face. Fingers reach up to lightly brush mine and the heat which shoots through my body is almost more than I can bear. I fall to the bed to embrace them, but it is not enough; their body feels as light and formless as my own.

"I want to feel you," I say, though the voice doesn't sound like my own. All at once I'm aware of soft lips and skin and warmth and how did I end up on my back? This person, this person whom my heart beats for and my very being depends on is all that I can see and feel and smell and touch but still I cannot see who it is. I want to know, more than I want to breathe or live.

I rise up to kiss the nameless lips, over and over as if I could pull a name from their pink depths. "Tell me who you are," I breathe. The lips curl into a smile, a long white finger pressing against the briefly. So it is a secret. This fact does not still the impatience in my heart. I kiss the lips again.

"I have to know," I insist. The person shakes their head and suddenly I realize they have short blonde hair. I run my hands through it and discover it to be very soft. I pull their head to me and inhale their scent.

Soft kisses on my neck make me shiver, and a heat pools in my lower belly. Lust grips me more quickly than I had ever felt, encompassing my whole being and bringing this formless person whom my soul was tied to along for the ride. Everything is muddled and dim except for the pleasure as the person in my arms rocks back in forth in a dizzying rhythm. I groan as the pleasure reaches its peak.

"Ethan…"

--

I woke with a start with cold sweat soaking through my sheets and something I didn't even want to think about soaking through my boxers. I groaned as I tried to get my bearings and return to the real world, the dream still vividly playing itself over and over again in my mind.

It was early. A glance at the clock told me it was almost 6:00 AM; way too early to be awake on a Sunday. I wanted to go back to sleep, but my mind was reeling. It was either get up or lay around in my own mess for a few hours…and it was a harder decision than some might think.

I tried my best to keep my mind off the dream as I peeled off my boxers and threw them in the hamper, but it was hard when the evidence of it was right before my eyes. Had that really been Ethan in the dream? Ethan, the guy I was trying to take down? Ethan, the bloodsucking vampire I was trying to protect my sister from?

I took a deep breath, but I could already feel myself hyperventilating. This was so fucked up. It was so, so fucked up and I had no idea what I was going to do.

I couldn't let myself freak out, though; nobody was awake now, but if someone woke up and saw me like this I didn't know what I was going to tell them. I couldn't tell them the truth; I couldn't tell anyone the truth. I needed some time to think, but I couldn't do that here. I had to get out of the house and go somewhere I could think properly.

First thing was first, though; I needed to get rid of the evidence. I stripped my sheets and comforter off my bed and threw them in the washer, adding in my underwear for good measure, and quickly jumped in the shower.

As I washed, images from the dream flashed through my head like my eyelids were cheap movie screens. I forced down any arousal I might have had at the mere thought-none, none, there was no arousal, it was nauseating-and scrubbed my skin until it was red.

When I got out of the shower, I noticed it was 6:48. Mom would be waking up in exactly 12 minutes to go to work. Quickly, I threw the laundry in the dryer and pulled on my workout clothes. They weren't exactly clean, but they would do. I was just grabbing my jacket when I heard the bedroom door open. I froze just beside the kitchen.

"Barlie?" I heard my mother's sleepy voice ask. "What are you doing up this early?"

"Just…thought I'd go for a morning run," I said, forcing a grin and all too aware of the high pitch of my voice.

She frowned. "Since when do you run in the morning?"

"Since now, mom." I was feeling more than a little antsy; the front door was mere steps away. "Look, I've got to go. Have a nice day. Love you." I forced myself to walk the short distance to the door instead of sprinting like I so desperately wanted. I opened the door slowly instead of throwing it open, and shut the door behind me as if nothing was wrong and I wasn't having a panic attack in my head. The minute I was outside, however, the façade was over. I jumped the few steps from the porch to the ground and started running.

I ran and I ran until my legs burned, then for good measure I ran some more. I relished the pain and the ache in my lungs as I gulped for air. They kept me from thinking about things I shouldn't, things that shouldn't have even entered my mind. Things that should never have been dreamed, or things that should have been forgotten the minute I woke up.

When I finally couldn't take any more, I let myself collapse in the soft grass under my feet. I was away from town. My feet had taken me deep into the woods around this area. Sometimes the wolves came here, but not very often. They usually hung around the cliffs or the river, so I wasn't worried about them bothering me. I could spend a few hours here alone.

Now that I was alone, I couldn't avoid thinking about the dream. I let myself remember it, little by little, until it got to the part where we'd started…I couldn't even think it. It had been so weird. I knew it had been Ethan-I said his name-but why was his face so blurry? Was it normal in a dream like that?

I groaned and covered my face with my hands. Truth be told, that had been my first experience with that sort of thing. Since most people avoided me, nobody really caught my interest enough for my subconscious to show me that. I just didn't know anybody well enough to think like that. But I didn't know Ethan that well, either. We had only met…a week ago? Had it really been only a week? So why was this happening now?

For that matter, why Ethan at all? I hated the guy. He was a bloodsucking monster that threatened everything I knew and loved. I was trying to protect Lizzie from him…

I gasped, sitting up straight. Lizzie. I had completely forgotten about her. Mom would have left by now, and dad wouldn't be far behind. Unless he already knew…but he didn't seem to have a clue about Ethan. He certainly hadn't told me if he did.

I couldn't leave my sister alone with that monster, even if I wouldn't be able to look Ethan in the face. I couldn't let my own discomfort get in the way of my duty. I absolutely had to go back.

Reluctantly, I stood. I groaned as I noticed my legs were already starting to become sore. That was what happened when I did too much too soon. It was a stupid mistake to push myself like that, even if I was freaking out.

I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that I had to walk the whole way back-or that I was hopelessly lost for a good hour-but as anxious as I was to get back and protect Lizzie, I was just as relieved that facing Ethan would be delayed.

I entertained fantasies of locking myself in my room when I got home and just staying out of his way. As long as they didn't leave the house, I could keep an ear out for anything suspicious. That dream was shattered, though, when I walked inside the house and found Ethan and my sister on the couch with bowls of cereal watching TV. They glanced up, and I forced myself to avoid Ethan's gaze.

"Um…good morning," I said.

"Morning," Lizzie said slowly. "You're up early."

"Just, you know…couldn't get back to…felt like a…um…yeah…" I was all too aware of my babbling as I avoided my sister's curious frown and escaped to my room.

I took a deep breath as I closed my door, trying to stop my heart from racing a hundred miles an hour. This was bad. If I went out there like this, they would know something was up. Ethan may have been a soulless monster, but he wasn't stupid. He'd either figure out the truth or come to the wrong conclusion that I was afraid of him. Both conclusions would be disastrous. I had to calm down or stay in my room all day, and though the thought was very tempting I knew I couldn't actually do it. It would be suspicious, first of all, and second of all my hearing wasn't that great. I wouldn't be able to tell what was going on even if I strained to listen. I had to grit my teeth and bear with this.

A knock on my door almost made me jump out of my skin.

"Hey…are you okay?" It was Lizzie's voice; at least fate wasn't being too cruel to me. "You seem a little jumpy today."

"I'm fine," I lied, quietly locking the door. The last thing I needed was her coming in here and asking questions. "I think I'm on the verge of an attack, so I'm going to calm down a little before I come out of here, okay?"

"Okay…" Lizzie didn't sound convinced, but I soon heard the sound of her feet padding on the carpeted floor, making her way back to the living room. I sighed in relief as I leaned against the door and slowly slid down to the floor. I didn't want to lie to her, but I needed more time.

"Pull it together, Barlie," I whispered to myself. Though I'd had the dream several hours ago, it was still as vivid in my mind as the moment I woke up. I groaned and buried my head in my knees, trying to think of something, anything else.

I looked up and spotted my book sitting right where I'd left it on my desk. Reading always helped me through tough situations, and while I'd never had to deal with anything like this before, it was worth a shot. I crawled onto my bed, free of sheets or blankets or even pillows which I'd just realized I'd thrown on the floor in my panic, and snatched the book.

I was only a few chapters away from the end, so it wasn't long before I'd finished and set it aside, but it had done its magic. I was much calmer than I had been before; my heart rate had gone down considerably. The dream seemed like a faraway thing; or rather I was far away from it. I wasn't part of the world where people had wet dreams about their enemies, but instead I was part of the world of fantasy and sci-fi and things that always seemed serious but in the end never really were.

Feeling much better about the situation, I unlocked my door and finally joined the others out in the living room.

Or I would have, if they were there. At first I thought they'd gone out, which would have been bad, but then I heard someone in the kitchen and peeked inside. Lizzie was pulling plates down from the cupboards, and jumped when she noticed me standing in the doorway.

"Oh, hey Barlie," my sister said, smiling. "You scared me. Are you okay now?"

"Yeah, I calmed down a lot," I said, proffering a large grin. "Not to worry, I'm back to my old self again."

"That's why I'm worried," Lizzie said, sticking out her tongue. "I was actually just about to come get you. I'm making lunch and thought you might like some."

"Please," I said enthusiastically, sitting down at the small kitchen table where Lizzie was setting bowls. Having skipped breakfast, I was starved. "Hey, where's Ethan?" I asked, noticing his lack of presence.

"He wanted to take a quick shower before we ate," she said, shrugging. "I don't know why. He can be kind of weird sometimes."

"Yeah," I agreed, "But if you didn't like him, you wouldn't hang around him, right?"

"I guess that's true." Lizzie pulled a few cans of soup from the pantry and poured them in a pot, stirring them with a wooden spoon. From her spot at the stove, she asked, "Speaking of Ethan…what do you think of him?"

I frowned. I couldn't tell her what I really thought of Ethan. I couldn't even think of that. If I thought about it too much, I might…

"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning in what I hoped was a puzzled way.

"I mean…" Lizzie sighed. "You haven't been on that 'Ethan is a vampire' kick lately, and I was wondering if maybe you were starting to like him."

This person, this person whom my heart beats for…

"I don't know about that," I said dryly. "He's not as bad as I thought, but liking him? I don't think so."

"Oh, yeah? I think you're just too scared to admit it." Lizzie frowned. "Why do you have to fight against it so hard? He tells me all the time about how he admires you, and the talks you guys have when I'm not around. You know I'm not an idiot, Barlie."

"No, but I don't think it's any of your business," I snapped. I didn't mean to, but the dream was coming back and the agitation with it. "It's just…you don't need to push things all the time."

"Okay, okay," Lizzie said, shrugging. "I won't interfere, but I think you should give it some thought."

"Yeah, yeah, just serve me some lunch, woman." I had meant my words to come out playfully, but there was a shakiness to it that I couldn't hide. Lizzie turned from the soup to stare at me.

"Hey, are you…?"

"Lunch ready yet? I'm starved." Ethan joined us in the kitchen suddenly, dressed in jeans and a plain t-shirt, still towelling his hair dry. He smiled when he spotted me and I thought my heart would stop in my chest. "Good morning, Barlie. Or, well…it's noon now, isn't it?"

"Yes, that's why we're having lunch," Lizzie teased. "Do me a favor and grab the bowls, will you?"

"Sure." Ethan draped the towel over his chair and leaned across the table to grab my bowl, stacking it on top of the others before taking all three to my sister to ladle soup into. When he'd come close, I caught a whiff of his scent and had to bite my lip to keep from groaning. It was the same scent from the dream, exactly how my subconscious had imagined it.

I stared at his back as he made sandwiches at the counter, wondering what else would be the same. Was his hair as smooth as it had felt? If I ran my fingers through it, would it feel like silk? Would his lips be as soft if I kissed them? Would they make me melt the way they had in the dream?

I resisted the urge to grip my head and scream. This was insane. I couldn't honestly be thinking this, could I? It was just a dream, nothing more. Nothing would be the same because they were fabrications. And even if they weren't, it didn't matter. I'd never get close enough to him to find out any of the answers. I had to stop thinking about this stupid dream.

I was startled out of my thoughts when a bowl and plate were set in front of me and I glanced up at Ethan's smiling face. I couldn't deny the stutter my heart made when I saw that face. Was that because of the dream too?

"Don't get up or anything, Barlie," Lizzie said sarcastically, sitting down across from me. "Just make Ethan and I do all the work while you zone out."

"It's fine," Ethan assured her, fetching his own food and sitting down between us. I was uncomfortably aware of how close he was. If I wasn't careful, our knees would brush.

"So, Barlie, where did you go this morning?" Ethan asked, digging into his lunch.

"A run," I said simply, forcing my eyes to remain on my plate as I stuffed my mouth with bologna sandwich. I wasn't hungry anymore-my stomach was tying itself into too many knots for that-but if my mouth was full I wouldn't have to answer any questions.

"I'm surprised you were up before noon," Lizzie teased. I grunted in reply, wanting to finish this conversation and meal as soon as possible.

"I kind of admire your dedication, though," Ethan said. "Getting up that early just to run…I would never be able to do that." I almost laughed at that; if he only knew.

"If you eat that fast, you're going to choke," Lizzie said as I stuffed the rest of the sandwich in my mouth. I shrugged and started into the soup. At this point, I would probably welcome it.

Though I fought valiantly to keep my eyes trained on the brownish soup, my eyes began wandering up before I realized it. Ethan and Lizzie were talking about something I wasn't listening to, and my eyes were drawn to his mouth, the rhythm of his steadily moving lips almost hypnotic.

Soft kisses on my neck make me shiver…

I small shudder passed through my body as I remembered, and I had to firmly remind myself that it never happened. It was a dream, a completely stupid meaningless dream that I needed to stop thinking about but I wondered…wondered what he would taste like. I hadn't tasted anything in the dream, so I would be flying blind on that front, but I still wanted to know. Even though I knew how wrong it was, at the same time I wanted to know.

The strong urge to close the short distance and kiss him gripped me, but I squashed it down and tried to return to my soup. I couldn't concentrate, however, and ended up throwing most of it away.

"Where are you going?" Lizzie asked as I tried to make a quick getaway.

"My room," I grunted, pushing through the swinging door. I hoped they would take the hint and leave me be, but no such luck. Even worse, it wasn't Lizzie who followed me.

"Hey, are you okay?" Ethan asked, practically jogging after me. I suppressed a groan.

"Fine," I lied, striding quickly down the hall to my door. If I could just get inside, everything would be okay.

"You're not fine." Ethan blocked my doorway, arms crossed. I was a bit surprised by the appearance of a less timid Ethan, but that surprise soon gave way to anger.

"Move," I growled.

He shook his head. "I'm pretty sure I'm what's making you upset, and I need to know what to do to make it right." I had to hand it to him: he was pretty sharp. Well, that or I was really bad at hiding things.

"There's nothing you can do," I said, reaching for the door handle. He blocked me.

"I'm not going to let you in here until you tell me," he said, but I could tell his resolve was wavering. I reached forward to push him out of my way, but stopped short. If I touched him, I would think of the dream again.

"Move," I said shakily. "Please, move." I no longer cared about saving face in front of him; I just needed to get to my room.

Ethan shook his head again. "I'm not moving until I can help."

I couldn't take it any longer. The dream and everything that came with it, along with my desire to get away from it all, made something in me snap. Almost without even thinking about what I was doing, I leaned down and kissed him.

It wasn't a very good kiss, more of our mouths crashing together than anything. The only thing I could taste was maybe a little blood, and it was so brief I couldn't tell if his lips were soft at all. It achieved one result, however, in clearing the way to my room. Ethan stumbled away in shock, allowing me to open the door, slip inside and lock it.

I leaned my forehead against the door, too close to hyperventilating for comfort. I was half-afraid Ethan would try to say something to me through the door, but luckily I didn't hear a thing. I didn't know how long he stayed out there-the sound of my heart beating in my ears drowned out all other sounds-but I liked to think that he went away somewhere I'd never have to see him again. If only I were so lucky.

I crawled onto my bare bed and curled up in a little ball. I stayed that way until the next morning.
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Normality