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.Vaudevilliput: Story in 10 acts (& Intermission)	By : keithcompany Category: Titles in the Public Domain > Gulliver's Travels Views: 1435 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work fiction,based on Gullivers Travels by Jonathan Swift.

Chapter List
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More Disclaimer: This work is my own. The characters are my own. Do not repost this story beyond the limits of the Fair Use standards of Copyright Law (quotes, examples, ‘you gotta read this’ excerpts, the usual).
Vaudevilliput: a story in 10 acts, w/ intermission
The performers were on stage when we arrived, most of them in costume. The producers introduced me, gave an update on my predecessor’s condition, and sat down in the middle rows. I took a deep breath and addressed the crowd.
“Hi. As they just said, I’m Nash Olin. I’m the new director. It’s traditional, in the theatre, to note changes such as this by saying that I deeply respect John Cradden and his works, and wish him well.” I paused to step closer to the stage. “Fact is, while I do not wish any harm on John, or his family, or the prostitute that was in the car with him at the time of the accident, I will not weep any tears if he doesn’t come out of the coma. He was an opinionated ass, who made more enemies that the Unibomber.” I turned away from the shocked faces to pace along the row of seats.
“Now, usually, after the new director says he respects the old one, he has to justify the changes he makes to the show. To make sure it’s honoring his understanding of the old guy’s vision, and to ensure that he can justify putting his own name on the marquee.” I turned past the mortified faces of the producers to swing back on the performers.
“Rest assured, I understand that tonight’s dress rehersal is the culmination of years of work. And though John was an ass, he was a professional ass. From what I've seen of his work, we had similar ideas about how one goes about making Vaudeville. So I don’t expect to make any changes. I can’t imagine anything but a safety concern that will drive me to make changes. You should be ready, comfortable, and prepared, and I should keep my dickskinners off your work.” I could see a ripple of relaxation course through the crowd before me.
“I am so violently opposed to bringing about any changes right now, I will make you a promise. If I make you change your act, not suggest or discuss, but force a change, you can quit. Then you can claim that I fired you, and avoid any repercussions from your contract for violating it. In fact, I swear before the entire troupe that I WILL fire you if I break my ‘no-change’ promise before a month of performing is up.” Now the murmur of unease was behind me, and I had to avoid laughing. The money people never get it. Genghis Khan couldn’t get these people to willingly walk away from the first human-Lilliputian production.
“Now,” I concluded, turning back to my center-theatre desk, “wow me.”
They scattered, the curtains fell. The MC stepped to his little spotlight on stage left and announced, in a booming voice, “Ladies and Gentlemen: Vaudevilliput!”
Vaudeville has certain standards, conventions, forumla. You should be able to graph the entire production, even if you don’t know who the acts are. If you know who the acts are, you should be pretty well able to figure out where they fall in the lineup. John had, in fact, called me privately some time ago to discuss his ideas for the stage and was pleased that we were in professional accord on the matter. He wanted to start with square pegs in round holes: Lilliputians trying to fit into human acts, mostly for the humor. After the intermission, though, the gloves would come off, they’d take advantage of the size differences, rather than suffer through them. I couldn’t WAIT to see this.
Act 1: Laellaphull and Dodge
The first act of Vaudeville is largely vocal. No string of narrative that the audience has to pay attention to in order to appreciate. It’s not, technically, the first act. It’s the thing we do to entertain those in their seats, while everyone else is finding theirs, or buying sausages, or throwing peanuts at friends to get their attention. In this case, it was a comedy team. A woman in traditional Fuscan clothes, all creases and folds, stands on a stool while her human partner walks around her and they trade quips. Being Vaudeville, ethnic humor was a staple.
Dodge asks: "So, Laellaphull, how many Lilliputians does it take to change a light bulb?"
"Huh? Uh, seven."
(wait a beat....another....)
“Psst! Where's the punchline?”
"What punchline? Those things are huge! It takes seven! Looks like raising the flag at Iwo Jima!"
“Oh. Okay. How many Lilliputians does it take to set a moustrap?”
“EEEEEEEK!”
“Oh, sorry, sorry. Hey, sweetheart, what’s the most revealing clothing you own?”
“Anything.”
“Anything?”
“Dodge, I could wear a straight jacket, and from your angle, you’d still be looking down my neckline.”
“Hee, hee, yeah. Hey, I heard you adopted a kid?”
“Yeah, my husband and I got an abandoned infant from a Jersey hospital.”
“Aren’t you afraid of having to change a human kid’s diapers?”
“Eh, we have thirty nannies and a forklift for that. I’m worried that when he’s old enough to play catch with us, he’ll play catch…WITH US!”
“Oh, that’s scary.”
“Hey, Dodge, do you belong to a book club?”
“Yeah, I do, why? Thinking of joining one?”
“No. We were members, but had to quit.”
“Why?”
“The mailmen kept confusing our house for our mailbox.”
“That’s gotta hurt. Hey, how do you guys like living in a human neighborhood.”
“Oh, it’s alright. Except for the church.”
“What’s wrong with church?”
“Well, every time the pastor reads something like, ‘Numbers 13:33 And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, [which come] of the giants: and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight.’ he’s gotta stop and say ‘present company excepted.’”
They finished their act with a few puns aimed at any of the Lilliputians in the audience. Or so I was told, I didn’t get them.
Between the acts, while they rearrange the stage, a spotlight shows on Stage Right, just before the curtain. There, a tiny mock-act of Lilliputians kept the audience entertained for the segue.
After Act 1, a tiny woman appeared in a bright white dress. She stepped up to the microphone and started to sing: Why do birds, suddenly appear… A dove flew in from the wings and landed beside her on the stool, stopping her song. It stepped towards her. She backed away slowly.
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.Vaudevilliput: Story in 10 acts (& Intermission)